Epilogue
March 29th, 2009
i’ve been avoiding writing this post for a long time, mostly because i wanted to find all the right words to explain how i feel, but i’ve realized that the right words are never going to come, and i’ve put this off long enough. the short of it is that Martian and i have broken up. we broke up several months ago. we both knew it was coming because we were fighting so much all the time, and it became clearer and clearer with each forced reconciliation that what we had was becoming very unnatural. what happened? i guess i was weak. the distance and the growing antagonism had become so difficult and i couldn’t bear it. i was anxious, sensitive and emotionally spent, and while Martian did a remarkable job of dealing with me as i went through all these emotions while finding my footing in this new world of college away from home, i think i had become too much of a burden even for him. he still loved me so unconditionally, as he always has, but i was completely wrecked with guilt. i couldn’t deal with myself and him at the same time, and so this is what happened.
i think we were both stunned, as were my best friends when i told them only weeks later that we’d broken up. i only told my parents very recently, and even that was because my mom still kept referring to him as her son in law, and one day i just couldnt listen to her say that anymore. i think everyone expected us to get married. we were so in love. it was all very confusing for a while — the finality of it all, the course of events, the silence, the gaping hole — and to an extent, it’s still confusing to this day. i said once that i dont usually surprise myself, but in doing this, i definitely did. some days i dont recognize who i’ve become.
many people, mostly strangers, have emailed me over the course of the past several months, asking about Martian and me or just to tell me how much they admire our relationship. i gave gracious thanks but told them that Martian and i had already broken up. i’m sorry to all the people who come here to follow the lives of two people who are still holding on fast to love despite the tribulations of long distance, but are instead met with this ending. the truth is that long distance is not impossible; i’m just weak. i crave too much the ability to pick up the phone and say to my boyfriend, hey let’s go to Food Republic for dinner tonight. i cannot put into words how crushed i feel when i wake up in the mornings and murmur, baby hold me, only to be met with silence, nothingness and my own wide eyes. and during moments of fear and panic, there is no greater loneliness than the sound of a ringing dial tone that never ends. the worst parts are the fights and how the making up is spartan, drained and kissless. once upon a time, or in another place and epoch, Martian and i could have made it… but so much has changed, and we’ve both evolved at such different paces. i wish i could have been stronger for Martian all those months ago, but we have lost something. it’s become so hard to talk to each other without one of us getting angry over little matters, perhaps because we’re so expectant and so starved. is that it? did we starve each other out?
i met up with Martian briefly over coffee when i was back in KL over spring break. just briefly. despite many interruptions, it’s been such a long time since we could talk fluidly like that. he asked me what i would do if on my wedding day he burst into the church to stop the wedding. haha he’s still so cutely crazy. and i still have so much love for him, this Martian of mine with the permanent grimace and the stubble. at the end of it all i gave him a big hug and said sorry. for what, he asked. for everything, i suppose.
you know those paper flowers that we used to fold as kids? where the four petals are shaded in different colors and each petal has a different fate written underneath it, and we would open and close the flower with our fingers and chant to our friends, what color do you want? i feel like i’ve folded my life into such a flower. i feel like all those metaphors from Saint Exupery’s The Little Prince are all coming to life now and consuming me in a thorny garden of many faceless, mediocre roses. that Coffee Bean in Mont Kiara… is it even still there or is Somo going to eventually devour it? shavings of my heart are still in that carpet in Vantage Park, Hong Kong, where we used to sit and watch Little Britain and eat takeout dinners.
the swollen heat of the summer of 2006 is still on my cheeks. i remember walking in the streets of Central with Martian, too shy to hold hands, but tenderly loving him from afar. the new me could have learned a lot from the old me. but here we are, almost the summer of 2009; how fast time flies and tides ebb. we are both so much happier and so free. Martian, did we do the right thing? we must have. this is our happy. you’re doing everything that you’ve always wanted to do, and i’m growing up now and learning so much. i’m becoming the better, stronger woman that you’ve always wanted to see me become. and you will always be my baby.
想跟我吵架, 我没那麽无聊
不懂得道歉, 我没那麽聪明
好想要回到我们的原点
你又在哭泣, 我给不了安慰
我又在摇头, 有那麽点後悔
爱情的发展已难以回头却无法往前走
但身不由己出现在胸口, 两颗心能塞几个问号
爱让我们流多少眼泪.
你的眼神充满美丽带走我的心跳
你的温柔如此靠近带走我的心跳
逆转时光到一开始, 能不能给一秒
等着哪一天你也想起
那悬在记忆中的美好
Entry Filed under: Martianisms
199 Comments Add your own
1. Shaun | March 29th, 2009 at 10:31 pm
*hugs*
2. loq | March 29th, 2009 at 10:32 pm
all is good :)
3. - | March 29th, 2009 at 10:40 pm
i’m sorry. :( feel better pinkpau. :)
4. annant | March 29th, 2009 at 10:42 pm
i have always thought u both will make it…
ldr…arghhh…
*pat u on your back*
*hugs*
5. aud | March 29th, 2009 at 10:51 pm
i wanted to leave a comment but didn’t know what to say:(
so just *hugs to you:)
6. suanie | March 29th, 2009 at 10:59 pm
hugs
7. Gin | March 29th, 2009 at 11:00 pm
*points at auds comment* huggles
eh u know. u come back KL right. i keep wanting to remind u but u like never online n i dunno whether u using the same no. u were suppose to pass something to me n vven @@ from before u went to US!!!
8. ck5354 | March 29th, 2009 at 11:00 pm
*hugs*
*hugs*
*hugs*
Time will cure you.
9. DjdRifT | March 29th, 2009 at 11:09 pm
be strong
=)
*cheer up
**hugs
10. pinkpau | March 29th, 2009 at 11:10 pm
thank you all for the kind hugs and everything so far, but i just wanna let you guys know that this happened a while ago. so please dont feel like you’re obliged to leave words of support or encouragement. i know it’s such a strange thing to say, because kindness is never obligatory, but i cant help but feel that this is all oddly out of place — my fault for waiting this long to talk about it. by this time, martian and i are both fine, and are actually much happier. though of course we gladly welcome all hugs :) just thought i’d say this.
11. truff | March 29th, 2009 at 11:14 pm
i somehow still think both of you are gonna make it together again *_Y
*hugs*
12. pamsong | March 29th, 2009 at 11:18 pm
I, too, believe that LDR can work. But mine didn’t.
After 7 years of being together and spending 6 years apart, I was spent. Emotionally drained. Loved him when I left him and I still think fondly of the times we’ve shared. But we both weren’t strong enough for it. And as much as I hate to say it, the easy way out was easier.
Doesn’t change the fact that I still believe in the power of love and its ability to withstand all heartache and endure though all obstacles, though. =)
Will email the rest.
13. kreazi | March 29th, 2009 at 11:29 pm
Su Ann, here’s my (((hugs)))… Fate is a funny thing. Maybe few years down the road, you both will be reunited?
14. carol | March 29th, 2009 at 11:40 pm
Hey girl, I’ve been a silent reader of yours for such a long time. And every little posts of yours on your loving relationship with Martian always kept me believing in LDR on my side. I’m too having a LDR and I guess, sometimes the distance as a barrier just makes the relationship very dry and difficult.
Nevertheless, love is a difficult matter but I’m sure one day, you will be strong enough to overcome it. Take careee :)
15. Ee Vonn | March 29th, 2009 at 11:41 pm
aww…a touching post indeed. sob sob. >.<
16. bee | March 29th, 2009 at 11:43 pm
it’s so sad. because somehow i’ve always looked at ur relationship and how matured u both are and how strong and steadfast u hold on this thread.
but a thread is just a thread after all. it can be easily broken.
i’ve been contemplating so much on ldr and the effects its having on my relationship. and seeing ppl who were once so steadfast let go of theirs. it’s strange and so discouraging at the same time.
it’s not easy when ur faced with time and geographical factors. and its so lonely.
awww. reading ur post makes me sad. *hugs*
it’s ok. things will always work out for the best i guess *fake optimism* HAHA. *hugs*
17. Stacey | March 29th, 2009 at 11:52 pm
*hugs*
On the bright side, there are lots of delicious angmoh men out there. ;)
18. KY | March 30th, 2009 at 12:09 am
haigh, I bring you eat pork when you’re back again ok?
*hugs*
19. kimberlycun | March 30th, 2009 at 12:28 am
hugs to both of you
20. jessica k. | March 30th, 2009 at 12:28 am
totally unexpected to read this.
but i’m glad to know that both yuu and Martian are feeling fine and yuu are becoming stronger now.
:)
21. rileen | March 30th, 2009 at 12:37 am
fate is a funny thing. you’ll be surprised what comes next :)
22. mac | March 30th, 2009 at 12:47 am
bravo, well written!
23. songjun | March 30th, 2009 at 1:06 am
where’s my sweet goodbye blog post :P
24. Michelle | March 30th, 2009 at 1:08 am
Wow.
25. zzzyun | March 30th, 2009 at 1:12 am
im really surprised to hear this. i always thought you guys will make it. the way martian and you are so in love with each other..
i’m in a ldr myself and so far i’ve seen so many couples who didnt make it due to ldr.. couples who i thought were strong and steadfast in their love. to be truthful, it scares me.
but i guess some things cant be helped. besides who’s to say ppl who had broken up but are still deeply in love can’t get back together? :)
anyhow, however things work out for you, remember that your happiness wil always be ur no.1 priority. :) take care!
26. kx | March 30th, 2009 at 1:19 am
tho i m juz a sporadic reader, i kinda expected this sometime bk..i dunno why. really! jz like breakin up, there is always a possibility of patching back…well juz dont over/under estimate things yeah? i think u r mature enuff to cruise.
btw, i so love HK too!!! i m goin to make it a weekly trip till i return home. btw, i wanna know more abt srilanka…how can i do so?
27. John | March 30th, 2009 at 1:25 am
sorry to hear that.. i think i saw u in Pavillion, Coffee Bean on 21st?
28. foreverjas | March 30th, 2009 at 1:41 am
:( hugs & kisses
祝你快乐 :D
29. pundekman | March 30th, 2009 at 2:01 am
I kinda guessed that u guys broken up. But the big question is, what did you feel guilty about? Did you have a one night stand? or are you currently seeing someone else?
30. Jean | March 30th, 2009 at 2:22 am
Just a question. Is the guy in the last picture Martian or is he someone new?
He doesn’t really look like Martian ;)
31. Angeline | March 30th, 2009 at 2:24 am
pinkpau give yourself some time
let time heal you k?
32. liz | March 30th, 2009 at 2:25 am
been a silent reader for most parts…
i actually do believe in ldr but reading your post suddenly makes me rethink my decision of going separate unis… i guess you’ve helped me make a decision, though i do regret that you two broke up. you’re like one of the sweetest couples i read about.
still. it is said that if you break up and get together again in the future, the love you renew then will be one that last forever, as it really had gone through the test of good and bad.
i’m still rooting for you guys. a few years down the road. for now, it’s great you’re getting happier and stronger =)
33. Beverly | March 30th, 2009 at 2:41 am
*hugs to you both*
34. nyrac | March 30th, 2009 at 2:53 am
*hugs*
35. Anonymous | March 30th, 2009 at 3:00 am
Clearly not made to be faithful.
36. bailey | March 30th, 2009 at 3:09 am
Actually from the beginning when i knew you and Martian’s age gap and the fact that you are still in high school and one day will go to overseas to college, i knew this this relationship wont last long. first LDS is not easy. but most of all, you are still young and were still a high school student when Martian was already a working class, which means you are not matured yet. you can say your mind is quite mature that time but without leaving M’sia and “see” the world and experience it, it’s just different.
now your eyes are open to the “real” world and once that happen, ppl change. you can from this innocent and naive person into a stronger and tough person, fitting into the “real” society and i knew you will change.
you both are good ppl and this is no one’s fault. it’s just circumstances that has changed. if you guys ever get back together again, it’ll be a more mature and tested relationship and this will last better. in the mean time, it’s your time/year to enjoy the uni life, uni friends and activities. wish you all the best
37. pinkpau | March 30th, 2009 at 3:27 am
shaun: huggs
loq: hopefully
- : i am fine.. we both are :)
annant : so did we
aud : thank u :)
suanie : huggss
gin : issit? ya i vaguely remember.. i think i bought you two somethg from a cute shop in singapore! but now i dont know where it is already… cos my bro took over my room and a lot of my stuff has been packed into boxes :\ anyway i’m never on msn anymore though i’m using the same number. email me if anything okie!
ck5354 : as it does most maladies :)
djdrift : i will, thank u :)
truff : i actually quite doubt that, but thank you for your optimism :) it’s always good to have optimism.
pamsong : got it :) will reply in a bit
kreazi : like i said to truff, i doubt it… but yes, fate is a funny thing. fate is a very, very funny thing
carol : carol, i wish you all the best in your LDR even if mine failed. LDRs seem like something we can never really run away from. please do keep believing in love
ee vonn : :)
bee : i know, it’s sad for me too, but please dont be discouraged. discouraging people is really the last thing i wish to have happen
stacey : hahaha… i’d better hide this from my dad :P
ky : wanttttt
kimberlycun : thank u kim :))
jessica k : thank u :) we are both happy.
rileen : i’ll bet.. :)
mac : haha wtf lah u!
songjun : ask the cowboy :P
michelle : mm?
zzzyun : i wish you all the best in your LDR and i hope that you and yours can be stronger than me. i truly am just not cut out for this stuff. please dont be scared, ok?
kx : yes hk is lovely :) you can google sri lanka. sorry but i dont have any specific sites/books for you. i went there about 3 years ago
john : that would be me :)
foreverjas : hugs!
pundekman : oooh so clever ah pundekman can guess ah *rolls eyes
jean : yes the guy in the last picture is also martian. anymore utterly irrelevant questions to satiate your curiosity?
angeline : i’m actually fine.. :) but thank you.
liz : i wish i could advise you to put your education first, but i understand that not everyone will think the same way as i do. if your education means enough to you, you will have to think about this a lot more than being swayed by LDR couples who dont make it. i really do hope you make the right decision… these things are never easy.
beverly : huggs back :)
nyrac : huggs :)
anonymous : clearly not born to be intelligent
bailey : thank you for the well wishes, though i must assert that our breakup is not a question of maturity, or a mismatch of, but one of circumstances. i’ve simply become very difficult to deal with — perhaps a regression in maturity, if you must insist on making it an issue about that. nevertheless, thank u again for your wellmeaning comment.
38. philters | March 30th, 2009 at 3:28 am
*hug!*
39. fern | March 30th, 2009 at 3:32 am
adding a *hug to the list.
may dark kissless nights be made up by a box full of hugs from *strangers(or blog readers) who care very much about you.
40. unkaleong | March 30th, 2009 at 3:34 am
Time heals. *hugs*
41. Zeek | March 30th, 2009 at 3:40 am
hi Pau, i have an instinct you guys broke up long time ago simply becoz your blog post are mostly emo post and you never talked bout your relationship anymore. but its very brave of you to put it in words and inform all around you officially. i neverknow you in person, but all i can say is cheer up! and bring back some colors in Pau-life alrite?
42. EVo | March 30th, 2009 at 3:56 am
Hey pau, this came as quite a shock to me, but such is life.
I always say, if it’s for the better, so be it. but u never know, he could be the one u wanna be with, and after this point, u may realize, that he could be the one u can’t be without.
So chill first la girl, enjoy life as much as u can :)
43. hw | March 30th, 2009 at 4:07 am
Eh.. so sad post =(
LDRs are not easy. Just because you didn’t make it through doesn’t mean you were weak, in fact I think being weak is for you to cling on to something when you know you have to let go. I too was in an LDR when I was studying at Berkeley and my ex was in KL, and needless to say it didn’t work out. Though we were together for 2 years or so, the time we spent together was just mere months, and I ended up going back to KL during hols just for her instead of spending some time traveling around the States.
But your LDR is probably different, you’ve spent quite a lot of time together with Martian, and I too, like everyone else, was expecting you and Martian to ride through the storm. The fact that both of you can still hang out together and still talk to each other is a blessing. At least your relationship did not end on a bad note ie no elements of cheating / infidelity.
Were you planning to stay in the States after you finished your studies?
Well, at least now you can focus on your studies more, not that Martian was a distraction in a bad way but I hope you know what I mean. Besides, I still think you both might end up getting back together in the future :P
44. weiqi | March 30th, 2009 at 4:12 am
it’s shock and sad to hear this. but glad to see you are fine now.
i can somehow relate how you feel in a LDR. i am in a LDR myself. it has been a tough time. the anxiety, the uneasiness, the truth that he cannot be here for me and i cannot be there for him.
but i guess every couple have a way to sort things out.
cheers and hugs. good luck n wishes to all couple who are on LDR out there.
45. carol | March 30th, 2009 at 4:14 am
the number of utterly stupid people out there who insist on leaving cowardly anonymous and asinine comments never fails to confound me.
eh limsuann. crumbs bake shop….
46. reallybites | March 30th, 2009 at 4:30 am
aih will maggi asam laksa make you feeeeel a tinyyyy bit better?
47. ShaolinTiger | March 30th, 2009 at 4:45 am
I’d kinda guessed, but was sad, still sad – anyway I know you’ll be fine.
48. JY'z T. | March 30th, 2009 at 5:01 am
人身往往会遇到很多波浪，但是有朋友和家人的支持，我相信你很快会恢复的。我们还有一段很长的路要走。加油好吗？
49. melssa | March 30th, 2009 at 5:11 am
this reminds me of bunga terung (eggplant flower) – it’s a symbolic tattoo Iban boys get to mark a sort of rebirth, the entering of adulthood. you can find the same spiral that the inspired the tattoo on the underside of a tadpole.
and yeah, well, you’re growing up after all. :)
50. na | March 30th, 2009 at 5:22 am
my mind is reeling slightly, upon reading this entry in concrete black on white.
i don’t know if it comforts me to hear that martian and yourself are both happier now, does this mean that we are such changeable beings? from can’t live without you to acceptance and to moving on. i thought that you two could make it work, somehow.
makes me feel abit sad. of course, i truly only wish you happiness.
51. aic | March 30th, 2009 at 5:45 am
good luck. im sure u listened to your heart and made the right decision.
52. yuhhui | March 30th, 2009 at 6:00 am
It’s part of puzzles of life. It happens to everyone and I know that you’re strong enough for all these. I don’t think I need to say any comforting words becoz I believe you already dealt with all the problems. Just wanna say all the best to your next love. The next one will be a good one. =D Stay optimistic and meanwhile, enjoy the freedom too. There’re many of fishes out there ! =p
53. Michelle | March 30th, 2009 at 6:08 am
The wow was for your courage to post this up.
Sigh, there I was, hoping that you both could be together. The other time before I left for Melbourne, I was telling my mom about both of you.
I guess it’s you growing up. There is something about your posts that make me feel that way.
54. hanna | March 30th, 2009 at 6:09 am
i’m bothered by the people who are intent on leaving utterly insensitive comments on such a post.
anyway, i don’t comment a whole lot pinks, and i shan’t have the sporadic comments i leave be something inane when you’ve said yourself you are both happy now. therefore, instead i shall say: GIMME BACK THAT FILLET O FISH! GIMME THAT FISHHHHHH!!
for absolutely no reason other than that commercial both amuses and disturbs me all the time, and has sparked endless lunchtime conversations.
55. misshazel | March 30th, 2009 at 6:19 am
leehom’s song… :(
I couldnt accept this…. :(
I’ve never ever thought that this day will come.
T________________T
sigh. this is life.
56. Jayelle | March 30th, 2009 at 6:26 am
your writings are already usually beautiful…. but this just blew me away. my heart goes out to the both of you. :) I’m in awe about how well you’re handling it all.
57. vvens | March 30th, 2009 at 6:35 am
hey, cheer up. dint see that coming though. LDR is not easy. i really know how you feel; its like you guys dint break up because the love faded.. it is just something not right when both are far apart there are just too much to handle… but the hearts still feel the same. sometimes i wonder how did i make it so far for us. pretty amazed by myself sometimes.
but i am sure you have made a decision that will lessen all the pain right.
smile :)
58. minty | March 30th, 2009 at 6:45 am
*hugs*
59. Jade Zheng | March 30th, 2009 at 6:59 am
i dont know y but i feel like calling u “baby girl” now… hmm. speechless~ but the Coffee Bean at Mt Kiara is still there.. (:
60. sad | March 30th, 2009 at 7:21 am
babe i can so relate to this post. fyi, same thing happened to me =(
61. tamago | March 30th, 2009 at 7:32 am
*HUGS LAMA2 pinkpau you are so strong and mature! i wish you all the happiness your heart can hold =)
62. sweatlee | March 30th, 2009 at 7:41 am
eh i cant believe i’m so late!! next time please tell me after u blog so i can be the first commenter *kiasu wtf
anyway what to say ah. cheh i already know this la old story hahah damn annoying.
but this is a reallllllly nice post. it’s very sad but filled with so much optimism at the same time! so mature ok for you to admit all your faults. i guess it’s good that you took a few months to reflect on it and then write this post. if i break up *choi! can i copy this and post in my blog wtf
aiya wht else to say..i feel like i haven’t been commenting a lot so wanna write a super long comment now. martian is such a nice person, i wish we’d met more and talked more. although i feel like he won’t be amused at my childish and lame jokes. he’ll probably go =__= and pat me wuwu
and why got chinese words one?? babelvista is telling me some weird thing which i dont think is the meaning of what you’re trying to say wtf.
oklah pinis edi. i know u dont want hugs but here is one anyway. take lah free one
63. Betsy | March 30th, 2009 at 7:43 am
I’d long been a silent reader, and a big fan of your blog because of how sincere and honest you can portray a situation with just words. And this piece is just beautiful :) Ironic considering the situation the post is based on but, take care! *hugs*
64. liz | March 30th, 2009 at 7:47 am
hey su ann =)
thanks for that super long comment in my blog =)
lolz. i wasn’t truly discouraged by your post. it made me a bit sad, yea, but it did help me make my mind…
education is still very much important to me =) and i believe, to my significant other. it’s just that our decisions were not made solely focused on LDR, in fact, it’s surprising that we are both open to LDR. haha. but well, there are several other icky issues that might not be the best to be talked about again~
after all since i got rejected by all unis last year (haha. sad case i know =p) i chose my unis wisely this year around- any of the unis i applied to, i don’t mind attending them: they are reputable, among the better/best ones in the major i applied as well as have decent environment (a higher admittance rate helped too =p) XD so all the unis i applied are the best for me: whether or not my bf applied to them or not =)
the only reason that i said i made a decision/rethink is because he had a dream school. but partly due to me(we just got together recently) and partly due to the icky reason i cannot elaborate on, he decided instead to make another uni we both applied to his first choice. the only thing is that i’m pretty stubborn and believe that if it is his dream school, he should attend it. lolz.
don’t feel bad =) it’s just that i’ve wondered myself if i’m strong enough to handle ldr too… which sometimes i think i can and sometimes i think i can’t. so your post merely made decide to be less stubborn and let him decide where he really wants to go ;)
thanks though~! =)
i’m pretty sure i won’t sacrifice education for a relationship… nor allow my significant other to do so XD as you have said, if in the end “you emerge with a sound education AND your significant other, you will know that you truly have found your path in life”
i agree totally.
thanks still =) have a great life ahead of you~! i’m sure you’ll do well =) look forward to your future posts =D
*sorry for writing a long essay here, i contemplated sending you an email but decided against it. hehe.*
65. Maianra | March 30th, 2009 at 8:18 am
Pinkpau, I think I found the reason why I felt like i missed ur stories so much. There were many times lately when u only posted short statements. Is this one of the reason? (no need to answer if u don’t want to, it’s okay for me)
And… for u, all I could say is, “Be happy!”
*giving hugs*
—-
the Hirameki girl who still haven’t found the exact tea
66. shereen | March 30th, 2009 at 8:32 am
just when i was thinking ‘hey, its been long since the last Martian post was posted up’… this is what i saw on your blog.
somehow like others, I still believe that you guys will be lovingly together again somewhere in the future…
67. may | March 30th, 2009 at 8:33 am
I miss your way of telling story rather than randomness.
but at least you’ve tried. so common but it’s true.
I wish you well and hope that you find happiness within yourself.
p/s: you’re a great writer. makes me wanna cry. but i still wish you all the best. :)
68. lishun | March 30th, 2009 at 9:52 am
wait. this has huge implications. it means you’re back on the market! =P
69. shadowking | March 30th, 2009 at 9:55 am
I really dont know what to say to a couple that broke up…
I would really like to comfort you, but i really dont know how… I never heard about martin as i just recently started reading your blog… I cant tell you that it was for the best and i cant tell you what a shame it was as i dont know all the details…
I would like to tell you “hey cheer up you will find somebody new”, but it just sounds dumb and somehow dull
I could tell you that it is natural being unable to handle a big distance, but i cant be sure
I could give you a hug, but over the internet it would lose it meaning – being able to feel another persons warmth -
so i can just say: time will heal everything
but time is just not enough… WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT TIME…
so i am helpless right now, not knowing what to say :(
70. fatcat | March 30th, 2009 at 10:20 am
I don’t know how I would have dealt with this if I were you. Although you say you were weak, I think you’ve been so so strong. -hugs-
71. mifeng | March 30th, 2009 at 10:55 am
stay happy pinkpau! :)
72. thegeekinpink | March 30th, 2009 at 11:18 am
nooooo *tears*
babe :) hugs. i feel sad because you’re both such a great looking and have such wonderful stories type of couple. but i am optimistic of you and him but whatever it is, hugs.
73. ame | March 30th, 2009 at 11:40 am
i really like how you composed this with such care and chose all the right words. i won’t deny that a little flicker of hope in my own heart extinguished upon reading that opening sentence. a hug anyway even though we are strangers because it is a tough thing to overcome. but really, your journey ahead is endless and unplanned. whose to know? good luck and all the best :)
74. sweechen | March 30th, 2009 at 11:53 am
i didnt know you write chinese! i might be going to nyc in May!!
75. bluepuppygirl | March 30th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
lurker and 1st time commenter here.
i’m your opposite, i thrive on LDRs because i like my own space and freedom to do my own things, while being able to tell ppl i have a bf (somewhere else) lol.
that said, i did stray a little, which indirectly led to the end of the last LDR. now that i have a bf in the same hometown, it’s less opportunity for hanky panky, not that i want to anymore… i’ve mellowed a great deal with age. but at times i do miss the total freedom… really, i do.
take care pinkpau.
76. happy | March 30th, 2009 at 2:48 pm
hey..i cried reading this..coz it makes me reflect back on my own relationship..
anyway..it is really sad and a waste…
even the memories the both of u together are in my mind..
it’s like watching a movie..
77. sue | March 30th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
Oh wow, this came as a surprise. And to be honest, it made me a little sad.
I’ve been reading your blog for more than a year now and your entries about Martian and yourself – never fails to conjure some sort of warmth and sense of comfort in me. I always tell myself that, hey here’s a happy love story despite the distance!
My girlfriend and I would be thrown in the same ol’ ldr situation very very soon when I leave for my future studies, and truthfully, I don’t know how we’d go about with it considering the fact that we’re practically living together now. It’s gonna take up so much effort to keep the relationship going and strength for me to keep sane.
Though you said that you were weak, I’d like to think otherwise. Take care Su Annnn <3
78. xiao | March 30th, 2009 at 4:11 pm
:( I understand the silence and the weirdness and being stunned. I just broke up not too long ago too, and didn’t tell anyone because I didn’t know how to, and a part of me just thought one day we’ll get together again. I posted it on my blog when I thought I needed to tell people (to stop asking how ‘we’ were), and took it down again after a while because it felt too final. I still think about us as ‘us’ sometimes.
I realized now even if that one day comes it’ll be very very far off in the future, and the struggle of letting go/holding on was just horrible. But it is a better decision, to have our own space now. It feels more free. I just hope in a few years we’ll find each other again.
And if this is what you secretly wish, I hope it happens for you too <3
79. anonymous | March 30th, 2009 at 5:02 pm
I emphatise. In the exact same situation 2 years ago, and even now, barely in terms with it.
It’s not that there isn’t love, it’s just the forceful circumstance that makes everything slippery. Some people just aren’t meant for the distance.
80. Lalita | March 30th, 2009 at 5:03 pm
Things always have a strange way of working out … trust me … :) It always comes good – ALWAYS.
81. Lalita | March 30th, 2009 at 5:04 pm
PS – I also sent hugs with my previous comment, but it didn’t work. So here goes again -
82. Sam | March 30th, 2009 at 5:24 pm
When I first scroll down and briefly looked over your recent updates, I saw the picture of the entry as if it was just another Martianisms update, moment your title caught the eye I couldn’t help less but to wrestle with my intuition and eventually forced into relinquishment. it really hit me unto certain extend knowing that someone as noble would bear such an outcome in such highly envied relationship. I like reading romance, and this is like one with a bittersweet ending. i hope you and martian are truly much happier now. i guess “perfect couple” exists only in the eye of an outsider eh?
83. pundekman | March 30th, 2009 at 8:46 pm
how old is Martian anyway?
84. vee | March 30th, 2009 at 9:12 pm
cudn’t put much word , after reading this,
i wudn’t know or even brave like you, to let go someone i love..
me and him fight/argue bad..eveyrthing telling me to let it go..but i dunno how we able to..
u truly a brave & strong girl, great entry..
85. Mellissa Lee | March 30th, 2009 at 9:18 pm
Don’t know what else to say, but sending you lots of hugs along the way! (that rhyme was unintentional, by the way -.-)
86. bubbles | March 30th, 2009 at 9:21 pm
*hugs*
87. davidlian | March 30th, 2009 at 9:25 pm
I have no words for this. I’ve met you two only once together and from what I’ve seen you must’ve been perfect for one another (if such a thing exists).
Sincerely wish you and Martian all the best.
88. yi jean | March 30th, 2009 at 9:53 pm
Hey, i have always been a follower of your blog posts. I’m really sorry to hear about the news. You guys went to so many beautiful places together. But like you said, it will make you a stronger person. I know we may not know each other well but i really feel hopeless now. I don’t know what to say. Just.. stay strong alright? Hugs.
89. starm|st | March 30th, 2009 at 10:02 pm
u dont know me, pinkpau, but i feel compelled to leave a message here.. i’m very sorry to hear this. *hugs* be strong, be happy.
90. steph | March 30th, 2009 at 10:14 pm
LDRs..ah.
91. Pop | March 30th, 2009 at 10:50 pm
it takes time so just continue living live to the fullest. :) I’m sure there are other fishes in the sea. Hehe. How old is martian anyway?
92. fnd | March 30th, 2009 at 10:58 pm
ahh, young lurve.. i used to remember when i was early twenties and get into fights with my gf was the only thing we always did! although whenever we made love, it was voraciously passionate — period.
wait till you are a lot older, getting into fights with your partner isnt something you’d want to pour your energy to.
things will get better.. this we all can promise you..
93. chipmunk | March 30th, 2009 at 11:19 pm
happiness to both you and martian :)
94. sherry | March 30th, 2009 at 11:36 pm
i know a lot of people have commented already, but i thought about it and decided that I just really want to tell you how i felt after reading your post. i really understand everything you wrote. i know how it feels to be at that turn when you had to make such an awful decision, how those days and moments leading up to the decision felt .. like a permanent suffocation with nothing but blankness after because you just can’t imagine what would happen after. and all the memories .. they can at times be such sweet and cruel things. yet i also know how it feels, to know that the both of us will most likely survive after, may change for the better, may even find another that is more compatible .. may even be happier after. and somehow it hurts, but not as much as i thought it would.
the only difference between your situation and mine, is that I am still at the turn. i never ever want to take that turn. i feel like i want to be stubbornly stuck here at this crossroads because i cannot, i cannot. everybody always want the sweetest stories to end well, and with each other, and when it doesn’t it becomes so sad. i know however that sometimes the sadder endings make more sense, and even makes you more grown up, more able, so many of the better things .. but right now all i care about is that we are so in love, and everything else can go die.
in time it will probably happen :( i do admire where you have gone, and that turn you and martian took for the better. it won’t change my mind about still wanting to be stuck, but .. at least it was really something i could relate to.
95. Anonymous | March 30th, 2009 at 11:53 pm
i have been reading your blog for awhile. when i first started reading this blog, i wished that my daughter will grow up to be as smart & confident with her head squarely on her shoulder like you. i still feel the same.
p/s didnt know you are fluent in mandarin as well. happens to be my fave artist :)
96. steffie | March 31st, 2009 at 12:02 am
:( i’ve always expected a happy ending for you and Martian. and maybe it’ll be down the road :) i’m speechless and i can only give you hugs :( *hugs* be strong.
97. amber | March 31st, 2009 at 12:07 am
it’s okay, su ann! i’ve been through it. mine ended a lil 2 yrs. i still miss him, but i know it’s for the best. i’m happier now. take care. hugs…
98. amber | March 31st, 2009 at 12:09 am
that’s his song from the latest album. he’s having his gig at kl on 2 may, 2009
99. yoges | March 31st, 2009 at 12:29 am
hmmm…i dont know you or martian personally but i feel sad that your relationship has ended. :( i’m one of the many fans who’ve always looked forward to your entries on martianism. wish you all the best and hope martian is taking it well too. **hugs.
100. koh sin yee | March 31st, 2009 at 12:38 am
may you be well, peaceful and happy.
101. hoigi | March 31st, 2009 at 1:11 am
*hugs*
102. shengmae* | March 31st, 2009 at 1:15 am
/hugs
103. Å | March 31st, 2009 at 1:45 am
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwhhhhhhhhhh
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaattttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt????????????????????????
104. tAkEmOtO | March 31st, 2009 at 2:02 am
I can understand why it took you so long to write this. Sometimes words fail to represent how one feels. It would’ve been hard to write anything at that time. And the least thing you want is more unwanted sympathy over things that are private to you.
Hang in there. I’m really impressed you took it all by yourself and not sharing with those closest to you. Just remember that you’re not alone in this. ^_^
Can hug ah? Aiks I think it’s better just to give a pat on the back then. *Pats on back*
105. bjk | March 31st, 2009 at 2:32 am
stay strong. anyway the two of you are still the most loving couple i’ve ever seen. maybe it’s because u expressed the love so well in your writings.
106. Porcupine | March 31st, 2009 at 3:11 am
You’ve been through worse pinkpau…
I’m sure you’ll be on your feet in no time…
Stay strong ya!
We all love you!!!
107. sue | March 31st, 2009 at 4:32 am
hi, suann! this post really made me want to comment because ur courage definitely deserves more credit. i had my LDR 5 years ago and it still hurts now when i see him with another girl. if only i could write an epilogue such as urs. alas, maybe i lack the maturity. maybe im still holding on to unrealistic hopes of someday being with him again. it’s been so long and he’s moved on so well. i think i should give myself a chance, too. sorry for the rant. i guess what im trying to say is that ur post has made me go through a maelstrom of emotions. maybe it’s time to let go. maybe.
i love ur blogposts. don’t stop, ok? it’s good that u’re both in a much happier place now. closure does wonders, dontcha think? heh. hugs and lotsa love.:)
108. pinkpau | March 31st, 2009 at 4:33 am
guys… please dont say i’m brave. really. the only reason i am here right now is because i am anything but brave. or strong.
109. lin | March 31st, 2009 at 4:55 am
*hugs
110. wanabe | March 31st, 2009 at 5:25 am
epilogue or end of a chapter, remains to be seen. Moving on now is fun though
111. Nicole | March 31st, 2009 at 5:37 am
They say broken hearts are healed with love and not time. That is not a comforting thought at all and i pray it is not true. Somehow the hardest part for me was accepting that it was mostly my fault. Be okay, be well be happy!
112. sheon | March 31st, 2009 at 5:53 am
dearest pinks, sigh, another casualty of the dreaded LDR…. but at least yours ended on seemingly good terms..there are still smiles and hugs. i envy. she ended mine, leaving me with much anger and bitterness that lasts till today.
maybe i know how martian feels like now…but maybe i don’t, coz we had not dated the same girl. but, i am pretty sure if i were him, you would be a sweet memory in my heart, and not otherwise.
many care for you. many close frens, and many not so close frens, but all are sincere nonetheless. i hope you and martian remain good frens …. here’s wishing you all the happiness and joy.
113. Ken | March 31st, 2009 at 6:11 am
have faith. all the best.
114. jocelyn | March 31st, 2009 at 6:13 am
:( pinkpau i don’t know what to say..
i really hope there is future for both you and martian!
but i guess this is you growing up :) jia you in the states! all the best and God bless :)
115. jeraine | March 31st, 2009 at 6:33 am
time will heal, time will heal. Celebrate all the happy and the sad times.
I know it’s utterly random, but the last photo kinda look like KENNYSIA.
116. chris | March 31st, 2009 at 6:42 am
i’m not here to say anything else but to tell you that i never once given up on you. i know this is a difficult time, and probably a wrong one even, to comment that is, but know that i believe you have a distance to go and whatever decisions you make, it is done through the unique experience you go through which is not necessarily right or wrong, but rather, a brave step forward on with perseverence through this beautiful life of ours.
*hugs*
117. Eli James | March 31st, 2009 at 6:46 am
Oh Su Ann. =(
I’m at a loss for words. Your relationship with Martian was one of the most beautiful things you’ve shared with us, and this is so, so sad. Stay strong and God bless.
118. Angel | March 31st, 2009 at 7:05 am
Yes dear, Long-distance,(not marriage!!) is, after all, the graveyard of love. Sometimes it’s not selfishness, nor that love has ebbed.
Maybe it’s selfish of me to wish for you two to be un-broken up again, so that I can wander, as i always have, to quaintly.net at times when matters of the heart are taking a toll. And to read, and feel again, from someone else’s perspective, how love is like.
What’s done is done, but can be undone. I wish you two the best, whatever the ending may be.
*Hugs*
119. mich- | March 31st, 2009 at 7:36 am
I read this post over and over again. I feel the pain.
Time is so evil,it can bring off the pain but it wouldn’t come back again.
all the best and hugs
120. thetree | March 31st, 2009 at 7:48 am
it’s nice to be able to show the world so much of urself through ur blog..
and archive ur thoughts at the same time too.
nice post by the way.
121. julie | March 31st, 2009 at 9:36 am
i related so much to this because i’ve also just recently let go of a 4-year long LDR. it was a hard decision to make, and i still sometimes wonder if it was the right one. i kept it to myself for the longest time because I think people tend to make the situation more dramatic than it really is.. and I’m finding that one of the hardest people to break the news to is my mum. I still don’t know how to. I also think that it was somehow easier to let go, being miles apart, but i really wonder what it would be like meeting again..
122. voon | March 31st, 2009 at 10:12 am
*Hugs*
Just to let u know theres lots of love and support from the other side of the atlantic =)
p/s hurray for leehom =D
123. hui wen | March 31st, 2009 at 11:08 am
*hugs* ‘Cause you said you will welcome ‘em. :)
124. Adelyn | March 31st, 2009 at 11:08 am
hi su ann, i cried like mad when i read this post. hope you’re doing well. :)
125. hugs and kisses | March 31st, 2009 at 11:58 am
could u tell us what happen exactly so that we learned from mistakes and it could be a really useful lesson for all of us to learn.. hugs and kisses out there for u… muax m.uax… i know u might not respond to this. i can understand about respecting ur privacy
126. thisguy | March 31st, 2009 at 12:17 pm
125 comments later I’m not sure if anyones said this yet since I haven’t read the above – Dont look back. Good to see ur ok again.
127. Charlie | March 31st, 2009 at 1:52 pm
Hey, it’s been awhile. I am so sorry to hear about this. Had a feeling that the both of you broke up some time ago and was hoping that I wasn’t right. But it’s relieving to see that you’re keeping it all together, and if you ever need someone to hear you out (can’t offer advice, not really in the position to :P) I’ll be around. Good luck.
128. anonymous | March 31st, 2009 at 2:22 pm
i dont know who you are, you dont know me. but i feel like crying reading that.
129. ries | March 31st, 2009 at 3:27 pm
understandable. the silence kills and the restriction of a relationship being between dial tones make u feel helpless. its not everyone who can be satisfied with i-love-u’s that end with no physical solace. thats what makes everyone doubt in me. but ldrs arent meant for everyone, and theres no shame in not being able to cope in one. ur young, there r no mistakes, only lessons.
130. Boss Stewie | March 31st, 2009 at 8:19 pm
I love you and I like Martian very much. I thought the both of you were such a lovely couple. So much that a pessimist for LDR like me actually thought that the both of you might actually be able to pull through it
I first knew that the both of you broke up quite a while ago when Pei Ni told me she met you in London. I didn’t want to ask you about it because I figured that if you didn’t tell me or anyone else around me then clearly you weren’t ready to come out in the open and I respect that.
I believe that Martian was and will always be one of the greatest loves of your life. The both of you have been through so much and seen so much together (to not be that) but you have nothing to regret in moving forward. These things can’t be forced and the fact that you even thought of breaking up in the first place indicated that something wasn’t perfectly right. I guess it’s time to let go…. at least for now.
We all love you PinkPau and we’ll always be your supportive friends on the sidelines in no matter what you choose to do in life. You will live a great life and find yourself someone that you just know is the one.
131. CraSH | March 31st, 2009 at 10:17 pm
stay strong and we all love you. you are just growing up and getting to know yourself better.
132. Snow white | March 31st, 2009 at 11:37 pm
Su Ann, sorry to hear that things doesn’t work out….Long distance is killing but most important the age gap…I can said that it is the biggest problem! Both Martian and yourself will get to find the someone one day. Good luck!
133. Alynna | April 1st, 2009 at 12:09 am
I’m so sorry to hear this. I’m in my uni library, I’ve just read this and I honestly feel like I’m about to cry, if I let myself go just a little bit more. *hugs* Be well.
134. bailely | April 1st, 2009 at 12:18 am
well.. becoming difficult to deal with = changes, right?
ppl in different circumstances and places change. when you enter the real workforce, maturity changes again. these are just the stages in life. and since uni life i can see that your blog style has also changed =)
135. dy | April 1st, 2009 at 1:15 am
this is not an April Fool joke, right?
*hugs*
136. Anonymous | April 1st, 2009 at 4:48 am
how i wish that when i read this heartwrenching entry for the nth time, i’ll see a comment from martian saying that you guys are back together.
*hugs*
137. JY'z T. | April 1st, 2009 at 4:49 am
at this very moment, friends and family is the healer. hope u get over with it soon. cry it all out. it will make u feel better. sometimes, time is all u need. we can’t help much. hope for the best, pinkpau.
138. Nicholas | April 1st, 2009 at 5:20 am
cheer up su ann :) btw, why the chinese lee hom song? I tot u could not read mandarin ? ( no offense intended)
139. -@C- | April 1st, 2009 at 6:22 am
*hugs*
Be strong girl…another chapter of your live just started.
I believe Martian will always be
supporting and loving you no matter
where he is.
140. lilbunny | April 1st, 2009 at 7:27 am
*huggies*
141. Kate | April 1st, 2009 at 8:06 am
*huggies*
142. themilkyland.blogspot | April 1st, 2009 at 8:46 am
Well, it’ll be a new beginning for both of you. Good luck!
143. Chee | April 1st, 2009 at 8:52 am
*hugs*
Chinese songs always emo enuf for our emo times eh. =)
144. Teddy | April 1st, 2009 at 9:20 am
Hard but fateful decisions will eventually lead people to become stronger…
And behind every event there’s always blessing in disguise
Good luck :)
145. yuanpinn | April 1st, 2009 at 9:44 am
Hey.
I cried when i read this post last 2 days. Then today i read it over and cried again. Your description of feelings is very similar to mine. I am also in a long distance relationship. It has been a year now. The feeling of waking up with no one to greet your morning and not a call away when you want to go out. Its hard.
But somehow, i still wish you guys will get back. Maybe not now. But perhaps somewhere years from now.
146. k0k | April 1st, 2009 at 11:10 am
Love is bad for long distance relationships.
I heard about this awhile ago, about a month or two back. I wanted to ask you about it and to tell you I was sorry to see it end, but since you have not mentioned it at all till now I thought you didn’t want to talk about it.
Sigh, here lies Pinkpau and Martian’s relationship, which many envied because it burned so brightly and many mourned because it burned too briefly.
147. Adrian C | April 1st, 2009 at 11:15 am
He sounds like a great guy. Sorry to hear that it didn’t work out.
148. Christina | April 1st, 2009 at 11:33 am
Hey Sue Ann,
Just a fan of your blog, thought you and Martian were the cutest couple ever and so sorry that it didn’t work out.
You’ll move on. Don’t worry.
149. suz | April 1st, 2009 at 12:31 pm
i have been following your blog for some time now. never left any comment though. i’m sorry bout what happened to you and martian. i always thought of your relationship with martian as beautiful. it’d be nice if it’d worked out between the both of you. but i guess that’s life. things change. hope you’ll be back to your old self soon :) looking forward to read your future posts. be happy ya?
150. cel | April 1st, 2009 at 5:51 pm
don’t know if you believe but
if it’s yours, will always be yours.
cannot run away from it : )
maybe not now, but perhaps
at a later date : )
*hugs*
151. Jas | April 1st, 2009 at 8:08 pm
Its been a while since I check on the blog and rather surprise with the breakup. I’ve been through it before and its never easy at first. However the most important is that you know its the best thing to do and will be happier from now on. Look ahead and aim high.
152. Christina | April 1st, 2009 at 9:14 pm
btw, love the lyrics and song =)
153. rachel | April 1st, 2009 at 10:46 pm
My heart swell up with emotions when I read your post. I could feel your sadness, but at the same time you feel so at ease while writing this post. you may not think you’re brave or strong; but I think you are amazing. I think all your readers know you will become the woman you want to become, and we all wish you happiness. Cheers*
and lots of Hugs*
154. ront | April 2nd, 2009 at 3:20 am
i wonder apart from the words of encouragement…how many have emailed you as potential suitors.
off topic a bit….plane ride coming up in 2 days!!!!! weeeee!!!!
155. Jun | April 2nd, 2009 at 6:09 am
dear su ann, i know u say kindness is never obligatory, but big fuzzy warm bear hugs are! *HUGZZZ*
156. aud | April 2nd, 2009 at 7:36 am
dar, no matter what happened, just remember that there are heaps of ppl out there are who care about you.
I have been through the same thing as you, long distance in 2 different places, different time zones, doing total different things and meeting different people. We’d been together for about 3 years, LD for another 2 yrs. It was not easy at all since we met each other about once a year. We ended up with no topics to share with each other, no commitments, no future.
Oh well, things just not as perfect as what we’ve thought. We learn from mistakes and you need to be strong to accept the truth and try not to think about what had happened in the past. I am pretty sure you will get over with it and the cheerful suann we know will resume soon.
I wish you all the best in what you are doing and always remember ni shi zui hao de!
157. chm | April 2nd, 2009 at 10:05 am
haihz. sadly, i expected this. None of us here are in any way whatsoever obligated to console you had you posted this a day after you broke up. Yet we do, for you are dear to us all. *hugs*
p.s: Go watch Jackass 1,2,3 and also its 3 seasons. To hell with emo, laughter is a hell lot better muahahaha.
158. oilfieldtrash | April 2nd, 2009 at 10:51 am
i’m another silent, occasional reader/fan/call it what u will. i enjoy readin’ your blog… a good dose of intelligent, humorous, often-quirky prose sheds a wee bit of much-needed light into the sometimes gloomy days. anyways.. ain’t gonna offer no “aww.. etc etc” or “yeah yeah my LDR didn’t work either” banalities.. life’s a bitch and not always fair but it does move on… or does that sound cliched n overrated. hmm.. anyhoo.. hope ya ain’t quittin’ with the blog, am really looking forward to see what literary surprises are in store as u grow and mature. live n learn…
159. Candase | April 2nd, 2009 at 10:05 pm
i cried while i was reading ur post…coz i just broke up recently too…and my situation was sort of like urs…we knew it was coming too…because arguements kept arising no matter what…even for a small little things…but i’m alright now…letting it go is better than holding it because you will be afraid that u might lose him someday…
160. Ubi | April 3rd, 2009 at 1:37 am
change is nature….Live life to the fullest =D
161. Mabel | April 3rd, 2009 at 3:31 am
Long distance is a complicated thing, which I have been in for 3 years. I can understand the unanswered phone calls, the making up which is hard. But Pau, I am hoping that things will be better for you. Who knows…one day you and Martian will get back together.
162. Lydia | April 3rd, 2009 at 5:01 am
pinkpau, i have read this post for 3 days, and more than 3 times. each time, i feel a new wave of sadness with it and fresh tears will come to my eyes. i don’t know what i can say to make you feel better but bigbigbighugs!
163. Nana | April 3rd, 2009 at 5:26 am
Omg, I actually cried :(
164. atenizm | April 3rd, 2009 at 7:32 am
i always love your love story entries with martian :)
165. Christina | April 3rd, 2009 at 11:44 am
Feel better.
Hugs* (:
166. Chef MEL | April 3rd, 2009 at 12:29 pm
Break Ups are always painful and you just reminded me how painful it was again.
Sigh.. don’t you wish sometimes the person we first dated will be the right one so that we’ll never go through all these painful moments..
Anyway *hugs*
167. estherrr - Anonymous | April 3rd, 2009 at 9:35 pm
FUCK OFF ASSHOLE.
168. george | April 4th, 2009 at 12:41 am
time to break out the dashboard/starting line/TBS records :)
*hugs*
169. kopiais | April 4th, 2009 at 2:49 am
i don’t know why i cry over your breaking up. i adore you so much, and i know you will be stronger. >hugs<
170. soraya | April 4th, 2009 at 3:57 am
I read this on wednesday, and the very next day as I stood in a crowded LRT I found myself next to a young couple. they were clearly in love, sharing whispered secrets and holding onto each other, but after they were gone I felt a sadness, almost as if I’d seen the end coming. at first I thought OMG why so choi one, but then I realized that I felt that way because when a relationship like yours and martian’s—so filled with mutual understanding and trust and love, and all the things so important for making a relationship work—could come to an end, what hope was there for them?
But rereading your post I realized that the end doesn’t have to be bitter and angst-scarred. for you it prompted a post like this one; a celebration of what you cherished, a quiet closure of the door to your relationship. it gave you the strength to find a new kind of happiness. and I hope that if the end really does come for the two people in the train, they part with as much grace, respect, and appreciation of each other as you and martian did.
171. seowqj | April 5th, 2009 at 5:25 am
weee, i thought things was going alright. Well, that’s life. Enjoy your uni life. When both of you meet again, I do hope that you will cherish it again as what you have did. :D LONG LIVE LDR!!!!
172. chareli | April 5th, 2009 at 12:29 pm
i know this is late and i haven’t been appearing around here much… but a late hug is always better than none.
*hugs*
life holds many great and funny things ahead! so, chin up! it’ll all be fine. =)
173. Bobby | April 6th, 2009 at 10:21 am
Be strong, this is just a part of your life. You’re never weak since everyone has to undergo such situation to be more mature.
174. erin | April 6th, 2009 at 9:29 pm
:~(
175. michelle | April 8th, 2009 at 3:15 am
hey pinkpau,
i have been silently reading your blog for quite a few years now. never really thought of commenting on any of your post. it is so selfish of me.
anyway, i am in a relationship with my boyfriend for 3 years plus, to be very very honest, i can very much relate myself to you. i love to read your post about u and Martian, much about gift and surprises, mini fights, kiss and make up. it is just so nice to know that you both are happy.
me and my boyfriend, Jason, been through a lot. always when we fight over things, we never take time apart from each other. we both don’t believe in things like ”cooling off period”. this make things so much better, it could have been worst. although we fight pretty often i still love every single bit of it. u might think i am crazy, but i can’t deny, I am happier with him.
since you still have the love and care for Martian, and he feels the same. why not give yourself a second chance? you only live once. and if you feel like being with him is the happiest thing, despite all the arguments, why not try and learn to communicate with each other better and try to make things work?
i could be wrong. maybe you are happier on your own.
well, only you can decide what is best for you.
*hugs*
stay strong ok?
176. Abby | April 8th, 2009 at 3:37 am
i love love love the way you wrote this .
anyhow, su ann, i wish you the best and martian as well! this is so curt as it is but i’m sure you’ll be strong enough to get through it! even as a reader i can tell you’re a great and independent person so i guess that leaves it as a REAL person?
i dunno if im making sense.
but, good luck! keep your head up high.:)
177. shaun | April 8th, 2009 at 4:08 am
i have to say, su ann, you’re one of the strongest person i knew existed.
if i were in either you or martian’s place i’d practically have a complete meltdown.
always an avid reader of yours no matter what. cheers :)
178. Music Magi | April 8th, 2009 at 8:41 am
wow! never have i seen a breakup elicit so much response…
you’ll never grow over it…but you’ll live with it… trust me…i’ve been there too! but…the good news is…there’s always something better and brighter at the other end! even if you end up together again by some miraculous twist of fate, you’ll still be better and stronger! in the meantime… go… have fun and enjoy your youth!!! you’ll live to regret it if you don’t!
179. bosscat | April 8th, 2009 at 1:01 pm
it’s alright.. we have to always prepare to expect the unexpected..
cheers~
180. chia weng yan | April 8th, 2009 at 10:59 pm
have been reading your blog for a long long time. partly because you are a damn cute chic ..and also because of your sentimental posting with martian from time to time.
Cupid is definitely not doing his job.. somebody should confiscate his bow and arrow..
181. tvbtorrent | April 9th, 2009 at 10:02 pm
still plenty of thorns out there…. and thts a whopping 180 hugs u hv there. way to go..
182. Eve | April 10th, 2009 at 2:46 am
this is part of the parcel of life. at least both of you came to the decision together and are happier now.. :)
i’ll miss reading you both as a couple..
183. Jeff | April 12th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
I guess this is part of life. Stay strong !
*hugs*
184. tzeling | April 13th, 2009 at 6:21 am
i’m shocked to see this. i feel sad for both of u. i’m in LDR n it hav been a year plus n i must say LDR has nvr been tat easy. anyway, i hope time n u urself will heal urself. cheer up k. :)
185. Anonymous | April 16th, 2009 at 7:25 am
aye u are one cool girl. my hubby lives in another city too and you’ve described my emotional status so accurately. or rather i should say you’ve put into words the undescrib-able feeling of many many women,
it takes ALOT to hang on to a LDR. ALOT
186. Alison | April 18th, 2009 at 12:28 pm
i nearly teared reading this post.I always think that things happen for a reason,sometimes they might not have a reason at all to happen.I hope you feel better,i don’t really know how to comfort you or anything.If you and him are happier this way,i guess that there are reasons for all this but as you said,if you two were in a different place and time,things might work out.Who knows what could happen?stay happy k?
187. Jason | April 18th, 2009 at 8:40 pm
*hugs*
no words needed.
188. Sue | April 21st, 2009 at 4:29 am
*hugs* We don’t know each other, but your courage in facing this difficult time just compelled me to write something. What you guys had was, and in some ways, still beautiful.
Thank you for sharing with all of us.
189. mc | April 21st, 2009 at 9:44 am
aww :( *hugs* it’s so sad that both of u hv broken up; but at least u hv your happy memories to cherish! :)
190. Joyce | May 3rd, 2009 at 3:53 am
I’m sooo sorry to hear about the breakup. I’ve been reading your blog on and off but have never commented. My bad.
I thought the two of you were really awesome together. I’m going to miss reading your coupley stories but it is part of life’s experience and you never know what might happen in the future. :)
191. curryegg | June 8th, 2009 at 1:12 am
Girl.. I believe you know what is best for you and I hope you are getting stronger each day. Will be supporting you no matter what choices you pick.
*hugs*
May God hear my prayer..
192. Childwoman | June 9th, 2009 at 6:58 pm
This was such a thoughtful post, tenderly written. Broken hearts do heal, but the dull ache does linger on..
Be well and be strong..
193. s. | July 7th, 2009 at 12:04 am
That was the most beautiful thing I’ve read in a while. I too ended my LDR 7 months back. It was the most painful thing ever esp how you sub-cautiously let your life revolve around being someone you’re not and planning to move to somewhere you know you can never fit in. Foolishly thinking it will work so long as you believe it can and sacrifice enough. I think what you wrote was truly an inspiration to many like myself whom once upon a time believed LDRs would work but had to find out the hard way that it doesn’t. Kudos to you :)
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