The Scent of Dead Things
October 19th, 2009
one of the gifts i got for my birthday (as you can see, i have abandoned the practice of chronicling my 21 gifts) was a stethoscope. a pink stethoscope, which the people close to me would know i have always wished to possess, if only for the sole reason of listening to this mysterious pulse that i have in my abdomen. it throbs very strongly and visibly when i am lying down, and i take a very strange liking to asking people (close to me) if they would like to feel my pulse!.
i’ve always wanted to listen to this pulse through a stethoscope, so imagine my disappointment when i was finally presented with my very own (pink) stethoscope, only to find that stethoscopes dont carry the sounds of pulses.
so what i do now is listen to my heartbeat instead, which makes the stethoscope happy (it’s doing what it was meant to do), but makes me sad (because i can hear how strange my heart feels). the murmuring of my heart sounds fragile and defiant and weak. there is no conclusion to this — just that my sadness is begetting more sadness, and this cyclical madness is preventing me from getting many things accomplished.
as always, i have been angry. and in my anger, i do stupid things. or maybe things that seem stupid right now, but will later prove to be just good. the problem is that i cant get the scents out of my head. both scents — both that of dead things that reside in moments a) hastily fondled, and b) hesitantly circumnavigated and then recklessly plunged into. both lie hanging in my closet. i am scared. i fear that i may have ’sealed the deal’, but in many ways it’s a very liberating fear. at the same time, i’m nervous about the sobriety with which i am approaching these things. honestly, why do i care?
sometime almost a year ago, i grew up and then i grew down within a disrespectfully short period of time. this time, it’s the same. i’m oscillating between two stable steady states, with or without the aid of some big bad entity. is it really so hard to love and be loved?
this, by the way, marks the official end of time traveling.
a password protected post will be coming up soon. when i figure out how to NOT let google cache pick up my protected post (ha ha ha), i will write it. until then, please drop me a line (or two, or more, depending how chatty you feel like) at quitequaintly[at]gmail[[dot]]com if you’d like the password. do know that i am perhaps the pickiest person in the world when it comes to privacy, so if you would really like to read the private post, please be at least somewhat transparent with your identity. i know most of you are strangers, but i’d still like to know who’s reading my lesser-veiled thoughts.
Entry Filed under: Musings
31 Comments Add your own
1. Lisa Cheah | October 19th, 2009 at 8:08 am
Interesting, I never wondered what is that funky sound I get from my tummy, but now you got me intrigued! :D
2. pinkpau | October 19th, 2009 at 8:09 am
lisa, it’s not so much a sound as it is a pulse. when i lie down, i can see it pulsating from beneath my skin. it’s quite scarily queer
3. Patricia | October 19th, 2009 at 8:35 am
i dont know why but telescopes reminds me of giggles.
4. aomee | October 19th, 2009 at 8:44 am
haha. i have a prominent vein in my left wrist which i always play with and ask people “hey you want to watch my blood flow?”
5. izza | October 19th, 2009 at 9:22 am
nice stet..and its pink! i’ve never seen one in pink!
6. zzzyun | October 19th, 2009 at 9:26 am
hmm pulsation in the abdomen… maybe u gotta get that check out.. it might be an abdominal aortic aneurysm.. =/
7. nyrac | October 19th, 2009 at 10:04 am
or maybe just your normal abdominal aortic pulse if you’re really skinny.
pink stethoscopes. the ones in paeds come in pastel pink. mine’s a boring navy blue :( am so gonna buy one in a more chic colour when i start earning.
8. kehrol | October 19th, 2009 at 10:11 am
can i write you a neurotic email in the hope you will let me read your post? :P
9. ShaolinTiger | October 19th, 2009 at 11:19 am
I’m not a stranger so you better give me the password kthxbai.
10. reallybites | October 19th, 2009 at 11:53 am
i need to send you email also ka?
11. pinkpau | October 19th, 2009 at 12:22 pm
kehrole, ST, reallybites, yes pls send! cos i’m sorting out the contact lists from my inbox
12. mg | October 19th, 2009 at 7:48 pm
quite sure it’s normal to feel your abdominal pulsation, i can feel mine too. lol.. unles you are an old man and smoker then you’d have to have checked out. :)
i LOVE pink stethoscope!! too bad i bought mine in red instead, so regret that now!! =\
13. chiet | October 19th, 2009 at 10:06 pm
agree it might be a AAA. get it checked out soon. kinda unlikely for you but better be safe.
tc.
14. KY | October 19th, 2009 at 10:39 pm
you will tell me the password via twitter direct message!
15. CraSH | October 19th, 2009 at 11:44 pm
is it some emo post?? hmm… ok ok, can you send it to me? i will read it when i am less busy. hmm… you can always listen to your heart beat using the stethoscope, just not the pulse.
anyway, is it snowing yet in NYC?
16. *dAwN | October 19th, 2009 at 11:53 pm
I also feel the “pulse” in my abdomen. I was actually wondering about how that worked. :D
Cute stethoscope!
17. sieutheng | October 20th, 2009 at 8:26 am
i also need to send meh? :\
the stethoscope is so izzie.
18. peach | October 21st, 2009 at 3:15 am
hehe
maybe your heart got something interesting to say :)
and this stethoscope may just be the thing to help you hear!
(that scary pulse sounds so scary….)
:S
19. Whoopee Lane | October 21st, 2009 at 5:43 pm
It is normal to feel (palpate, is the term medics enjoy using) the pulsations of the abdominal aorta in thin people ;-) Nothing to worry about unless you feel severe pain, with a background history of high blood pressure, heart attack, etc! This post caught my eye because I have a pink stethoscope too!
20. MIchelle | October 21st, 2009 at 6:33 pm
I’ll leave you to your thoughts. :)
21. vvens | October 21st, 2009 at 8:15 pm
huhuhu. i dint know google can cache pick the password protected post! that’s scary……
22. izzat aziz | October 21st, 2009 at 10:38 pm
new here, need tht password..haha
seriously in pink? never see doctor use one before.. :D
23. Mar | October 23rd, 2009 at 4:39 am
You’re a good story teller you know that? And i’ve never met anyone who measures abdomen pulses, at least not till today. A bit weird, but in a good way. So too bad the pink stets can’t serve you the way you wished them to. It happens in life. ;p
N to protect that which you hold dearly, and especially if your intention is to protecting your posts away from Google, then here’s a tip (wordpress): Use a noindex/nofollow plugin –>: http://kempwire.com/wordpress-ultimate-noindex-nofollow-plugin
Otherwise, password protected pages r just as good.
24. sheon | October 23rd, 2009 at 8:43 am
my tummy has all sorts of noise, like internal farting like that. haha
but it really is a very unique gift for your birthday….
25. tze | October 24th, 2009 at 9:46 am
i lazy to email u la so i dont care i want ur password
26. Jin rui | October 24th, 2009 at 10:08 am
Everyone wants the password su ann =p
27. Victor | October 24th, 2009 at 1:31 pm
You might want to add some filling characters in between your email to avoid getting weird ads instead. I would like to read the new posts, but I judge myself to be a not close enough friend. Okay, I’m just lazy to write you an email. =P
28. Artie | October 24th, 2009 at 6:39 pm
Shall I then beg for the password via email???
U sure ur not pregnant ar? Use the stet again…might hear 2 hearts beating…HAHAHAHA
29. annabella | October 25th, 2009 at 6:23 am
Can I have your password as well? Pweettyy pleeaassee?? Hehe..
Love the pink stet! I have a friend who was just looking for one the other day. She’ll be so envious to see it on your blog. hehe..
30. breadpitt | October 27th, 2009 at 3:31 pm
hey hey…nothing to do with this post….btw….i saw previos post where u get a chance to dessert some laudree macaron….gosh..jelouse…;-)
31. yvonne | January 14th, 2010 at 11:37 pm
hi! new reader to your blog – my colleague highly recommended your blog and i’m finding it a very insightful read. anyway, thought to say keep up the good work and hope all’s well on your end.
ps: julian (the CEO in your pic) is a high school mate of mine – it’s such a small world!
take care
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