Attitudes and Absences
July 1st, 2008
i went back to my high school today with 5 other classmates to give a motivational talk to the upper secondary students. even though it was an extremely last minute arrangement, it was also easy and fun, so we agreed enthusiastically to do it. three of us spoke off the cuff: darren spoke about aims and goals, kezanne on how grades are not everything.. and me.. i spoke about how we should never let anyone - be it the school, our teachers or our classmates - put us down simply because we are different.
darren and kezanne gave great speeches, but i feel the need to clarify what i said today. i started my speech by saying that when i was in high school, i would probably not have been attending this very assembly because i would not even be present in school anyway. it’s a pretty known fact that i didnt have the best attendance in school, simply because i didnt LIKE being in school. school bored me and i felt like i just was not made to be in this environment at all.
this attitude got me a lot of flak from teachers, and it was also something that i fell deeper and deeper into as my high school years went on. i remember how sometime in form 4, i had the strongest contempt for teachers and students alike because i thought they were all so narrow minded, rigid and self-important.
like how i was once accused of cheating in an exam by a new teacher because she was ‘warned’ about me and was very surprised that i got good grades for her paper, which i studied my heart out for. another time, i wasn’t allowed to run for student council president even though i got the popular vote. i also had this CF president who liked to remind me how undisciplined or ungodlike i was. countless times i was told to my face how i’d be the one person who would pull my class average down, flunk SPM, that my parents should be ashamed for bringing me up wrongly, or that i should try to be more like my classmates.
i was in the top class every year, where everyone was mostly studious and meek. most of them could and would not flout rules, and a handful had a kind of condescending attitude towards those that did, as if the fact that they attended school day in day out made them so much better and smarter than those who didnt, or the fact that they followed rules diligently meant that they were somehow more superior and learned beings. my class also had a bit of this ‘every man for himself’ kind of thing going on. one time i had this huge screaming fight with this teacher who was making all sorts of rude and uncalled for remarks about me in the classroom as if i wasn’t even there, and when i spoke up to defend myself, none of my friends stood up for me or even dared to look up from their desks even though i was crying and crying. this same teacher later picked on another girl from another class by repeatedly pushing her head, and immediately half of that classroom stood up to defend the girl. so cool, isnt it? that’s what friends are for. i dont think that kind of vibe existed in my classroom back then, and i’m so glad that things are very much different now that we’ve grown up and allowed our friendship to develop in an unstifled and competition-free zone.
high school was a very lonely and angry time for me; many times i felt so terribly discouraged by all the comments, refusal of opportunities and just that really shitty feeling that people didnt place any hope or belief in me. you can say that i probably deserved this kind of treatment, but my logic was that i was harming no one, and that my skipping of school or not doing homework was not THAT big of an issue anyway. besides, i got good grades. i was pleasant, friendly, nice. i had lots of friends. i was involved in and knowledgeable about things outside of the classroom. i wrote and debated well. i organized lots of events and fundraisers for the school. all these things, to me, more than make up for sucky attendance. success is more than being a drone.
and it is important to me that other students know that. i have a really strong sense of determination and also many good friends who always knew how to get me back up on my feet, which despite the odds, eventually resulted in my success and happy ending in high school. but not everyone could be so lucky. discouragement is a big, serious thing that should not ever be flung around carelessly; i know this because i still have all the hurt and anger inside me that are scars of carelessly-flung discouragement. it is important to me that other students know that they dont have to be like their classmates simply because herd mentality dictates so, and that grades are not the only measure of success in high school.
honestly? i dont think that the head prefect or the assistant head prefect or the student council president or all the prefects in my class or all the teachers pets are in any way better, smarter or more accomplished human beings than me. i dont think it’s right that people are made to feel that they are lesser than others. i dont think it’s right to allow arrogance to fester in these supposed ‘top students’, nor do i think it’s right that these ‘top students’ strengths and goals should be imposed on other people. i do, however, think that we are all equal people who are all awesome, but awesome people who are diverse and are good at and enjoy doing different things.
i love my teachers and my classmates, and i think my classmates are some of the most brilliant people i have ever met, but.. i cant be expected to be just like them. i was not born to be. in fact, i like how i turned out. i like that i got 12A’s in SPM and i like that i was a warm, popular, active, well-liked and open-minded person both in high school and college. i like that i am going to Columbia University in two months’ time. i like that i have a bright future ahead of me, that i have people in my life who love me unconditionally, that i have this blog where people who read me are so kind and reach out to me with such encouraging feedback whenever i face problems. i like that i have had the beautiful blessing of my family, best friends and my boyfriends who know me inside out and have been with me through thick and thin. and all this… after how i went through all those years in high school being told that i had an attitude problem, that i would never succeed in anything i do, that i was just not as good as my classmates, that i was an epic failure.
my life and all that i have achieved with it is not a failure. so i skipped school. so i wore my skirt short and wore a pink scrunchie to school. so i stood up for myself even if it meant raising my voice at a teacher. so i broke rules. but so what? :) at the end of the day, i am still not this failure that they thought i was and would be. ‘they’, by the way, are not and will never be the ones who decide what my success and failures are.
my message during my talk today was essentially this: that we are all different, and we should not be discouraged by people who try to bring us down for it. i know my school has this culture of suppressing radical creativity and individuality, and it makes me sad to think that every year, there are students like me who are graduating with half of their spunk and verve ironed flat out of them.
i think i delivered my talk very poorly today, because the audience seemed to get the impression that i was encouraging truancy and that the gist was “you can succeed even by not attending school”. well, it’s not. if you think that is my point, then you have missed it entirely. that is of course my fault, because i winged my speech with entirely no preparation and i was angry when i was speaking. sigh. so, to anyone reading this who was there for my talk, i hope you understand that i’m not telling you to be like me or that i’m giving a sort of stamp of approval on my own behavior. i’m sure that with this long supplement, you guys are intelligent and mature enough to see now what i meant to say this afternoon.
i’m also tired of people giving me that ATTITUDE = 100 thing. i mean, yeah, it’s a very cute attention-grabber for motivational seminars and all that, but it is neither a fundamental principle of existence nor the best benchmark of human qualities. besides, we all have different perceptions of what a good attitude is, so dont come and tell me that your idea of a good attitude should be mine and everyone else’s. attitude, contrary to the popular belief of motivational seminar attendees, is not everything. no one decides what ‘everything’ is.
haih. am i being ranty. sorry :( i just felt so uncomfortable after that talk that i just really needed to clear this up.
okay lah so serious already, must lighten the mood abit. i shall show you some pictures of Ben and Freddy rolling around in the sand at Perhentian.
#1 roll
#2 roll
#3 roll
#4 someone’s been reading the kama sutra!
#5 wheelbarrow hahaha
i heart Ben and Fred cos they’re never too afraid to have fun.. they are the coolest :) and here is one of my favorite Perhentian pictures - the guys holding up their pants after peeing in the sea! :
Entry Filed under: Rants
79 Comments Add your own
1. Jade | July 1st, 2008 at 4:05 am
I was exactly like you in school :)..the only reason they put up with me was because i was the top student who brought back national cups…but still..haha..i’m now in medical school, and u’re on your way to the US…so we haven’t done too badly now, have we?..the way I see it, anger at the system aside, high school will just be sth to tell the grandkids about.. think of how cool u’ll sound;)….u’ll go far, my dear..dont let the dumb dumbs get you down, k.
2. cindy | July 1st, 2008 at 5:28 am
i really regretted not standing up to my high school teachers.. sigh.
3. mrbherng | July 1st, 2008 at 5:47 am
I think my class had the unity when it was against the teachers. Nearly all of us entered the headmaster’s room and got one of the teacher to aplogise to us all openly. 2 years later, we got him and another teacher sacked form the school, albeit indirectly.
4. nyrac | July 1st, 2008 at 7:03 am
same here. more than half of us stood up against a very condescending teacher when he actually had the nerve to tell my monitor that she had “kurang ajar dari keluarga”. and on numerous other times we had been to the VP’s office to complain about some thing or other.
i slept throughout school. primary, seconday, matriculation. and yes even throughout the first two years of medical school. i think i’ve told you that before.
some teachers hated me. but also there were those who loved me. as long as there are people out there who can appreciate, treasure and love us weirdos, who cares? i love being atypical.
three cheers for the ones who didn’t/don’t fit in!
5. Jeff from LA | July 1st, 2008 at 7:19 am
I understand exactly what you mean. The Asian education system does its best to eliminate any last vestiges of individuality out of its students. I remember when I agreed to volunteer teach a couple of English classes when I was in Asia. The kids all seemed scared to death of participating, raising their hand, or even doing anything except stare down at their desks. I was really surprised at how intimidated/meek all of the students were.
I’ve always been glad that I grew up in America because I’ve always loved to challenge the conventional wisdom. I’m sure that in Asia I would probably have been deemed a troublemaker. I’m so glad that you’re coming to the US for college so that you won’t have to worry about teachers trying to pick on you any more.
6. Dr. Tan | July 1st, 2008 at 8:02 am
Same gang babe. While I didn’t play truant, I wasn’t the angel and that too got me alot of flak from the teachers, with my moral teacher in particular. Thank heavens for nice classmates who knew that my teacher was a presumptuous bitch.
Of course there were the few who were really sweet.
Oh, a university lecturer of my friends’ resigned because of this letter.
7. mchllchn | July 1st, 2008 at 8:28 am
“my life and all that i have achieved with it is not a failure. so i skipped school. so i wore my skirt short and wore a pink scrunchie to school. so i stood up for myself even if it meant raising my voice at a teacher. so i broke rules. but so what? :) at the end of the day, i am still not this failure that they thought i was and would be. ‘they’, by the way, are not and will never be the ones who decide what my success and failures are.”
I like this paragraph a lot. And I’m still in high school. Mhmm, last year. And hopefully will have plenty of great memories. :) :)
8. YM | July 1st, 2008 at 8:46 am
guess what made us all different is how we chose to grow up, and to tread a path of our own..
Perhaps we should put in another way:
Success is self-defined, so why do we submit ourselves to people’s judgment?
I think nerds are scary, ya know. Most of them have no life apart from studies. Arrgh.. think I’m becoming one too..
2 nyrac:
u gotta bail me out of this madness we’re going thru!!
well, once u’re over with ur chronic couch, that is..:P
9. chm | July 1st, 2008 at 9:11 am
bah… ur classmates r ppl who haf no lives 2 call their own.. what is the point of getting gud grades when u have no friends? bah bah bah! i miss skippin skul n goin 4 cc, movie n bowling… n skippin assemblies n walk over 2 desa pandan n bck jus for dunkin donuts:P so many memories ^^ wat will ur ex-classmates say when ppl ask dem bout high skul? erm erm erm…. sutdy lorh… sienz…
Dr Tan: bloody good letter!
mchllchn: enjoy high skul while u can.. seriously… i din enjoy it enuf ^^ evethough it meant seeing the principal n discipline master quite often :P good luck!
10. chm | July 1st, 2008 at 9:13 am
btw pau.. ur frens r definitely insane numbskulls like me lmao
11. KY | July 1st, 2008 at 9:33 am
but did you sway when you were delivering the speech? :D
12. kennysia | July 1st, 2008 at 9:36 am
Yes! You iz right!
We is all awesomes! AWESOME DAMMIT!
13. Samantha | July 1st, 2008 at 9:58 am
Haha! Wtf. Hope none of you accidentally drank some sea water. :D
14. rupert | July 1st, 2008 at 10:00 am
shame on them for treating you so horribly. i rather dislike the culture of doing better because people around you are doing better rather than just because you know you have the potential to do so much more, you know what i mean?
15. The Faux Fashionista | July 1st, 2008 at 10:05 am
How awesome it would have been if all of us were in the same class together!
I hated primary and secondary school. I hated how my teachers didn’t like me because I questioned them, corrected their grammatical errors, and did things MY way. I hated how they played favorites, giving As to my fellow classmates who were the “good students”, while deliberately giving me a lower grade just because they didn’t like me. I hated how we were taught not to be inquisitive, and NEVER to stand up for ourselves. In fact, I rebelled against the system so much I ended up hurting myself. I’ve always been a straight A student…until SPM. Form 4 and Form 5 were the years that I was the ‘worst behaved’. I was happy as long as I maintained my grades at a B average with the occasional A, no longer motivated to aim for the stars.
But anyway, that’s all in the past, and this post is about you. I can understand why some people might have gotten the wrong impression about the speech you gave, but since graduating from high school and looking back, I see that quite often it is the intelligent, independent AND sociable students who make it in this world, albeit in their own creative and non-conformist ways ;) And I’m sure those are the individuals who will look back on the day that they heard your speech and realize that hey, you were right after all.
16. sweatlee | July 1st, 2008 at 10:16 am
o hai! iz me! im at work woooots! wtf
17. ShaolinTiger | July 1st, 2008 at 10:34 am
Heh I was the same at school, I guess I’m the same at work too…I prefer ROWE (results only work environment) rather than imposing 8 hours of attendence a day.
Why be there from 9-5 if you do shit work if you can be there less and do more.
Same went for school, I got some of the highest grades in the country for science that year.
I used to argue with teachers a lot too, mostly because they made mistakes..
18. bs | July 1st, 2008 at 10:48 am
wow rupert i get what you mean… totally agree…
19. Nat | July 1st, 2008 at 11:26 am
Yea, I hate high scol, I rebeled but I aint smart either. sigh.
20. ronin | July 1st, 2008 at 11:45 am
Sigh, during my time the teachers are much better and more passionate about teaching. Nevertheless, doesn’t mean they encourage individuality though. Glad you didn’t go to school in Japan (probably harakiri in less than 2 months). I think you’ll ‘blossom’ further in US.
There’s something disturbing about two guys rolling on top of one another in an idyllic island paradise…. gay version of Blue Lagoon?!
21. quin | July 1st, 2008 at 11:46 am
growing up, i knew a number of teachers who were afraid to teach a certain class because there would be really bright and vocal students in that particular class who would challenge them when they were wrong. sadly, i couldn’t be one of them no matter how badly i wanted to..because i was a ‘teacher’s daughter’ and i had been warned :(
22. myst88 | July 1st, 2008 at 12:55 pm
Great inspiring post… yeah.. not only does the enviroment at school does that so does ur home enviroment sometimes..
23. reallybites | July 1st, 2008 at 1:13 pm
so what was your most memorable high school experience?
24. ben | July 1st, 2008 at 1:58 pm
wat the….. what if all my future potential employers happens to be a loyal reader of yours? Bye career…
Kekurangan ajaran kerana tidak mengrespekan privasi orang lain. Ambil foto secara sulit semasa orang sedang berseronok. Dapat banyak A buat apa. Grades are not everything
I dont mean what i said…. but those photos are grotesque. I love women! believe me!
25. yeah. | July 1st, 2008 at 2:12 pm
u are feeling what u are feeling now solely bcoz u still cant let go the pain and suppression u had when u were in high school.It’s those experiences that sorta molded u to be what u are right now..a unique personal.so try to appreciate those experience instead,and u might not feel so angry next time u speak about it…but more appreciative hence carries weight.
26. grace | July 1st, 2008 at 2:54 pm
sigh i hate primary skol bcz i was nvr the outstanding 1 and teachers oni concentrate on teacher’s children or students with good results, i was so depressed
but u get good grades! if i dun go 2 skol i think i fail in every exam already, sigh
27. RealGunners | July 1st, 2008 at 3:37 pm
if u plan to come back to work in M’sia, then i can tell u, in most cases (not all lah), the grades-are-not-important notion is utter bullsh*t..
and yeah.. i was like tht in high school and college too :D
my philosophy: sleeping in lectures is disrespect, so to avoid that, just don’t show up :D
28. Daniel | July 1st, 2008 at 4:58 pm
I believe what makes a good school is a school that gives space to it’s students to learn, not just the academic stuff but the important lessons in life. A good school also gives it’s students space to explore and inquire. To question and to achieve new things. To help young people build confidence in themselves, their abilities and their future.
What school meant to you is probably much different from what it meant to me and anybody else. But I suppose what made school meaningful to each and every one of us is that it provided us with an environment to achieve, learn and grow up.
It was not a perfect environment, but neither is life. And for that I am thankful.
29. Nicholas | July 1st, 2008 at 5:18 pm
Pinkpau, i tink i understand hw u feel, since i were in the same shoes during my high skul year,s, being in the top class, but nt at all felt tat i belong dere. U r lucky tat u r successful socially,in which i do not enjoy such popularity as u, but i m lucky that the teachers doesn’t pick on me so much. instead of skipping skul like u, I jz skip classes, since i dun wan my mom to nag on me. Bt i guess we both end up in the same comment by others, ” these guy oways skip class but stil gt good grades,”, totally neglecting hw much effort we put ourselves to achieve wat we get in the end. ( I jz hv 11As onli, =(, since i take onli 11 subs onli oso). Nt tat i hv anything against book nerds, but sumhow the lame n narrow mindset they hv kinda makes it hard
for them to accept me, or mayb for me to accept them, as to me,
marks aren’t the unit of calculation for success, n i hate the competiiton in the top classes that makes every single mark counts, the scene of students begging teacher for jz tat 1 little point disgust me to no end. bt i m lucky to hv my frens at the comparatively more “behind” classes, even tho nt much, but they still remained as my pals till this day, 3 years after i grad from high skul. i dunno y our edu system these days hv the tendency to generate robots, more specifically exam robots, where being different means u r a failure. Are skuls supposed to b factory where the QC has to b done so strictly? N u knoe wat? my previous high skul , nw has 71 ++ CCTV in the name of upholding the discipline. WTF, it’s jenis kebangsaan skul so the area is damn smal ady, n still hv such a large number of surveillance, kesian my junior, all like in penjara ady…n of coz, one pervert headmaster who likes to spy summore.to b frank, I m nt comparing myself to u, as in terms of academically or socially, u r far more fabulous than me, bt there’s no point for me to get envy abt it rite? since we r born diff, and diff shall we b. it’s jz this post kinda reminds me of those days. Nicely written =) I love ur blog.
30. Anonymous | July 1st, 2008 at 5:36 pm
YUCKKKK :( to the last picture! I hope you were joking! :P Why’d you want to swim in pee!? =P
P.S. cheers to those of us who are willing to risk whatever we have (be it silly titles like prefectship and head students or even the our school scholarships) in order to stand up for our rights and what we believe in! :)
31. LJY | July 1st, 2008 at 5:38 pm
whoops, comment 30 anonymous was me!
32. Mandylogy | July 1st, 2008 at 5:51 pm
No worry, you did a great job.. me and my classmates (especially Saiful, if you know him) are impressed.
33. sheon | July 1st, 2008 at 6:13 pm
malaysian education system is designed to suppress students to submission. it does not promote leadership, creativity, and innovativeness. i hate hate hate malaysian education. but what choice do i have?
lucky now i have a boss who is more modern-thinking. gives me the freedom to explore and authority to challenge the ..err… authorities. couldnt care less about what time i come to work or leave work……….
go to US and stay there. the systems here wont work for you. if you wanna change it, it’ll probably waste you 10 years…
34. almost loved | July 1st, 2008 at 6:44 pm
I agree with sheon above. Malaysian education stifles students, especially those bright and promising ones.
Hope you have a good time in Columbia U!
35. joiz3 | July 1st, 2008 at 7:00 pm
hi. =) i’m still in form 5 right now. it’s quite sad to hear how your sec school life was, in terms of how you were always discouraged and mistreated. however i’m glad that i can say that my sec school life is actually pretty cool. i’m from a chinese independent school and though i’d say we’re spoon fed to a certain extent too. however, we are allowed to let your creativity flow to a rather good extent. =) though i’d say it’s sad that asians are so shy and it takes so much just to get us to go up and speak or volunteer for anything. i like your post. i’m sure it has encouraged so many ppl in one way or another. the whole “being true to yourself” thing. it actually really is real and not many ppl manage to hold to that or believe that. you are a person with amazing values and beliefs.. and i respect your for that. =) i’m really glad and encouraged by the fact that you are one who stands up for it through and through. never being affected by anyone. it shines light unto this dark and gloomy world that many sec school students are living in right now. haha. you’re a gem, su ann. =)
36. kei | July 1st, 2008 at 7:04 pm
i really respect you lah :) high school is always like that, it isnt just your schoooool :p and whats so cool about you is that despite all the discouragements, u didnt give up and go like ‘whatever i can shine in college’(which is what a lot of people say and dont end up doing anywayyy).
eh when did u start studyingggg for spm hahaha studying 5 months beforehand can ah?
37. Anonymous | July 1st, 2008 at 7:10 pm
In Malaysia, people become successful inspite of the education system.
38. Michelle | July 1st, 2008 at 8:18 pm
I hated school a lot. I was absent for 30 days last year. A month of absence.
I hated all that shitty rote learning.
39. christine | July 1st, 2008 at 8:22 pm
i like this post.it inspires me a lot.you’re absolutely a great blogger!i can actually learn a lot from quaintly.net
keep up the good work :)
40. Doreen | July 1st, 2008 at 8:28 pm
Funny how when we always try to defend ourselves, we are expectedly and narrowly labelled as “budak kurang ajar” and “budak tidak berdisiplin”. I have high respect for teachers and lecturers alike, but definitely not those who think too highly of themselves and have unreasonable expectations from their fellow pupils.
I’ve always believed that unless we gain the same respect from the other person, there’s no point in giving that person an undeserving respect.
Oh, and there’s another thing about typical Malaysians. Just because you’re daring enough to stand up for yourself from being unjustly treated by some bully, the first thing that comes to their mind is “drama queen” or “god, her EQ is so low”.
I believe there is a fine line between standing up for yourself when a chance is not given to you to even raise your voice in situations where people judge you unfairly AND having a respectable degree of EQ.
Another funny thing about Malaysian college students is that when you start skipping classes for obvious reasons that your classmates CANNOT comprehend (i.e what’s the point of going for classes if your lecture tends to READ from the textbook and nothing more?) , they start labelling you as undisciplined and bham! The next thing you know, you’re labelled as “budak tak berterima kasih kepada ibu bapa yang berkerja keras untuk membiayai pendidikan”.
I’m glad you’re leaving for a more liberal country. Very often, those who are in the same shoes wishes very much to be in a totally different study environment, if only we had the chance. :) Kudos, pinkpau!
41. chimpanzee | July 1st, 2008 at 8:29 pm
sometimes i really feel like given up and often discourage by people around me.i couldnt see hope and light.thanks for sharing all these su ann.your entries have often inspire me and give me the strength to carry on.god bless you :)
42. Gin | July 1st, 2008 at 8:43 pm
hahaha..my classmates and parents made me give up entirely. whoop di doo me.
43. kimberlycun | July 1st, 2008 at 8:47 pm
hehe almost same experience, but i didn’t get straight As for SPM (i never studied :P) and it sort of confirmed all their “suspicions” but i think my life is really pretty awesome right now :)
44. anon | July 1st, 2008 at 9:20 pm
Respect. I was mostly a nerd at school and is doing well in life, but I will never want my kids to be like me. The years in school should be better memories other than study study study, stress, and study somemore.
45. Cept | July 1st, 2008 at 9:32 pm
Yeahhh!!!!!!!!! Stick it to the man!!!! Down with meritocracy!!! Burm them all down!!!!!!!!!!!
Lol kidding
I think not everyone, but most people have gone through that and are aware of crap like this that happened in high school, and if they’re not then they were probably one of them and/or part of the problem
anyhoo nice article, really worth reading :)
46. k0k | July 1st, 2008 at 10:02 pm
“Do what ye will so long as you hurt no one”
I read that a few years ago in an excerpt of the Satanic Bible from Amazon.com. Welcome to the dark un-flock, Su Ann!!!!! I now embrace you as a sister in the Darke!
xD
Because I was a prefect in my school, I got to kick the rules around the most. Half the year through, I attended school 2 hours late just because I knew the gate guard that way, play truant every other class by hiding in the Red Crescent Society Room, refused to do most of my homework because I already understood the subject matter… and I still got A1s for all the subjects which interested me (unlike you, I’m not a perfectionist and am willing to totally abandon subjects which I consider to be useless like BM, Malaysian History and the lamest Moral Studies in the entire universe - so I’m just that much more Satan than you are :P).
And I slept through college - and that’s the first thing any of my old college mates will remember and bring up about me every reunion.
I am apparently sleeping through medical school too. I got nominated for The Most Narcoleptic Person of the Year award just last week and by all accounts, there’s no worthy contender yet -.-
47. k0k | July 1st, 2008 at 10:18 pm
and at the risk of talking too much, I want to share with you the words of my father which I once considered corny and lame, but had since accepted into my life completely;
The rules are dead. But you’re alive.
Anyway, he said he ripped these words off his boss, the Late Tan Sri Datuk Seri Lim Goh Tong, so they aren’t precisely original material but yeah… thought u might like them :)
48. jamuuna | July 1st, 2008 at 10:36 pm
Looking at you now, i would never have guessed that your high school was that horrible. Honestly, high school was indeed the best time of my life. I was absolutely not an angel…..nor was i a complete devil. I had more absenteeism than i should have had and sleep through some very important classes. But, it was the whole experience with friends and some amazing teachers that really made all that memorable. I would never thade those bittersweet years for anything.
49. Huai Bin | July 2nd, 2008 at 12:00 am
Hey, same experience. :)
My physics teacher (female) cried coz I verbally abused her in class. Was suspended coz of that incident but yeah, I think high school was a bit of a lesson in the survival of the fittest thing. I was also in the top class with the every man for himself mentality. Got through fine, and am doing okay now.
Nice photos, but where are the ones of you? ;)
I’m sure I speak for all the readers in that those are the ones we want to see.
50. tze | July 2nd, 2008 at 12:39 am
we went to the same place and had the same experience aiyah fuck sri garden la wtf. i was always absent too! and i shouted and screamed at a teacher too! and no one came to my defense too wtf.
51. thegeekinpink | July 2nd, 2008 at 12:40 am
my high school was the loneliest years of my life. I hated it and I wish I had an entirely different high school experience altogether. from the start, i was labeled as a rebel just because i had a different view from my classmates altogether. i was name-called a slut, a bitch, all these names openly left in those wooden desks’ drawers for all to see and read and pass around. however, i was never like you - the active one doing all the fundraisers because i was outcast-ed from it by ‘friends’.
but still like you, i graduated with spm scores rivaling the science and the top classes. that was my only happy bit.
i’d have really enjoyed your talk and would have tear up. i really felt for you.
52. xiao | July 2nd, 2008 at 12:59 am
my bf gave me the exact same thoughts on our conventional school systems!
ah, but you sound/look/feel/write like a great person! you’ll get back on your feet strong come what may =)
53. ex teacher, still a parent | July 2nd, 2008 at 2:44 am
These are the lessons I’ve learnt and taught, as a teacher for 30 years and a parent of 22 years.
A teacher is on the right track if at the core of his/her actions there is compassion.
A student won’t go wrong if he/she reacts with self-respect.
A parent is on the right track if he/she offers friendship to her child.
A child wont go wrong if he/she responses with understanding towards her parent.
54. ex teacher, still a parent | July 2nd, 2008 at 2:46 am
correction *responds*
55. BrYAn | July 2nd, 2008 at 3:12 am
wat a post…. anyway which school were u from?
n btw y wud the guys pee in the sea!?!? o.O hahahah wtf!
56. ap | July 2nd, 2008 at 3:51 am
hey cheers to having spotty attendance! i’d never have guessed… muz say that i’ve always admired your attitude towards life, your infallible spirit in the face of the things that really matter to u……. thx to u i dun feel bad abt annoying the shit out of my teachers with my marathon slumber sessions back then anymore. tsk tsk isnt that exactly what u’re trying to tell us schoolings, right :)
57. lishun | July 2nd, 2008 at 7:13 am
haha i was one of the head prefects with perfect attendance (i missed a grand total of 5 days of school in 5 years…lol) who disdained students who skipped class, debated well and still did reasonably well in exams almost every time. =P
but that was then, when high school was all i had and i blamed everyone but myself for not making better use of my adolescence. guess my character was never really that strong anyway.
to be honest, i doubt most of the students understood what you meant. there aren’t that many individuals like you who dared to be true to yourself. i don’t think some of them even know who they are yet. however, 15-17 isn’t the most mature of age groups and most of them, like me, would probably only see the wider end of things once they leave home for college and develop a passion.
on hindsight, my teachers in school were probably nice to me because i was a conformist. they encouraged me to be a drone because it made life easier for them that way.i think of them with fondness still but it was really my tutors in college that spoke about building character and helped me find my calling and encouraged me in the areas i showed interest in, not the subjects in which i needed better grades.
i hope teachers and parents will realise that their role is not to make sure the children and adolescents under their care get lovely report cards and perfect attendance during hari terbuka every year. their role is to build character, instill values and mould us into people who live out a meaningful life.
oh, and just as being rebellious didn’t deny you success, being a rule-obeying head prefect didn’t make me a boring old jane. hehe. =)
58. nyrac | July 2nd, 2008 at 8:04 am
# kok: i heart you! but probably i could give you a run for your money for that most narcoleptic person award though~~
59. foreverjas | July 2nd, 2008 at 8:31 am
well written :) i’m so proud to be a reader of your blog.
i heart u pink pau!!!!!
60. chm | July 2nd, 2008 at 9:09 am
dis is turning out 2 b a bloody gud place 4 high skul stories lmao!
k0k: RESPECT U !!!!!
61. vvens | July 2nd, 2008 at 2:03 pm
yer! why are the pictures so nice one. the colours of the sea damn chun!! yer yer yer! tipu one.
62. summer | July 2nd, 2008 at 2:41 pm
:) i confronted my teacher in std 3. I agree with some points u mentioned… After being a relief teacher for 3 months nearly 3 years ago, I sort of see the two sides of the story.
My conclusion: Its not easy to be a student nor a teacher.
Now studying overseas, I really see how rigid Malaysian education system is. Its hard to change it. To tackle the root, thats too much to do. So, just have to accept, be grateful (others may not even have such opportunity to study) and stick to it.
63. Nick Chhan | July 2nd, 2008 at 4:05 pm
No one should ever be drones to society, a certain amount of conforming standards is necessary, but not a full drone that has no self-esteem, opinions, and most importantly creativity. This causes people to just get jaded over time.
I recall one guy in school who played chess with himself, and has never gone to a local shopping mall - trapped in his dungeon, his elitist parents has shaped him into a soulless robot. I think compassion to him was a theory even. Anyway, this guy although the most studious, never got the top spot. The top spot year after year went to a radical, outspoken, confident, funny, witty guy that hardly studies at all.
People need to be spunky, and be self free in order to battle the harsh hard times of life. I agree with your ‘rant’, and I don’t think it’s something you should ever regret. G’luck in the states.
64. 'cia | July 2nd, 2008 at 4:50 pm
It’s the never-ending situation where those who dont conform to what is purportedly “acceptable” behaviour, are ostracised and deemed “bad” by the very narrow-minded society that we lived in.
65. voooon | July 2nd, 2008 at 6:00 pm
wooo.. exactly what i feel as well =) well done! haha on another note, im in kl!!!!
66. Felicia | July 2nd, 2008 at 9:07 pm
i’m from KL and i will be facing PMR soon, i feel the way you felt. i’m in the top class but i’m never the top student. and my teachers too, has a problem with my ‘attitude’. our form attended a motivational seminar recently, and they said it was a ‘failure’ because they could not change our bad attitudes. thanks for sharing your past, it helped me realize something.
67. David Santos | July 2nd, 2008 at 9:30 pm
Excellent post! I love it! Happy day
68. estherbobester | July 2nd, 2008 at 10:22 pm
i’m in form5 now and i’m like a milder version of you =) being in school really drains me and the only time i actually come to life is during extra-curricular activities.
i remember reading about how you used to skip school alot and got picked on for it before despite your good grades and always organizing events and fundraisers. i’ve never known anyone who’d done so well without being a teacher’s pet, perfect attendance and perfect everything under their belt and it gave me a great deal of motivation as i’m absent very often but still do well.
currently i’m being picked on by my English teacher who’s been giving me horrible marks just because my essays are ‘too descriptive’ - my English isn’t fantastic or anything but cutting off 20marks off a 35mark essay is pure prejudice. i’ve shown my paper to the English department teacher and it’s sort of stained my teacher’s rep, having her own student go behind her back and request for another teacher to mark her SPM trial papers. it’s also my first time going against a teacher after years of consistent ‘good morning’s and smiles.
i earned the frowns and disapproving looks from not letting teachers stop/get in the way of how i ran our interact club and even though it’s a hefty price to pay i’ll never regret everything i did to make sure we were never taken advantage of (they’d guilt us into doing things for the school because we’re a ’service’ club) just cos we’re young and supposedly mere teenagers.
sorry for being so long-winded, just wanted to let you know here’s someone else who’s different and being - in a way - penalized for it but is still determined to finish her last few months of schooling life with a bang - with or without validation from the goody-two-shoes and teachers.
thankyou. =)
69. ;D | July 2nd, 2008 at 11:00 pm
Hai… i can emphatise with you very well Su Ann. people like you inspire people like me. only, i’m not as accomplished as you were in high school yet teachers generally dislike me la. what to do. my school, though it’s supposedly one of the top schools here down south, has loads of crappy teachers that waste my school time… and teach nothing. i don’t even dare to skip school, because i’m so scared it’ll leave this disciplinary record down in my record in the system… and i don’t even get a chance to get into top unis or something. i wish i had guts like you, but in a school like mine, i would’ve been suspended or expelled long ago. i don’t dare to show open defiance to the teachers. i did it once. i got into alot of shit. i was very vexed for months, none of that drama but i actually confronted her and she gave me shitty sarcastic remarks. my parents constantly tell me to get on with it i have to kiss their asses. yet i don’t want to kiss their asses. get into their good books. i somehow fear i’m losing a bit of myself in this process of sucking up, just to not get into any problems with these teachers. i am in some kind of dilemma… i can’t like show my true self or smth to them.
i admire how you participated in activities and were popular despite the teacher’s dislike of you. haha i very unpopular in school leh. i don’t stand a chance of doing any stuff which people like you have done. please don’t bear all these burdens in your heart anymore okay? it’s not very healthy… what you have gone through has just made you stronger. i know this is a stupid cliche used to justify shit that people put us through… but i think our pinkpau would not be the pinkpau of today if not for these experiences. ;D
ps. I really don’t dare to leave my name, but anyway i’ve emailed you before la so you know me. apparently one class made this class blog which was hilarious (like 400 hits everyday or smth not sure haha) and the administration made a big fuss out of it. they seem to have eyes everywhere.
70. smartypants | July 3rd, 2008 at 1:28 am
wahliao…dun u get ‘motivated’ by ur numerous grateful readers to be a motivational writer/speaker?… u relly rock lerr ! …. mere twist n turn of ur pen/fingers …..ur bitter, sweet or sour memories also can inspire other ppl !
71. smartypants | July 3rd, 2008 at 1:34 am
imagine a world of teacher Ms Pinkpau, Cik Pinkpau or Youth Pastor Pinkpau! ..hehehe…
72. pinkpau | July 3rd, 2008 at 3:43 am
jade : haha you are an anarchic doctor! yes, we haven’t done too badly.. :)
cindy : it’s ok :) we all deal with things differently
mrbherng : i am in awe!!!
nyrac : i had those teachers who loved me too :) at the end of the day, those are the only ones who matter, yes? haha like jade up there, you’re an anarchic doctor too!
jeff : wow where in asia did you teach? ah yes this asian meekness is going to disappear one of these days. with globalization, slowly but surely.
dr tan : hou yee tan you are ze devillll !
mchllchn : enjoy your high school experience while it lasts! you must do that :)
YM : yes it’s unfair how people always impose their own standards and definitions of success and what’s ‘good’ on others. haha eh actually i know some pretty cool nerds!
chm : no lah not all of my classmates were like that. maybe two or three.. but i dont talk to them much these days anyway. desa pandan for donuts?! wtf you must study super near me. are you from SAB?
KY : APPARENTLY I DIDNT!!! *proud
kennysia : hahahahaha why are u tokking like this!
samantha : sigh :( we all swam through darren’s puke :(
rupert : unfortunately, competition is in our nature :\
the faux fashionista : your comment really moved me :) thanks justina.
sweatlee : DID YOU EVEN READ MY POST!
shaolintiger : i guess it’s a system where they wanna force people to work. most people would take advantage of an ROWE to do sloppy work so that they can leave quicker
nat : we are all good in different things :) academics arent everything. but that doesnt mean we dont have to try and kick butt in it!
ronin : harakiri hahahaha that made me laugh. yes it is for this reason that i cant wait to go to the states. hehe ben and fred did that for kicks. they’re cool
quin : i think our teachers here have an issue with being challenged. i dont know. maybe teachers in the west are the same, but i find that malaysian teachers are so quick to be indignant when students point out a mistake or ask questions. ahh you were teacher’s daughter :D haha. i understand!
myst88 : yes :( at home too :(
reallybites : the one where i had that fight with the teacher and none of my friends stood up for me! forever burned into my brain i tell u…
ben : hehe dont worry everyone knows you love women!
yeah : that’s good advice :) i guess it’s true that i still havent really let go of all the anger i felt from my high school days. in many ways i am appreciative that i am now a better person because of those experiences, but i think that i could have been and done so much more if they hadn’t been so .. oppressive towards me.
grace : wow. i’m sorry to hear abt your primary school experience :( but you must take things into your own hands. change the way things are :) stand out, be bright, prove them all wrong :)
realgunners : grades are important but i think not the be all and end all. not much fun being smart if one is like a twat or is just plain socially inept and hated by all
daniel : i wish you were our minister of education :) what you just said is exactly what every school should be. maybe then everybody would love school, would study hard and there would be less dropouts or people with sucky high school experiences.
nicholas : hahaha wow. i think our high school experience is very very similar. congrats on your awesome spm results! i bet it must have made all those teachers and your classmates eat their words :)
LJY : no i was not joking :P
mandylogy : thank u :)
sheon : no no cannot like that say :) i believe in change from within.
almost loved : i will :) thank u!
joize : wow thank u so much for ur kind words. i’ve always believed that we must stand up for ourselves and the people that we care for. and you are very lucky to have been in a school that encouraged creativity :) we had a lot of bureaucracy in our school.
kei : i remember the exact date i started studying seriously! it was hari kemerdekaan! 31st aug. BUT PLS DONT START SO LATE!!!!
anonymous : hear hear :)
michelle : we all hate it. *pat pat* s’okay, you are in a better place now :)
christine : i will :) glad my post inspired you.
doreen : i echo your sentiments on the respect thing, but i’ve come to learn that sometimes we have to make the first move and be generous with our respect. and THEN if they still dont respect us, they can go fly a kite :D haha yes i got the drama queen statement before. most unfair, but i suppose it is to be expected when you’re dealing with people who are scared to stand up for what’s right. hey your observations on msian students are so spot on! i guess it comes from years of being brainwashed on what ‘the perfect student’ is. kudos to you too, doreen.
chimpanzee : thank u :) i hope you find the encouragement that you are looking for. oftentimes it is in the people closest to us.
gin : haih you and i, we are in the same boat!
kimberlycun : see! we all win in the end
anon : yes :) i agree. i wish you all the best in raising your kids in the future. they are already so very lucky to have a parent like you. not many parents out there place this much importance on their kids having a happy life with good memories as they do on perfect scores and high paying jobs.
cept : stick it to the man hahahaha that made me laugh out loud! thank u!
k0k : horrr you were one of those naughty prefects!! LOL YOUR AWARD DAMN FUNNY!!!! narcoleptic hahahahaha what a sense of humor. mm lovely quote :) thank u for sharing. imma put it on my facebook now
jamuuna : you and me both, jamuuna, you and me both :)
huai bin : hahaha no more pictures of me. or my foot!
tze : and we both went out with similar guys from lower classes! and we both got flak for it! sigh! and we both read sweet valley!!!!
thegeekinpink : omg i’m sorry to hear that :( that must have been so hard to go through. i’m so glad you proved them all wrong with your spm scores in the end. in their faces!
xiao : your bf is one cool guy :D
ex teacher still a parent : 100% true :) i agree whole heartedly
bryan : i was from sri garden. they peed in the sea cos lazy to walk to the bathroom. haha
ap : yes that is exactly what i was NOT trying to tell them :P i dont think its right to disrespect teachers, but i also dont think that it’s right for teachers to disrespect their students
lishun : from the feedback i’ve been getting, i think a lot of them actually did get what i meant :) it’s just these teachers walking around twisting the context of my words after i had my talk. i think kids are maturing a lot faster than our time :\ i agree with your hindsight. a drone culture has already been firmly implanted into our heads as the idea of what makes ‘a good student’ - someone obedient, polite, never talks back, is calm, etc. while some of us are naturally like that, i dont think all of us are, and it’s unfair to try and squeeze us into these moulds that we dont even fit into in the first place. hehe i’m glad you were a cool head prefect :)
foreverjas : i heart you too!
vvens : hehehe! perhentian sea is like that!
summer : no i dont think we have to just accept it and be grateful and stick to it :) im sorry but i totally disagree.
nick chhan : i actually know some people like that chess playing guy you mentioned. it’s very sad. my heart really goes out to them because they dont get to see the freshness and excitement of life as the rest of us do, but my guess is that they prolly look down on us with disdain and contempt at our indiscipline :) thank u nick. i was feeling like i really shouldnt have made that speech in my school, but reading your comment and all the others is making me feel like i did the right thing.
cia : yup
voooooon : and i am notttttt :(
felicia : i’m glad to have helped :) all the best for PMR!
david santos : thank u :)
estherbobester : i’m so proud of you for standing up for yourself about your english paper :) i dont think what your teacher did was very kind. instead of marking you down like that, s/he should have guided you properly and imparted knowledge to you one-to-one. your comment made me smile :) exactly - we dont need validation from them. i really hope you kick everyone’s butt in SPM. it doesnt matter what else you do right.. to them, stellar grades are the only way they will sit up and realize how wrong they were in all their judgments about you. sad, but still fun to see the look on their faces when you collect your cert with results that trumped all the other mindless drones :)
;D : ahh you are in a tough situation. my advice would be to navigate the minefield and play the game well :) you dont have to cut school or talk back to shine :) you dont have to suck up to get everyone to like you, either. friendliness, warmth and people skills always triumphs. trust me. do this one step at a time. popularity is something that can be gained, even if a bit late.
smartypants : what about YB PINKPAU!!! hahaha :D
73. 快乐 | July 3rd, 2008 at 8:23 am
Pink Pau Dear!!! =)
Don’t be frustrated over it k =)
We will all still be right there for you.
Eventhough we are not really very close friends in high school, due to my ignorance…. I am sorry… But if there is anything that i could help you I would!! =)
I love those time when we organise the IU carnival!! Sadly we didn’t win the best IU Day! ARGH curse them!! =)
Anyway good luck!
74. voooooon | July 3rd, 2008 at 9:00 am
oi. where are u? well you’ll be coming back. i can wait =)
75. Samantha L. | July 3rd, 2008 at 8:41 pm
Dear Su Ann,
I’m an avid reader of your weblog and I thoroughly enjoy all your posts. I thought your posts gave me deep insights into what life meant, and what it was all about.
This post opened my eyes to more than I thought your writings did. I’ve always been quite a nuisance with my teachers, and although most of the time stand on my side of the line, I give in and often agree that I am a somewhat disappointment and disgrace. But this very post of yours has taught me otherwise, that I should always believe in where I stand.
I extremely enjoy reading your insightful posts and I’m looking forward to more!
76. Teddy | July 3rd, 2008 at 9:09 pm
Hi Jade, from IMU I assume? :D
Hey pinkpau… still remember meeting you in Little Penang with Darren
Whatever they might think, what I saw was a friendly person who had the courage to stand up to take up the duty as the SSG alumni Vice President…
And that itself, is a statement of her love for the school itself…
Heard of stories about you that you mentioned… but from your blog, and the personal experience of seeing you in real life…
I would say… you can be proud of yourself… you’re great for the person you are… you shine because you are genuine…
And never be afraid to stand up for what you feel is right
Have a nice day :D
77. Karen | July 4th, 2008 at 1:06 am
I’m currently teaching in a school in UK and the teachers here are very professional. Considering this school is one of the worst schools in Britain, I’m amazed at how patient the teachers are. If you want to know how bad, the school hire police officers to control the students. However there are mutual respect and trust between teachers and students and generally teachers seem to have a good relationship with students.
In Asia we are too scared of teachers that we don’t even dare to answer/ask questions in class. I remember when I was in school if my question was too ‘dumb’ the teacher would make fun of me and the whole class would laugh at me. If my answer was wrong, the teacher would punish me. Teachers in Asian countries also tend to ignore the fact that some kids come from disadvantaged background e.g. broken home, abusive family. This affected their behavior a lot.
78. eunice | July 4th, 2008 at 8:31 pm
before PMR, my headmistress spat at my classmates and i. throughout the years we have been deemed as reckless, mischievous and hopeless. but that year, we broke the sch record for PMR results.
before SPM, once again, they pushed my class down despite us being 5sc1. we were always absent, mondays, thursdays and fridays to avoid the “be absent for 3 days and you get a warning letter”. that year, half of us got straight As. don’t think we broke the record but we did good enough.
none of us were invited to go back to sch for the usual motivational talks. i wonder why hor.. hehe
79. téléchargements&hellip | July 20th, 2008 at 6:15 pm
téléchargements de casino…
adventure evidently mascara …
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