This Week
February 2nd, 2010
saturday- his slender legs cut across the glow of the curtains as he crossed them elegantly. from where i was lying, the sculpture seemed like something unforgettable, and everything we had been talking about faded away as we giggled furiously into each other’s shoulders. trust, and love, were big ballooning gulps that had no place in this night, in arlington, in bed. and it occurred to me briefly that the words from that old song are true — whatever will be, will be. trying to catch up with the future entails so much heartache, and oftentimes there really is no point to the paranoia. so what if i cry? so what if trust is a hollow shell? so what if love is fleeting? sometimes it feels like these little moments, each high pitched laugh, is enough to be the balm for the painful end. if i could divide every small brush of eyelash into infinitely many pieces, or shred each excited whisper into a hundred million fragments, and ration them in times of startling bad luck — they become like armour. they become this much, like deliciously overladen jam on bread. the horrible ends become worth it as long as we have these small, little, infinitesimal grains of hope.
friday- how easy it is to find, and lose, best friends. with one fell swoop, the people closest to us are crucified, and complete strangers are initiated into our lives. perhaps it is because we are all judgmental, we are all hurting, and we are all seeking out some kernel of this world in which we can reside and be comfortably ourselves. so we slash through the thicket with no mercy. in the process we get cut and stung. and someone always gets lost. i lost two best friends this year, but found two new ones. everything keeps sprouting, like a plant, or a lizard’s tail, in this almost mocking fashion. hah! there goes one but here comes another! do i miss the old ones? often. do i remind myself of the gnarled correspondences we had as we neared the death of our friendships? always. because it pushes me along, and it reminds me that there are many things that are simply out of my hands. i can put them on limited profile on facebook, i can send them back all of their stuff in a box, i can write fakely cheerful emails (oh! hi– yes, you can keep the dog. have a good day ahead!), but i can’t deny that there needs to be space for renewal in everyone’s life– my own, and theirs, and everyone else on the periphery of our small worlds. and as for my new best friends, they are actually old best friends, but wonderful.
wednesday- it was a waffles and coffee at artopolis morning. the kind of morning where one wakes up early and decides to read some long lost fiction instead of attempting to move the tip of the required readings iceberg. because it was going to be a busy and very long day of school, and very important in deciding what the other half of my double major is supposed to be, i ended up skipping all of my classes. i talked on the phone, slept, dreamed of snake-hunting adventures in twilit PJ, (finally) did some writing, practiced some italian, shared stories with my roommate in between her classes, sent out a postcard, went downtown. it was a good day. if only all days could be as lazy and cozy. if only all days were this enlightening. no one ever has the right answers anyway. have you ever gone snake hunting in PJ? you just drive slowly around the jalan gasing area, or any suburb that’s close to a forest. bring your favourite person with you, and talk about anything at all as you both hunt together. and when you see that snake slithering serenely and carelessly across the tar road, from one drain to the other, bathed in the freezing headlights of your car… it is the most breathtaking moment in the world. time halts, and for a languorous, liquid eternity, it is just you, your favourite person, and the snake. the snake is so beautiful to watch precisely because it doesnt give a shit about you. it will move slowly, flickering across the path in any kind of red or black or green, and you will be there, watching it with your mouth agape and your eyes sparkling. inevitably your favourite person will brush fingers with you. that is the kind of night i left behind.
Entry Filed under: General
44 Comments Add your own
1. flory | February 2nd, 2010 at 4:49 am
i really love this.
2. jane doe | February 2nd, 2010 at 5:01 am
“inevitably your favourite person will brush fingers with you”
^^ best. line. ever. (especially more so with british spelling)
and im taking italian too! mi piace parlare italiano!
3. joisle | February 2nd, 2010 at 7:01 am
you write beautifully.
4. chm | February 2nd, 2010 at 10:34 am
Girl, i got 1 thing yo say ta ya. Go quit whatever course ya takin and start writing novels. On the other hand, you may have to super-simplify it for most Malaysian readers so that they have a fair chance of even guessing what you wrote. Friends come and go but there are ones that will be with even if you are six feet under. Mail me frozen waffles and coffee beans if you dont mind :P
5. carol | February 2nd, 2010 at 10:42 am
aih i fell asleep wtf.
OOPS gtg class ttyl!!
6. colin | February 2nd, 2010 at 1:41 pm
i liked this. take care
7. sweatlee | February 2nd, 2010 at 1:55 pm
eh this is damn weird. im in the comp lab and the name for this comment box thingy is songjun??? what does that mean?? does it mean he left a comment for your blog in this comp before?? im konpiused!!
anyway, i’m always amazed at how cheerful u are in real life and how your posts always show a different (but good) side of you. it’s like..i know two su anns. mmm
8. Treble | February 2nd, 2010 at 2:24 pm
Let me guess!
Saturday: Dom
Friday: +Joe +Dom
Wed: ??!
9. peach | February 2nd, 2010 at 3:17 pm
never stop writing. ever.
10. color of life | February 2nd, 2010 at 3:32 pm
It’s just beautifully written. Keep it up. Live life and cherish every moment……
11. bs | February 2nd, 2010 at 3:49 pm
i love your writing T________T
12. Michelle Chin | February 2nd, 2010 at 7:14 pm
So time-traveler-ish. A bit like reading about henry and clare… except this is suann and suann.
13. Mar | February 3rd, 2010 at 12:15 am
If blogging was the Oscar, you’d win Best Picture, Best Director, Best Score, Best everything lah. Those words you spun, they are…. captivating.
Cheers, may your glass always be full, in the year of the Tiger. Wait, have we heard that tagline somewhere? Hmm…
14. quaintly | February 3rd, 2010 at 3:11 am
flory, glad you do :)
jane doe, oh molto bene!! quanto tempo hai studiato l’italiano?
joisle, thank you :)
chm, eh dont say that! malaysians dont need simplified stuff. well i write vaguely only partially because it’s a stylistic thing with me, but also because i dont always want people to know exactly what (or who :) i’m talking abt
carol, hahaha wtf good morning!
colin, you take care too. :)
sweatlee, yeah it’s a bug with my blog! when you open the comments sometimes it keeps the data from a former commenter. i get it sometimes too when i’m not logged in. suet li it’s funny that you say that… cos sometimes i think i’m bipolar. or at least residing in two worlds.
treble, haha wrong on both counts. well actually, partially right for one. :)
peach, oh i could never, even if i tried
color of life, i will. you do the same too :)
bs, thank you T____T
michelle, i love that book. watched the movie and loved it too despite the flawed ending. keep wanting to write a post abt it but i never do
mar, aiyo you overpraise… :) i actually meant for my next post to be about honduras, but i felt a little nostalgic yesterday morning so i just wrote this post quickly (in class, hahaha… then kena scold by prof for not paying attention) as i was thinking about the past week.
15. Michelle Chin | February 3rd, 2010 at 4:28 am
THEN WRITE ABOUT IT! because i would love to read it.
16. jane doe | February 3rd, 2010 at 5:34 am
L’ho studiato per tre mesi, ma parlo molto male… ):
(and i hope im getting this correct ><)
17. sheue | February 3rd, 2010 at 6:40 am
I love your writing. It’s so captivating.
18. suz | February 3rd, 2010 at 7:14 am
this is another good entry =)
it’s vague but i guess being vague is good at times. it allows others to interpret it in their own way and perhaps relate to it personally. i like how u make the littlest details profound. i too am fond of these small little details. sometimes a bit too fond :P
keep on writing. you’re a rare talent.
19. quaintly | February 3rd, 2010 at 7:56 am
michelle, soon soon! let me work out my semester schedule firsttttt. and my frustating double major dilemma
jane doe, sembra giusto! ah.. italiano e’ un linguaggio meraviglioso.. :) ho interrotto le me lezioni di quest’anno, ma continuera’ il prossimo anno
sheue, thank you :)
suz, actually this post isn’t very vague right? i was quite explicit… i guess perhaps it seems vague cos i didnt reveal any identities. and i love it when writing is interpretable in evolving manners, so your comment is high praise to me. thank you. :)
20. joyce | February 3rd, 2010 at 10:00 am
this might come across as a very stupid question – how on earth do you do it? write so beautifully. don’t have to really answer this question, it’s just a form of praise. :)
21. Michelle Chin | February 3rd, 2010 at 10:20 am
declaring your major? i’ve declared mine as history and psych. what about yours? PPE?
22. quaintly | February 3rd, 2010 at 10:37 am
joyce, thank you… :)
michelle, i’m doing a double in political science and something. i’m still deciding if that something should be economics or sociology. toying with the idea of an extra year in college to do a triple major, but that sounds slightly crazy even to me
23. suz | February 3rd, 2010 at 1:39 pm
compared to other posts this isn’t as vague. like you said, perhaps it’s the mystery of the identities =P but some parts in this post reminded me of something personal. especially the saturday paragraph. i guess it seems vague to me because certain parts of this post stirred some feelings i have had before. and yet i do not know if those feelings then were the same as yours now. i guess my curiosity inflicted the vagueness. hehe.
i hope you have found your happiness=)
[it's out of the blue, but i just felt like saying that to you =)]
24. yizhen | February 3rd, 2010 at 5:47 pm
haha been a while since i left a comment, but here i am :)
lovely post. :) always feels warm and cozy to read your posts. a great stress relief. :) you should compile your best posts and publish into a book. a little book of vagueness and elusive dragonflies and lots of suann-ness.
p.s. may i vote for poli sc. and econs. you’re already a natural in sociology, no need to do it as part of your formal education lah. :D just self-declare a sociology major as a side. like how u’ll have side dishes and main course. :P but whatever it is, all the best!
25. jane doe | February 3rd, 2010 at 6:00 pm
Ti piace scienze politiche? Anch’io preso un corso di scienze politiche uno mese fa. (((: Abbiamo letto Locke, Aristotle e Marx, sono molto interessante!
26. Adrian | February 3rd, 2010 at 10:58 pm
ur deep.
27. smartypants | February 4th, 2010 at 12:24 am
“.., but that sounds slightly crazy even to me” …takes a crazy one to recognize another….so now you’re confirmed crazee hehehe
28. chm | February 4th, 2010 at 2:46 am
triple major? slightly crazy? just thinking about it is downright insane. our general populace reads two damned books a year. fa sure many of em wont even be able to decipher your post above.
29. Michelle Chin | February 4th, 2010 at 7:18 am
TRIPLE MAJOR. CHRIST, YOU SOUND LIKE MY SISTER NOW.
0_0
She’s planning to major in musicology/ music performance/ chinese
30. Michelle Chin | February 4th, 2010 at 7:20 am
And all along, I thought, a double major is good enough to give me manic depression.
Sheesh. Are you allowed for tryouts or something ( sounds like Quidditch heh )?
31. Ida | February 4th, 2010 at 11:20 am
I don’t think I have ever commented but this post must be one of my favourites.
I think many have told you you write beautifully. You do. And you write with heart, something I value tons more than cookies and beautiful sentences.
/give you cookie =3
32. dom | February 5th, 2010 at 3:03 am
nice legs. slender legs. hahahah… whatever will be..will be…
33. quaintly | February 6th, 2010 at 7:17 am
suz: i hope the nostalgia was that of the happy kind, then :)
yizhen : hello how have you been! you know, your comment was what kind of made me seal the deal for a poli sci / econ double some days ago. it stirred something in me and closed my resolve. but this morning i woke up and thought to myself, no, i have to study sociology. sigh. sometimes i wish i could just make a decision and not look back. but i always look back. anyway do write back and tell me how you’ve been..!
jane doe : oooo political philosophy! did you read any machiavelli?
adrian : not really actually
smartypants : hehehe equally kiasu
chm : haha where did you pull that statistic from
michelle : tha sounds like a good plan! and tryouts for what?
ida : thank you :) i heartilly accept the cookie, and pass over a brownie in return
dom : -_-
34. Michelle Chin | February 6th, 2010 at 8:10 am
Like do a few classes and decide that you’re not going to major in that subject sort of trials…
35. chm | February 7th, 2010 at 3:49 am
Its a study from 2006. You were still in hot and humid Malaydia back then right?
36. ehng | February 7th, 2010 at 2:41 pm
“saturday- his slender legs…” Eww, gross. why are you glorifying slender legs on a ‘him’?! nice legs should be a strong and hefty as tree trunks.
37. quaintly | February 8th, 2010 at 12:48 am
michelle chin: oh.. i’ve done classes in all of the majors i’m considering though?
chm: yup. hk and msia
enghan: hahahaha not every one is made out of steel like you mah
38. jane doe | February 8th, 2010 at 5:46 pm
unfortunately, we didn’t ):
39. chm | February 8th, 2010 at 11:02 pm
then you should know. and i sure as hell wont be suprised if its still the same…. btw, just keep in mind that a triple major will have you driving yourself up the wall.
40. anon | February 9th, 2010 at 4:48 am
I love this post… you’re my favourite blogger in the Malaysian blogosphere.
41. Nicholas | February 9th, 2010 at 11:21 am
haha,it seems like Su Ann is seeing someone o ;p
mayb the days between those written will b about him
42. quaintly | February 10th, 2010 at 4:28 pm
jane doe: good stuff, that :)
chm : hahaha… what abt a double and a minor?
anon : wow does this mean i’m cooler than kenny sia in your eyes? kenny do you hear that!!!
nicholas : :)
43. mello | February 13th, 2010 at 3:27 am
I really like the way you write. c:
44. kyle | February 27th, 2010 at 11:33 am
hello pinkpau. I hope you dont mind me reblog some of your writings in my blog because it relates to me so much. Tell me if you don’t like it. I remove it immediately. =)
Cheers,
kyle
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