yesterday i woke up in singapore. glass of water on my left. Polar Bear’s fuzziness just underneath my toe. pitch blackness even at 12 in the afternoon. kisses and warmth from underneath crisp shirts. takeout lunch from bloodtype or food republic. pan mee – my favorite! bowls, newspapers, coffee table, me, him, laughs, pouts, curling up in laps. quick naps in the guestroom while the plastic plant flips and flops precious seconds away. scruffy. handsome. goodbyes at the door but i know i’ll see him again in 5 hours. lazy hazy blurry. yesterday i woke up in new york.

things i did over the weekend:

- staffed for a mock Enron committee for a model UN conference. that took up most of the weekend but it was mucho fun! i was a Republican National Committee representative (gasp). then i was the MD of Corporate Restructuring for Bank of America. then i was a cop who arrested half the board. then i was the attorney for Ken Lay. i was also Hu Jintao for a bit, but most of the time i just sat around eating cookies in the crisis room.

- crashed an early halloween party with the glorious malaysian ID that alloweth underage scoundrels entrance into any party because it stateth not thy birthyear. said halloween party was a very good gauge of what halloween costumes NOT to buy! too many ladybugs, bumblebees and nurses…

- discovered the heavenly deliciousness of ‘Pan-fried Noodle’. essentially yee mee, which i already know and love, but whatever, chinese food in america is a whole new and different world. Pan Fried Noodle ftw! with shrimp!!

- witnessed an indian guy from Bombay saying “tiu lei tiu lei pokai pokai!”

- a floormate asked if Singapore was Malaysia’s capital!!!!!! YES. i knew this day would one day come. but my excitement was quickly dashed when another floormate piped up and said – and i quote this verbatim – “Singapore is an independent city-state that used to be part of Malaysia and then seceded in the 1960’s. Culturally, and to an extent, historically, it may as well be still part of Malaysia.” this is the same guy who writes the most excellent facebook notes on the 2008 presidential race. i am not kidding; that stuff is New York Times material. i am a little bit scared of this guy now. i think he’s way too smart.

- trawled around the upper west side at 4 in the morning looking for pancakes. ended up not finding any, but a McDonalds instead, which serves up a cheeseburger with ketchup that looks so sloppy and gross that you will first wrinkle your nose at it, but then you will later decide that it is actually pretty good after you take a bite or two. i trawled with Marc, a guy from a country so small, you cant even see it on the map. no, he’s not Singaporean. if you can guess which country he’s from, i’ll give you one buck! clue: it’s in Europe and is not Vatican City.

- woke up with a burning headache from caffeine overdose three days in a row. for two out of those three days, i had a red bull hangover that was so bad, i would spout rubbish when the situation required me to talk. an example: “su ann, what’s the dining hall serving for lunch?”, to which i answered after a 5-second pause, “Herodotus would not be pleased because there’s not enough meat”. i swear to god. i’m so lucky this only happened after i took my midterms. sigh. no more red bull or vietnamese coffee for me. midterms week is teh louseh. i dread finals week.

- speaking of midterms, it is 4 down and 1 more to go. i totally tanked for my Lit Hum midterm because (as usual) i spent too long on one essay and didnt have time for the other, but i think i kicked enough butt in the other two. Frontiers of Science allows for a cheat sheet during midterm, and i put together the most awesome cheat sheet ever!!!!!, if i may so myself :D i am crossing my fingers for an A.

- camwhored with two delectable Mile High Club attendants at a college party. to my surprise, one of them is a senior from college, who at first glance, is a super cute and super innocent looking girl. i was scandalized! i mean, she brings to our meetings cookies that she baked herself!! (she later reveals that she did this while she was sloshed in the wee hours of the morning):

- put myself on a bubble tea quota because i think my bubble tea consumption is reaching dangerous levels. at the rate i am going, i could die of starch poisoning. or malnutrition, seeing how i always forego spending money on meals just so i can spend that $2.95 on bubble tea. so now, i am on a strict thrice-a-week bubble tea allotment. no more than that. no more.

- slowly read through a whole bunch of application essays from this year’s applicants. lots are applying to columbia, which i think is good, and some of them have written excellent essays. i am very proud! :) but the other day, someone sent me her teacher recommendation letter and asked me how she can improve it, and i was extremely annoyed to find that her letter was practically a carbon copy of my own teacher recommendation. the only possible cause of this is that my teacher sent HER teacher the letter he wrote for me, because no one else has seen this letter except for me and him. i am annoyed because i tried telling her that, and she just dismissed it like it was no big deal (”oh haha i guess our teachers just know each other then”). wtf. i’m also annoyed that there are applicants who got hold of essay topics that successful Malaysian ivy league applicants wrote about, and have no qualms about copying these ideas. see, this is precisely the reason why i didnt want to write the Essay section of my guide. i am disappointed.

- i sloshed wine into my eye :( it still hurts.

- learned how to say ‘Zut alors!!!!’ in perfect intonation and accompanying facial expression. you also kinda have to hold your palm up vigorously. ZUT ALORS!!!! ZUT ALOOOORRRSS!

- got cool stuff in the mail :)

- discovered that Cookie Monster has no nose

- a funny sign in the pantry of a suite that i found while traipsing through some residence halls one cold night:

and then above the sink, there was the most hilarious sign scolding fellow suitemates for not clearing food from their plates when they put them in the sink. it’s so true okay… the sink in the pantry on my floor is the most disgusting sight ever. there are remnants of chow mein take-out in the sink drain, ambiguous gray stains all over the counter, used teabags and containers just lying around.. and microwaveable pasta sauce stalactite all over the microwave oven. ew. not that any of these things should stop you from applying to my wonderful college…

- and lastly, i have not been studying enough for econs midterm on monday. which is why i should get my butt offline now and into the library. byeeee, all!

p/s : severe lack of pictures because a) i keep forgetting to take my camera out with me and b) macbooks dont have inbuilt cardreaders, and it’s such a pain to keep turning on my barely-alive former laptop to transfer photos. bah :(

hello there.

are you happy today?

despite the imminent dawn of 4 more midterms and the tragically slow elevator in my residence hall, college is still all kinds of awesome. i’m going into my third month here, and i’m still as thrilled by the novelty of the university and the city – and i suppose the new life in general – as i was when i first arrived. i remember thinking as i got out of the car on that crisp August day, that i would never be able to familiarize myself with the maze-like neighborhood that encompassed the campus. but now, two full months later, i feel local already. i know all the nearby restaurant names by heart. i’ve learned the price difference in stationery between the three different bookstores in the vicinity. i’m also a regular recipient of routine emotional abuse from the cashiers at Morton Williams. now those girls have some ‘tude. but i forgive them, because they are the last barrier between me and a nice hot plastic plate of microwaveable tikka masala.

you guys, you all have to come study here. or at least, come visit. i dont quite know how to convey my excitement of just being here, and how much i think so many of you would love it here at Columbia or in New York. for instance, we discussed memes in Frontiers of Science class today, and i couldnt help but think of Waffle who wrote us an angsty email once because we kept referring to online personality quizzes as ‘memes’ when it really meant something scientific. i see cute white guys and i wish Skyler were here to feast her eyes. and yesterday, i bought some Keebler peanut butter cookies because KY says they’re really good. and i know Wai Min would love latin dance classes every Tuesday night as much as i do.

i’ve found some kind of comfort here that i cannot explain. yet, it is a fast-paced kind of comfort, because there’s always something to do or something new to explore. all the museums, art galleries, neighborhoods, dog parks, bookstores, shopping avenues, chinatown, avant garde boutiques… how does one not feel overwhelmed by the sheer expanse of this place? how does one know where to go first? i suddenly feel like 4 years here isn’t enough. i fear that New York will evolve before i get to experience it fully. and that it will keep evolving, and i will never be able to ever say, i know New York.

in a more micro sense, i love my room. i love the people at college – my floormates, my classmates, the people from Model UN, ballroom classes, the DDR club (oh yes), italian cinema nights and the random ones who strike up a conversation while waiting in line for bubble tea. they are all so smart and knowledgeable that it’s thrillingly challenging, yet fun. and i love my bottom drawer where i stash all my food. i love the fact that if i need anything, i can just walk down to the 24-hour supermarket across the street. and i love the cheesesteak at JJ’s…

in many ways, i feel like someone who’s been reborn, learning to speak, walk and talk all over again. i’m delighting in all the new discoveries – the apprehension in the pit of my stomach as i load my clothes in the dryer, room raiding drunkenly at 4 in the morning, learning how to play ping pong and getting hit in the nose by the ball, crowding in front of the television to laugh at Sarah Palin, salty microwaveable popcorn on Gossip Girl Mondays. then there’s also the stress of assignments and classroom expectations; i wish someone had warned me there would be this much work in college. i have my burn-out moments, but i think i’ve come to relish the stress of working hard. it feels so good to see a perfect score on my assignments even though i spent sleepless nights working on them. plus everyone here doesnt sleep at night, so there’s always company in the long horrid hours of churning out a 2000-word paper on the day it’s due.

it’s 7 in the morning as i write this; i’ve been up all night cramming for my Literature Humanities midterm tomorrow. i feel good about it, which is inane because i only started studying yesterday and have been Sparksnoting my way through the semester so far. which is why i have to go back to studying now :) but i leave you with an exclusive photograph of an original Martian masterpiece. this is the front of a card he left for me:

i love my boyfriend very much, but for the sake of modern art, i hope he never decides to take his artistry to professional levels :\

it feels to me like a day so far away; a day that seems like it could have been fabricated from the deceiving threads of deja vu. i remember being tired and slightly hungover, but feeling so much better when i saw him. we joked, laughed and shared stories – and i revisit this from present time with a jaded cynicism – while walking amongst colorful make-up and crazy wigs. despite a lot of discredit against his self from mutual friends, this was a person i cared a lot about, and genuinely wanted to see happy. i always felt like i wanted to help him, or at the very least, listen and try to understand his point of view whenever he needed to talk. in warfare, i was always on his side in a kind of blind loyalty. when i thought someone was harming him, i would get defensive and protective. in retrospect… it was so silly of me. there are few people in this world that i hate more than him right now. and i remember how we waited so eagerly for a third person to arrive that night – we comprised this sick threesome when she got there. wave wave hug hug. and for what? to this day i still bristle at the sound of her name.

these were two relationships gone horribly wrong, but it was bound to happen. and for many reasons, i’m glad it happened sooner than later. these days i completely avoid anyone who remotely resembles them in aura; i can only put up with so many pressure cookers and airbags. you’d be surprised to know that there are more of the type than you’d think. two years ago, it felt to me like there were no such people on this planet. and so i question… as we all grow older, is it true that friendship becomes more and more of a utility? are all people vultures? do dogs really eat dogs?

lately, i feel like i cant trust anyone anymore. the people who pretend to listen, cant fucking keep their mouths shut. everyone has an ulterior motive. everyone is looking out for their own selves. everyone is hypocritical. everyone has no principles. the horizon is looking bleak. i think back to friday afternoons in standard 5 at sueling’s house – we would order pizza and sit around playing scotland yard in our PE clothes. PE clothes (the colored sports house tshirt and the white shorts) were what you brought to school on fridays if you were going to ’stay back’. when you ’stay back’, you either hang around the school playing badminton or basketball, or go to a nearby friend’s house, or stay in the school building working on a team project. such a simple system. so happy and carefree. friends were friends. when we were at sueling’s house, we always didnt want to go home. and if our parents didnt let us stay the evening, we would get upset. pepperoni pizza from domino’s felt like a lifesaver.

what else is bugging me… ah, that undercover issue. i still dont really know if it’s happening. i’m starting to think that this whole affair is bullshit. if i could muster up the biggest accusation possible, i would say that they were banking on collective loyalty and giving the rewards to the most disloyal of us all. no, you’re right, i dont think it’s fair. yes, it disturbs me to no end. it disturbs me that i am disturbed by this. this should be trivial to me, but i can spend hours picking apart the stories and the words to find just the smallest of clues that will prove vindicating. of course, i always find the clues. i just dont know what to do with them as i hold them in my hands.

it’s been a long night. i feel hazy. i really hate this feeling of losing control. as i slipped under, i struggled to ask myself, do the fish mind the noise?