as i was crumbling, he came to my rescue; swiftly, without signal or shadow, swooping down to envelop me in warm, familiar sounds and heart-filling explosions. you are here, i exhaled with the last breath that clawed its way out of my throat, please dont leave me again i could not bear it if you did. but as i grasped in cold panic, he became old teak wood splinters and fell to the ground in a faceless and soulless heap of dust, so quickly and painfully, at my fingertips. why would you do this to me. why would you show me glimpses and then — be back again, shooting out of the soil with tremendous speed and great strength, just as i’ve always known, providing canopy, scowling, gentle. i have no blood left for this fever; you have to either stay or go.