What Love Is
July 4th, 2008
Martian and i aren’t always happy. we both have our own fears and insecurities about our relationship, our direction, ourselves and each other. sometimes these fears and insecurities happen simultaneously, and we fight. there are the fights, and then there are the REALLY BIG fights that involve crying, screaming, swearing, hurtful statements and walking out. then there are the break-ups, the exchange of cruel words and spitefully hissing what we hate so much about each other. by no means are we the perfect couple. there are days when i cant help but think that we are just so wrong for each other.
yet at the end of the day, after each fight be it big or small, we fall back into each other’s arms, spilling over with murmurs of i’m-sorry’s, frantic kisses, hungry grasps and all the love that we have for each other. we ache to make it up to the other person, to hopefully erase from their memory all the mean and callous words said in the heat of anger, to win our place back in the other person’s heart again. in these moments, as we kiss and make up, i’m always thinking.. how could i have screamed at someone like him? how could i have gotten angry? how can i not realize what a good, amazing, perfect thing i have in my boyfriend? to squander our precious time away by fighting… what could i have possibly been thinking?
i’ve always believed that love, essentially, is loving the other person more than you love yourself; putting their happiness before your own. it is measured by how much you are willing to sacrifice for the other. it is big things like trying your very best to become a kinder, more patient, more thoughtful person so that you can make her happy, and it is small things like missing your favorite tv show just so you can pick him up from football practice. so when i read this line in an Oscar Wilde book one day - ‘to love is to surpass oneself’, i felt like i had found a precious gem of universal truth.
i want a lot of things. i am a lot of things. but i give up, and change, all of these because i love Martian.
two years ago, we sat at Martian’s dining table at his apartment, weeding through Antoine de Saint Exupery’s ‘The Little Prince’ to exhume two metaphors from each of the 27 chapters for my college assignment. that’s a grand total of 54 metaphors, and we were pulling an all-nighter trying to get the assignment done before morning. i later found out that Adrian had given me the wrong information, and it was really only just two metaphors for the FIRST TWO chapters.
when i found out about the misinformation, i scolded Adrian for causing me to waste my time like that. but i never got around to thanking him and giving him a big hug for inadvertently giving me one of the best things that’s ever happened to me.
that night, on the 4th of July 2006, while taking a break from Antoine de Saint Exupery’s The Little Prince, Martian held me, closed his eyes and told me that he loved me. that night, i told him that i love him too. and that is how we started.
happy anniversary baby. i love you so much. i’m so sorry i bluffed you about coming out to get a glass of water but i really ended up blogging and chatting on MSN, and now you’ve fallen asleep :\
Entry Filed under: Martianisms, Musings
63 Comments Add your own
1. ben | July 5th, 2008 at 12:16 am
first! first time!!! wooooooo
never thought i’d do this but….
2. reallybites | July 5th, 2008 at 12:45 am
doing things u never thought u would in a million years.
3. zewt | July 5th, 2008 at 2:04 am
it’s all about acceptance and not compromise.
4. kiasu andrew | July 5th, 2008 at 3:14 am
liar wtf is plurk?
5. Artificially Timtam | July 5th, 2008 at 5:44 am
zzz… phone number giver, french restaurant eater… i judge you.
now updates!
6. Michelle | July 5th, 2008 at 6:19 am
I don’t know what is love. Previously, I knew. Now, I don’t. All I know that I’m flooded with love right now. =D
7. YM | July 5th, 2008 at 7:32 am
Owh.. that’s sweet! :P
8. Kevin | July 5th, 2008 at 7:34 am
Hahahah getting together on independence’s day woooo, Tonight.. is the world’s Independence’s Day *cheers*
9. Nat | July 5th, 2008 at 8:13 am
Yea, I didnt realised how much my fiance (we just got engaged!!) sacrificed for me til now. Calls me every morning to say he misses me alot, every nite to say he loves me, and every single time I misscalls him hehe.
He works hard to buy a plane ticket to Singapore once every 2 months just to come and meet me for a week, works even harder to bring me to vacation all around the world every semester break. Showers me with alot of kisses, love and presents :p. He even quit his 50,000 Aus dollars scholarship just to end our LDR.
He said he wanna be with me til I finish everything here in singapore then we will fly back to Melbourne to get married :). But before that, we’re gonna travel all around the world for 6 months! I wanna live in New York for 1 year!
Love is the greatest :)
10. Ping | July 5th, 2008 at 9:34 am
Happy Anniversary =)
11. ahlost | July 5th, 2008 at 9:53 am
Happy Anniversary :)
12. reallybites | July 5th, 2008 at 9:55 am
crying on your part only issit kaka
happy 2nd! y same date as america’s independence day wan
13. kei | July 5th, 2008 at 10:53 am
omg so sweeeeeeet!!! again, i like how u and martian are able to know u lvoe each other without being clingy.
eh serious lah ok got couples around me hanging out with each other the whole day at school, after that sms continuously until night,then takl on the phone fo like 2 hours :/
14. sss | July 5th, 2008 at 11:16 am
happy anniversary
=)
15. allen.g | July 5th, 2008 at 11:44 am
Best wishes to both of u!
It’s good that you realize that love is not just typically sweet and nice, but a dash of bitter and pain thrown in as well. Only that way, you would appreciate it even more.
It’s very hard these days to find someone you can really love with all your heart and at the same time having them to love you as much as you do. So, cherish them and never took them for granted :)
“The worst love a human can have is unreciprocated love… “
16. chm | July 5th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!!!!!!! love makes the world go round ^^
17. rach | July 5th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
guess when human get mad, all the angry word out and always making angry decision. but after a while, wutever it is you think is stoopid to saying those words,to someone like him for doing so much to you and etc..i’m one of that human ..lol
Happy anniversary! sweett~ the roses is nice
18. ria | July 5th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
awww.. happy anniversary su ann and martian! wishing you more happy years of love. :)
19. nyrac | July 5th, 2008 at 1:01 pm
this has got to be the sweetest thing i’ve read in a very long while :) made my day. happy anniversary to the both of you ^^ and of course, may there be more sweet blogs and sappy love stories from the two of you for many many more years to come :)
20. vvens | July 5th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
happy anniversary. so sweet meh!!! hahaha
21. chimpanzee | July 5th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
Happy anniversary! Hope both you and Martian will happy always :)
22. sheon | July 5th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
yeah…loving the guy that annoys the hell outta you…. that’s love alright. hahahaha……..many hearts hearts and bitter chocolates!!
23. anonymous | July 5th, 2008 at 1:58 pm
=P i was like that with my ex. Love is weird. sometimes u hate him for not changing his ways, etc …and u wonder why u love him in the first place. But at the same time u love his sweet ways n how he says sorry in a very cute manner. ah. love.
24. Ren | July 5th, 2008 at 2:01 pm
Happy Anniversary :)
still got long path to go on, keep it up!
25. quin | July 5th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
Happy 2nd Anniversary indeed :)
26. abby | July 5th, 2008 at 3:39 pm
happy anniversary!
27. michellesy | July 5th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
It’s so sweet how your relationship began - over metaphors and homework! So nostalgic and high-school in an aw-shucks-let’s-hold-hands kinda way *melts*
So happy second anniversary, you two! =)
ps: I still haven’t quite figured out what love is yet - there have been a few detours, and more than one misstep along the way, but, I hope I’ll figure it out one day.
28. Yuhhui | July 5th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
Heh. i thought u knew about the bug.. lolx. Anyway, happy anniversary !!!! =) It’s really unique to start a relationship over metaphors . lol! indeed memorable eh? =) Wish you both the best and all the happiness in the world !!
29. foreverjas | July 5th, 2008 at 6:36 pm
awwwwwwwwwww. so sweet. what love is.
happy anniversary! weee!!!! u both can do it yeah!
30. Erisha | July 5th, 2008 at 7:36 pm
awww so sweet and nice. I hear people say to me, if a couple doesn’t fight, soemthing is wrong. Sometimes, the fights actually help one to learn more about the other and make both love & care for each other more. happy anniversary to both of you! =)
31. Erisha | July 5th, 2008 at 7:37 pm
okay I dunno why but instead of my name erisha, It came out with foreverjas
32. pinkshirtz | July 5th, 2008 at 7:42 pm
Happy anniversary … i bet it wasn’t easy to stay together …
haha … here’s a toast!
33. fern | July 5th, 2008 at 11:17 pm
you verbally made me go “awwwwwwww” ;D congratulations! happy 2nd year anniversary x)
34. cindy | July 6th, 2008 at 12:46 am
Happy anniversary! =)
I always come to your blog for relationship advices. You just know how to penned down exactly what you feel, and I think alot of ppl can relate to what you are feeling and going through. Your posts always remind me that I should appreciate the person that I love and loves me too. tq!!
35. Huai Bin | July 6th, 2008 at 1:16 am
That’s really sweet…and I guess your summed what love is all about. Agape - unconditional love.
Every relationship has its ups and downs (stating the obvious) it’s like you said, how much the partners are willing to commit to the relationship and make it work.
All the best Su Ann and Happy Anniversary to the both of you.
36. thisguy | July 6th, 2008 at 1:24 am
the little prince - what a great book to fall in love to.
if you still have those metaphors lying around somewhere, i’d love to read it.
37. miss p | July 6th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
aw both you and your bf are so sweetttt!
38. kreazi | July 6th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
Happy Anniverysary to u both :) This is so sweet and touchin’. My hubby and I share a love-hate relationship like this too… when everythin’ is fine n sweet, I just feel like the happiest person on earth but when we’re quarrelin’, i really hate him to the core.. only to kesal the evil thots i have in mind later after we’ve made up… eishhhh.. so difficult to type when the “jee” on my keyboard has flattened, waitin’ to be repaired.. kakakakaka…
39. iamdoryfish | July 6th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
Awww, that was so sweet.the flowers look very nice, combination of roses…and?? :D happy anniversary to you both!
40. iamdoryfish | July 6th, 2008 at 2:28 pm
Awww..that is so sweet! :D Very nice flowers, combination of roses..and?? My bf does not give my flowers for a long while. sigh. but im happy for you. Happy anniversary!
41. hansheng | July 6th, 2008 at 2:59 pm
Happy anniversary. i loved the way you captured the emotions of your relationship. its something, i think, most of us can relate to. =)
42. Kimmy | July 6th, 2008 at 3:33 pm
I really love the way you write! You really managed to capture the essence of a relationship in a few paragraphs. What are you studying at Colombia btw, if you don’t mind me asking? Coz if you studied Exupery in college, you obviously did Literature. And with your flair for writing, it would be a pity if you didn’t study English, Journalism, etc etc.
I did Exupery as well except I didn’t do The Little Prince. I studied Wind, Sand and Stars instead which was very good. But I’m going to go buy The Little Prince soon because everyone is telling me what a good book it is! :)
43. estherbobester | July 6th, 2008 at 6:43 pm
happy belated anniversary =)
indeed fights happen very often in relationships. my bf has the best tactic to throw me off my game when i’m complaining/picking a fight (’last time you used to surprise me all the time’, ‘you never remember to wish me on monthaversaries anymore’, ‘you only love me for my butt’, etc) and he’ll end it all with, ‘but i really wuv you.’
worse still can hear the puppy face even over the phone -.-
44. Reiko | July 6th, 2008 at 7:07 pm
Happy Anniversary~
People tend to forget what others did for you when you get angry or upset or any negative feelings that appears…
But do believe him and stay strong… Don’t ever resist to listen and to believe… Everything turn out to be good…
45. na | July 6th, 2008 at 8:47 pm
has it only been 2 yrs? it somehow seems longer from all those stories on your blog.
there are days when i cant help but think that we are just so wrong for each other.
oh yes, i do agree so much with this statement, but truly there probably isnt someone out there who is “right” for us, is there?
i sometimes think about it, and some theory evolved, like, it’s not how right or wrong the person is for you, it’s probably how much you two are able to grow together to accomodate each other, some people can only stay friends, others might progress on to the stage of relationships but eventually move to a point where it has to end, and the best kind turns into a long lasting marriage and all : D
but despite the cynic that i am, there’s this fairytale longing that a couple out there proves all my doubts wrong, so i wish you and martian all the best, and stay happy together.
46. shereen | July 6th, 2008 at 9:18 pm
so sss-wwweet
HapPie Anniversary!
47. Jun | July 7th, 2008 at 12:32 am
hehe was that one of ms mary’s assignments? ;p
oh, another thing: u know u love him on a whole new level when u start treating his family like urs ;)
i see more than just fireworks on YOUR july 4th *hehe*
48. martian | July 7th, 2008 at 12:45 am
i love you too baby. thanks for such a sweet blog.
49. TikTsin | July 7th, 2008 at 1:29 am
awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww thats so sweettttttttttttttttttttttttttt :DDDDDDDDDDD
meh my anniversary is coming too >.<” gotta work those creative juices :D wanna hit the one year mark with a bit of a bang :D
50. yu | July 7th, 2008 at 1:39 am
so sweet……..happy anniversary…….how u actually get to know martian??sounds like a perfect match….
51. pinkpau | July 7th, 2008 at 4:28 am
ben : gasp you have fallen over to the dark side
reallybites : like what!! *wiggles
zewt : hmm! sometimes acceptance is also compromise, yes?
kiasu andrew : androo why u so kiasu! ppl got plurk then u also want plurk!
artificially : update oredi lah!
michelle : ooooooooh :D tell , tell !
ym : :D
kevin : the WORLD??? you bloody americans… think that you rule the world issit!! now ur independence day has to be the rest of the world’s too, issitt!!
nat : WOW. your boyfriend sounds like one VERY VERY amazing person :) i’m so happy for you. keep me posted if you do come and live in NY :D we will hang out!!
ping : thank u! :)
ah lost : thank u too! :)
reallybites : yalar how u know :( today he just said that it’s not fair cos he dont have the crying weapon. hehe yalor we celebrate together with the US mah!
kei : hahaha you should be happy for them mah :D cos they so blissfully in love!
sss : thank u!
allen g : yup it’s true what you say that you need some bad times to appreciate the good :)
chm : hahaha you sound like you’re happier than me
rach : thank u! i love the flowers too!
ria : we both thank u, ria dear :)
nyrac : i hope so too :))
vvens : haih if not! :D
chimpanzee : thank you :) that is very kind
sheon : eh but not too bitter ok… :\
anonymous : haha i dont get sorries in a very cute way unfortunately… :| but i get what you mean :)
ren : i will !!
quin : thank u! :)
abby : thank u too! :)
michellesy : nah it wasnt lets hold hands at all :P not even a bit. haha. thank u my dear :)
yuh hui : no i didnt! when i saw the last commenter’s name on martian’s computer, i thought he left that comment. and i was asking him why he did that and he was so confused.. haha. thanks for the well wishes yuhhui!
foreverjas : hope so!
erisha : i totally agree bout the fighting :) hmm dont worry the bug looks like it’s been fixed!
pinkshirtz : oh you have no idea :) hehe thank u!
fern : thank u!! :)
cindy : you are most welcome. glad to have helped somehow :)
huai bin : thank u hb :)
thisguy : i thought the same thing, but unfortunately the work is in my old computer and i dont have it here :( sigh. forever lost.
miss p : we try to be! hehe
kreazi : hehehe gggggggg! i like how you used the apostrophes instead.. :D
iamdoryfish : it’s red roses with some filler flowers here and there - pink carnations and berries!
hansheng : thank u :)
kimmy : i’m most prolly going to be studying political science, economics and international studies :) i did exupery in college for an english course - academic writing to be precise. the little prince is a fantastic story!
estherbobester : hahaha zomg so cute your bf!
reiko : i hope you’re right :)
na : i actually do believe that we have soulmates out there. many soulmates, all of whom are very right for us, but there’s always that one person who is the MOST right for us. thank you so much for your well wishes :)
shereen : thank u!!
jun : YES MS MARY. hahahhaa
martian : just now when i went in to hug you, you ignored me :(
tiktsin : make something! a card, a scrapbook, a bookmark.. :D
yu : long story ;) i wrote the story on my blog before though
52. Kevin | July 7th, 2008 at 6:34 am
Hahaha nolaa stupid, somehow just got reminded of the quote from the movie independence day =P where the president was saying this before everyone goes up and kamikazed against the aliens
53. Yang | July 7th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
aaa, i just missed your long long reply-comment-comment. nvm la, anyway, that was real sugary! XD sweetttttttt~~~ hmm, dunno why this reminds me of the new ice cream-strawberry kisses, u might wanna try it XD
54. zefi | July 7th, 2008 at 9:01 pm
“i’ve always believed that love, essentially, is loving the other person more than you love yourself; putting their happiness before your own”
Love is loving the other person more than you love yourself? Huh?
Sounds like a weird statement of definition to me. I think you just wrote the definition for the word selflessness
55. ida | July 7th, 2008 at 10:14 pm
Very sweet Su-ann..May u n Martian be eternally each other’s.
56. - | July 7th, 2008 at 10:45 pm
thanks for writing this su ann! thought that my relationship is dire and less carefree like yours, but i’ve come to realise that every couple has its own issues to overcome - some quite similar to others! it really helps!
57. Nick Chhan | July 8th, 2008 at 12:40 am
This post is so schweet. Martian and you grow together at every level, that’s something I believe is very important. The both of you got the stuff! =)
58. May | July 8th, 2008 at 3:29 am
ahhh, u made me jealous again.
you;re like my idol for perfect relationship!
I envy you for being so brave to admit all the bad things that happened in a relationship.
It’s really nice.
Happy anniversary and keep counting the numbers.
=)
p/s: I dunno why I always comment when you’re very happy and in love.hahaha.
59. zewt | July 8th, 2008 at 11:34 pm
i think in acceptance… you dont feel like you’re giving up on something…
when you compromise… you need to make sacrifice… when you accept… u will not feel the sacrifice. no?
60. Linora Aronil Low | July 10th, 2008 at 7:52 pm
Awwww Su… that was sweet and I appreciated that post.. i believe in the whole love is giving yourself entirely.. and I also believe in unconditional love (which is so hard to come by save for the Man up above). But yeah.. i’m glad things are working out so nicely for the two of you and it really puts a smile to my face when i see friend of mine who are having a solid relaitonship with their other half. :) and keep on the loving.
61. zewt | July 16th, 2008 at 12:27 am
when you look across the aisle to the guy on the other side before the start of a premier… u dont smile? ;)
62. Silas.L | July 29th, 2008 at 4:20 pm
This a 1st for me. It’s hard cos i’ve always refused to leave comments in support of ppl’s blogs (no, i’m not a blogger) even though i do read voraciously. But in ur case i’ve found smething that i cld relate to. It’s meaningful & this counts for smething when all else fails. Thus, 5 yrs & no comments for Xiaxue (even though i’m singaporean) nor Dawn, Arrisa & all e rest i cld name. Truth & Sincerity transcends Hype. Thank u for Mking My Day.
63. quaintly.net » The &hellip | July 31st, 2008 at 5:27 am
[...] idea and this bit henceforth will help you folks out a little with the gift-getting. Martian and my 2nd anniversary was on the 4th of July several weeks back, and i got him two things, one for each year we’ve [...]
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