Alone Now

September 8th, 2008

Martian just left New York to go home. he got on the plane 50 minutes ago. how do i put my feelings into words? i cant breathe. i’m really scared. i’m really, really scared. he’s no longer just a 5 hour bus ride away. what do i do when i cant sleep? what do i do when i need him to hold my hand? how do i find my way around the NYC subway without him? who do i look for when i need to cry? have i been wrong to have lived the past 2 years so quickly and so ungratefully? am i being coherent? i cant think straight. i was okay at first but then i found a goodbye card he secretly left for me inside my NYC guidebook. and now i am a wreck. i am a broken, sad, teary, angry, regretful, frightened wreck. i feel so lost. i feel exactly how i felt two weeks ago when we argued at Times Square and i stormed off and got lost on the subway. but two weeks ago, he was still in the same city and i could run into his arms and say i was sorry. it was so easy and so convenient and so lucky of me. i’ve never been a long distance person. i’ve never been good at it. how do i do this?

Entry Filed under: Martianisms