some thoughts, before my descent into the pits of final exam-induced hermitage:
i cant believe half of my freshman year is going to be over in a matter of two weeks. isn’t it crazy? life here still feels like an extended holiday. sometimes i catch traces of a make-believe world in my daily undertakings – like realizing too late that i bought toiletries in small quantities once again, and that i wrote my KL address and phone numbers on yet another sign-up sheet.
my brain is also stuck back home in a system where it’s easy to score A’s and one is taught that all battles can be fought with the perfected art of regurgitation. i’m trying my hardest not to make this an excuse for doing badly, but my hardwiring definitely still bears the distinct marks of a malaysian craftmanship. despite my best efforts at abstaining, i still keep fretting over using all the ‘right keywords’ when i’m writing my econs essays, cos back home it doesnt matter what blather you write, just so long as all the kata-kata kunci are there, right. i keep thinking that if i write anything that’s even a slight deviation from the textbook, i’ll get penalized.
and the math.. dont even get me started on the roundabout ways they study math here. for some inexplicable reason, merely getting the answer or knowing how to get it isn’t enough – you also have to understand all the laws and theories behind how you get all the answers, and you have to know how to prove these laws and theories. take a look at my extra credit assignment and you’ll see what i mean. sigh. if anyone wants to help me with my extra credit assignment, you are more than welcome to!!! in fact, i beg of you to help me; i would love you forever. i dont even know where to start in answering those impossible questions. i showed aira, the number one math genius in my life, and even she went like ‘whoa’. and didnt wanna help me >=(
speaking of math, i called my mom the other day and asked her not to be angry if i get a bad grade for calculus. or a fail, even. but she pish-toshed my request, and said that i shouldnt be making myself unhappy by doing all these things that i didnt like doing. and that i should give myself some room for a little bit of imperfection every now and then. it was very comforting. after that i skyped my dad, who scolded me for staying up so late to do homework. sometimes i think my brothers and i have the coolest parents ever; they give us complete liberty in steering our lives in any direction we want. it’s not the best child-raising policy – and i have good reason to suspect that they only serendipitously stumbled upon this formula that just so happens to work – but it’s been the best thing to ever happen to me. i’ve never had to live with the fear that any sudden movement is going to cause my parents great despair or disappointment, and this peace of mind has given me so much room to pursue the things that i truly like and make me happy. it’s also accelerated my maturity and broadened my horizons because i’m simply.. allowed to take on the world. with my parents, i’m not cloistered. i’m never stifled.
when i was three years old and got my first box of crayons, my parents never once yelled at me when i drew on the walls at home. and now that i am 20 and still drawing on metaphorical walls with metaphorical crayons, they’re still not yelling at me. even when everyone else is judging or nagging. and that’s why no matter what impossibly difficult crap i have to go through, and despite what stupid decisions i make in life, i still know that underneath all the turbulence, i will always find love within the walls of my home.
ah. home. i miss it so much. nick, a fellow malaysian who’s a sophomore here at columbia, told me the other day that i have way too much emotional baggage and that my heart is still stuck in malaysia. it’s true; i won’t even bother denying it. having said that, after a whole month of anguished pinging and ponging back and forth, i’ve finally decided to go to London for winter break, instead of going home. it will be good for me, on many levels.
so, London folks! hit me up if you wanna meet! i’ve got a whole month to kill over on your side of the world, from the 19th of December up till the 14th of Jan. though i wont be in London all the time, because i’m definitely dropping by Nottingham and Cambridge (possibly Manchester and Liverpool) to meet up with some friends, and will most probably be spending 1-2 weeks in neighbouring Krakow, Paris and Barcelona. no fixed plans, just a lot of possibilities, but drop me a line anyway :) i’m already so. very. very. excited about London. or England in general. is it really as magical as Enid Blyton makes it sound?
and before i delve back into my pile of books, i will leave y’all with a picture of something awesome i discovered over Thanksgiving. behold, sweet potatoes with marshmallows, only the best culinary accident to ever happen:
