from a forwarded email:
Pagi itu pagi minggu. Cuaca cukup sejuk sehingga mencapai takat suhu beku. Sebab itu saya tidak mandi pagi sebab air kolah jadi air batu dan air paip tidak mahu keluar sebab beku di dalam batang paip. Pagi itu saya bersarapan dengan keluarga di dalam unggun api kerana tidak tahan sejuk. Selepas itu emak saya mengajak saya menemaninya ke pasar. Tetapi saya tidak mahu.
Selepas emak menikam perut saya berkali-kali dengan garfu barulah saya bersetuju untuk mengikutnya. Kami berjalan sejauh 120 kilometer kerana pasar itu letaknya 128 kilometer dari rumah. Lagi 8 kilometer nak sampai pasar saya ternampak sebuah lori kontena meluru dengan laju dari arah belakang.
Dia melanggar emak saya. Emak saya tercampak ke dalam gaung. Dia menjerit “Adoi!”. Lepas itu emak saya naik semula dan mengejar lori tersebut. Saya pun turut berlari di belakang emak saya kerana takut emak saya melanggar lori itu pula. Pemandu lori itu nampak kami mengejarnya. Dia pun memecut lebih laju iaitu sama dengan kelajuan cahaya. Kami pula terpaksa mengejar dengan lebih laju iaitu sama dengan dua kali ganda kelajuan cahaya. Emak saya dapat menerajang tayar depan lori itu. Lori itu terbabas dan melanggar pembahagi jalan lalu bertembung dengan sebuah feri. Feri itu terbelah dua.
Penumpang feri itu yang seramai 100 orang semuanya mati. Pemandu feri itu sangat marah. Dia pun bertukar menjadi Ultraman dan memfire pemandu lori. Pemandu lori menekan butang khas di dalam lori dia..lori itu bertukar menjadi robot Transformer. Mereka bergaduh di udara. Emak saya tidak puas hati. Dia! pun terus menyewa sebuah helikopter di Genting Highlands dan terus ke tempat kemalangan. Dia melanggar pemandu feri yang telah bertukar menjadi Ultraman itu.
Pemandu feri itu terkejut dan terus bertukar menjadi pemandu feri semula lalu terhempas ke jalanraya. Pemandu feri itu pecah. Pemandu lori sangat takut melihat kejadian itu. Dia meminta maaf dari emak saya. Dia menghulurkan tangan ingin bersalam. Tetapi emak saya masih marah. Dia menyendengkan helikopternya dan mengerat tangan pemandu lori itu dengan kipas helikopter. Pemandu lori itu menjerit “Adoi..!” dan jatuh ke bumi. Emak say menghantar helikopter itu ke Genting Highlands. Bila dia balik ke tempat kejadian, dia terus memukul pemandu lori itu dengan beg tangannya sambil memarahi pemandu lori itu di dalam bahasa Inggeris.
Pemandu lori itu tidak dapat menjawab sebab emak saya cakap orang putih. Lalu pemandu lori itu mati. Tidak lama kemudian kereta polis pun sampai. Dia membuat lapuran ke ibu pejabatnya tentang kemalangan ngeri itu. Semua anggota polis di pejabat polis itu terperanjat lalu mati. Orang ramai mengerumuni tempat kejadian kerana ingin mengetahui apa yang telah terjadi. Polis yang bertugas cuba menyuraikan orang ramai lalu dia menjerit menggunakan pembesar suara. Orang ramai terperanjat dan semuanya mati.
Selepas itu emak saya mengajak saya ke pasar untuk mengelak lebih ramai lagi yang akan mati. Di pasar, emak saya menceritakan kejadian itu kepada penjual daging. Penjual daging dan peniaga-peniaga berhampiran yang mendengar cerita itu semuanya terkejut dan mati. Saya dan emak saya terus berlari balik ke rumah. Kerana terlalu penat sebaik saja sampai di rumah kami pun mati. Itulah kemalangan yang paling ngeri yang pernah saya lihat sebelum saya mati.
**************
HAHAHAHAHA
memfire
helikopter dari genting highlands
‘Adoi…!’
hahahahaha
what a morbid 12 year old
this essay needs to be in ALL the buku 101 karangan-karangan contoh
January 28th, 2009
so i am back in New York, thrown once again into this metropolitan maelstrom of instability, surliness and frost. i’ve been sleeping my days away, much like i slept my days away in London, but for different reasons both times — there, i was exhausted; here, i am hiding. i have nothing to speak of my return here. these days all i’m concerned about is how i’m going to get the shards of heart out of the carpet.
but enough mournful talk. let’s talk about London and how i love everything about it. so i’ve always had great expectations of London, expectations that are swollen with stories and imagery from some of my favorite books in the world. i close my eyes and i can see London… where the afternoons are filled with the treacle tarts, gollywogs, tea cakes and morning mist dresses of Enid Blyton. come nightfall, the evenings are attended to by the grown-ups of J.M Barrie who tuck their children into bed with bedtime stories and then slip out of the house — the men in tailcoats and their wives in white satin gloves — into the foggy streets of nighttime London. not far away, the pretentious laughter of Oscar Wilde’s corrupt and cunning haut monde ring loudly in the air! the rich make merry while Dickens’ young boys dart in and out of the cobblestone alleys, leaving behind them the sooty trails of innocence. and then i play with the word ’sixpence’ on my tongue. how many Willy Wonka bars can sixpence buy? will i find out when i get to London, i wondered when the plane swept smoothly off the tarmac at JFK one month ago. will i see old men smoking tobacco out of pipes? does the old curiosity shop really exist?
i have since discovered that London is actually far more than my imagination can take me to. at first i worried that i would be expecting too much of a city i’d never even been to, that i was furnishing it with all these overdressed ideals and ultimately destroying my own utopia… but now that i have come and gone, there is truly nowhere else that i would rather be. i think i left my soul in London. or at least, a hemisphere of it. this may sound hasty, but in London, i felt like i truly belonged. i’ve missed that feeling. i wore it like a second skin back home in Malaysia, but 4 months of being in NYC has completely sapped me of any such peace. no one ever truly belongs in a place like New York.
and contrary to forewarning, i did not hate London weather. in fact, i quite loved it – sissy sprinkles, puddles, clouds and all. all the grey brought out a kind of melancholy in me that was actually healthy. it encouraged me to think, which is something i haven’t had the opportunity to guiltlessly immerse myself in for awhile. there were days when i would oversleep and wake up to a 4pm setting sun, and i’d just lay in bed, smell the sheets and smile. walking down Marylebone High underneath the oyster-coloured skies was the most cathartic thing i did for myself. in London, i felt at home.
also, English people are as kind as i thought they would be. sure, there are the gruff ones, but mostly, everyone is… soft. kind. sympathetic. the women really do have kisses hidden in the corner of their mouths, and even the youngest of men have twinkles in their eyes. coming from New York to a place like London is quite like stepping into the warm and floury embrace of a jolly and portly grandmother. in New York, you are just a passing face; in London, people take the time to check out what you’re wearing. god, in comparison NYC is so bad for the soul, isn’t it? how does one feel human here? sigh. sigh sigh sigh.
some places in London that i went to and really liked:
1. Portobello Market
possibly my favorite place in all of London. Portobello Market is a long street market along Portobello Road in Notting Hill (!) that is open from 8am to 6pm on Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Saturdays. i’m not sure what it’s like there on the weekdays, but the market is absolutely bustling on Saturdays, an atmosphere that i absolutely loved. Portobello Market houses stalls and stalls of antiques, curios, independent designs, handicrafts, vintage clothes, bags and shoes, old cameras and jewelry, secondhand books… and just about any kind of bric-a-brac you’re looking for.
a shop in Portobello Market selling all kinds of doorknobs *___*
an enclave selling mostly vintage jewelry and secondhand books
pocket watches on necklaces
i love this place :) i could spend a whole day just sifting through all the beautiful things here.
2. Camden Town
thronged by London’s younger set, Camden Town is garish and brash, but never boring. there is a largely punk rock, emo-kid, gypsy vibe about Camden that is immediately apparent from the wild harajuku-ish merchandise that is both sold and paraded around the area, and also the dudes pushing marijuana on the sidewalk :P slightly dodgy zone, but definitely cool in its own way. there are several markets along the streets of Camden Town, but the best one is Camden Lock. everything else is kinda Petaling Streetish, but Camden Lock is a larger market within a courtyard that vends the artier stuff, mostly handicrafts and trinkets. there are also lots of new age shops in Camden Lock, with palm readers and the like!
the punk / emo-goth / lolita-esque clothes for sale
a little part of Camden Lock
3. Marylebone High Street
Marylebone High Street is the main artery of the little shopping district of Marylebone, and while the High Street is the street i like the most (it’s the most concentrated), the other smaller streets that girdle it are definitely worth checking out as well. the shopping here is demure and sophisticated, with the bigger brands giving way to the smaller independent labels. my favorite shops on the street: Mascaro the shoe shop which has gorgeous shoes (they also carry stock from Pretty Ballerinas, which makes ballet flats that are to die for…!!), Daunt the bookstore, and the Oxfam secondhand bookstore at which i spent too many an hour reading books that i should have just bought for 1-2 pounds.
Daunt Bookstore
the Oxfam secondhand bookstore
4. Regent’s Park
a huge, beautiful park in the heart of London that draws you in even in the winter. such a romantic place to be in when the sun is setting. also ducks galore, which always makes me happy :) apparently there’s a rose garden in here too, but of course none of them were in bloom when i was there.
5. Tate Museum of Modern Art
i love this museum right down to its secret enclosed spaces and the graffiti on the back of the doors in the women’s bathroom stalls. definitely a must visit in London, if you’re into art galleries.
one piece from the famed water lily series by Monet
this was my favorite display at the Tate. the artist worked as a maid at a hotel for a period of time, and while she was there, she took photos of the belongings and rooms of the hotel’s various customers each day of their stay, and also kept a journal describing the belongings and state of the rooms as they changed each day. she went through their luggage, passports, trash can even! she then documented her findings and turned it into art. ah. satisfies the voyeur in us :P the people in the photo are clamoring around just one of about eight or nine pieces.
graffiti on the bathroom door
6. Borough Market
greek desserts
Alvo thinks that Borough Market is an authentic British culinary experience, and i quite agree. Borough Market is a roomy food market in Southwark that sells all sorts of international gourmet food under one roof. foodstuff purveyed: freshly baked bread, imported herbs and spices, gourmet sausages, exotic meats like ostrich and pheasant, burgers, cured meats, sandwiches, falafel, chocolates, candy, mulled wine and a whole smorgasbord of other delectable things. the various vendors here make for good lunch stops. while i didnt venture to sample any exotic meat, i must say i had a very good steak in red wine sauce sandwich from a stall somewhere in the bowels of Borough Market. also had this hot scallop with a bacon and bean sprout mix which is purportedly a favorite at the market. both stalls shouldnt be too hard to find if you’re going to be poking around :)
a delicious chorizo sandwich
7. Oxford & Bond Street
i didnt explore either street as much as i would have liked to, but apparently it’s the only place Azlan ever stops by when he comes to London, so i suppose that must count for something :P it’s good shopping la i suppose. Bond Street is also where the almighty Selfridges is, which for some reason is a huge favorite not just with the Londoners, but also the rest of the world. if one more person tells me that Selfridges is their favorite mall in the world, i will scream. why? what’s so cool about Selfridges? it’s just like Metrojaya but with bigger labels… i must be missing something :\
8. Carnaby Street
i LOVE! it’s another one of those shopping districts; quite like Marylebone High Street, but younger and more contemporary.
9. Soho / Leicester Square / Piccadilly Circus
Piccadilly Circus
the Soho / Leicester Sq / Piccadilly Circus area is a lively and spirited junction that teems with good restaurants, pubs, bars and clubs. it’s also where Chinatown is, as well as many West End theaters. Covent Garden, a large touristy courtyard housing some rather interesting toy shops, is also nearby. i mostly descended upon and departed quickly from this area whenever i had to meet someone there, but i’m certain that some idle hours spent traversing the area would uncover gems here and there. nevertheless, i quite like the area — it’s convenient, diverse and effervescent.
entrance to Chinatown
a little carnival in Leicester Square
——-
i left London with a heavy heart, but writing this post has made me miss it even more :(
January 25th, 2009
after thrice missing the train to Nottingham (consequence of the lethal combination of oversleeping, taking way too long in the shower and the conniving machinations of Fate – he deliberately left me in darkness), i successfully cried my way to a free ticket onto the 11.15 Nottingham-bound train today. not bad eh? so i’m now lying on my stomach in songjun’s house in Dunkirk drinking perfectly-made hot honey with lemon, happy and contented while songjun snores away on the futon. Dunkirk is a little suburb in Nottingham that i recently learned is dubbed Taman Dunkirk Jaya because of its principally Malaysian population. i am jealous; how nice it must be to be constantly surrounded by lahs, yau mou!s and cibais. and the promise of marmite chicken…
anyway, because i am deathly afraid of missing my train back to London, i have vowed to not fall asleep tonight. so in the extra time that has newly been opened up to me, i have somewhat learned how to use iPhoto, and therefore finally have some photos of London to show! happy day! folks who have been emailing me about the dearth of photos in my blog, may you now be appeased!
#1 london suburbia
#2 a small toy store somewhere in south kensington. sigh <3 london is full of adorable shops like this one
#3 a toy sink from the shop. the 6-year-old me would have loved one of these. actually.. so would the 20-year-old me
#4 mince pies! in my younger days when i devoured enid blyton books like no other, i imagined the delightful mince pies of enid blyton’s world to be these robust, savoury pies stuffed with scrumptious minced pork and piquant herbs. alas, this sublime image has been destroyed! mince pies are actually sweet; in fact, they are awfully reminiscent of pineapple tarts. not that pineapple tarts are awful, it’s just that mince pies were a lot more delectable in my imagination…
#5 Tamtim and a mince pie. haha! he liked them a lot more than i did
#6 more cute London shops. this one is a baking utensils + cake deco shop. sigh! i was too afraid to go in, lest i feel like i must own everything in there. ginny, you understand me right.
#7 me and the famed Four Seasons roast duck restaurant in chinatown. verdict: VERY good duck. i think it’s a bit of a stretch to say that it’s the ‘best duck in the world’, because it’s really of a different category from the roast duck of malaysia and hong kong (the Four Seasons duck sits in an absolutely yummy dark sauce whereas the roast duck we’re used to back home is usually drier), but it’s so good that i could eat it every day. actually, i kind of did for the first week i was in london.
i also went to Gold Mine in Bayswater, where the renowned chef of Four Seasons supposedly ran to, and i do actually think the duck there is yummier, though marginally so. the sauces are different, i believe, but Gold Mine has the one-up of this tofu dish called pei pa tofu. it is to die for!
#8 the Tube. i like it SO much more than NYC’s subway — faster, cleaner, and less sketch. i definitely do not miss the drunk and violent bums nor the smells of eau de dog pee in the New York subway stations…
#9 punctuality, as they say, is the thief of time
#10 making friends with the lions of Chinatown.
#11 Gloucester Road station, the tube station i see every day!
#12 outside the Adelphi Theater, where i watched Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. it was the first West End musical i watched upon arriving in London. i dont know… it’s just not the kind of musical i like. it was campy, tacky and i could not appreciate the music at all :\
#13 voon emerging from the tandas! this picture is just too cute
#14 Tower Bridge in the night, en route to Valerie’s apartment, which is fast gaining the reputation of Malaysia Hall #2!
#15 andrew, emily and the glenister bros. look at andrew’s big happy smile!
#16 cute teapot i totally wanted
#17 calling home from the steps of a hotel near Bond Street. i was shocked to find that a mere 3 minute call cost me something like 8 pounds. T____T le sigh. never again.
#18 obligatory tourist photo with a london phone booth. i think i was making a face cos i couldnt open the door. mou sik fan!
#19 tamtim and i – partners in crime!
#20 tamtim acting fierce
#21 i also watched Les Miserables! which i loved to bits. officially my favorite musical now.
#22 the staff at Odeon Cinemas have their favorite movie printed on their nametags! this guy misspelled Memento, but he knew a lot about movies, which made for good conversation as i was getting popcorn
#23 at the Hummingbird Bakery, where i had the best red velvet cupcake ever. ever. ever. ever. more pictures another day!
#24 at a secondhand bookshop in Portobello Market
#25 another secondhand bookshop, but this one is in Camden. secondhand bookshops are without a question the one thing i like most about London. i think i’ve bought something like 15 books since i got here, and for under 30 pounds. /smug. some gems: Vita Brevis by Jostein Gaarder, a collection of letters by D.H Lawrence, a critical analysis on Virgil’s Aeneid, and a book of Oscar Wilde short stories for 20 pence. happiness :)
ah, london. i cant quite get enough of you.
January 14th, 2009
hello. i am sitting on a blue couch listening to the cinema paradiso theme song and facebook surfing. it is 2.48 a.m here in london, though i’m fairly certain that the timestamp on this post says 9.48 p.m, which is new york time, which i can only remember how to count back to after a moment’s hesitation. having said that, i do miss new york. i also miss KL. and i miss hong kong. and singapore as well, strangely enough. and now that i’ve just come back from barcelona, i miss it too. i also realize, with some heartache, that i will miss london when i return to college in a week’s time, and that i will want to be nowhere else but here. is this why i’m always absent, because i leave behind pieces of myself everywhere i go? it’s true isn’t it – i’m binary fissioning my way into nothingness. soon, i will be spliced so thinly that i will cease to exist as a whole individual. i will instead be living many separate lives in different countries across the world – each piece of me sprouting legs and hands, becoming their own entity, each undertaking their own daily grinds, learning, growing, living, never to meet each other again.
January 11th, 2009
