What Really Matters

August 9th, 2008

there are the things that matter, the things that don’t matter, and lastly, the things that we convince ourselves do matter, but actually don’t. i used to think that pleasing everyone was not impossible, and to an extent, was important, and that all it takes to achieve that is simply a little bit of effort and compromise on my part. but i’m starting to see that it’s tiring. the tray’s getting a little bit too big. and i suppose it all boils down to priorities: who’s important and who’s not?

i spent the past few days fretting and being hurt and upset over something that i simply could not fix or help. i also spent the past few days trying to understand why people behave the way they do - why they tell lies, why they make up fictitious sources, why they cant just pick up the goddamn phone and reason things out, why the blame-pushing, why the ally-pulling, why the vindictiveness, why the claws. i canceled a couple of dinners and movies with my friends just so i could sit down and think about how i could solve this. yeah, i have two weeks left here in Malaysia with my loved ones and this is what i do. Martian comes to KL to spend time with me, and i thank him by waving him away to tend to this reeking incident that is built upon the scraps of self-indulgence and hypocrisy. talk about priorities.. mine are certainly all wrong.

so yesterday, Martian sat me down (actually, we talked standing up) to explain to me just how silly i was being. the conversation started with him saying, “i am right here in KL and we don’t have much time left together, but you rather tend to these thankless people than tend to me”, and at first i got so angry at him for being so selfish and disregarding the fact that it was important to me that this issue is solved, but as he spoke on, i realized how right he was. if there is anything that this whole incident has taught me, is that the people involved in this are so embroiled in their obsession of coming out on top, that there is just no getting through to them. it’s like talking to someone who’s senile. and i also realize that the more i involved myself in this, the more i am becoming like that too.

it all comes down to what really matters and what doesn’t at all. lately i’ve been desperately trying to salvage the things that don’t matter, thinking that they are important, but not realizing that i’m sidelining the things that really do matter. like.. family. friends. Martian. intern lunches at KLCC :D carl’s jr portobello burger. sleep. milo dogs. things like that. and for what? three people who don’t and shouldn’t matter? at first i was so upset that this fracas has caused me to lose three friends, but really, after thinking about it, these people were never friends in the first place. they are relationships not worth salvaging. i wish i’d taken Martian’s advice and told them to fuck off from the start. it would have saved me a lot of fretting, and i could have gone to lunch with voon, emily, andrew and the mechanical man today.

but like all nasty things usually do, this issue has taught me good lessons and showed me what’s really important. thank you to all the people who emailed and facebooked me their condolences and to all my friends who called and msn-ed to lend their support and to check if i was okay. it was really very, very touching and i am very relieved that the people in my life are not blaming me for what has happened. and then there’s Martian who always believes in me and knows how to set me straight. and A (haha), who is the kindest and most understanding person ever. and then there are my best friends who have listened to me whine and cry about this and given me some excellent advice, and my other friends who defended me when i needed it most. thanks, you guys =)) you’re the ones that really matter. i’m sorry if i have been very difficult or negligent over the past few days.

and one more thing that really matters : earlier tonight, some of my friends threw me a surprise farewell party :))) i was in such a crummy mood and wasn’t expecting it at all. in fact, i almost didn’t get out of the car because i didn’t understand why i had to follow sieutheng up to darren’s house just to get something that she’d left there. but she was like, “DONT YOU WANT TO SEE DARREN’S NEW APARTMENT” and i thought, hey okay why not.

i plunked myself down at darren’s computer and starting chatting on msn while sieutheng went to get whatever it was she came to get, and suddenly these fingers closed over my eyes. thinking it was sieutheng, i started swatting the hands away and telling the person to get lost hahahaha and then i turned around to see IVAN!! and then slowly more and more people started coming out of the bedroom and they all said, SURPRISE!!

T____________T

they even got me a cake that says “Happy Humping in the Big Apple”. hahahaha yeah these are the same bunch of people who got me that naked man cake for my birthday last year.


#1 my farewell cake is a New York Cheesecake. ha-ha guys… so funny…

HK later helped me scrape out the P in ‘humping’ so that if my parents asked, i could tell them the cake says ‘humming’ :D

haih i felt so emo. i didnt think i was going to have a farewell party because sieutheng bluffed me and said everyone was too busy. this beats a boring japanese dinner at South City Plaza (wtf) any day. they all brought food and ice cream and stuff, and we sat around talking rubbish like we always do. i love you guys!! you all make it so much harder to leave malaysia.


#2 i just wanna put up this picture cos sieutheng looks so cute


#3 this is us camming with Jon who’s all the way in Canada. that’s him telling us to be quiet. stupid wan! webcam with him also wanna tell people to shut up!


#4 see. he’s so weird


#5 this is everybody!


#6 this is everybody with Jon.. hahaha! we carried the laptop and put it amongst us the whole night. it felt like Jon was dead and we were bringing him around in an urn :\


#7 JON AND HIS INFAMOUS MOLE


#8 everyone in the kitchen pretending to help Darren clean up

polaroid photos from here on!


#9 me and the Parrot - we used to squawk at each other in Form 2 when we first discovered that she was actually a parrot. the Faber Castell parrot is her boyfriend


#10 this is Sieutheng, my angsty bestie! we were desk buddies for almost our entire high school life


#11 i dont know why Ivan’s face is all crumpled here hahaha but i still love him <3 he's my gal pal


#12 this is Jovann! the only guy i both love and hate. oooooh you should see us when we’re arguing - it’s like World War 3. ‘Holy Shit’ because it’s our new inside joke! it used to be Barcode hahahaha gawd why are we so politically incorrect


#13 let me tell you a funny story about Darren. in Perhentian i kept saying i was a lobster (i forgot why), and then when i asked everyone what animal they want to be, Darren said, “i want to be a dolphin because they are really smart” hahaha okay maybe you just have to know Darren to think that’s funny :\ aiyah the background here is that Darren is a know-it-all. you can ask him any random thing and he will know the answer because he’s like a walking encyclopedia


#14 me and the very pretty christine :D she has like five million x’s in her email address, but that was in 2001 so we all forgive her


#15 this is Jin Hang, whom i am almost as dark as after Perhentian. haih!


#16 this is Teddy, Darren’s housemate, whom i’ve met a couple of times. very nice guy :) future doctor too


#17 HAHA SAILOR URANUS & SAILOR SATURN! ah the geekiness of our younger days :D we were massive Sailor Moon fans, you see. actually i still am *shifty eyes


#18 i dont know why we call Chao Ying ‘Cow’, but we do *___* haih i tried to draw a cow next to the ‘Moo’ but it ended up looking like a pig. art skillz fail


#19 Haow Kang why you teach us bad words


#20 hahahahahahaha The King has come! hahahahahahahahaa quick ask me why we call Freddy ‘The King’!!!


#21 me and Justin! that :\ face is the face that Justin makes right before he throws up. hehe! there, that’s revenge for that car park incident


#22 this is Waimin who always looks gorgeous. that smiley is there because she once chipped her tooth eating pancakes hahaha! only waimin is capable of something so cute. i think she and wwq should meet up and take over the world with their cuteness


#23 and this is us pretending to be unicorns :\

writing this post and all the laughing in between captioning the above photos have put me in such a happy mood :) i feel better than i have for days, and it all began when i learned the difference between what really matters and what doesn’t.

Entry Filed under: Musings, Photos

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