Long Distance Relationships
June 13th, 2009
the mechanical whirring on the other side sounds like the incessant firing of a machine gun. a million imaginary bullets later, i have finally realized that the tugging sense of deja vu is nostalgic of the afterschool sounds of Counterstrike in the dingy cybercafes of Pandan Perdana and Damansara Jaya. occasionally the whirring is punctuated by smooth swooshes of passing cars from beneath the windowsill where i used to place my glasses. i have a white rubbery lifeline through which i hear these things. i am grateful for it. and you snore. you snore like a bear and i can see in my mind the shadowy contours of your body as you lay sprawled and sweaty in the summer heat of your bedroom. memory and imagination are so crucial in states such as ours; otherwise, with what could i fill in the blanks? how could i feel like i am still relevant if i didnt help myself to copious amounts of self-implementation? teleportation seems so lofty and unnecessary; i dont want or need it right now. everything looks and sounds good from here as i sit back and admire the ease in which you sleep.
the boxed fan sat with us on the brick wall that hot sunday afternoon, quiet and unmoving. we were there at its inception, it was there at our conclusion. i recall thinking that our composition must look like a scene from a movie to the passerby — the air was heavy and sticky and i was perched on the wall swinging my legs while you paced the tired-out ground, and on the margins of it all a boxed fan hovered awkwardly as we fought. we are always fighting when we’re together. is this the thing about long distance relationships that seem to span a lifetime: that the distance is what holds the two people together because incompatibility becomes diluted by the continents and the seas? could it be that we trudge about and immerse ourselves in the pathos of our separation to forget that ultimately we are just not meant to be? but i love you most at night, like this, when you are sleeping and snoring like a bear would, and i can say all kinds of soothing things to you that you never hear because i always forget to unmute the microphone. love is so weird.
Entry Filed under: Musings
47 Comments Add your own
1. at | June 13th, 2009 at 11:16 am
when love and hate collide :)
2. sheon | June 13th, 2009 at 11:40 am
…ultimately we are just not meant to be?…
how can you tell if the ‘other’ person is meant to be? love is blinding, and marriage is also taking a blind leap of faith.
my favorite time was also when she was asleep. when she’s in arms and when she’s all that mattered in the world.
but, we are just not meant to be.
3. KY | June 13th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
long distance is a bitch, but thank god for skype :D
4. Loong | June 13th, 2009 at 1:30 pm
This sounds like a bad sex novel.
You are just tantalizing your readers with some low hanging fruit before unleashing the finer points of your animalistic instincts.
Or maybe not .. haha.
5. ah seng | June 13th, 2009 at 3:18 pm
walau eh…..so now back together with martian or not? or got somebody else….u tell story so long also cannot get to the point….faster say…got bf or not…and who!
6. k0k | June 13th, 2009 at 4:48 pm
There is no distance at all. There is no time. At least to me, they don’t count. Every 6 months, I will see my girl again and every single time, it felt as if we have never parted. I think this is partly because I don’t spend a lot of time focusing on the separation of the present, or the perfections of the past. I spend all my time anticipating our reunion and planning how to squeeze all the things I want to do with her in that few short weeks we are together again. I don’t think I miss her at all. I don’t think I’m capable of missing her. It feels as if there’s… like I said; no distance and no time. Make any sense to you?
It wasn’t like how I used to imagine long distance relationships to be, but I’m not complaining :)
7. Michelle | June 13th, 2009 at 5:08 pm
This reminds me that I should get an air purifier. I don’t know how this relates but yes, when I read this post, the word air purifier gets into my head.
Just like that.
8. da | June 13th, 2009 at 7:01 pm
LDR is never fun..so many times i dun understand why we subject ourselves to this pain…=p but u’ll get through it..=)
enjoy your holidays! your nose got used to the weather yet?=p
9. Ee Vonn | June 13th, 2009 at 7:07 pm
i think.. long distance relationships are tough but it’s also good because absence do really makes the heart grow fonder. tend to appreciate each other when we meet again. Besides, LDR needs strong will and faith. :) Being a uni student in overseas, it’s also good because sometimes can concentrate more on studies, haha. Have dreams to pursue ba. :) Give each other some space/privacy as well. :) Ya KY is right, hahaha. Thanks to SKYPE. :) But I’m missing all the hugs! :(
10. fatcat | June 13th, 2009 at 7:29 pm
This saddens me.
And now, I’m sinking back into the korean-drama mood (u know, exaggerated romanticism). If only rich, tall and handsome really came in 1 package…
11. Alynna | June 13th, 2009 at 7:31 pm
I agree, love IS weird. When you understand it, please do us all a favour, and detail it here. ;P
12. EVo | June 13th, 2009 at 7:38 pm
sorry haven’t been here for awhile now. hope things r going fine with u! i heard u came back recently? whereabouts r u now?
13. mg | June 13th, 2009 at 7:38 pm
yup, LDR is definitely tough and sometimes i wonder why am i in this? but somehow seeing him on skype just makes me happy that i have him in my life although we are miles apart and we were only together physically for 30 days in our almost 2 years of being together. dont give up and all the best! =)
14. carol | June 13th, 2009 at 11:20 pm
ah seng: don’t be stupid. pinkpau does not owe anyone, especially not you, stories and details about her life. go get a life; watch some TVB/korean drama if you’re so desperate for stories.
lsa: iz not summer yet T______T how can it possibly still be cold!!!
15. sulynn | June 13th, 2009 at 11:37 pm
and i still wonder why we go through the hassle and pain of ldr! :( one would think as the days roll into months we would be eventually turn numb in regards to the separation, but it doesnt get any much easier!
but skype is godsent :)
16. Ai | June 14th, 2009 at 1:40 am
love is crazy :)
17. Voon | June 14th, 2009 at 2:55 am
hi!
18. Shop Long Distance »&hellip | June 14th, 2009 at 4:47 am
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19. A Fan | June 14th, 2009 at 9:24 am
I thought pinkpau said that Andrew guy was “spoken for” by her in a previous post comments… have not?? so mystery solved right?
20. Dan-yel | June 14th, 2009 at 9:50 am
“that the distance is what holds the two people together because incompatibility becomes diluted by the continents and the seas? could it be that we trudge about and immerse ourselves in the pathos of our separation to forget that ultimately we are just not meant to be?”
This statement applies to my previous relationship. It too was characterised by long distance, expensive phone calls, hundreds of smses a day. We never got to know each other that well, we both got so immersed to the day when we could be physically together but that wouldn’t happen for years. We never share the same world, nor the same friends. Lives diverge, I for one changes very quickly until I don’t share the same worldview or cultural awareness.
Alas, it’s bittersweet. But the sooner we accept that as part of our human experience, the easier for us, and the sooner you’ll see what’s worth more to be happy for.
21. missfiona | June 14th, 2009 at 11:59 am
LDR, something i still can’t resonate with and probably won’t for the next 5 or 8 years.
22. carol | June 14th, 2009 at 12:55 pm
no.19: good god -.-
23. clem | June 14th, 2009 at 1:46 pm
that the distance is what holds the two people together because incompatibility becomes diluted by the continents and the seas?
i sincerely hope that isn’t the case for me, even though i try not to think that it may eventually come to that.
i echo carol’s words too: good god at the nosey parkers here.
24. xc | June 14th, 2009 at 6:00 pm
if your belief is strong enough, and if you share the same end goal with your partner, you will get through LDR.
my boy is coming back in 2 weeks, after 11 months, and we’ve never felt more in love.
jia you su ann!
25. cindy khor | June 14th, 2009 at 6:09 pm
i am a pessimist, therefore, i do not believe in LDR, and do not believe that LDR could bring happily ever after. but i do envy and admire those who hang on to it and those who are really loyal. not going to say any encouraging words here as i suck, just be tough.
26. cia | June 14th, 2009 at 7:04 pm
ah, to be bitter from the sweet…we can’t always have what we want
27. Kaito | June 14th, 2009 at 8:12 pm
HI, I’m just a passeby.
Reading your post was like reading a philosophy^^ lol. In a way you converse your point in quite a fine and unique way.
Speaking of LDR, i myself do not really believe in that. Of course, I stand to be corrected but the fact that two people who lives thousands of miles apart held together by meer phonecalls and sms alone could never bear anything fruitful. I do believe that there may be love, though it would sometimes be pure fantasy. My point is that what happens when two people meet again then? Online relationship, phonecalls relationship are definitely different with reallife relationship.
That feeling of strangenes, that sense that you know everything about your partner and yet you know nothing.
At least that’s what i think^^
28. cheryl | June 14th, 2009 at 10:58 pm
beautiful. i love the way you write pinkpau =D
and..yeah LDR’s a bitch lol
29. Mabel | June 14th, 2009 at 11:08 pm
J and me have been hanging onto long distance for nearly three years. However, lately we seem to be having more problems because I have decided to stay longer in Australia. I guess there is a time limit for LDR. Eventually, one would have to sacrifice to move to the other person’s place.
30. goingkookies | June 15th, 2009 at 12:19 am
everyone knows LDR sucks! the distance.. the expensive phone calls.. more so even me.
especially when u re down.. when u go to the mall.. when u just need that someone to hold ur hand n soothe u after a loong day of crappiness.. when u just want a hug.. and that person can’t be there for u..
sometimes it makes u mad at that person.. for being away.. but u know it’s not their fault etc…
i used to NOT believe that LDR will work. That I would never give it a go. But i did..and it’s been 3 years since i ve been in it.. of course, my bf has flown back a couple of times and i have flown to aussie a couple of times.. and that really helps..
all i can say is.. it’s not for everyone.. but like tango.. it takes two to make it work =)
31. Hannah | June 15th, 2009 at 12:46 am
“…could it be that we trudge about and immerse ourselves in the pathos of our separation to forget that ultimately we are just not meant to be?”
That one well-phrased sentence addresses the essence of LDRs, which is simply brilliant. It is almost too easy to wallow and mope without actually seeing the reality that we would rather overlook, as much as we fail to realize how we are in denial. But as I loved that question, I loved your answer better:
“…but i love you most at night, like this, when you are sleeping and snoring like a bear would, and i can say all kinds of soothing things to you that you never hear because i always forget to unmute the microphone.”
Because, yes, love is a weird, weird thing and as cliched as it may sound, it really is all that is necessary for a relationship to work out. Logistics always seem to be the biggest issue with LDRs, although I think it’s a mask for the real problems that lie underneath. There could be a million problems and everyone else , including yourself, could say that there would be no feasible way for it to work out. But with love, and I mean love in the purest sense, I think even the most tumultuous of LDRs would work out.
I deeply admire your opinions, your written works and how you understand yourself so well. It’s become a rarity these days, and you really are an inspiration. :)
32. kiasu andrew | June 15th, 2009 at 5:35 am
you should write more about damansara jaya and smkdj. ;)
33. zeets | June 15th, 2009 at 5:40 am
i am here in the UK for the entire summer. and me and him will finally meet at the london euston next month. me taking the two hour train from liverpool and him flying in from KL. love takes effort and nurturing and to remind each other why you’re together. when two people are brought together under remarkable circumstances, the desire to stay together grows even more.
because as you watch the other sleep, even over skype, you know why you’re doing this.
34. Charlie | June 15th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
When I read your thoughts on this subject I feel each word grabbing a secret insecurity and dragging it out to face the music. Not really a bad thing, just a little unnerving. You write so beautifully, though, that it’s worth the temporary instability.
35. konrad | June 15th, 2009 at 6:58 pm
wrote a long comment, but the internet swallowed it.
so i’ll just post lyrics from my favourite band instead:
“distance has no way of making love understandable.”
- radio cure, by wilco
36. Jason | June 15th, 2009 at 9:29 pm
No one likes LDR, That I am very sure. It’s especially tormenting during the times when the person is feeling sad or down and the best thing you could give is a hug but you just can’t.
but i have to agree with KY, thank goodness for skype seriously.
37. jun | June 16th, 2009 at 2:04 am
Agree. Love is weird. I guess we can’t never ever understand it at all. Hmm…maybe this is why love is so powerful. U never know what will happens. Expect the unexpected.
38. yl | June 16th, 2009 at 11:17 am
LDR sucks when fights happen =( but when snail mail and skype collide with a simple joke and reminisces, it could be the best days eveer =,) i miss my boyfriend to death and would give anything to see him once a week :( ive waited for four months and 6 more to go! keep the faith, even the tiniest bit cuz its worth it to wait for the one you believe in =]
39. radical85 | June 17th, 2009 at 12:51 am
Thanks to the long distance that i am able to take things slow and cherish every single second when we finally able to be together (physically).
I agree LDR sucks when fights happen. Especially when she cried so much over the phone, the only way to comfort her is apologize and sweet talk even when u did nothing wrong (most of the time)
40. shungz | June 17th, 2009 at 6:32 pm
i was in a LDR for 2 years. she came back for a year. left again last week for another 3 years.
its hard, no doubt. and tat’s an understatement.
but its really not about whether it’ll work.
its simply about whether we want it to work.
all da best to you.
:-)
41. Eugene | June 18th, 2009 at 11:45 am
Sometimes the guy just doesn’t mean it. The distance just breaks him up. It’s the “stress” he feels. He can’t control his feelings. He blows up. But it’s not you. It’s all that pain and confusion inside. As a man, he may think he can solve his problems on his own but he’s sadly mistaken. Like a little boy, he’s lost inside. Then the breakup and his world crashes all around him. No one knows the pain because he won’t be able to express it properly. Only God knows.. He tries to face the world with a brave face. But what happens inside.. that will die with him. And he’s just a little boy inside, trying his best to make it work. I pray both of you will get back on your feet very soon.
42. AH KAU | June 18th, 2009 at 6:52 pm
Hoi Ah Seng ah. Lei lou mei ah, why you so pak-kuah, disturb pink-porr for details??? Siu peng ah?? You go sai your pett pett and i come kik your scrawny arse soon. Pui !
43. Anne | June 18th, 2009 at 8:25 pm
Hello Su Ann. This is an awesome piece of gathered thoughts. I love how you wrote: ‘but i love you most at night, like this, when you are sleeping and snoring like a bear would, and i can say all kinds of soothing things to you that you never hear because i always forget to unmute the microphone. love is so weird.’
Sometimes I feel just the same with my partner when he’s asleep. Not that we’ve argued, when thinking about it, we never get into a fight or a heated argument. He’s just adorable when he’s sleeping.
All the best to you. You will do very well. :)
44. jodoink | June 24th, 2009 at 10:07 am
Hey Su Ann,
Being in a LDR for about a year now, i now know i can’t be in one. It just takes one event for you to miss the other person and wishing you can share those lil details with that person.
But of course, i am not saying it’s not for everyone. It Takes 2 hands to clap, but sadly, distance has made us distant too.
Stay strong Su Ann, it will all get better soon.
P/s: love reading your post, love how you pen everything that it hits home.
45. papa2hapa | June 25th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
Just blog drive by…but this post really struck a chord with me. It is well written, beautifully even in tone, and hits home as I’m going through a long distance relationship. Good luck, and keep blogging
46. Poignant Writing « &hellip | July 3rd, 2009 at 6:10 pm
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47. no.1 fan | August 9th, 2009 at 11:26 pm
you are very talented writer!
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