Finally

i know getting out of bed to write this is going to ruin my weeklong efforts to correct my sleep cycle, but i just had to document this. tonight, i finally feel like i have closure. from this point on, i can honestly say - and simultaneously know with all my heart that it is the truth when i say it - that i really don’t care anymore. i dont even know what’s changed; something must have clicked in between that claypot lo shi fun at dinner and that moment a few minutes ago when i sat up in bed and felt like someone had taken a washcloth and scrubbed away all the pain and obsession from the inside lining of my head. i feel like all the time that i’ve wasted by feeling awful has now been compressed into a tetris block, and tonight i watched it sink slowly, slowly, slowly down to fix itself among these other tetris blocks which i had subconsciously set up to receive it. it feels good. it really does feel good. even though it came way too late, it feels good to know that i no longer have any reason to doubt myself or anyone else around me. 3 months from now i am going away, and i will be going away with fearlessness, peace of mind and closure.

Comments May 15th, 2008