to take my mind off stuff, i was watching City of Glass on Youtube earlier tonight. Leon Lai, Shu Qi, Daniel Wu and Nicola Cheung star in this movie, one of my favorite Hong Kong movies of all time. when i watched City of Glass in 1998, i remember how my heart stopped during the scene in the University of Hong Kong stairwell where Leon Lai and Shu Qi first locked eyes amidst all the laughing students hosing and pouring buckets of water on each other. Leon Lai… he and i go way back. i first found him in my neighbor’s house when her brother was singing karaoke to one of Leon Lai’s songs. i was six years old then. now i am twenty, and it’s been about seven years since my neighbour’s brother passed away. but Leon Lai still stops my heart. and he will always remind me of Kar Hou holding the microphone and belting out cantopop in the living room. one time when i was about eight, my grandmother got a stroke and all the adults immediately bolted out of the house to rush her to the hospital, leaving me alone at home. i remember being absolutely petrified. so Kar Hou took me over to their place to have dinner. i refused to eat, but he coaxed me into eating by making aeroplane noises with the spoon and challenging me to catch the aerospoon in my mouth. how i giggled, and how he laughed. it is a scene that is exhuming a lot of forgotten feelings from within me. i wouldn’t be entirely surprised if he was my first love. oh, that smile. that accent left over from Adelaide. that earring. when he died, we were all stunned. as i watched City of Glass earlier tonight, i thought of him and missed him.

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i’ve always dreamed of flying. in 48 hours i will be doing just that. in 48 hours i will have fallen asleep and slipped into delicate dreams that i wont remember when i awake. where will i awake?