88 Comments Add your own

• 1. tze  |  April 21st, 2008 at 8:40 am

  I WANNA BE 19 GOING ON 20 AGAIN *wails

  darling suann it is not such a bad thing. trust me, and if u have faith and if your relationship is strong enough in the first place - everything will be alright.

  plus going away will make you appreciate daddy and mummy and brother 1 brother 2 more ok! =)))

• 2. twinkle  |  April 21st, 2008 at 8:55 am

  19 to 20… Still OK, try this, 29 to 30…. *FAKKKKKKK**

  Ehem… ANYWAYYYY…… I hope you will have blissful opporturnity/ties ahead. Then, come back and really screw BN nicely. HAhahaha… don’t suddenly you become PR in US… (eh.. you might consider laa if the pay is good. Darab 3 gitu!)

  Four years in US means your accent will change a little bit. Listen to sweat lee eh. Cute and fanny at the same time. If u end up Australia, lagii fanny… Oz kinda drags their tounge too much and.. they really emphasised on ‘A’! If you watch “House” and listen to this blonde doc who is an Oz, U’ll get what I mean. Kalau u suddenly end up in India for four years???? HAhahaha your tounge will be in a knot!!

• 3. chocolateangel  |  April 21st, 2008 at 8:57 am

  hey su ann, i’ve been reading ur blog for over a year and its a truly enjoyable experience.

  reading this post, i won’t say, “i know how you feel” because no matter the similar circumstance of studying overseas, having a ldr, getting the feeling that 19 going on 20 seems like a second skin that hasn’t fit properly and that the years inbetween seem to hv flown by, everyone copes and feels things differently. doubtless the 4 years abroad will be tough especially missing martian, family and home, but i’m sure you’ll find within urself the strength to see those years thru. and absence will make the heart fonder, loved ones are just a skype call away and im sure there’ll be a place where u can get milo and maggi cup noodles. or, you can do what i do and pack a whole suitcase full of food! don’t lose faith okay! =)

  and congrats on getting accepted to those prestigious unis! hv u decided which lucky uni is the one ur going to accept?

• 4. Jas  |  April 21st, 2008 at 9:11 am

  Howdy! I have been following your blog for a while now and it’s kinda fun to know things back home as well. I’m in Aus now and have stay here for quite number of years now. Although age 20 sounds like yearss ago but it’s still the best time in life. No commitment, responsibilities and just having fun with friends! Live with no regrets and FYI, take it easy on the parents. You know that they love you, right :)

• 5. sheon  |  April 21st, 2008 at 9:30 am

  happy 20 years old?

  when i was 7-10, i thought being 12-14 is cool, and the only worry in life was “my color pencils are cooler than yours”. when i was in lower sec, i thought being in F5&F6 is way mature and the only complication in life was “am i cool or what?”. when i was in uni, i thought working life is sooooo….glamorous, and the only worry in life was “can i pass that paper?”

  now…..i’m touching 30’s already…….sigh……life was more blissful then……

• 6. Megan  |  April 21st, 2008 at 9:57 am

  Hey Su Ann! I just started reading your blog from yesterday and its fair to say im already addicted! I just turned 14 and yea ,,,, i do wish i was 19 turning 20! :) remember to fill us in on how it is in USA…. awaiting your blog posts

  Megan

• 7. lyn  |  April 21st, 2008 at 10:32 am

  i understand how it felt .. i’m 20 going 21 .. T.T .. it feels just like a blink of eye .. just like how as if yesterday i was 14 and i cannot imagine how i would be at 20 .. now here i am.. and it is a scary place but always have faith in whatever you do and when you feel alone, remember what you’re feeling had been felt by many before.. ur not alone :)

• 8. ashley  |  April 21st, 2008 at 10:40 am

  Do I get a prize if I guessed correctly who the 19 turning 20 guy is? :) Anyway I saw you in The Gardens on Saturday but didn’t get to say hi. Would be great if we did… And hey ur so tall! Or was it your heels?

• 9. Dakota  |  April 21st, 2008 at 10:52 am

  Hey Susu.

  Wow mah, going on 20! You must be excited though!?

  I remember when I was that age, falling for people a lot older than men, but for me… It was more about a mental attraction, hard thing to explain, but sometimes you meet someone who is just so so so so ideal. It’s crazy.

  In eastern culture we’ve always looked at that sort of relationship thing as normal, but I noticed in western culture they often really really frown upon it. There are lots of old sayings behind it.

  I remember your last birthday cake… That was hilarious. I loved that post.

  Hope you get spoiled to death with money, gifts, food and lots or paaaartay. x

  Ha ha, the u.s.a sounds fantastic.
  I used to live in California before I moved to New Zealand, it’s a really different scene over there.
  I spent time in New York as well being as my Mom grew up in the city area, where lots of the Asians and Arabs lived., Migrants. New York is a fantastic city coz it’s so cosmopolitan.

  Hope all is well ;)

  Dakota

• 10. povege  |  April 21st, 2008 at 10:53 am

  You’ve put my feelings exactly into your words. I’m turning 22 soon and I’ve also recently been accepted to a Uni, in UK. It’s hard trying to leave everything I’m so used to having behind and I’m starting to fear already. All the best to you.

• 11. weiqi  |  April 21st, 2008 at 10:59 am

  leaving ur family was never the easy thing to do..leaving ur boyfriend was also very difficult..leaving everyone behind is actually damn difficult…everything were to be done because you want to pursue your dream…there’s something we gotta let go in exchange of another…have faith in yourself and everyone else…

  good luck to you..

  and happy birthday too…

• 12. Yappy  |  April 21st, 2008 at 11:30 am

  Ahaha… I can totally relate to that. I’m 19 going on 20 too. :) 5 months before coming to aus, i’m like “yes, i can’t wait to go aus! Wohoo! Looking forward to it!”. 1 month before coming to aus, i’m like “oh no, my hols is ending soon… time passes by so freaking fast! I better cherish my time in msia, go out with frens, spend time with family, eat ALOT of msian food!” :) You’ll be fine, uni is a great place with great learning environment. I enjoy my time here and i believe you will too. Dun worry too much… *hugs* :)

• 13. lin  |  April 21st, 2008 at 12:29 pm

  when i was 16, my friends and i used to picture how we will be like when we are 21. Would we know what we want in life by then? Am 22 going on 23 (in denial, will always be 21! ^-^) but i still don’t know what i want. i believe age is just numbers and yes in a blink, the years has gone by. leaving home is one of the hardest thing to do but i believe it makes u a stronger person and you will learn to appreciate home and family much much more. i did = )

• 14. reallybites  |  April 21st, 2008 at 12:30 pm

  i dont remb my 19 waaa

  but i had the best 18 :D

• 15. Sharon  |  April 21st, 2008 at 12:47 pm

  4 years later, you’ll most likely be having the same thoughts as you are making plans to leave America for Malaysia. I know how you feel, I’m turning 24 this year and 10 years ago I wouldn’t have been able to imagine what it would be like to turn 24, but here I am.

  And about the arguments… it might sound strange, but I believe it could be human nature to deliberately pick fights (even more so than the usual) with those we love when we know it’s almost time to part (even if the parting isn’t forever).

  Your sentiments are perfectly understandable :).

• 16. Mitch  |  April 21st, 2008 at 1:06 pm

  Happy BD! I remembered reading you (seems so long ago now) when the tagline said, “Pinkpau is SuAnn, 17…!” Through the years you have come a long way, you’ve done things that much older ppl, through their fear or procrastination, have not. And you write in such a mature, refined manner that I have to keep reminding myself, “OMG, she’s only 19/20!” Things may seem overwhelming or perplexing now, but if you take the advice of a much older guy who most certainly did not think of it first: “THIS, TOO, SHALL PASS”. So, go with the flow, follow your heart: such cliqued words but so difficult to really do! You have so much talent and potential, I look forward to hearing something AWESOME from you in the future! Take care…

• 17. Chee  |  April 21st, 2008 at 1:55 pm

  Ah Ha Ha…I just turned 16…So 19 turning to 20 is still a long way to go…Anyway, Good Luck…

• 18. felice  |  April 21st, 2008 at 2:15 pm

  eh your post reminds me of a country song “don’t blink” by kenny chesney. here’s a link to the lyrics: http://www.cowboylyrics.com/lyrics/chesney-kenny/dont-blink-22679.html
  and the link to the video on youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oyZOEJjjul0

• 19. Jeff from LA  |  April 21st, 2008 at 2:19 pm

  Don’t worry too much Pinkpau. I can kind of understand what you feel. I graduated from college when I was 18, and when I was 19, I moved halfway across the world to Taiwan for 2 years. I didn’t speak the language and I didn’t know anybody there. I was born and raised in America, and I had never lived in Asia before. My family was back home in the US and I missed them. It was really kind of a scary experience at the time.

  However, looking back, it was probably one of the greatest experiences I’ve had in my life. I made tons of friends. I learned about a new culture. I picked up a new language. Most importantly, however, I found out who I really was because I was able to be away from the pressures of family and friends. I also found out who my true friends were back home because they kept in touch with me even though I was so far away.

  I’m sure it looks daunting right now, but in 4 years, you will have many new friends, will have picked up a cool American accent (or maybe not so cool), will know who your true friends are, and most importantly, you will know who you really are and what you really want. So don’t worry too much. I’m sure it will be a good experience and a lot of fun.

• 20. Racheal jappuffy  |  April 21st, 2008 at 2:59 pm

  Hi there girl, been following your blog for a while and love reading it.

  Just some advice from me, someone who has been through our footsteps.

  I was supposed to go overseas to study when I was 15, then I dragged it to 17 and when I finished my college studies, my parents told me its time to go.

  I went to Melb at 21 and at first to be frank i hated it. I missed every single thing back home, my family, my dog, my friends and my bf especially. I cried like mad every night.
  But now i regretted all those times, cause I did not fully enjoyed it. After half a year there, I loved the place. It was a great experience and trust me, with your bubbling personality, you will do well and survive there too.

  Truly do understand what you are going through, the feelings the emotions. And to think you are leaving the country for a long time.

  Technology nowadays brings people closer and you are back at least once a year right?

  Time flies and in no time you will be done and having a successful career here in Malaysia. (that is if you decide to come home also)

  About the fight with your dad, do let it go, as instead of it haunting you, try to remember all the times he was there for you and how much he loves you.

  I hope you can feel better bout this soon.

  Hang in there GIRL, you will do good!

  Good Luck and enjoy your youth and uni life while you can ( I did and I wished I never even whined about being in Melb during the first half year! )

• 21. Cloudy Rainbows  |  April 21st, 2008 at 3:07 pm

  It is definite that no one in the world would miss someone as much as ones parents. This time round when you leave, your dad won’t see you for 3-6 months or even a year and he probably has a tough time excepting that.

  Leaving is not as difficult as it may seem. Take things in your stride and make sure you pack enough Maggi! Rice cookers are useful too ;)

• 22. Simon Seow  |  April 21st, 2008 at 3:09 pm

  Wei, don’t stay up late for too many nights ah, very fast get old one your face.

• 23. Rachel  |  April 21st, 2008 at 3:22 pm

  When i was 19 turning 20 i felt kinda excited cos it’s even nearer to 21..typical teenage i guess.
  But ever since Aug 2007, left home and came over kl for work… it’s bit tough. Yes, some ppl may say it’s freedom but I still miss my weekend dinners with family and relatives. Especially your home cook food…
  20 turning 21 in few months, that makes me think that more responsible and be responsible with your own action (in legal term), not a joy other than going casino?! LOL..
  Anyway, going to US mayb another step for you… Good Luck!

  p/s: first time commenting after reading this blog since Nov 2006?! =)

• 24. Eley  |  April 21st, 2008 at 3:46 pm

  when i was 13, i wanted to be 16. then sweet 16 came and i wanted to be 18! and when i was 18, i was rather comfortable. now, i’m 19 going on 20 this year and i feel so old, and want to go back to 17. wtf, all these numbers. sigh.

• 25. seowqj  |  April 21st, 2008 at 3:50 pm

  Your fear of leaving suddenly makes everyone besides you to feel the tension. Hope you can get through this phase of life. All the best.

• 26. jeraine  |  April 21st, 2008 at 4:02 pm

  17 turning 18, yet i feel like ive got nothing in life that im proud of, no achievements nothing. Same like you ive got the fear of growing up and now im finally (almost) there. im freaking out! haha.

  but hey, uve got into a great uni, have the lovliest boyfriend and the achievement of being such a fantastic blogger. not to mention, at least uve got ur family to bicker with right! i wish ive got them to bicker with, i barely see them.

  but u know what? I always tell myself..

  cause we only live once!

  all the best. (:

• 27. chm  |  April 21st, 2008 at 4:14 pm

  most of my life is like the one of jeraine’s.. really sad… ur 19 goin on 20 n yet ur goin places.. famous blogger…… n yes ur mature! most of da ppl ur age cant even sit down n study! nyway, whatever happens, we will always be at ur back n gif u a push or a kick in da ass in some circumstances whenever necessary ^^

• 28. grace  |  April 21st, 2008 at 4:51 pm

  the feeling of leaving your loved ones and the feeling of going to a new place is definitely a scary thing.
  maybe try to solve a few things out with ur dad or martian?

• 29. hoi gi  |  April 21st, 2008 at 4:51 pm

  have some faith su ann :) *hugs*

• 30. jocey  |  April 21st, 2008 at 5:45 pm

  i have faith in you too! *hugs*

• 31. KY  |  April 21st, 2008 at 5:50 pm

  How many KGs did you manage to gain in 7 years? :D

• 32. Jun  |  April 21st, 2008 at 6:13 pm

  everyone’s pretty much said wat i wanna say abt adapting and stuff. but i can totally relate to how u feel abt *that* spot in KLIA, abt leaving ur loved ones behind into unchartered territory, abt stepping into uncertainty… trust me, even after being in oz for 6 yrs, whenever i make my annual trips home and thr comes the time when i have to leave, i still get that unshakable feeling of gloom.

  but, like jeff said, being away makes u discover who u are. u grow, and u mature, and it makes u realise that ultimately, nothing beats the love and comfort u’ve always taken for granted from ur family. so. watever it is, try not to be hard on ur dad, k? *hugs* :>

• 33. Michael  |  April 21st, 2008 at 6:49 pm

  ahh…THE escelator. It kinda numbs you after sometime. but the feeling still lingers anyway.

• 34. ront  |  April 21st, 2008 at 8:14 pm

  leaving family and friends are never easy…..that shows how good of a relationship you have with them….

  no it wasnt bravery the foremost thing…..most of the time…its..”.I have to do this and I cant let them down”…….even till now…leaving home and go far far away has not become any easier for me…

• 35. jane  |  April 21st, 2008 at 8:37 pm

  u know what? i wan to be there once more time. i wan to see what i shud be when i was 19 and can’t see clearly what’s future is about. i rely everything on what it shud be shud be and when it past by me, i begin to search back what i hv missed during those times and when i turn back to look that which i hv missed i regret cos at that time when i was 19, i thought i still hv a long way to go…. now i m ** and old.

• 36. june  |  April 21st, 2008 at 8:41 pm

  im gonna be 20 next year!! sigh. i feel exactly the same way as you do.

• 37. melissa  |  April 21st, 2008 at 9:21 pm

  I feel like I’ve done nothing really significant after turning 17 2 months ago. I spent 3 months in a boarding school, a sea away from home, and felt so scared and homesick and lonely that I found myself utterly helpless. I get to go home about once every two months, but it’s still hard, and in a way gearing me up for university when it’ll probably be a year or more till I get to go back home.

  wah I cried so much when I got back home telling my dad about boarding school because I was so miserable there and he told me if I felt really trapped and down there, he wouldn’t mind transferring me to Taylor’s.

  thinking on it, it would have been the easy way out to give up after one term in a new place just because it didn’t feel comfortable and homey like how I’m used to.

  but hey, we get on by. :) and I bet sure as hell you will too su ann!

• 38. pinkshirtz  |  April 21st, 2008 at 9:37 pm

  i think what you’re going trough is called quarter life crisis … X) …

• 39. eunicetan  |  April 21st, 2008 at 10:02 pm

  turning 20 was like, well, i dont know how to put it, but it really struck me when i was filling in forms. it seems just like yesterday but i’m turning 21 already huhuhu yet i still put 19 in my forms so dieded.

  homesick will be such a pain. and i don’t know who says it gets better because it doesn’t get any better! for me that is :(
  mine’s unbearable when it’s down to the last two weeks before heading home, yet those two weeks always feel as though they’re never going to end.
  and i’m only in singapore. i cant imagine how penn will be like for you, good luck! even matt has thoughts about bringing smuggling his family over lol

• 40. songjun  |  April 21st, 2008 at 10:09 pm

  u know i cant seem to picture my sis as 19 going on 20 haha

• 41. kei  |  April 21st, 2008 at 10:36 pm

  *encouraging mode on*

  i still think ur very brave :) and the fact that u can inspire so many malaysians ,i thinkk ur right where u wanted to be when u were 13 :D heeheeheee

• 42. chm  |  April 21st, 2008 at 10:39 pm

  omgwtfbbq!!!! KY is SO evil lmao….

• 43. jimmy  |  April 21st, 2008 at 11:07 pm

  such excruciating sadness in your words.

  sleep is the best cure.

• 44. Music Magi  |  April 21st, 2008 at 11:07 pm

  only one advice…cherish the past, appreciate the present and hope for the future. all I can say is, live in the moment and embrace what life has in store for you. before you know it, you’ll be saying…”wish I was 19 again”. go ahead, live life to your fullest potential and you’ll have no regrets. been there done that…and honestly the next 4 years IS gonna be THE BEST years of your life! God bless…

• 45. Eve  |  April 21st, 2008 at 11:44 pm

  It’s the past that makes who you are. But it’s you that choose who you can be in the future. And sometimes, humans need to be in a totally unfamiliar place to grow.

  I’d be surprised if you dont feel the jitters. You are, after all, in the process of carving your future. And eventually realising your dreams. There probably would be a labyrinth of lefts and rights and probably some u-turns to be made before you finally reach your final destination where THIS is you taking your first step into the maze. All the best.

  By the way, congrats on being halfway to 40 :p

• 46. lishun  |  April 22nd, 2008 at 12:42 am

  i’m 23, on the verge of making possibly the biggest decision of my life (no i’m not getting married, don’t kpc, haha) and i’m scared to death because it means sticking to a single path with no backup plan or safety net to catch me if i screw up. i’ve never felt more stupid, immature and shallow.

  somehow i doubt anyone really grows up and gets the hang of what this world is about. i have a suspicion that my parents are still taking things as they come and making things up as they go. it’s strangely comforting yet horribly scary. so much for growing older and finally knowing what the hell you’re doing.

• 47. meik  |  April 22nd, 2008 at 1:42 am

  just turned 20 a couple of months ago. Its daunting yet exciting at the same time. Happy yet sad. Hopeful yet cynical.

  welcome to club 20!

• 48. jerm  |  April 22nd, 2008 at 1:43 am

  I felt the same way. And my biggest regret is that I felt that way.

  You only live once. Why live it feeling this way?

• 49. JuDy  |  April 22nd, 2008 at 2:34 am

  hey su ann. Good luck with evrytin. I hope u and Martian can work things out cz nxt year my guy will be leaving for germany and i’ll be leaving for nz. It’s going to be really tough but im hoping for the best. All the best gal. =)

• 50. k0k  |  April 22nd, 2008 at 3:00 am

  When I left home for the first time - 19 going on 20 too, I was - I don’t think I miss home even the least bit. That’s one good thing that can be said for loose family sentiments.

  Reading your post, and reading the comments of your readers, I realise just how I can never hope to understand what you’re feeling right this moment. I never seem to care what I leave behind. I’m much too eager to see the next best thing which would happen to me. I can’t offer solace or advice to you like the other excellent people here did. I can only give you my best wishes that everything will be alright just before you get on that escalator. Things have a knack of turning out okay before the end.

  Say bye bye to teenhood.

• 51. Irene  |  April 22nd, 2008 at 5:02 am

  Leaving your loved ones will be a hard thing to do, but at least you know you have everyone behind you, supporting you and encouraging you.

  It’ll take time to recover from homesickness, but think of the people you’ll meet, the opportunities you’ll have, the places you’ll see. You’re not leaving forever, just gone for a little while.

  Don’t feel regret towards what’s happened to the past, just make the best of the present and see what the future brings.

  I’m turning 21 this year and finishing uni soon, but I still feel very much like a child. Turning 20 or any other age doesn’t mean we become a different person overnight. Be proud of your achievements. Despite being (only) 1 year older than you, I admire your courage, your outspoken manner, your strong principles.

  Stay strong for the ones you’ll be leaving behind, because they are even stronger for letting you go.

• 52. missie  |  April 22nd, 2008 at 6:25 am

  Hi Su Ann,
  I must be one of your oldest readers! (late 20’s). Don’t worry too much about coming to the US. Change might be a bit scary but rest assure, you will have an awesome time here. Sure, you’ll miss Martian and your family and friends but they will still be there when you go back home to visit :)

  I am speaking from experience…with the exception that I never made it back home and chose to stay (can’t believe it’s been over 12 years!!).

  A bright girl like you have so much to look forward to in your life. I can’t wait to see your progress in the next few years. Hmm, I can totally see you graduating Summa Cum Laude!

  Jeff from LA, are you Chinese American? I’ve been reading your post and I am just curious :)

  All the best to you Su Ann!!

• 53. Your oldest reader  |  April 22nd, 2008 at 7:25 am

  Sweet Su Ann, university will be the most enriching experience of your life so far, both intellectually and emotionally. You will make lots of new friends whom you will likely keep and/or remember fondly for the rest of your life. New experiences. New ideas. New friendships. And yes, new loves or crushes. It’s part of university and it is part of growing up. Your parents will always love you and will miss you dearly, but you can’t keep the kids home forever. As for your relationship with Martian, if it’s meant to be, it will be.

  As cliche as it sounds, you are about to embark on the time of your life.

• 54. iamthewitch  |  April 22nd, 2008 at 7:43 am

  I know I might not be of much help in this category, seeing that I didn’t have the chance to study overseas before. But I know that being apart from loved ones is the hardest thing to do! I just know how terrible it feels when you’re going to leave a place but you’re not in good terms with loved ones. I’m sure you’ll work things out in the end, I have no doubt. :) I also believe absence makes the heart grow fonder. I look forward to your posts when you’re in the US, littered with US culture and new group of friends. I’m sure it’ll be exciting! :)

• 55. pinkpau  |  April 22nd, 2008 at 9:02 am

  tzeching : cannot, you already had your chance :( let us young ones have our turn! sigh tze why you so brave and optimistic wan

  twinkle : i’m actually quite sure that i want to come back to malaysia after graduation :) and ahhh yes the accents.. i pick up accents very quickly, and i dread the thought of losing my malaysian accent :(

  chocolateangel : i intend to bring LOTS AND LOTS of milo and maggi with me :P and marmite hahaha. hopefully it will help me cope. and i’m still in the process of deciding.. yes even till now, sigh. and what lucky uni!! I’M the lucky one ok :P

  jas : take it easy on the parents… hahaha it’s so funny to hear that. but yes i will .. especially now that i’m not having much time with them left :|

  sheon : if it helps any, you think and look and talk very young for your age :) hehe keep mixing around with more young ones like us and you can be 20 again ;)

  megan : noooo you take that back young lady!!! enjoy your teen years while you’re still there!!

  lyn : time flies so damn fast doesnt it. sigh

  ashley : HAHA OMG WTF i feel like dying from embarrassment hahaha HOW DID YOU GUESS! no lah it wasnt my heels :) i was wearing only like 1.5 inch heels i think.

  dakota : western cultures frown upon relationships with age gaps? really? i never got that impression.. hmm. ah NY :) one of the two universities i’m deciding between is there. tough decision cos of the NY factor.. it’s just so appealing!

  povege : and to you too :) *hugs* do you leave this september?

  weiqi : thank you but its not my birthday :P

  yappy : it’s always so comforting to hear testimonials from people who have gone abroad and love it :)

  lin : ah then i hope i will learn and become stronger just like you did :)

  reallybites : why you repress your teenagehood like this!

  sharon : i KNOW that in 4 years time i will be back at this same predicament too :P hahaha life is a funny thing. as for the arguments, my family and i just argue all the time, whether or not we are parting ;) good times. but i just dont want to waste anymore time being involved in this cold shoulder silent treatment thing when i only have 3 months left :(

  mitch : it’s not my birthdayyyyy. but thank you so much for your kind praise :) i make it a point to follow my heart, yes, but it has a tendency to run off in many different directions at once. haha.

  chee : ahh appreciate your teenagehood while you are still there :)

  felice : thank you for sharing the lyrics :) they are very apt. and a bit of a wake up call too

  jeff from la : you went to taiwan for 2 years? wow :D so does that mean you can speak fluent chinese and are not a banana like me?

  racheal japuffy : i worry too that i’ll spend so much time being emo that i forget to have fun and to seize all the opportunities that come my way. i have a tendency of doing that. but when the urge to be emo rises, i will remember your advice, and hopefully learn how to make the best of my situation :)

  cloudy rainbows : sigh i will miss my dad very much too. he’s the only person who will take my whining seriously. sigh. emo T__T okay dowan to talk about this anymore. omg rice cooker haha! you’re right, i remember reading somewhere that the US doesnt have rice cookers… but then how do they make rice??

  simon seow : simon dont like that say me :(

  rachel : i’m so glad you finally decided to comment on my blog :D haha yeah most people our age tend to look forward to being 21. but i guess i’ve always had this tendency to wanna stay young forever. kiasu people like this wan :P

  eley : nvm, we’re actually not that old ! spend your remaining youth wisely.. :)

  seowqj : thank you so much :)

  jeraine : thank you for reminding me how lucky i truly am :) i always get so caught up in my emoness that i forget the things that are important. and if you truly do feel that you’ve not achieved much (which i’m sure is not the case as we all tend to sell ourselves short sometimes!), then you must not waste anymore time :) but do what makes you happy.

  chm : thank you :)) you always leave the most heartwarming comments

  grace : yes i’m trying to :) we’re all swallowing our prides here.. haha.

  hoi gi : i will :) thank you *hugs back

  jocey : thank you so much :)) all these well wishes from you guys means a lot to me

  KY : as many kgs as in years.. :( but nvm i will convince myself that i have a nice womanly figure :(

  jun : THAT spot in KLIA is evil isnt it =( nothing but tears and more tears. yeah the discovery and new prospects and all.. it actually quite excites me :) i just feel a bit keberatan to be away from my friends and family for so long. ya i think i’ll give my dad a big hug when i see him later tonight :)

  michael : no, never numbing :)

  ront : then you have your priorities right :) you are a good son.

  jane : we are never too old to have fun and be happy! seize the day and do all sorts of crazy things to make up for the lost time, ok? :)

  june : have a good 19!!! dont waste it :P

  melissa : i’m sorry to hear about your boarding school experience :( i’m a firm believer that we should do whatever makes us happy, but also be determined enough to rise up against trials and tribulation. it’s a balance that’s hard to strike, and i hope you find it :)

  pinkshirtz : hahaha so instead of getting the urge to buy ferraris and shag lots of men, what do i get?

  eunicetan : ah i know what you mean; in my head i’m always 17 ;) wow homesickness really didn’t get better for you? i always think that it goes away as you get more used to your surroundings and start enjoying yourself. singapore isn’t so far away, it’s true :) some more no time diff and your family is just a 4 hour car ride away. you must be doing ASEAN for you to be so sad :P haha you know matteus! a small world it is

  songjun : oh but she is.. and she’s doing all the naughty things that i’m doing too ;)

  kei : thank you kei for your encouraging mode!!! *clasps hands

  chm : yalar he’s like that wan

  jimmy : not right now when i only have one week left to wrap up all my last minute research and send in my college decisions!!!

  music magi : that’s what i keep hearing, that the next 4 years are going to be the best years of my life. well.. i’m going to believe it :) thank you for your wise words!

  eve : i totally agree about how we have to be thrown into unfamiliar circumstances to grow and understand ourselves better :) and that’s why i’m really very excited to go abroad for my studies. but at the same time there’s a big part of me that knows how much i will really really really miss my friends and family and home. HAHA halfway to 40.. omg why do you put such a perspective on my young tender age!!

  lishun : faster tell me what is the biggest decision of your life!!!! *kpc maximum* hey sometimes the most exhilarating and best things we do are the biggest risks we take :)

  meik : yes i am feeling exactly how you are feeling :)

  jerm : correct!!

  judy : omg nz and germany. i wish you all the best too :)) the most important things are love and trust.

  k0k : i appreciate your best wishes and the fact that you are finally back here on my blog :D

  irene : thank you :) that’s some really good advice. you’re spot on about the ‘not being gone forever, but leaving for a little while’ thing. i hope that when i go to the US, i will have as strong a character as yours :)

  missie : no, you are far from being my oldest reader :P thank you for your well wishes.. and yes i know i’ll be looking forward so much to summer and winter breaks when i can come home.

  my oldest reader : dear scotty, you are far from being my oldest reader as well :P sigh. the time of my life feels exciting but extremely scary at the same time. i know it’s a good tradeoff to go abroad, but i can’t help but think of everything that i’m missing out back home when i’m over there. arghgh.

  iamthewitch : i really can’t believe how incredibly optimistic all of you people are :) it’s making me feel so much better. hehe i’m leeching on your bravery. thank you so much for your belief in me. i can’t wait to blog about the US too :)

• 56. narrowband  |  April 22nd, 2008 at 10:12 am

  We all go through that ;). But you know what, just take the challenge head-on but remember your roots and goals, you’ll turn out fine, which I’m sure you will. Meanwhile, work on trying to *be* at home (not just physically being at home but, you know… appreciating your loved ones and stuff like that). Aiyoh now you make me emo pulak. Coupled with cloudy skies and a wet morning, I just wish tomorrow comes sooner.

• 57. ashley  |  April 22nd, 2008 at 12:56 pm

  Hahaha… That 19 turning 20 guy told me lah! Now I know your secret *evil laugh* (as if it’s any of my business. huhuhu)

  Anyway, yeah like all the other comments, take life as it is and you shall never regret your choices. Humans fear changes and it’s time for you to make a big one, eh? It’s part and parcel of growing up lah. You’ll understand when you think back on this moment in your life few years from now. Cheers!

• 58. alea  |  April 22nd, 2008 at 12:56 pm

  SIGH.

  next stop, anti aging cream T___________________T

• 59. smartypants  |  April 22nd, 2008 at 1:10 pm

  quotes:-
  “4 years is a long time”..very long
  “America is far away”…indeed far
  ” i keep telling myself it will be worth it” .. definately.

  i would just add that at times it would be really tough BUT doable and worthwhile.

• 60. hui wen  |  April 22nd, 2008 at 2:08 pm

  Can you imagine how a 22 going on 23 will feel!!! *hysterical wtf*
  Ok, I am going to throw myself off a cliff now.

• 61. ap  |  April 22nd, 2008 at 4:23 pm

  I’m at the exact same stage you are, 19 going on 20 and wondering in wonderment how unjustified the teen years feel, for in my case they are not so much teen abandonment than seclusion, maybe because i emo too much…. yar so beware the dangers of being too emo, lol. so enclosed in my shell i cannot offer u hope as others have done, but say that you yourself have illuminated a hopeful future for me :) ….i have been in exile so long that i cannot imagine how torn you must feel, but i’ve heard from those i admire that one has to put oneself in positions of discomfort to constantly create. remember that home will await your return as no other does.

• 62. xxx  |  April 22nd, 2008 at 4:35 pm

  i just turned 21 about 10 days ago, and it has been 3 years and 4 months since i’ve left home in the first place for the uk. i never thought that i would be the sort of girl who would find leaving home hard - but i did. i know how it feels to stand in the airport and feel so excited but so apprehensive and unwilling at the same time. the only way to get over it is to suck it up, and get on THAT escalator in KLIA. just remember to hold on to the fact that so many people back at home will always be there for you, no matter where you are.

  turning 20 is just one of those things that freak a lot of people out - me included. the whole prospect of not being a teenager anymore made me feel as if i had to grow up, but at the same time i wasn’t going to be 21 just yet so it felt like a little bit of a ‘neither here nor there’ situation. from my experience, i think it’s safe to say that you’ll wake up on your birthday and nothing will change. you will still be you and life goes on.

  as for your arguments with your dad and boyfriend, sometimes all it takes is a little time and patience.

  hope everything works out well for you, and that you have a great birthday xxx

• 63. sheon  |  April 22nd, 2008 at 4:44 pm

  yeah!! i’m young…hahahaha…….most ppl that work with me thinks i am way older than i am. hahahaha

• 64. Michelle  |  April 22nd, 2008 at 5:52 pm

  What happened to Colbie?

  =(

• 65. eewah  |  April 22nd, 2008 at 6:38 pm

  sigh i know how you feel about that escalator in klia =[ it’s so sad to look behind and then see all your family and friends waving you goodbye T_T

• 66. eunicetan  |  April 22nd, 2008 at 7:37 pm

  hehe i’m not on ASEAN, went for the interview and all but didn’t get it eventually, i secretly believe that the dean was a sexist *shhh*

  home is 10 hours drive away, home is in pg :(
  nevermind, tiga minggu and i’m heading home! xD

• 67. skyler  |  April 22nd, 2008 at 8:19 pm

  EH PLEASE! Hold your head high and walk (ok la stand can already la) down the escalator!

  You worked super hard to get where you’re at and I regret being so lazy le sigh I also wanna gooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Get plastic surgery to look like me and get the necessary documentation to warrant the appearance change and I will go in your place if you don’t want *hmph

• 68. simplicityx  |  April 22nd, 2008 at 9:01 pm

  leaving honestly isn’t as bad as you think it is ;) sure, i do get homesick sometimes, but i just remind myself the reason why i left in the first place.

• 69. michellesy  |  April 22nd, 2008 at 9:43 pm

  Awwwww hon *HUGS*

  It’s scary isn’t it - like that plummeting feeling you get in your gut when you’re in a freefall? That’s how I feel anyway when that something that you’ve been wanting and waiting for finally arrives…and it’s time to do it, for real.

  It’s time to pack your bags, say your goodbyes and have that last plate of char koay teow for a very long time. But you know what? It will always be there, waiting for you. Your family, your friends and your sweetheart.

  Granted, you can’t suspend time and hope that everything remains in a static state, but the things that REALLY matter will never change at the core.

  So don’t be sad, and you so ARE brave ok? Look at all the things you’ve done!

  And babe, you’re so so lucky, all those wonderful colleges to choose from! I am just about bursting with pride, in an entirely doddery and octogenarian way wtf - I am going to definitely be on the wrong side of 25 this year and extremely masam as a result hahaha.

  But yes, hope you and your dad start talking again (you will soon I bet, you’re the apple of his eye ok!) and that you and Martian kiss and make up. Aww, c’mon now, y’know you want to *grins*.

  ps: Hello, Martian, are you out there? If you’re listening, don’t be angry at the earthling anymore ok? She loves you very much, even though you’re from different planets wtf

• 70. Natalie  |  April 22nd, 2008 at 10:12 pm

  Hi Su Ann, have been following your blog for quite some time. This is the first time i am writing comment. Well your post really reminded me about my uni life. Of course it is not easy to leave your parents and people that you care most. You might get depress at first but after being there for some time, you will get use to it and you will realise no point keep on crying and making your parents worry. It is a wonderful experience in your life and you should enjoy it as much as you can. I am already working now but sometimes i do walking down the memory lane, trying to recall how much fun I had. I have met some wonderful people and even experiencing something that I never thought I could do it. I also parted with my BF last time when I was doing my final year, but long distance relationship do work if both of you have faith on each other. He is now my hubby :) Just to share my experience with you. All the best to you and Martian.

• 71. smartypants  |  April 22nd, 2008 at 10:13 pm

  quotes:-

  15. sharon “it could be human nature to deliberately pick fights ….with those we love when we know it’s almost time to part ” - i agree with her. it does happen without us realising so we must consciously try to avoid this.

  69. michellesy “like that plummeting feeling ….…and it’s time to do it, for real” - again this is very true, just have to be brave.

  69. michellesy ” have that last plate of char koay teow for a very long time.” - this is not a concern if u go to PA as PENANG in PA offers a wide range of m’sian food as good as m’sia at a doable price. but the branch in NY is pricey and the food not authentic. not sure about the one is boston. the link for those who are interested.
  http://www.penangusa.com/

• 72. smartypants  |  April 22nd, 2008 at 10:54 pm

  there are 3 chinese supermarkets in philadelphia area, 2 korean marts where you can get rice cookers, at least one indian store that i know to get frozen roti canai and there are the chinatowns. why deliberate for so long? come to Upenn lerr, afterall you can always switch or transfer to NY later. not a problem at all if your grades are good and from an ivy. see the strategy? hehehe

• 73. foreverjas  |  April 22nd, 2008 at 11:11 pm

  yeer.. i oso will cry ! hehe. eh can teach me how to pack luggage? and come to penang i treat u char koay teow =) plus ice kacang. cendol. hehe ^^ cheer up.

• 74. Chen Chow  |  April 23rd, 2008 at 1:44 am

  pinkpau, good luck in your decision making. Either of the Ivy would be a good choice. I guess eventually irrespective of what everyone says, it should be your choice. I would say that go based on your conscience, and once you have decided, try to forget about the other one. If you one someone to talk further on your selection, feel free to let me know.

  It would be a new turning point to you, just as what I told you the other day, of my flight to US being my first flight of my life. And since then, so much has changed for my life. I would not have imagined what I have gone through.

  Do make full use of your these few months. It would just sweep past. Enjoy!

• 75. pJ  |  April 23rd, 2008 at 1:46 am

  hey girl.. i can SO relate to this post (except for the turning 20 part) and hence my first ever comment in your blog. i am leaving to the States some time next month for the summer intake. and am not in talking terms with my martian. plus an argument with dad. sigh. am turning 22 in 2 months and i’ll be there without the ppl i love back here. thinking bout all that and reading this post is making me all emo…
  BUT i am pretty excited bout what america has to offer too.
  so yea.. all is well and good luck to you babe :)

• 76. Chareli  |  April 23rd, 2008 at 2:14 am

  awwww…

  don’t tell me you won’t come back to malaysia not even once during those four years?
  surely got right??

  at least american accent sounds slightly better than the Oz one. in my opinion anyways.

  hahahaha. i’m going to be 20 FASTER THAN YOU! you still can linger on 19 abit longer than me. i have just slightly more than a month.

  sigh~

  not looking forward to it…

• 77. HK  |  April 23rd, 2008 at 2:28 am

  wah, so old already ah?

• 78. Sam  |  April 23rd, 2008 at 2:58 am

  happy birthday!!! omg i’m turning 22 this year. u’re young which is a good thing. i’ve never seen you scared before su ann.

  the thought of being far far away for 4 years(did i get that right?) is a lot.

  set things right between u and martian before you take off :)

  you’ve always been independent. can’t imagine you going wrong.

• 79. chuey  |  April 23rd, 2008 at 3:39 am

  Dear Su Ann,

  All the best with your studies.. I just started reading your blog a few months back, and I must say really like it. I don’t know you personally, but from what I have read, you have a great personality.

  Just enjoy uni life in US, have fun every moment and appreciate everything that you have. I believe with your personality, you will adapt well.

  There will be times you might feel lonely, but always remember that you have your love ones missing you and waiting back home for you. You will have your readers to accompany you too.

  Enjoy your time left in Malaysia, and look forward to a great beginning in US!

  Take care and Happy Birthday!

• 80. pinkpau  |  April 23rd, 2008 at 3:42 am

  peopleeeee it’s not my birthdayyyyyy :P

• 81. chuey  |  April 23rd, 2008 at 3:45 am

  opps… it’s not your birthday.. but enjoy your year anyway.

• 82. cc  |  April 23rd, 2008 at 7:19 am

  no need to bring milo!!! We have milo here. Save that luggage space for something else.

• 83. Jeff from LA  |  April 23rd, 2008 at 11:02 am

  Well, I can speak Mandarin well enough to get around. I understand everyone and they understand me, but my American/Canto accent means that people can easily tell that I’m not a native speaker.

  Since you don’t speak Chinese, is English your primary language? Do you speak Malaysian as well? I also wonder what you sound like.

• 84. carol  |  April 23rd, 2008 at 2:38 pm

  *hyperventilates* one of 2 is in NY? hahahahahah woooooooo =P

  anyway!

  yah, i totally know what you mean.. when i was 13 i looked up to the f4s WAH so matured and how my sister in f4 and i still treat her like a kid (16 only pfft lol)

  then i turned 20 and realised i officially left my teen years behind…

  and last year i turned 21 in a foreign place - what a bittersweet event.

  So yes, dear, I understand where you’re coming from. Sigh life is too short and too precious - that’s what I’ve learnt over the past week, what with a funeral I attended and learning that a friend has a chronic disease…

  Treasure your time back home… spend it with the ones who mean the most to you :) Make up (and out? lol) with Martian - it’s so easy to see how much you love him.

  Not to scare you =P but when you’re finally here, sitting in your dorm room and feeling lonely, knowing you spent your last few months back home wisely would be a great source of comfort ^^

  oh and milo can find here… but maggi, just bring some la just in case haha and if all else fails there’s http://www.mytasteofasia.com hahahahaha. oh ya bring CHILLI SAUCEEEEE…. :D

  hugs! :) and see you soon!

• 85. Chareli  |  April 23rd, 2008 at 4:28 pm

  hahahaha everyone started wishing her happy birthday. hahahaha

• 86. songjun  |  April 24th, 2008 at 2:53 am

  :O

  SHE IS SO NOT

  EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

• 87. william  |  May 1st, 2008 at 1:19 pm

  Up till now, comments on Cindy’s blog are restricted to team members. Is she scared of receiving more negative feeback from the public?

• 88. Angel  |  May 3rd, 2008 at 6:10 am

  Hello SuAnn

  I know it’s quite an emotional time to be packing, waiting, saying byes (for now) and trying to imagine how life would be in a new country and how difficult it is to contemplate leaving. It is never easy to step on to that elevator and walk towards immigration while looking back at the people you leave behind. But take heart and be strong.

  It is never easy to move to a new environment and you will miss home for a while. But once you start on routines and homeworks/ assignments and have friends, you won’t have as much time to dwell on the homesickness. The internet will bridge the gap, and people won’t seem to be as far. So cheer up my dear.

  I know how you feel, because each time I step onto that same elevator, I feel the exact same emotions you feel. And I’ve been away from my folks for 6 years now (of course I still head home every summer while I was at Uni).

  Enjoy the next few months with your folks. And most of all, enjoy your experience in the States. *HUGS*

  A random reader

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