Almost There
May 12th, 2009
i’m one exam away from being done with my finals!!!!!! so i’m taking a break from the books and the stale smog of the library to celebrate. 3 exams and 3 final papers down, just one more exam to go. and then i’ll be done — done with freshman year, done with feeling completely helpless, done with feeling like i want to yank all my hair out in fistfuls. after a year here, i can sincerely say that i underestimated how tough college would be. by MILES. i guess till today i can’t quite believe how little slacking one is allowed to do here. i’m really looking forward to going home over the summer and just staring at the ceiling every day to recover from the trauma of the past academic year. i know it sounds like i’m exaggerating but i’m really not.
i crawled out of my room after a particularly brutal final today to see that one of my floormates had already packed all of her stuff into storage bins. then i felt sad. i felt sad that i hadn’t spoken to her properly in such a long time, and that now i only have less than 3 days to do so because she moves out on thursday. i felt sad that i’d spent my whole freshman year worrying worrying and worrying about how i absolutely must get a 4.0, and feeling guilty each time i took a weekend off or spent the afternoon sleeping in. sigh. surely this must not be what college is about. i’m doing it all wrong, aren’t i? people always say that they wish they could re-do their freshman year. me too.
things i took for granted this year:
1. new york city
i spent so much time exploring the city in my first semester, and i loved doing that so much, but then this semester i just stopped doing it completely. i only went downtown whenever i needed to get something done or buy something important. i haven’t even been to chinatown since i came back to the city after winter break, and i love chinatown. i used to feel so thrilled walking down the aisles of the small asian marts, marveling at the fact that i could get marmite, milo, vitagen, 100 plus, xo sauce, sugus and double decker prawn crackers here. i especially liked walking past someone on the streets of chinatown and unexpectedly hearing the malaysian/singaporean accent. all this inquisitiveness, i left behind a long time ago. now i hesitate at the thought of going downtown.
greenwich, near NYU
a fabric store in chinatown. i love fabric stores. i could spend all day just poking around and choosing fabric that i will never buy
2. extra curriculars
i had a lot of fun my first semester when i was running around trying out as many clubs and societies as i could. then i realized how much i’d been slacking and dropped every single one of my ECA’s this semester so i could focus on my grades again. college-bound kids reading this, i dont expect you to be as stupid as me, but if ever tempted to be, please dont ever do what i did. i feel like my second semester here has been so miserable because i just didnt have the time to do the things i loved and missed doing. when i come back next year, i’m pursuing them all again. i dont care if that means i take less subjects; i simply have to do something i love or i will go crazy.
DDR club!!! i thought i was good until i joined this club…… some of this guys are inSANEly good.
3. my floormates
everyone who comes to visit my floor tells me that it’s oddly staid and quiet, and i dont actually disagree. for some reason (actually i know why but cannot say wtf) our floor isnt as integrated as the others. the other day when our RA gave us the year-end speech, some of my floormates remarked that we’ve never had so many people in our floor lounge since the first week of college, when we had that first introductory floor meeting. and it’s true… that night i saw some floormates that i hadn’t seen all semester. i regret not saying hi even then, and not having made the initiative to barge into the lives of the quieter people on the floor. like i said, i only have three days left, and after this we’re all going our separate ways and are bound to drift apart over the next three years in college. it’s a sad thought. i regret taking so lightly the (few) open doors on the floor… next year when i move into EC i know that there are going to be even less doors open. i’m going to miss so much just being able to pad barefoot down into my floormates’ rooms and just sit around being emo, or crying, or whining about stupid homework, or shoving smelly malaysian sambal in their faces, and talking about red furry handcuffs… :)
hahaha this picture cracks me up every time i look at it
this is S, who covered himself in whipped cream just for the heck of it. and then started rolling around the floor and hugging everyone. i have the most delicious pictures of him in his tightie whities all smothered in cream…
4. schoolwork
okay this is so weird but i wish i’d enjoyed my schoolwork a lot more. believe it or not, when i was all bright-eyed and loving all the things i was learning in my first semester, my grades took a huge hit because i was being so flighty. when i sat down and started getting serious about things, i really hated everything i had to do, but my grades got so much better. it’s ironic and it sucks. i’ve had the opportunity to read so many great books for my lit courses over the year, but because i was conscious of the fact that i had to study those books, i just couldnt enjoy the texts as much as i did when i read them for leisure. and italian… i loved the language and got so much satisfaction from the learning, but i was so shocked when i got an A-. it’s the same with econ, which i love, and am actually good at. sigh. i dont even know what to say. even if i get all A’s this semester, i’m not going to be the happiest clam — it’s been the driest and most wearisome process of learning, ever.
5. handsomenick, mandapandatan and jacqueline
nick and amanda are the two other malaysian undergrads here, and jacqueline is in the general studies school. we all actually barely see each other, and i keep reminding myself to call them out for dinner sometime, but it never happens because i’m a terrible person like that. i only met jacqueline when i first got here, and even though we took econ and did ballroom for a semester together, we STILL HAVENT GONE TO HAVE DINNER EVEN ONCE. JACQUELINE IF YOU ARE READING THIS IT IS TIME FOR US TO FINALLY HANG OUT. /agitated. haih. okay let me tell you something cute about mandapandatan — she likes to eat but every time she eats she’ll complain that she’s fat, which she’s not, and she’ll start eating carrot sticks. and one time she was complaining about how her grades were so bad la, this la that la, she’s going to get kicked out of her scholarship program la; then when someone asked her, “oh did you get a B or something?”, she shifted uncomfortably and said “no la… not that bad la..” WTF. and everyone should meet handsomenick and see how handsome he is. he looks like a skinny chinese version of Paris. as in Paris of Troy.
mandapandatan and her carrot sticks
6. the scholars program
i’m in it but i dont do anything about it. i dont even hang out with the other scholars or take up the internship opportunities that are offered. idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot.
7. college events
ann coulter came to our school last week and i didnt go because i procrastinated on getting tickets and then they were sold out :( same thing happens for lots of other speaker events… i keep thinking that i’ll have time to go get tickets but that’s never true. ahh college has been a time of many missed opportunities. so many things happen here that sometimes it gets a little overwhelming.
J dressed as a robot during one of those college event nights. hahaha, j j j j j j.
this is O Night at the library — where the school marching band barges into the library’s main reading room at the stroke of midnight on the night before the first finals, and starts playing loud music just to disturb people. they stand on tables and crack some jokes as well. hilarity. last night was Primal Scream night, where the students go outside and screammmmmmm away their exams frustrations on the Sunday of finals week. Primal Scream night is also Pillow Fight night.
8. the ninja poster in my floormate’s room
each time i see it, i laugh. i shoulda invaded his room a lot more just for the free laughs. and the free chocolate — he has this humongous stash of chocolate in his room cos his mom is afraid he’s going to starve. his stash is bigger than any girls’ stash. srsly.
9. things i get in the mail
earlier in the school year, i started a blog category to document all the cool and random stuff that people send me in the mail, but because i blog so rarely now, there’s this huge backlog of What I Got In The Mail that i never did blog about. i have a whole drawer full of cards from such wonderful people that i always meant to blog about but just didn’t; and worse, i have a whole stack of cards that i bought to send back out to these people but didn’t either. i’m sorry :( do you guys hate me :( please dont think i’m ungrateful… i really do appreciate the time you guys took to write me a card. it always cheers me up so when i get a postcard or a letter in the mail. okay i swear i’m going to sit down and send out all those cards when i finish my finals on thursday.
10. being in the northeast
since being here, i’ve only ever visited two other schools — penn and yale, and that’s not even to meet any of my friends. kehrol goes down to princeton like every other week or something, and i keep telling myself i’ll join her one of these weekends… but many weekends have passed and now summer is already here. wtf. why am i like this. why am i so lazy. OMG it’s just occurred to me that i’ve never even been to swarthmore to see andrew. good effin’ … and next year he’s not even going to be here anymore!!! okay now i’m panicking. i think next year i’m going to make it a point to spend some time at schools other than my own. sigh. will you guys welcome me with open arms =(
11. the singaporeans
there are so many of them here!!! i really enjoy talking to them, because all (well, most) of them still have their singaporean accent, and i can lah, mah, and whatlahyou with them unabashedly. it’s greeeeeat. they make me miss home a little less.
P, R and R. they are all super adorable :)
C and his lousily-made popiah. he’s a real cool guy — one of those who’s graduating after just 3 years (instead of 4). i’m really jealous because he got a job offer at HK and he’s going to live there for an indefinite period of time :( hong kong…..
12. campus
it seems to me that all i ever do is run through campus cos i’m late. i barely ever stop to soak in anything. see these pictures that i took? i hurriedly took them and then ran straight for class. this has to change. the few afternoons i spent out on the grass tanning and reading this spring were probably the only times i’d stopped to properly spend some time being one with my college.
13. my room
here is the picture that i promised 50000 centuries ago. i meant to go around my room taking pictures of things and blogging about the stories behind each thing… but … i just didnt. okay i’m beginning to see a running theme here. ANYWAY, this is my room. right now it smells like bananas and there are papers all over the floor from studying for my finals.
14. love
:)
P/S: can someone explain to me how i can maintain the picture quality (esp the saturation) when i export pictures out of iPhoto? everytime i export pictures they turn out so drab… yet i still need the picture size to be less than 50kb :|
Entry Filed under: College Life, Photos
52 Comments Add your own
1. suanie | May 12th, 2009 at 4:14 am
sounds like lots of fun tho :P
2. ShaolinTiger | May 12th, 2009 at 4:23 am
Yah, but come back soon you can emo and eat a lot and bake in the ridiculous heat back in Malaysia.
3. KY | May 12th, 2009 at 4:32 am
why u so skinny in that picture? u need to come back and eat lots!
4. melissa | May 12th, 2009 at 4:36 am
aw it’s okay pinkpau we still love you! *big peanut butter hug*
I think the card I sent to you had no return address on it anyway. T_T so that’s one less card to send lol!
oh oh oh and I wanted to tell you something. I’ll email you! :)
5. Michelle | May 12th, 2009 at 4:47 am
I never use iPhoto. I mean why use iPhoto when you have Canon browser?
I think iPhoto is pretty retarded.
= =
We still have our ice cream date. I’m going back to KL on the 28th of June.
6. Patricia | May 12th, 2009 at 4:50 am
your room looks cozy! & no 1 hates u cheer up and enjoy yourself :))
♥ your pictures.
7. Prakash Daniel | May 12th, 2009 at 4:50 am
Hey there, anyway its easier to compress ur picture and maintaining the quality, when you export it out, there is an option of the sizes how you want the pictures to be exported. So yeah, try that and see what happens and iPhoto is not retarded…(hehehehehehe) tell ur friend…..anyway hope you are doing well there…. take care and see u
8. aud | May 12th, 2009 at 5:33 am
awww u actually made me miss the US T_T
p/s: your room is 4209245024x nicer than my bug infested one wtf
9. Jun | May 12th, 2009 at 6:26 am
aww… at least u still have 2-3 yrs running around in campus catching up on those “lost” moments :) it’ll hit u harder when u’re closer to graduation, so carpe diem!
10. sieutheng | May 12th, 2009 at 6:38 am
where’s my postcard?!?!!?!!??!?!?!?
btw do u clean ur room urself or got housekeeping service wan.
11. carol | May 12th, 2009 at 6:41 am
limsuann i swear i will drag you down to princeton one of the weekends when you finally come back. do you know how emo i am that you (all) are going to be gone for a good three months?
maybe you should look for lightroom to use instead… that’s what i use now :D
okay before you go off we must go out/bonchon/picnic/walk around OKAY. /major emo.
12. chin | May 12th, 2009 at 8:19 am
great to have u blogging again =)
all the best in ur last paper (i’m sure u will excel anyway!!)
take care!!
13. kimberlycun | May 12th, 2009 at 8:40 am
lsa u need to eat!!!
14. goingkookies | May 12th, 2009 at 8:46 am
hi!!
i ve been reading ur blog off and on and i ve actually been wanting to send you a card from msia when u first started out in the U.S. i just looove snail mails but ppl hardly do that anymore.
Perhaps you can resend ur add or direct me to the post that u posted ur add so i can send u a card! =)
don’t be so hard on urself. it’s only ur first year right? u still have perhaps 2-3 years left to experience all those that u said u missed out on. live the moment!! and try to live life with no regrets!!
dun b like me.. dwelling on the past =p am trying to be positive and have no regrets. hehe.
15. lyn | May 12th, 2009 at 9:32 am
Hi Su Ann, a little out of topic… but did you know about this: http://www.mycen.com.my/rescue/index.html ?
16. Tan Yee Hou | May 12th, 2009 at 10:23 am
I just drag and drop.
Don’t like it when the computer manages too many things for me.
I lose touch with my files.
17. cream.p | May 12th, 2009 at 11:31 am
oh wow that is such a beautiful jar of flowers! it’s so pretty! definitely will make one smile by just looking at it!
18. tamago | May 12th, 2009 at 12:24 pm
your room has a very comforting, happy vibe to it! teach me how you decorate it so simply yet with such awesome results! :D
19. kiasu andrew | May 12th, 2009 at 12:30 pm
your fault i ask you to come for party you dont come
even emoyoon came from manchester!
20. sweatlee | May 12th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
yeah so you totally forgot about “talking to suet” often like what u did last semester but conveniently forgot to do so this semester wuwuwu not opening my arms for you >=(
21. Jeff from LA | May 12th, 2009 at 2:28 pm
Hey Pinkpau, congrats on finishing your first year in school and first year of life in another country. From what you described, it sure didn’t sound easy, so you should definitely give yourself a pat on the back for doing so.
Pinkpau, from reading your entry, it makes me worry a bit about you. It sounds like you’re focusing more on your missed opportunities than on the things that you were able to enjoy and experience. Living life based on the things you could have done is pretty depressing.
I think you’re being too hard on yourself. You are a genius, but you’re not superhuman. It’s not possible for everyone to ace all of their classes at a very difficult school AND do a billion extra curricular activities AND spend all of your time with your friends AND party every night AND make tons of trips to different places. Also, this was your first year, so you had to adjust to a completely different lifestyle.
I’m sure once you have school figured out, everything else will come. Just have patience with yourself, focus on the bright future you’ve got ahead of you and I’m sure life will be much less stressful. Best of luck with everything Pinkpau!
Jeff
22. sabrina | May 12th, 2009 at 3:53 pm
Su Ann, you’re welcome in Penn anytime you know, even though you’ve been to Penn!
23. Gin | May 12th, 2009 at 6:46 pm
why u so cute!! last time i ask u use vso resizer dowan wor!! drap ure pics into a folder and mass resize everything with VSO la..!! ish ish.
oh ya. since im here. if u dont believe me abt the bear hat.u can take it out and play with it =p like what eric did with my first brown one. pfft
24. kreazi | May 12th, 2009 at 8:15 pm
Su Ann, one more paper to go and you’ll be free to be doing all the things you’ve been wanting to do, so look forward to it okay.. and I must agree with the rest, you look so thin now… hurry up come back and you’ll be stuffed with endless nasi lemaks and krispy kremes!
25. clem | May 12th, 2009 at 10:13 pm
aforementioned tightie whitey pics for The Bartender’s. good trade? :D
26. smartypants | May 12th, 2009 at 11:03 pm
congratulations! you’ve done time for one year…you deserve a good balik kampung vacation..go stare stare at ceiling…observe US time in msia…wake up late and brunch in bed ..er maggi mee..coz all makan stalls tutup when you wake up at 4 pm.
pay heed to no. 21.. smarter than smartypants.
27. mac | May 12th, 2009 at 11:04 pm
i think you have done so well …
28. sheon | May 13th, 2009 at 12:11 am
hey, sounds like lotsa fun!!! you look great in the photo with the singaporean girls….certainly the cutest amongst them..hahahaha
and i love your room….it looks so colorful…hahaha….
29. xiao | May 13th, 2009 at 2:19 am
i LOVE your room!
and come to boston!
30. carol | May 13th, 2009 at 3:04 am
lsa.
it is 4.03am and i am living this paragraph of yours:
believe it or not, when i was all bright-eyed and loving all the things i was learning in my first semester, my grades took a huge hit because i was being so flighty. when i sat down and started getting serious about things, i really hated everything i had to do, but my grades got so much better. it’s ironic and it sucks. i’ve had the opportunity to read so many great books for my lit courses over the year, but because i was conscious of the fact that i had to study those books, i just couldnt enjoy the texts as much as i did when i read them for leisure.
GAK GAK GAK GAKKKKKKK I DOWAN TO SWALLOW ANYMORE PHILOSOPHICAL INFO/NAMES/CONCEPTS/WHATEVER I JUST WANT TO EAT FLAN AND DRINK JUICE AND SLEEP IN CENTRAL PARK.
/frustrated.
31. bananatan04 | May 13th, 2009 at 3:48 am
hmmmmm…..well, what came after the carrot sticks was unlimited ice-cream with an insane variety of topping. lol. :P
32. ubikentang | May 13th, 2009 at 4:21 am
lsa, come to boston!!!!! i agree on your comments regarding banana tan, who just commented before me. hehehehehe. i seriously think i piled on much more weight than her.
33. Zeek | May 13th, 2009 at 4:41 am
hi Pau,
good recap of your life in Columbia and NYC. i can still remember when i start reading your blog and you’;re talking about packing and missing friends and family. and guess what?! its been a year already. wow. a rollercoaster year indeed!
34. :( | May 13th, 2009 at 5:38 am
can you room get any cozier?! and seeing how happy you are that your exam’s ending sucks because mine just started!
35. ven | May 13th, 2009 at 6:35 am
Next academic year will be much much better. The first year abroad will always be tough.
Anyway, go get lightroom 2.0. Much better than the retarded iphoto.
36. Michelle | May 13th, 2009 at 6:56 am
Su Ann, as promised. Not very happy stuff. They erased off the interesting pictures of the female genitalia, nevertheless:
http://www.tellmeastoryplease.net/2009/05/better-than-postsecret.html
You should watch communitychannel on youtube. It rocks.
37. Adelyn | May 13th, 2009 at 7:04 am
hahaha your room looks so lively and a whole lot of fun!
and omg.. DDR CLUB!!!
38. fatcat | May 13th, 2009 at 7:14 am
Yay for you! Last paper~~~~~~ I’m still half a yr away from my last paper… T_T I wanna drop some subjects desperately to concentrate on Bio and Chem! D:
I’ve made the same mistakes as you for the past semester too. Rushing through life, not really enjoying school, coping up at home… Can you believe the last movie I caught was last december? T_T But I think I like studying a lot more when my grades are gd. It makes me feel… in control. LOL.
Oh yes, I think I’ll never be able to lose my S’porean accent. :))
39. LJY | May 13th, 2009 at 8:46 am
eh. i don’t have that problem.
but then again, i just drag and drop the pictures from iphoto on to my desktop and shrink it in photoshop before uploading.
:D
also, i don’t know if you’re referring to the same problem but. inititally when i uploaded photos from my computer onto the internet, the photos were totally different colours – completely desaturated as compared to what i have on my iphoto.
i later found out it was just the colour settings of firefox on my mac. -_- other people on other computers see the photos as saturated as what they actually are (on my iphoto/photoshop) so i downloaded a lil something so that now both colours on my browser and computer are the same. :)
40. amy | May 13th, 2009 at 10:15 am
i regret hiding in my room for most of winter T.T
i should have explored more.
i also regret that when i had the choice, i chose a module that is assessed via a final exam instead of a coursework.
WHY DID I VOLUNTARILY CHOOSE AN EXAM OVER COURSEWORK???
my exam is tomorrow and here i am spamming you. kill me now.
btw, your room is damn nice wei! i love the sheer fabric draping the windows!
41. elle | May 13th, 2009 at 8:51 pm
Oh, pinkpau, reading your post really drew out all the mixed emotions in me. In my first year i remember being so excited over being in a new city new country new friends new activities i went crazzzyyyy for A YEAR (you had half a year i note, good job good job) and then for my 2nd year i panicked and started settling down and hit the books HARD.
I won’t say what i did was right or wrong (giving up the frivolities) but i need to say that it did somewhat pay back. Because the grades i got in my first year (which didn’t even count) eventually bit me back in the ass. Whether it’s mere internship applications or summer jobs, i felt embarrass to see my grades then. In my 2nd year, i felt so much more rewarded. I’m in my 3rd year now and i’ve never regretted superglue-ing my ass to my chair. It was REALLY worth it.
I understand your sadness over many missed opportunities but i hope one day you will feel like it was (somewhat) worth it. Although i won’t encourage you to start early. I hope you will find a year full of fun, fun, fun and no regrets like i did. I loved my first year and can only be really really thankful it didn’t go to my final marks. I guess life is all about balance and you really need to find yours between books and play time? Good luck and please take care! <3
42. Sarah | May 14th, 2009 at 11:44 am
Hi :)
I’m one of your silent readers…
but I really love your writing, and it’s sad that you don’t have as much time to blog anymore…but that’s part of growing up I guess and getting busier! :)
Anyway! I just wanted to say *BREATHE* :) i think we’re quite similar in many ways in that we always want to be the best, and want to do everything in the world but there’s just never enough time….so from my experience, now i’m in my final year of uni (how fast time flies!)…ill say BALANCE is the key…take time to study, but also make sure you have time to party, and time to relax, enjoy, laugh and play. and dont ever feel guilty about playing because at the end of the day…life is not only about working hard, but also about having fun. :)
i’m sure you’ll be able to find your balance soon…definitely rejoin all the ECAs, they are part of what makes uni so great…and don’t worry your grades will pick up once you get used to uni and settle down more. trust me…:) i can tell you this from experience…
so good luck! :) and enjoy your summer break okay? :)
xo
43. smartypants | May 14th, 2009 at 5:12 pm
..where is the “school’s out” post? …too sien to do anything right? fell like after a great battle? hehehe..speaking from recent experience mar.
44. D | May 15th, 2009 at 9:33 pm
OMIGOSH
i totally *<3* *<3* *<3* *<3* *<3* ur room
pinkpau! i wan stay with u! =D
45. Lil Miss Confession | May 16th, 2009 at 12:26 am
GASP! I love your room! I wish I could redesign and refurnish my entire room to the way I want it to be.
46. vvens | May 16th, 2009 at 1:58 am
i love your rooooooooooooooooom!
i love the colours. i love the cloths you put at your window area. so pretty!!!
why does it smell like bananas?
47. dreameridiot | May 16th, 2009 at 2:18 am
Hi,
Sorry to bother you. Just want to know if Nic or Nicholas Wong is still In NY. I read the Malaysian papers today… and hoping it
is somebody else who’s the first Malaysian with H1N1 and not him.
Please Reply. Thanks.
48. pinkpau | May 16th, 2009 at 8:43 am
dreameridiot, it’s not nick :) fret not!
49. dreameridiot | May 16th, 2009 at 11:29 pm
Thanks. He msg me back on FB. :)
50. Voon | May 18th, 2009 at 7:54 pm
ui call me!
51. pinkpau | May 18th, 2009 at 8:25 pm
voon, wait!! very lazy…… :P still recovering
52. Kalvin | May 26th, 2009 at 7:32 am
Wow!! you study in NY?? Thats greai hope i can get out of malaysia oneday. :)
See you soon. :)
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