The Edge of Delirium
November 24th, 2008
i remember how during exam weeks in high school and college, lofty proclamations of X hours of non-sleep were often thrown around nonchalantly in pre-exam palaver: ‘i havent slept in 24 hours!’, ‘well that’s nothing.. i’m running on 2 hours’ of sleep in the past 48 hours!’ we simply couldn’t resist the one-upping - on one hand, it was competitive spirit; on the other, it was a self-consolatory measure of how hard we were working. but back then it was easy to keep tabs. over here, there are no days. existence is the composite of big blurry blocks of several mornings and several all-nighters. i was a little bit stunned when i walked into my room this afternoon to the awareness that there was a huge pile of stuff on my bed, a pile that was accumulated over the span of the weekend, at the bottom of which were my clothes from friday night. can it be that i’ve not slept since friday? i honestly do not remember. such crime. what violation! my weekend has expired.
it’s been a long, stretchy, elastic week of many findings. i took it all in with a slightly hazy mind and with a huge pinch of salt. here i must say i beg your pardon if i start sounding a little bit incoherent. it’s the delirium kicking in, but i assure you everything will still make sense in the morning. so i played Taboo this weekend and rediscovered its yardstick properties. i love it. that same night i encountered the best wantan on this side of the planet. i took a photo of it to share, but because i havent quite learned how to use iPhoto, i cannot show you. a description to facilitate your imagination: it was big, brown, crispy on the outside, juicy on the inside. it sounds like any normal wantan, i know, but even the most exceptional wantans sound like any normal wantan. that’s why they’re special. cos you dont know they’re special until it’s too late.
i dont think i’ve changed. one bit. at all. remember how in high school i used to disappear? and in college i was never around either? it’s happening again. i keep disappearing. some of my friends accused me of having a secret affair with a wall street investment banker. another is convinced i’m running about Manhattan participating in those studies that pay $20 an hour or something. but the truth is i just want to be alone. i just want to go away and think. i want to be distracted like i always have been, because i find my purpose in distraction. when i break away, i win.
what else. oh. i’ve been angry. but now i’m not anymore.
i’ve been hoping. but i’ve decided to stop.
here i want to take some time to tell you guys about this guy in the math help room. i dont know his name, but i find myself eager to seek math assistance if it means i can be witness to his temperamental antics. the most recent: i asked him a question about the mean value theorem, and he turned the question back onto me. presumably i said something really stupid, because he slammed the table, yelled ‘NO NO NO you’re not getting it!’ and then he sprang to the whiteboard and started scribbling shit. i cannot begin to describe how intrigued i am by this guy. i have always had a thing for math guys.. but a math guy with a temper? irresistible.
then there is the opposite of him, my economics TA. now he deserves a whole post of his own. one day i will. this one, i know his name. i’ve remembered it since the first day i met him.
this is my life now. i’ve always had the suspicion that i’m actually not in malaysia anymore, but the other day i caught a glimpse of permanence in the reflection of a bathtub. and then again in the wooden walls of Max Brenner. a piece of sidewalk at Times Square. the cold wood of a random bench in Soho. Joy’s nightly knock on my door to say goodnight. and then finally, just a few hours ago, in the yellow light of the paper lamp i bought when i first moved here in August. this is, quite undeniably, my life now. isnt it crazy. when i got my admission letters in April, everyone kept saying how excited they were for me. i would then politely express my concerns of missing home and that i may be making a big mistake in choosing to go away.
but now, i am excited for me.
with that said.. i’m so tired. i really have to sleep. this has been the most
cathartic
post
ever
goodnight
Entry Filed under: General
32 Comments Add your own
1. applepie | November 25th, 2008 at 11:08 am
haven't sleep for days?? is that normal?? omg i'd die without sleep hahah im having my stpm now yet i still sleep for 9 hours every night >.< *insmallvoice* is there something wrong with me?
2. CraSH | November 25th, 2008 at 11:35 am
hehe.. central limit theorem huh? it takes awhile, but i am sure you will figure it out.
oh not to forget!! you better start looking for a place to hang for thanks giving. the city gets pretty empty on thanks giving night. but i am sure you will enjoy the macy parade… woots
3. oi yen | November 25th, 2008 at 11:53 am
OMG where's the wantan?
4. Cherrie | November 25th, 2008 at 12:15 pm
I think you wrote beautifully. :)
Sweet dreams.
5. MIchelle | November 25th, 2008 at 1:05 pm
Well, you haven't been sleeping. Me too. The well known sleeper ( ME ) has not been sleeping as well because shes beeing dreaming of pyrex, starbucks, xiaxue and her flat mate living with her in a house with a broken window. And I find myself waking up at 5am automatically.
Good Night su ann and may all the sheep bleat in your sleep as you count them…
1
2
3
4
500…
500x
500xy
Calculus.
6. KY | November 25th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
su ann what is 1+2×3?
7. Kevin Chan | November 25th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
I'm in Singapore, but I so understand. It's like during the exams period, the lines between sleeping hours and non-sleep hours become a total blur, and you start losing track of time because there just ain't no classes to attend, nothing to do that reminds you that time is passing other than your panicking for YET another examination. Yup, we used to one up each other like that in secondary school too, me and my friends, but now everyone's so deprived of sleep we don't care anymore. And you mentioned math right? Well I got a stats paper tomorrow and I can't do half of past year's paper that I attempted. Yeesh.
Sorry for ranting Su, but it just rushed out of me. Take care and I know you'll survive the US and A. (:
8. Kevin Chan | November 25th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
Wah lao! KY try to be smart is it? lol
9. pamsong | November 25th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
Wow. Feels like it's me you're talking about. Except that it's not. And except that you're halfway across the world from where I am. How ironic.
I need massive amounts of sleep to bid the dark rings and eye bags farewell. -_-
10. nyrac | November 25th, 2008 at 2:42 pm
have not commented here for ages. take care su ann. we'll stick through whatever crap we've got. and by the way, i'm a new convert, i LOVE grey's anatomy now!
11. carolyong | November 25th, 2008 at 3:41 pm
curry leaves in flushing!
i'm a bigggggg fan now of this place thank you God for having a malaysian restaurant that serves breakfast at ridiculously cheap prices!
12. jessicasze | November 25th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
hehehe..sucker for intelligent guys :p
i sucked at maths, never could get it right..thats y i studied graphic :p
13. kei | November 25th, 2008 at 3:53 pm
eyerrr why stay up all the time one?? so now when im all happy that ive worked hard when i stay up doing addmath, that isnt working hard once im in uni?? YERR
haha is the mathguy hot?
14. Bunbread | November 25th, 2008 at 6:01 pm
I'm the opposite of you!!
I'm having school holidays now so I get lots of sleep and only wake up near noon everyday, feeling super unaccomplished because I've wasted my morning sleeping. :(
School will start in Jan and I haven't even finished half my holiday homework… D: I need to work on my math…
Anw, thanks. -hugs back- Haha, I don't feel as lousy anymore. :D
15. Gin | November 25th, 2008 at 7:32 pm
hor!! why u like angsty man!!! look whos attracted to drama now ;p KAKKAA
16. aud | November 25th, 2008 at 8:32 pm
i know what u mean! but the opposite because i cannot believe i am back in kl and have a proper job as opposed to being in suck hadley wtf
17. Jeremy | November 25th, 2008 at 9:19 pm
math guys with tempers are irresistable? god. i don't think i'll ever understand women :/
ps. where are those wantans??!!
18. carol | November 25th, 2008 at 9:22 pm
hey! are u coming back anytime soon?
19. pinkpau | November 26th, 2008 at 5:30 am
applepie : ahh no choice. too much going on here :) whatttttt isnt STPM supposed to be like SUPER stressful !! but nvm la finals not soon right?
crash : yup i have plans :) but definitely avoiding this black friday thing..
oi yen : what carol said! it's called curry leaves and is in flushing. oi yennnnn they have the best pisang gorengggggggg
cherrie : thank u :) i got like 2 hours of sleep and then had to get up to write a paper.. which was poorly done in the end. ugh.
michelle : what is pyrex? eh dont la why you want to fill my sleep with dreams of calculus :(
KY : think i stupid ah!!! 7 !!!
kevin : you probably have it worse than me. super competitive singaporean spirit and all. kevin why are we in university… let's just go home and eat hokkien mee every day
pamsong : it's not ironic! just coincidental :) do tell me if you succeed in getting rid of eyebags/dark circles.. :( i think mine are here to stay. they're still around even when i get weeks of good sleep
nyrac : YA where have u been. hehe so are u a mcdreamy or mcsteamy person
jessicasze : i suck at math too :( thats why i date math guys.. so they help me do my homework HAHAHA
kei : what to do kei.. college like that lor. haha yes he's quite cute. in a very unassuming kinda way. eh spm over already anot
bunbread : holiday homework?! what is that?!?!? year end where got holiday homework wan
gin : one look at martian and anyone can tell that i like angsty men… hahaha!
aud : suck hadley?! hahaha why you call it that. sigh u very lucky to be in KL ok. eat something nice for me pls T___T
jeremy : why are math guys with tempers NOT irresistible? did you realize that the last time you commented on my blog was 2 years ago? just mouse over your own name in the comments box. wantans are from this msian restaurant in flushing called Curry Leaves. they have pisang goreng!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
carol : i havent decided. why?
20. Anon. | November 26th, 2008 at 8:28 am
Welcome to University life and and Wider World. =)
21. kei | November 26th, 2008 at 8:29 am
yala almost over :/ ha ha ha..
nolah got EST left but i duno how to study EST :(
take a pics of all the hot guys to share with us! i wanna see if they resemble CMM/wentworth miller/david archuleta :D
22. rupert | November 26th, 2008 at 8:31 am
I LOVE TABOO!!
Let me tell you my favorite taboo story. Maybe you'll not get it but i'll tell you anyways.
We were playing in teams of two and my boyfriend was trying to get me to say the word Black. And for the next 10 seconds I just wasn't saying it. Then he said what is 000000? And I said 'black' in an instant. I guess he could've said “What color is this TABLE WE ARE PLAYING ON.” but no, we obviously have to publicly reaffirm that we are a geeky couple. rofl.
23. sheon | November 26th, 2008 at 9:14 am
i've never been a math guy. sigh……..problems involving numbers just make me wanna sleep. hahaha.
i had a coursemate who gets very enthusiastic and excited when somebody asks him about a problem. he was top of our class….but has no social skill. ahaha… we stayed in the same house during uni, and he lived in with his gf, and his younger brother also lived in with us with his gf, who happens to be the sister of the brother's gf. hahahaha……
24. mint | November 26th, 2008 at 9:57 am
Well, don't complain, embrace it. Welcome to uni.
Look at the bright side, NYC is better than London. Everything we have here are ancient, the skies are forever grey and the weather is unforgivingly cold.
About the psychotic maths guy, think of it this way: at least you are more well-loved than the rest of the world than he is. At least you'd be able to come home into the arms of people who cares for you? With that psychotic temper, I don't think it'd get him there, innit?
25. lynn cheah | November 26th, 2008 at 11:02 am
hi su ann, am a bit confused here. might be taking adp next year, as i most probably want to further to us. just to clarify something. is adp considered as pre-u or year 12? it just struck me that you began their college syllabus upon entering columbia, although completed college at malaysia
do enlighten me
26. carolyong | November 26th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
i personally think that if you want to apply to the top schools in the US, you should avoid doing ADP as most of the best colleges do not accept ADP credit.
recom.org would have info for you.
in addition, here's a link to the google cache of tinkosong's US application series - for some reason, the website is inaccessble:
http://64.233.169.132/search?q=cache:4S2Pyjcmad...
alternatively, google “tinkosong ADP” and click on “cached”.
:)
27. Bunbread | November 26th, 2008 at 5:36 pm
exactlyyyy!!!! there's no point in doing holiday hmwk when my teachers wont even collect it next yr!!!!! :((((((
28. Fatcat | November 26th, 2008 at 5:43 pm
Hi su ann, I'm full of carbo - bunbread. :D Because I'm a noob, I just realized how to register myself. Haha.
29. mchllchn | November 26th, 2008 at 5:59 pm
Tomorrow is my last paper for SPM and high school is still like how you remember it to be. :) Get some sleep okay?
OH YAR, must write about the people in your classes or lecturers! :) It'd be funner than staying awake for days straight. :D
30. applepie | November 26th, 2008 at 10:48 pm
hahah im having my stpm right now! 2 more papers to go whoohoo! XD yah thats what i thought too..apparently not hahah or maybe im just build like this =( btw, i love the way you write!
31. CraSH | November 27th, 2008 at 5:48 am
hmm.. you have your iphone yet? if not, you might want to check out the apple store. there could be an iphone sale going on for black friday….
not to forget! happy turkey day/weekend… stay warm, it starting to snow non-stop these days.
32. andrew | November 28th, 2008 at 3:13 pm
limsuann you damn wierd math guys are so not hot.
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