Archive for May, 2009
many months ago, i went to london to find love. distraught, stung and exhausted, i dug myself little tunnels to escape the stale noise that for so long had threatened to wear off my skin layer by layer until nothing could possibly be left. yet even in the subterranean quiet my ears would still ring and i would find myself kicking frantically from reflex and ritual. how how how do i move? am i searching for something similar or something different? i did everything within my fortitude to crush everything into one fist — i sang on trains, i drank horrible mulled wine, i tried not to cry, i cried, i bought a remote-controlled helicopter. but did i find love in london? no. so i went to barcelona. a hundred thousand dusty alleys snaking through the passeig de gracia revealed nothing; even the favorite gelato stand at its main artery was helpless. i fretted as i descended the winding stairs at la sagrada familia, nervously keeping my eyes fixed on the chalky graffiti scratched onto the stone walls. i was in a cavern! a vandalized test tube! air could run out soon. i was to die before i could see my quest to the end. had i become desperate? i fled with fear and petulance to the mediterranean sea, and one day i will tell you about it, how i kicked off my shoes, laughed, and jumped in, getting salt water all over my jeans, my top, my hair and my lips. i liked it best on my lips; although i forcefully seized number one, i secretly adored number two. how do i describe that moment in time, that sharp slice of realization as i leaped into the freezing winter waves? it’s a little bit like getting your nose flicked — i was likewise startled, scared, and felt some pain. briefly, i had glimpsed love. on the empty shores, beneath the catalan gray skies, with sand between my toes, i glimpsed it just so briefly.
last weekend, i went to paris to find love. i found it.
May 27th, 2009
so here’s a recent conversation with my dad that really made me miss him :( his secretary had just sent me a bill for something and CC-ed him in the email, asking me if the bill looked right, and i replied saying that yes everything look’s alright. then:
Dad:
Ya ya ya …. All is right.
I am not alright… $$$
Me:
why u act cute !
Dad:
Because daughter is cute papa also cute… [awwwww!!]
Dad:
Want to know something?
Me:
what!
Dad:
Nothing… just make you curious … hahahahahaha
Me:
-_-
dont be weird!!!!
Dad:
WHAT ??? early say me cute now say me weird. [HAHAHA TOO ADORABLE!]
Me:
you can be both cute and weird wat
Dad:
What are you doing for today?
Me:
ah see never follow my plurk so you dont know what i’m doing today
i’m going to SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP
yesterday all i did was sleep, eat and watch a movie
do u think i’m a pig?
Dad:
No lah… you are my cute daughter. [awwww again]
(then we talked about some money matters)
Me:
not bad wor……
i give u my paycheck ok? (background: my folks are fighting over who gets my first paycheck, ahha)
Dad:
DEAL!!! but mum will not be happy… you know, she loves $$$
hehehe
——–
and just today:
Me:
aiyahh
what you doing
Dad:
Working.
I was in manila last week and colored my hair.
My scalp is allergic to the color chemical and now very itchy.
SAD…….
Me:
HAHAHA SO POOR THING
like doggy
Dad:
no … like monkey… scratch here scratch there
——
haih sometimes i dont know if i my dad is cuter than he is weird, or the other way around. wei lou paeng!!! are you reading this? i am coming home soon!! we go eat THE pan mee ok?!
nah show y’all a picture of my lou paeng. he was fiddling with my macbook and took a picture of himself using my Photobooth:
haih too cute. i think i should dig up something funny about him and submit it to mydadisafob.com!!
May 26th, 2009
so i slept the entire weekend away and it felt so good. school’s out and summer is officially here for me, and i couldnt be any happier. i’m currently far away from NYC, and although i’m not home yet, it’s a huge relief to just be physically removed from the city for awhile. the rush gets to you sometimes, and you just want to go somewhere quiet, where there’s lots of love. well i’m somewhere quiet now :) and there’s lots of love. and food. and sleep. and pure, unadulterated rest. i am going to get so fat. i’m snacking on a bag of thai sweet chilli chips as i speak. 750 kcals mmmmm.
i left NYC two days ago, and despite all my griping about the place, i’m actually going to miss college. it was weird saying goodbye to people that i’d grown so close to in the span of a year, as well as the people i should have spent more time with. i got the feeling everyone couldn’t wait to leave, but mostly, the goodbyes were very sad. at the end of it all, it was easy to tell whom i’ll drift apart from. isnt it funny? in high school things like this always came so easily, and they were in your control. in college, it’s all so haphazard — but i suppose that’s why college is exciting. i already can’t wait for next year. i’m going to dive right in. enough with all this fretting about grades… four years really is too short to spend striving towards that unattainable 4.0.
my freshman dorm room… now empty :(
speaking of 4.0’s, i came really close to it this semester. i didn’t feel much joy when i got my grades though. i was just so sick and tired of it all. here’s a cute convo that i had with M — M not being his real name, but close enough, and mesoot gool being the irritating nickname that i call him just because it’s funny and he deserves an irritating nickname — and it’s a convo that reflects just how much college has changed me. if my 16 year old self knew that my 20 year old self would be like this, she would stab me. or herself. it’s also a convo that reflects how anal mesoot gool is :P so, upon us both learning that we didnt get A plusses for two of our classes:
me: i didnt get an A+ =(
M: what did you get?
me: A
M: shit and i didnt get an A+ for calculus
i got an A
WHY!!!!!
me: hahahaha
FOL, mesoot gool
M: youre right su ann FOL
me: sigh
M: 1st in-class exam – 25%
2nd in-class exam – 25%
Homework – 10%
Final – 40%
ok look this is the grade distribution for my calc class
i got 102 for my first midterm out of 100
i got 91 for the second one
my hw grade average is 92.73
and i was expecting 100 for my final
me: who’s ur lecturer again. is it XYZ?
M: nope her name is ABC
me: ohh. maybe she doesnt curve..?
M: should i send her an email asking about my final grade?
me: haha only if u want to seem really anal, sure :P
M: su ann why are you discouraging me!!!
me: hahhahaha
ok okayyyyyy
ask herrrrrrr
M: hahahaa ok i just asked her
me:what is an A+ for ur class anyway?
in most of my classes it’s 100
M: 97-100 i guess
or 98-100
me: then u prolly missed it by just a little bit..
well that sucks
M: SU ANN I WANT AN A+ FOR CALC
me: SORRY MESOOT GOOL
Mesut: FML
me: =(
Mesut: STUDY su ann lim
me: YA YA OKAY
I JUST NEEDED ONE MINUTE TO EAT SOMETHING
OMG. FML.
hahahaha see, check out college. get A also not happy, must get A+. and a person can’t even go and eat something without people reprimanding her for not studying. US hopefuls, still want to come to america for college now?? haih whatever lah. summer summer summer summer summer is upon me. in 2 weeks i will be home :) MALAYSIA, GET READY FOR ME!!!
some things i’m going to do over summer, or at least, what i can think of right now in my somnolent state:
fling self into arms of all friends and loved ones in KL <3
learn how to use my new camera
get back on MSN and talk to all the people i’ve missed and had to cut short conversations with over the academic year cos i was busy :(
finally get started on that blog layout revamp that i’ve been talking about for the past year
try not to think about the Grey’s finale or burst into tears everytime i see/hear THAT NUMBER.
catch up on all the episodes of ANTM and Heroes that i’ve missed out on. actually i dont even know if Heroes is worth the time anymore
check out a new tv series. torn in between exploring Lost, True Blood or a Korean drama series
read read read read read read read. getting started on Chuck Palahniuk’s Choke. next one, Curtis Sittenfeld’s latest book. and then The Witch of Portobello. and then Catch 22. it’s going to be so good reading books for leisure again.
tinker with my newly acquired Kindle. thank you mac :)
SIMS 3 OMFG
eat malaysian food every day until i die
pick up piano or the drums again. most likely piano
go for math tuition. i am actually not kidding. if i want that A+ in Calc 3 (hahaha) next semester, this is actually going to be what i have to do
find a buddy to practice italian with so that i don’t get rusty. either find one online, revisit that relationship with Mr Hotelier or skype with italian classmates every weekend. all do not sound at all likely.
klang bak kut teh with the parents on sunday mornings!!!
play a game or two of DotA… or ten
visit SS15 and finish that SS15 post that’s been sitting around in my drafts for the past two years
make a couple more of those self indulgent How Well Do You Know Su Ann quizzes on Facebook
make a trip to Cameron Highlands for that strawberry milkshake. sigh. memories of 2004.
make a trip to Penang for everything else
finally get that diving license… (pending since 2005)
finally get that dRiving license…(also pending since 2005)
do a beach holiday somewhere with the besties. get a tan. then bemoan tan.
plan holidays that will never happen
visit Kai Tan (that’s my grandmother; not her real name, but it may as well be. Kai Tan!)
drunk pseudo-philosophical conversations about love where i try not to punch the person next to me
McDonalds drive through nights. azlannnnn!!!
summer movies galore. CANNOT WAIT. my first summer movie was Angels & Demons which was a pretty crap adaptation.
build something. like a robot.
re-read the Five Find Outers series by Enid Blyton
go swimming. or get hair extensions up to my butt
learn how to spinnnnn
disturb my brothers
disturb my parents
eat kim gary french toast!
play tennis
eat yau char kwai
go back to the starbucks in telawi 3
commence plans for my upcoming laser tag business. i’m kidding. but i shouldnt be.
sleep. really. just sleep.
a very lazy list as you can tell. but it’s SUMMER. man, a holiday has never felt this good. i’m going to recharge myself to the max for sophomore year. and for this:
May 18th, 2009
i’m one exam away from being done with my finals!!!!!! so i’m taking a break from the books and the stale smog of the library to celebrate. 3 exams and 3 final papers down, just one more exam to go. and then i’ll be done — done with freshman year, done with feeling completely helpless, done with feeling like i want to yank all my hair out in fistfuls. after a year here, i can sincerely say that i underestimated how tough college would be. by MILES. i guess till today i can’t quite believe how little slacking one is allowed to do here. i’m really looking forward to going home over the summer and just staring at the ceiling every day to recover from the trauma of the past academic year. i know it sounds like i’m exaggerating but i’m really not.
i crawled out of my room after a particularly brutal final today to see that one of my floormates had already packed all of her stuff into storage bins. then i felt sad. i felt sad that i hadn’t spoken to her properly in such a long time, and that now i only have less than 3 days to do so because she moves out on thursday. i felt sad that i’d spent my whole freshman year worrying worrying and worrying about how i absolutely must get a 4.0, and feeling guilty each time i took a weekend off or spent the afternoon sleeping in. sigh. surely this must not be what college is about. i’m doing it all wrong, aren’t i? people always say that they wish they could re-do their freshman year. me too.
things i took for granted this year:
1. new york city
i spent so much time exploring the city in my first semester, and i loved doing that so much, but then this semester i just stopped doing it completely. i only went downtown whenever i needed to get something done or buy something important. i haven’t even been to chinatown since i came back to the city after winter break, and i love chinatown. i used to feel so thrilled walking down the aisles of the small asian marts, marveling at the fact that i could get marmite, milo, vitagen, 100 plus, xo sauce, sugus and double decker prawn crackers here. i especially liked walking past someone on the streets of chinatown and unexpectedly hearing the malaysian/singaporean accent. all this inquisitiveness, i left behind a long time ago. now i hesitate at the thought of going downtown.
greenwich, near NYU
a fabric store in chinatown. i love fabric stores. i could spend all day just poking around and choosing fabric that i will never buy
2. extra curriculars
i had a lot of fun my first semester when i was running around trying out as many clubs and societies as i could. then i realized how much i’d been slacking and dropped every single one of my ECA’s this semester so i could focus on my grades again. college-bound kids reading this, i dont expect you to be as stupid as me, but if ever tempted to be, please dont ever do what i did. i feel like my second semester here has been so miserable because i just didnt have the time to do the things i loved and missed doing. when i come back next year, i’m pursuing them all again. i dont care if that means i take less subjects; i simply have to do something i love or i will go crazy.
DDR club!!! i thought i was good until i joined this club…… some of this guys are inSANEly good.
3. my floormates
everyone who comes to visit my floor tells me that it’s oddly staid and quiet, and i dont actually disagree. for some reason (actually i know why but cannot say wtf) our floor isnt as integrated as the others. the other day when our RA gave us the year-end speech, some of my floormates remarked that we’ve never had so many people in our floor lounge since the first week of college, when we had that first introductory floor meeting. and it’s true… that night i saw some floormates that i hadn’t seen all semester. i regret not saying hi even then, and not having made the initiative to barge into the lives of the quieter people on the floor. like i said, i only have three days left, and after this we’re all going our separate ways and are bound to drift apart over the next three years in college. it’s a sad thought. i regret taking so lightly the (few) open doors on the floor… next year when i move into EC i know that there are going to be even less doors open. i’m going to miss so much just being able to pad barefoot down into my floormates’ rooms and just sit around being emo, or crying, or whining about stupid homework, or shoving smelly malaysian sambal in their faces, and talking about red furry handcuffs… :)
hahaha this picture cracks me up every time i look at it
this is S, who covered himself in whipped cream just for the heck of it. and then started rolling around the floor and hugging everyone. i have the most delicious pictures of him in his tightie whities all smothered in cream…
4. schoolwork
okay this is so weird but i wish i’d enjoyed my schoolwork a lot more. believe it or not, when i was all bright-eyed and loving all the things i was learning in my first semester, my grades took a huge hit because i was being so flighty. when i sat down and started getting serious about things, i really hated everything i had to do, but my grades got so much better. it’s ironic and it sucks. i’ve had the opportunity to read so many great books for my lit courses over the year, but because i was conscious of the fact that i had to study those books, i just couldnt enjoy the texts as much as i did when i read them for leisure. and italian… i loved the language and got so much satisfaction from the learning, but i was so shocked when i got an A-. it’s the same with econ, which i love, and am actually good at. sigh. i dont even know what to say. even if i get all A’s this semester, i’m not going to be the happiest clam — it’s been the driest and most wearisome process of learning, ever.
5. handsomenick, mandapandatan and jacqueline
nick and amanda are the two other malaysian undergrads here, and jacqueline is in the general studies school. we all actually barely see each other, and i keep reminding myself to call them out for dinner sometime, but it never happens because i’m a terrible person like that. i only met jacqueline when i first got here, and even though we took econ and did ballroom for a semester together, we STILL HAVENT GONE TO HAVE DINNER EVEN ONCE. JACQUELINE IF YOU ARE READING THIS IT IS TIME FOR US TO FINALLY HANG OUT. /agitated. haih. okay let me tell you something cute about mandapandatan — she likes to eat but every time she eats she’ll complain that she’s fat, which she’s not, and she’ll start eating carrot sticks. and one time she was complaining about how her grades were so bad la, this la that la, she’s going to get kicked out of her scholarship program la; then when someone asked her, “oh did you get a B or something?”, she shifted uncomfortably and said “no la… not that bad la..” WTF. and everyone should meet handsomenick and see how handsome he is. he looks like a skinny chinese version of Paris. as in Paris of Troy.
mandapandatan and her carrot sticks
6. the scholars program
i’m in it but i dont do anything about it. i dont even hang out with the other scholars or take up the internship opportunities that are offered. idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot.
7. college events
ann coulter came to our school last week and i didnt go because i procrastinated on getting tickets and then they were sold out :( same thing happens for lots of other speaker events… i keep thinking that i’ll have time to go get tickets but that’s never true. ahh college has been a time of many missed opportunities. so many things happen here that sometimes it gets a little overwhelming.
J dressed as a robot during one of those college event nights. hahaha, j j j j j j.
this is O Night at the library — where the school marching band barges into the library’s main reading room at the stroke of midnight on the night before the first finals, and starts playing loud music just to disturb people. they stand on tables and crack some jokes as well. hilarity. last night was Primal Scream night, where the students go outside and screammmmmmm away their exams frustrations on the Sunday of finals week. Primal Scream night is also Pillow Fight night.
8. the ninja poster in my floormate’s room
each time i see it, i laugh. i shoulda invaded his room a lot more just for the free laughs. and the free chocolate — he has this humongous stash of chocolate in his room cos his mom is afraid he’s going to starve. his stash is bigger than any girls’ stash. srsly.
9. things i get in the mail
earlier in the school year, i started a blog category to document all the cool and random stuff that people send me in the mail, but because i blog so rarely now, there’s this huge backlog of What I Got In The Mail that i never did blog about. i have a whole drawer full of cards from such wonderful people that i always meant to blog about but just didn’t; and worse, i have a whole stack of cards that i bought to send back out to these people but didn’t either. i’m sorry :( do you guys hate me :( please dont think i’m ungrateful… i really do appreciate the time you guys took to write me a card. it always cheers me up so when i get a postcard or a letter in the mail. okay i swear i’m going to sit down and send out all those cards when i finish my finals on thursday.
10. being in the northeast
since being here, i’ve only ever visited two other schools — penn and yale, and that’s not even to meet any of my friends. kehrol goes down to princeton like every other week or something, and i keep telling myself i’ll join her one of these weekends… but many weekends have passed and now summer is already here. wtf. why am i like this. why am i so lazy. OMG it’s just occurred to me that i’ve never even been to swarthmore to see andrew. good effin’ … and next year he’s not even going to be here anymore!!! okay now i’m panicking. i think next year i’m going to make it a point to spend some time at schools other than my own. sigh. will you guys welcome me with open arms =(
11. the singaporeans
there are so many of them here!!! i really enjoy talking to them, because all (well, most) of them still have their singaporean accent, and i can lah, mah, and whatlahyou with them unabashedly. it’s greeeeeat. they make me miss home a little less.
P, R and R. they are all super adorable :)
C and his lousily-made popiah. he’s a real cool guy — one of those who’s graduating after just 3 years (instead of 4). i’m really jealous because he got a job offer at HK and he’s going to live there for an indefinite period of time :( hong kong…..
12. campus
it seems to me that all i ever do is run through campus cos i’m late. i barely ever stop to soak in anything. see these pictures that i took? i hurriedly took them and then ran straight for class. this has to change. the few afternoons i spent out on the grass tanning and reading this spring were probably the only times i’d stopped to properly spend some time being one with my college.
13. my room
here is the picture that i promised 50000 centuries ago. i meant to go around my room taking pictures of things and blogging about the stories behind each thing… but … i just didnt. okay i’m beginning to see a running theme here. ANYWAY, this is my room. right now it smells like bananas and there are papers all over the floor from studying for my finals.
14. love
:)
P/S: can someone explain to me how i can maintain the picture quality (esp the saturation) when i export pictures out of iPhoto? everytime i export pictures they turn out so drab… yet i still need the picture size to be less than 50kb :|
May 12th, 2009
so my finals begin in 3 days’ time, my unpreparedness is of epic proportions, i just heard the “it’s been a great year, guys” speech from my RA, i have to be outta here by noon on the 16th of may or my college is going to fine me a hundred bucks for every hour i fail to comply, i am growing older by the minute as i type this, and my freshman year is ending in a matter of two weeks. i would love to pause and reflect on what a wonderful/awful year this has been, and tell you all about the college i’ve never found the time to blog about, maybe even put up a picture of my room which i said i would put up but never did … but i am FREAKING OUT. TIME, STOP. JUST STOP.
it’s such a cliche but my first day in columbia really felt like just yesterday. i was wide-eyed but businesslike. i remember checking off a list of things to do in my head as i ran down College Walk to go get my student ID. when i held the card in my hands, i thought, this is it? then i went up to my room. the 14th floor looked so sunny. my room was airy and spotless. the first thing i did was search the walls for the LAN cable outlet, then i opened up my luggage and moaned to Smartypants and Martian that maybe i shouldnt have brought so many shoes. it was nice having the both of them there with me — Smartypants fretted so much that i didnt need to do it myself, and Martian was as always my voice of calm and order. oddly, i dont remember the first night i fell asleep in my dorm room. i dont think i missed home at that time. yet i dont remember feeling excited either. come to think of it, i dont remember much of my first week at college. the more i struggle to remember, the more the already dusty memories seem to fall away. but i guess that’s not important. they’ll come back to me in time. they always do.
i’m happy to report that i’ve only gotten locked out of my dorm room twice. though the first time was in the middle of winter and i was wrapped in only a towel. S, who’s a real darling, lent me his jacket so that i could walk to Housing not semi-nude. the second time i got locked out was an important day, but that’s a story for another time. remind me. the keyword is heavy-hearted goodbye.
sigh, freshman year. one day i’d like to share with you all the Retrospective essay i wrote for a writing class, about my freshman year. but i’ll only share it with you if i get an A+ on it :)
some pictures of funny things around campus:
#1 this is O, a guy from my lit class, and his totally cool breast cancer awareness tshirt :P
#2 a funny poster in a suite that my floormates and i randomly burst into one drunk night. the door was unlocked so we went in and looked at people sleeping and took stupid pictures of their stuff. hahaha. and then my cell phone rang REALLY LOUDLY when we were in the midst of doing that…… but none of the residents woke up. wtf. anyway the poster should be put up on passiveaggressivenotes.com
#3 not so passive aggressive notes
#4 i really liked this poster cos it sounded like something i would say!! i like to point my finger at people’s faces and imperiously announce, emily yoon, dont be a baboon. or, roborovski, dont be a toucan. or, aira amira, dont be a parrot. hahaha.
#5 a graded problem set from my calc class with a response from the TA in red ink. i cracked up for like 5 minutes. the TAs who grade our homework usually write in big red ink on the front “STAPLE THIS!!!!!” if we dont staple our work. some people never staple their stuff despite repeated implorations, so sometimes the warnings get a little bit ruder
#6 found in a stairwell in one of the dorms…
#7 haha kingsmen posters are always the funniest. do you guys remember the vas deferens poster i put up once? the kingsmen is an all-male acapella group on campus, and their posters are all notoriously misogynistic. their concerts are as well — the last one i went for, they sang Enormous Penis by Da Vinci’s Notebook. hilarity!
#8 something that a friend wrote on my wipeboard lah. haha i like to force my friends to understand me when i speak in manglish, especially when i’m agitated and i cant really be bothered to force my speech into an American accent — srsly that can feel like the most restrictive thing ever. so if i can understand your accent, you should understand mine too!!! okay anot?
#9 HAHAHA this is a picture of my calculus professor that one of my floormates drew on his own wipeboard — he’s taking ODE with that same professor this semester. i really hated my calc class so i couldn’t hold back my giggles when i saw this. the prof actually DOES look like that… :P
#10 this is F from writing class, and no, he’s not a teacher :P our teacher was really late one day, so F just got up and started conducting a mini review session, cos that’s what we do almost every class anyway. we review what goes into motive and thesis, what goes into intro, what goes into body, what goes into conclusion… blablabla
#11 MG’s stoopid shirt. we totally hate each other
#12 i love CU because people are in denial!
#13 ahha an election campaign poster by a party running for student council. they really do have two asian girls! another one of their posters say “James Franco, CALL ME!!!” ya, everyone here has a James Franco story. his first couple of weeks here he kept studying in the most crowded lounge of our main library for some reason, so people kept going up to him to ask for pictures. i think he realized very late into the semester that we actually have quieter reading rooms and like a dozen other libraries scattered around campus…
#14 another hilarious kingsmen poster. Take Back the Night was an event that the women’s college across the street organized to raise awareness against sexual harassment and rape. so this was the kingsmen’s response to it. hahaha seriously who comes up with this stuff?!
#15 THIS IS MY FAVORITE. it’s a poster of Ninja Tips for Healthy Living on one of my floormates’ closet doors. it’s so freaking funny. let me share some with you:
- exercise is important, but jogging is for wimps. plenty of exercise can be had leaping from bushes and kicking joggers in the head.
- laughter is medicine. ninjas practice the art of inappropriate laughter. laughing when hearing about cancer also shows the ninja’s strength.
- ninjas occasionally, without warning, stab friends with throwing stars. life is random. ninjas embrace this fact of life.
- samurais are the source of much stress for ninjas. they think they’re soooooo cool with their armor and swords and those awesome helmets. it’s in a ninja’s best interest not to think about such things.
- when eating the still beating heart of an enemy, ninjas eat it all. there are starving ninjas in africa who dont have any hearts to eat.
– fiber in your diet is important. ninjas eat the shirt off a complete stranger’s back at least once a week.
- killing the wrong person happens. ninjas know this. that’s why it’s useless to live in the past.
hehe. okay. back to studying. wish me luck for my finals!!! if i flunk out of college, life isn’t going to be pretty.
May 5th, 2009
