How to sustain a working relationship with your cat.
January 13th, 2010
No, I’m not gonna talk about the allah-tuhan-hantu suci issue that’s going on in Malaysia right now. In fact I think religion is the cause of so much of the world’s problems that the less airtime we give it the better. God is fully capable of defending herself. Instead we should dilute religion’s influence by talking about more pressing issues, like human rights, charity, the environment and cats. That’s right, cats, god’s beautiful creatures, are a subject of equal spiritual weight with religion.
A cat, in particular a kitten, is not an easy creature to cohabit with. It’s sulky, arrogant, self-serving and to say the least, reckless with its relationship with you. Believe you me, it is prepared to die rather than let you have your way. Behind that innocent exterior is a mind scheming to murder you and needing love at the same time which presents a dilemma of formidable proportions.
So why own a cat? Because, let’s face it, we are needy and specifically we are needy to be in companionship with beautiful creatures. A cat is a beautiful creature. We are also intrigued by a cat’s mysterious ways. Its sweet purring and mewing, its enthusiastic pursuit of fur balls, are stuff that keep us awake at night. It keeps us guessing about where we stand in their eyes and when they finally acknowledge our existence and accept our love it gives us the validation we crave. The rare bestowing of conversation, laughter and warmth by your cat gives credence to your own vain existence. We are not the antithesis of feline behaviour, we are in fact, its mirror image. It is not an exaggeration to say that the cat we love is also our enemy.
First and foremost, the basis for having a good relationship with your cat is to deny yourself. This is only superficially the case due to the fact that you have resigned your sorry self to love a cat: denying yourself is the most fundamental strategy for self gratification when seen in the light of its instrumentality in extracting cat love. When you feel the need to kiss, hold or caress, resist the temptation to do so or at least do so in measured amounts. Your cat will come to you when it is ready.
This self-abnegation also takes a conversational dimension. You are not to talk about yourself while conversing with your cat save to chat about the canned food you have procured from the pet store. While talking, expect to be treated like you’re secondary or even non-existent. Channel the conversation instead to itself and agree without question. Occasionally, you may be spectacularly rewarded with an enquiry into your day.
So you know the drill- don’t be your normal self. Don’t crave to express yourself as an individual. Don’t get worked up like you normally do if you don’t get a response. Don’t overexpose your enthusiasm. Don’t have a mind of your own. Agree, support and sacrifice. Don’t hope to get love and respect whenever you want it. Only be grateful and happy when you do get it. Be calm, generous, accepting, cool and composed. The person to emulate is Bond, James Bond, the suave, debonair spy who has a line and gadget for everything, and if all else fails, there’s still martini.
There are times when a cat will get into trouble or do something to either your or its own detriment. Eg. choking on blades of leaves, toppling fragile household items, chewing off your cushion etc. In such instances admonish it gently if you are courageous but not too much. If you have less guts or if you are made up of bottomless magnanimity, just choose to let it go. Give it all the love you can in a gentle, encouraging voice. Expect it to commit the same misdemeanours over and over again, but it is not your place to get angry. You will see trouble coming. But don’t be righteous and say “I told you so”.
Give it space. Don’t overwhelm it with your supposed love when all you are doing is just looking for fulfillment of your own desire for beauty. If it wants to hide in an obscure corner, let it. You will have a sense of loss and longing in your heart but that sacrifice is going to be worth it. What will make you more attractive is to mirror the cat’s carefree and cool attitude and soon you will be rewarded with cat fur brushing against your skin.
Entertain your cat. The quantity of toys that can be bought for a cat is infinite in breadth and expense. Colourful feathery stuff in particular are very pleasing to cats’ eyes. So are subtly mobile objects like balls and the occasional rodent if you want to reflect a degree of class.
One instance where you have the upper hand is in the case of feeding. As a cat has great propensity to eat, overfeeding it will only do injustice to your advantage. Giving in to every plea for food will only make it lose respect for you. Therefore be sparing in the number of feedings to maintain your purposeful standing. A night of mild starvation will pay off in the morning when they will be bright eyed and begging for nourishment.
With this I wish you and your cat a life happily ever after.
Entry Filed under: General
41 Comments Add your own
1. joyce | January 13th, 2010 at 5:07 am
You know, you can put this in a pet shop selling cats.
The cats will definitely sell better. Haha.
I prefer dogs though. Because they’re so lively and full of love (and saliva).
Anyway… why “herself” instead of “Himself” in “God is fully capable of defending herself.”?
2. Kristine | January 13th, 2010 at 5:36 am
martian?
3. Sherry | January 13th, 2010 at 5:51 am
Methinks it’s Martian too..
4. castalia | January 13th, 2010 at 6:01 am
Hello, martian. I’m guessing Flapjack is being your Le Chiffre?
5. yapthomas | January 13th, 2010 at 6:35 am
A cat just like you?
6. Jin Rui | January 13th, 2010 at 7:35 am
what about dogs? =3
7. michelle | January 13th, 2010 at 7:38 am
Ingenious write up on relationship with the opposite sex
8. Keefe Chan | January 13th, 2010 at 7:54 am
me guesses that pinkpau is talking about malaysia
9. pamsong | January 13th, 2010 at 8:24 am
Me no likes cats. Down with cats. Doggies are the way to go. =)
10. strawberrymilkmama | January 13th, 2010 at 10:06 am
well written. particularly that last paragraph. :)
11. claudia | January 13th, 2010 at 10:37 am
this cannot be su ann because su ann does not use caps.
12. liz | January 13th, 2010 at 11:41 am
metaphors. cool.
13. Ryan Teoh | January 13th, 2010 at 1:07 pm
Hmm.. How about tips on how to sustain relationships between a dog and a cat? Any clues? ;)
14. zzzyun | January 13th, 2010 at 1:53 pm
haha. interesting metaphors for relationships with males. ;) well im assuming the cat is refering to a male, it seems to have many of those characteristics.
15. songjun | January 13th, 2010 at 2:09 pm
this post is about Michelle Pfeiffer
16. carol | January 13th, 2010 at 2:30 pm
HA!. cats.
that is all i have to say.
17. TummyRumble | January 13th, 2010 at 2:50 pm
thats y, dogs are better.. by dogs i don’t mean gays.. ahaha
18. TheRealAnonymous | January 13th, 2010 at 4:54 pm
Whoa… capital letter after every period huh?… Something must REALLY be bothering you!
19. celeste | January 13th, 2010 at 5:38 pm
the guest writer!!!!!!!!!!;p
20. Yii | January 13th, 2010 at 6:22 pm
this is a post about su ann.
21. KY | January 13th, 2010 at 9:34 pm
with the profile pic looking like that, everyone should know this laydee is talking about herself again. :P
22. xiao | January 13th, 2010 at 11:16 pm
perhaps it’s another person’s computer with auto-capitalizations
23. Myhorng | January 13th, 2010 at 11:35 pm
u make me relate cat to someone now. LOL
24. aimee | January 14th, 2010 at 12:32 am
this is ingenious! i dont even like cats but i sure love this.
25. sweatlee | January 14th, 2010 at 12:57 am
haha confirm it’s martian! cause 1. capitalized letters and 2. it’s BORING who cares about cats martian wtf
but god=herself..hmm i take that boring part back
26. martian | January 14th, 2010 at 1:09 pm
joyce..cos she spoke to me :)
krist.. yes?
sher.. you is right
casta… yes. flappy is evil
yappy…no i’m the one doing the feeding
jin… dogs are angels sent to check the cats
mich.. you’re the smartest
keef.. is your real name keith?
pam.. yay dogs
straw.. last paragraph? was jus a lazy way to end. oh i was really tempted to call u veryberry
claud.. wow pinkpau has some strong branding with small caps
liz..it’s impossible to truncate your name
ryan.. dogs are from mars and cats are from venus, in short, impossible
zz.. especially the one about liking colourful feathery stuff
song.. that’s one cool cat
carol.. nooo. pls say more.
tum.. lol thanks for clarifying. it’s easy to be mistaken in this day and age
anon.. yes- grammar.
cel.. *bows
yi.. correct! how you know?
ky.. i can’t truncate your name either
Xiao.. What’s With This Preoccupation With Capitalisation
my.. i’m glad :)
ai.. thankee, but you shd give cats a try ;)
sweat.. i like your new hairdo wtf
27. Yii | January 14th, 2010 at 6:25 pm
I read between the lines :)
28. Gin | January 15th, 2010 at 1:42 am
hhahaha. damn cute lar u. hahahhaa. u remind me of the time su ann sent mass sms-es going meow.
29. bjk | January 15th, 2010 at 3:19 am
looks like it’s really hard to maintain the human-cat(pinkpau) relationship
30. Mar | January 15th, 2010 at 4:01 am
An invitation to play within a cat’s world is only temporary and reserved only for the privileged. Gotta enjoy it whilst it lasts. Good post. ; )
31. xiao | January 15th, 2010 at 4:08 am
only due to its lack ;)
32. Cat Lover | January 15th, 2010 at 9:29 am
What an awesome post! Its so true!
33. Kristine | January 15th, 2010 at 10:19 am
martian, blog more. thank you
34. reader | January 15th, 2010 at 11:08 am
pls blog more
35. raZZbeRRy | January 15th, 2010 at 2:14 pm
Oh, I can relate!
36. gypsy-on-the-move | January 15th, 2010 at 10:06 pm
cats are graceful but I don’t know why I am afraid of them. =(
37. seth.frostheart | January 16th, 2010 at 4:53 am
i love the relationship metaphors in this post. or maybe i just have a knack to over analyse *smiles*
personally i am attracted to cats and i tend to spoil them too much. detrimental to my emotional health. maybe i should start looking at dogs. i was told that dogs loves you more than they love themselves… hmm…
38. castalia | January 16th, 2010 at 7:50 am
I wonder if the cat appreciates being called sulky, arrogant and self-serving….
39. tamtim | January 16th, 2010 at 10:19 pm
Ok. I’m buying a cat. I’m sold.
40. Adrian | January 18th, 2010 at 6:23 am
hmm, i think this is not even the martian. for a hong konger, he knows what is hantu suci or even knows how to use the name?! *sceptical look
41. carol | January 22nd, 2010 at 4:51 am
@adrian HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
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