it’s spring break! the moment i finished my last midterm, i felt like i wanted to crumble. but it’s a good feeling – a lot more comforting than having to hold myself upright when i’m tired. i think i’m burnt out. i’m burnt out from the endless nights in the library when exams are around the corner, i’m burnt out from the hustle and bustle of the college bubble, from the city that never sleeps, from the endless opportunities that drown me, from constantly having to open myself up to other people’s piercing judgments in order to take a step forward, from love and fights, from Martian, from JFK, from fate. i suppose i’m simply burnt out from life. which is silly, because i’m only 20, and should be a lot more resilient than this. but this fatigue hangs off my shoulders. it clutches at my throat. it peels my skin back layer by layer. at the end of the day, i dont really have an end of the day.

i’m happy to be curled up here right now, in this place that is so unfamiliar although i’ve been here before. everything is nice, warm and equatorial. the pillows smell like powder, which makes me itch, but that’s fine. my senses are so at ease. i could sleep here forever.

#1 40 more minutes

#2

#3 faithful laptop sleeve from a lovely local designer

#4

#5

#6

#7 one buck if you can guess the movie :)

#8
“so who are you?”
“i’m just a girl on a plane”
“surely a girl on a plane has a name too”
“haha. i’ve just always wanted to say that”
“you are so unbelievably rom-com. but, really, who are you?”

#9 ahha!

#10

#11 giggle

#12 the key is to hold it taut above your knees

#13 much missed

14

five more days, two more midterms and two plane rides before i am done, out of here, far away. not that my thoughts haven’t already been far away — i’ve been thinking about Hong Kong so much lately, about how much i miss the city and how much a part of it i felt in the short time that we were acquainted. did i ever get to know temple street well enough? did i ever go back to that boutique on elgin street — the one with the earrings? did i remember to time how long it takes me to walk up the mid levels escalator from queen’s road central to conduit road? in hong kong, i belonged. before, during, and after lunch hours, i belonged. even during angry Lan Kwai Fong nights, i was undeniably a part of the buzz, the coffee, the laughter. when i was lost in the crowd i was never alienated. even now, this far into the future, i still smile when i see pictures of junk boats. my hand still flies to my heart when i see the skyline in movies. how do i take this? how do i stop missing? is this why i can never fully live in new york, because when i think of my home away from home, it is not here? i want to live in hong kong. i dont even care if i fall down the cobblestone at Pottinger Street again; i just want to be reconciled with hong kong. maybe then i can sleep well once more.

-_-

(a tulan face, btw, not a sad one)