time traveling is over, kiddos. it’s back to earth and real timezones now, or more accurately, it’s back to a single timezone, where i alone reside. i left london prematurely. that means a lot of things are no longer happening, among which are the Britney concert i was going to attend on wednesday night, visits to Cambridge and Manchester to see Voon and Emily respectively, and a lifetime. but there will always be new lifetimes, hopefully happier ones.

i’m writing this on the plane. the flight is taking longer than it should be, and i have a feeling i’m going to miss my transit flight out of Singapore, but the bright side is that i can hang out around Changi for a bit. i’ve missed Changi — trees of many memories grow there for me. my favorite one is the memory of the airport clinic; that doctor was the brusque one who didnt nag. streams of sunlight are flooding the cabin right now. Lenny is bathed in a pool of that golden stuff but he remains fast asleep. he bared his tummy to me earlier as consolation, and i rubbed it, but it just wasnt the same.

i am confused at the lack of conflict i am feeling. i must have really psyched myself out to the point of numbness. but you see, the point here is that i am okay. i dont care what anybody says about the destruction that lies in the wake of always expecting the worst — the truth is that you always emerge prepared to handle the hardest of times. do you remember the time you weren’t prepared? do you remember how you felt like you wanted to die? see, right now, all i’m feeling is that i just had the wind knocked out off my stomach. this constant sinking feeling. shards of heart. dusty dreams. it’s still not a very pleasant combination, but at least it’s all physiological. and it’s a lot better than feeling like i want to die. it’s also better than a lifetime of dying bit by bit every day.

in two hours, i will be back in the arms of the people who truly love me and would never hurt me the way i’ve been hurt today.

edit: i am home now :) CALL ME, FOLKS.