Optrex

July 3rd, 2008

it’s been long day after long day; the big Columbia clock keeps ticking over my head. i am drowning in to-do lists. my inner child wants to just sleep, but i cant because i am constantly kept awake by the atrocities that happen in our daily lives and the world. why are people hypocritical? why are there political assassinations? why do people fight? why do people get sick? why are principles being discarded? why does spite exist? why are people so concerned with looks and money? why is our air getting hazier? why do the evil and the scheming triumph? does sincerity exist anymore?

my head is swirling with iron deficiency. i havent been eating much lately, either. tomorrow i will be back in the arms of my Martian, and he will make sure i am eating well, but tomorrow feels so far away. i worry the world will implode before then, collapsing into itself from the wretched burden of itself, which means that i will never have my tomorrow. tomorrow, America’s skies will be littered with fireworks; tomorrow, mine will be littered with uncertainties and love. two years ago, i felt this way too. i was bound by the paralysis of caring too much. i was frantic and frightened. i am still.

did you know that it’s already july… doesn’t time fly. i wish time would freeze and i could enjoy chicken wings and la-la at jalan alor forever. have bubbly in bangsar every afternoon until i become one big gas bubble. i also wish i didn’t get hurt so easily. it’s becoming so hard to love people when they all seem so caustic and uncaring.

there was a time where i used to come home from school, eat apples and play Roller Coaster Tycoon. it was a time of fish porridge and pure bliss.

i am tired. i dont feel well.

i have a sudden urge to go swimming.

i have a question. it’s a simple one. what is love?

Entry Filed under: Martianisms, Musings

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