The One Foot Rule
November 25th, 2009
i often stumble into those things that i’ve tried hard to parcel away into just ’some month’ in the many months of many life. but it’s almost that time of year again, and the renewed festivities in the air bring me back to that epoch, that carefully partitioned meadow that i often look at longingly from behind a glass wall. it smells like fresh sheets and the melting evening sun. it sounds like the soft giggles of secret sex. it’s so very, very tempting and it lies there, beckoning me to come in, and it promises to be so warm — but like everything else in history, it is inaccessible to me because i am older now. i have grown and i have moved on. for every day that i wake up and think, shit, i’m late for class, i am really moving one day away from it, further and further until it is displaced from me and mine and i will no longer remember the sounds and the smells and how he looked as he watched me put on makeup. i was putting on eyeliner. i saw him watching from the mirror, so i turned around and asked, what? nothing, he said, it’s just cool that i’m dating a girly girl. we’re not dating, i wanted to say. are we? then we slipped out of the house together, my hand safe and snug in his pocket, my heart comfortably resting on his, and he held me close in the blustering winds. one foot rule, okay? that’s what we decided on. we had to keep a distance of one foot from each other for the night. this is my friend! i introduced him. i basked in the awkwardness with which he handled my friends, and me, as i playfully ruffled all the seams of his composure within a one foot radius. he sat beside me during dinner, and i complained loudly, emily make him stop! he’s flirting with me! and emily shouted over, yeah stop flirting with her! he blushed hard and i laughed cruelly with emily. later that night, when the one foot rule had dissipated and we were entwined and warm under the sheets, i giggled and apologized for being mean. he smiled, kissed me, and we fell asleep holding hands. it’s always like that. it’s always about me being mean for the sake of fun and glittery excitement, while he just kisses me and waits patiently until i’m bored of the game du jour, and i return to him, pouting. but i like the fun and the excitement. i can’t give it up, no matter what month of the year it is. there is a pace, and i wanted him to run with me too. but everything happened so long ago, and i’m so in danger of forgetting him. today i did not think about him at all. i appreciated the realization that i had simply forgot to keep him at the fringes of my mind, if not at the very center. it made me feel like i was finally in control. but then it occurred to me that i’ve only been awake for three hours today, and three hours of not thinking about him is not very substantial. nevertheless it’s a start. i’m thinking less and less about him, and every day that i wake up is another day further from ’some month’ in the many months of my life.
Entry Filed under: Musings, Unsent Letters
52 Comments Add your own
1. Karl | November 25th, 2009 at 9:46 pm
that… was nice.
2. flory | November 25th, 2009 at 10:19 pm
is there a like button. *presses like button*
3. Kristine | November 25th, 2009 at 10:44 pm
*presses like button too*
4. michelle | November 25th, 2009 at 10:46 pm
the other day i watched ‘no reservations”. the little girl cried because she was afraid that she will forget her mom who passed away.
tell me that you are not that little girl.
5. strawberrymilkmama | November 25th, 2009 at 10:48 pm
this is lovely.
6. theman | November 25th, 2009 at 10:54 pm
wah, u quite difficult girl to please huh? must be very tiring being ur bf
7. Anonymous | November 25th, 2009 at 11:52 pm
Thanksgiving day with turkey n malaysian food in jersey!
8. kiasu andrew | November 26th, 2009 at 12:30 am
@theman you have no idea.
9. xiao | November 26th, 2009 at 12:50 am
<3
10. xiao | November 26th, 2009 at 12:58 am
please drop econs/math and major in eng lit or something
11. Mar | November 26th, 2009 at 1:32 am
Drop everything, and just write. It could be made into a movie some day, and when it does you’d want Peter Jackson as your Director. ;)
12. caffy | November 26th, 2009 at 2:25 am
“but like everything else in history, it is inaccessible to me because i am older now. i have grown and i have moved on.”
That reminded me of Catcher in the Rye. Where Holden said how he’s different, older, every time he goes to the museum.
Pinkpau, if you ever publish a book just about things like these, I’d buy it.
13. Winnie | November 26th, 2009 at 2:54 am
me likey :)
14. Lisa Cheah | November 26th, 2009 at 6:29 am
<3
That was a bit sweet, and not.
15. Lisa Cheah | November 26th, 2009 at 6:33 am
Now that I am less mushy and being a butterball of sobs :P
I can comment again, that was such an adorable post but with so much meaning into it! :)
awwww.
16. mumzzy | November 26th, 2009 at 7:34 am
so sad wan. please give it a happy ending …
17. nyrac | November 26th, 2009 at 8:18 am
one foot rule. nice. seriously, has no one offered you a writing deal yet?
18. wai2kit | November 26th, 2009 at 8:58 am
Always been a fan of the way you tell your stories. =)
19. chareli | November 26th, 2009 at 9:05 am
ditto wai2kit. ditto. =))
20. steph | November 26th, 2009 at 11:08 am
nice! T.T
21. sheon | November 26th, 2009 at 12:35 pm
a good start. sleep more often.
22. mifeng | November 26th, 2009 at 2:41 pm
love how you tell stories!!
23. aya | November 26th, 2009 at 6:20 pm
bittersweet.
i miss your long lenghty personal posts :) happy thanksgiving su ann! turkey?
24. Gin | November 26th, 2009 at 10:45 pm
i mish you X(
25. rachel | November 26th, 2009 at 11:31 pm
hello, have been a silent reader for a long time but I really love what you wrote! (:
26. fuk u | November 27th, 2009 at 5:31 am
this is getting worse everytime we read it.
27. Anon | November 27th, 2009 at 6:59 am
You are by far one of the best writers among all the blogs I’ve stumbled upon. Your posts are brilliance and the choice of words are just perfect. So creative but yet so many people could relate to it. Do us a favor and publish a book already! :)
28. Jin rui | November 27th, 2009 at 1:46 pm
Lol look Su Ann you have a hater. But who cares right cos it seems that it’s already automatically decided that haters are basically losers.
29. PaperPlanes | November 27th, 2009 at 5:29 pm
this is a very very nice post
i can feel the emotion through the words
30. alice | November 27th, 2009 at 11:08 pm
hi there! i know this is random but I will be heading to Paris soon and I read through one of your posts that you stayed at a hotel on Champs Elysees? May I know what the hotel name is and if you have stayed in others, recommend any places to stay? thanks so much!
31. Voon | November 27th, 2009 at 11:26 pm
wow. have i ever told you. you’re such a good writer xxx
32. helen | November 28th, 2009 at 5:40 am
memories are hard to look at. emotion is so wonderful yet painful.
you never said why it ended
33. pinkpau | November 28th, 2009 at 6:31 am
karl : thank u :) kind of you to say
flory & kristine : i think some blogs actually do have that function!
michelle : luckily i still have my mommy :)
strawberrymilkmama : thank u :)
theman : i sometimes think i know the answer to that question, but i am often proved wrong
anonymous : me too! but in queens
xiao : <3 back. hehe but eng lit’s more reading and interpretation than writing
mar : i’m not sure if that’s a compliment or an insult (re peter jackson) but i’ll take it as a compliment. haha. :)
caffy : wow i didnt have holden in mind when i wrote that. but thank you for the reminder, and the vote of confidence!
winnie : haha! glad you do.
lisa cheah : butterball! what a lovely word. may i borrow that sometime?
mumzzy : sometimes it’s best to stop and just do damage control
nyrac : haha i wishhhhh.
wai2kit and chareli : thank you, but winds of change are approaching, i think
steph : thanks!
sheon : this weekend had sooooo much sleep in it like you wont believe!
mifeng : thank you :)
aya : much of it, indeed. a lot of it went into the bin though :( happy thanksgiving!
gin : miss u too! btw i’m coming back end dec / early jan. party?
rachel : thank u :) how kind
fuk u : maybe you should leave then
anon : thank you :) i’d like to write a book too but i really dont think i’m good enough. or ever will be! probably all 32 of you will buy my book and that’s it :(
jin rui : can’t win them all :)
paper planes : my keyboard was soaked with (figurative) blood when i finished this post
alice : i did not stay on the champs elysees, and i’m not sure i ever said that. i stayed at the hotel villa saint germain, which is on rue jacob in the saint germain des pres area
voon : no you havent ^___^
helen : long story
34. Zeek | November 28th, 2009 at 8:16 am
you wanna know wat i think about this entry?
35. pinkpau | November 28th, 2009 at 8:48 am
sure let’s hear it
36. chm | November 28th, 2009 at 8:54 am
In American fashion, Fckin A!
37. Voon | November 28th, 2009 at 9:54 am
so many things we’ve yet to learn about love… sigh sigh
38. colin | November 28th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
33 to buy your book. => great post. have a splendid week.
39. THeAccidentalDweeb | November 28th, 2009 at 10:56 pm
Make that 34. Very descriptive and well-written.
40. nicky | November 29th, 2009 at 4:07 am
pink pau,
are you talking about martian? you still heart him?
41. yingxian | November 29th, 2009 at 5:58 am
you can add me to that number of people who would buy your book. :)
42. gypsy-on-the-move | November 29th, 2009 at 7:30 am
Wow…what a beautifully written post. It is always hard to NOT think about the people that once come into our life and was in the center of it. Stand strong yeah! =)
43. carol | November 29th, 2009 at 9:36 am
/sayangs
44. zen | November 29th, 2009 at 9:37 am
i would buy your book :)
45. Alisa | November 29th, 2009 at 10:24 am
Your blog is the best wordy one I’ve read so far! It’s full of words but you can’t stop reading! You can really express yourself! :D Like can feel the emotions through the words :)
46. Gin | November 29th, 2009 at 10:25 am
hah..what party =p i dont party. lets do something slow and healthy!! i u even have time in ure buy schedule. lol
47. Deanna | November 29th, 2009 at 11:39 am
I really enjoy reading your posts. Gotta love the vocab you use as it is very visual (and presses to the literature heart).
Thanks for sharing with us! :)
48. yvo | November 30th, 2009 at 12:38 am
i think u guys should gv it another shot :( sometimes it works kan,..
49. jess | November 30th, 2009 at 12:07 pm
your post helped end my day very nicely…glad i read this before going to bed. thank you dear
50. kindaichi | December 1st, 2009 at 1:08 am
love reading your wordy posts. keep writing :)
51. pet | December 2nd, 2009 at 4:58 am
You know what’s really cool? People don’t only read your blog posts, but they actually take the time to read ALL the comments posted before adding their own. Haha very nice.
52. Foong Jin | December 2nd, 2009 at 1:27 pm
this is amazing, beautiful, heartfelt. i adore you. :)
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