it’s been an abundant time of epiphanies. i’m usually quite convinced that i will never take myself by surprise, but certain vantage points allow me to see beyond my own faculties, and i am startled by the panorama of unexpected things, swirling into each other like mercury, not caring who’s watching. in these moments, i know that i am older. better. stronger. slightly more mature.

today i am aware that i no longer dislike someone. it’s a she. one day ago, i immensely hated her propensity to use other people’s stories and lives as social capital. i used to feel extremely victimized whenever she did that to me, which is often, mainly because it’s been done to me before in a huge blowup of events not too long ago and she was there to see it happen, yet she took over the reins and went on to employ this tasteless tactic. i spent many a day agonizing about this and often wondered if i should continue being friends with this person. i eventually settled on preserving the friendship, but putting myself on guard and never telling her anything substantial about my life. but now i’ve realized, so what if people know shit about my life? it’s not like anything in there is headline-worthy. at worst, i am giving up a small slice of privacy; at best, i am helping someone make friends. that’s not so bad, right? today, i learned to be unselfish with what i have, including my privacy and confidence. today, i am unfixing conditions.

over the past week, i didnt. didnt what? didnt something. and it felt so good. amputation never felt so good. i am so done with all the politics, all the fretting, all the bias and capitalism. someone once said that one day i will stop caring; clearly that day has come. all that remain are the bleak splinters of bastardized loyalty. how grotesque that word looks now, mangled and alien. when i was young, i learned the theory behind the shapelessness of water and how it takes on the shape of its container. i guess that theory pertains to human nature as well — we go with the flow. we bend and yield. we are spineless. it’s a worrying thing, but i reckon that if i come to think of humans as water — renewable, non-living, an impersonal cluster of molecules that have no choice but to be shapeless — i will be carefree.

oh, i also became keenly aware of exactly how many teaspoons of dried chili to use. precisely 3/4 of a teaspoon. but i always forget the lime. it’s just not the same without the lime!!! why do i always forget and rob myself of this simple pleasure!

here are the last of the pictures from my nostos. there are more but i’ve become lazy; i think my indolence is something that will never change despite the most acute of epiphanies. i did not encounter any harpies, but there were definitely many Scylla and Charybdis moments.

#1 did you know that fingerprints fade as you approach your winter years?

#2 he sings along to Hoi Fut Tin Hong

#3 tambah tambah tambah super kebanyakan

#4 fear not the wolf(x)!

#5 :)

#6 absolutely nothing has changed. the bathroom door still needs a swift kick

#7 yolkless. you know how sometimes we say our favorite foods = love? this really is love.

#8 the new road law annoys me. yes i know it’s safer, but still.

#9 kangsane with Mr Emo

#10 STILL EATING SLOW

#11 so nice <3

#12 very pokey

#13 remember, MUST put lime

#14 is it just me or did they shrink? they totally shrunk, right? dont even taste as good anymore. how i bemoan the stark reality of change of standard.

#15 aiyak

#16 flour buns! yours?

#17 haih so nice that bow tie! excellent taste

#18 >_< if you eat cold things will it slide out?

#19 guess what!!

#20 NOTHING like this here in NYC. N-O-T-H-I-N-G.

#21 mai hum mai hum wtf

#22 the time traveler’s…

#23 do you remember when we were 14 and we came here? we took so many pictures. played so much rock fever, para para and DDR. remember the guys behind the counter who always flirted with us and gave us free tokens? everything is obsolete now. everything. my only comfort was that there was never karaoke to begin with.