Thinking About Yasmin
February 23rd, 2010
so here it is finally–
i was sitting in my 9am class the other day, and my mind wandered to a place where people talk about christianity, islam, and the word allah. glibly, i made a mental note to myself to finish writing that piece on the Allah problem that has been sitting on my desktop for almost two months now. then i felt tired. perhaps i won’t bother. it is, after all, an issue that has been debated to such a pulp that i’m not sure what fresh insight i can add that won’t sound naive. and then, and then — before i could catch it, the careless thought burst forth from my head like some disorganized rebellion: i wonder what kind of advertisement yasmin ahmad would make out of the allah problem.
in that instance, and who knows for how long now, i had forgotten that she’d passed on. there is a panic to this sort of realization when you catch yourself. there is a viscous anxiety that fills your mouth as you realize the gravity of the situation, months later, unknowingly free from the emotions of the sensational and the assault of public mourning. then, you come to mourn privately, and finally see the real question- what do we do now?
i think i took yasmin ahmad for granted when she was alive. i was 16 when i happened to walk past that awkwardly placed pillar in front of the box office at GSC Mid Valley. i was with waimin, and together we stared at the sepia soaked poster of a malay girl (no tudung) and a chinese boy squatting on a wooden bridge. eh, Malay movie. why is it screened under International Screens? what does sepet mean? who is Yasmin Ahmad? is this going to be a typical Romeo & Juliet story? har, but it’s a Malaysian movie you know…
despite all the uncertainty, we finally went to watch Sepet one day, in our school uniforms, not expecting much or anything at all. and in that little Mid Valley cinema, we were introduced to Yasmin Ahmad and her small world with big feelings. Sepet was a story about so many things– ipoh, chungking express, malay cinema, an ah beng who reads poetry, gang life, JPA scholarships, adidas shoes, race, family, responsibility, love. everything was so Malaysian and yet different; but above all, the movie was so optimistic. i left the cinema feeling like i had grown 20 years older, and there was this ruffling in my sensibilities that i couldn’t quite place. who is Yasmin Ahmad? she must be young. she must be this young, up-and-coming director who has just returned to Malaysia after studying film abroad.
when Aira’s mom told me who Yasmin Ahmad was, and that she was responsible for the Petronas ads we often watch in silence with an awkward lump in our throats, it was as if this whole world had unfolded suddenly before me. everything moved so quickly after that. in a very compressed span of time, Sepet was all over the place, in every newspaper and magazine, and everyone was the new expert on Yasmin Ahmad and her “indie film” messages. it’s quite like how you learn a new word for the first time, and suddenly after that you see it everywhere and you wonder how come you never noticed this alien word before. people talked about her so much because she touched the Malaysian heart like no filmmaker had ever done, whether Rabun, Sepet or a Petronas ad from the early 2000s was one’s first emergence into Yasmin Ahmad’s creative and emotional space. i remember how excited i was when her next film, Gubra, was released in cinemas. and the first time i’d ever gotten tongue tied while talking to someone was when TV Smith introduced me to her at the press screening of Mukhsin. i wanted to ask her so many questions. how do you do it? where do you find room in your heart to be this forgiving? did you know that you inspire so many people to have hope in Malaysia? did you know that you remind us all that our country’s problems are so real, but still so very manageable? did you know that you made Malaysian cinema cool again? of course, i asked her none of the above and just stammered my name. i shook her hand, and saw up close her crooked teeth and her kind smile. she was very busy that day, but never too busy to let forth that kind smile. and then she wrote me a comment on my blogpost about Mukhsin. how lucky i am, that she so briefly read what small and puerile things i had to say about her prized movie, and actually said something back to me in return.
i was out partying when the news of her death broke. the first thing i saw when i drunkenly checked my Twitter in the middle of the dance floor was– RIP Kak Yasmin. and that was it, that’s how she left my world. i’d never really had someone close to me die, but if anything felt remotely like it, then this was that. she’d been unwell for days then, but that one day, she just died. this is why life is unfair. everything about it is unfair if such an. important. person can die even before she’s finished what only she can do. of all the malaysians to take away, why did it have to be Yasmin Ahmad?
and now it’s been almost a year since she died, and beyond Talentime, there is nothing that we have to look forward to. nothing at all, because people can try to be like her but no one comes close to being that soft, that dark, that hopeful, that emotionally perceptive, and that intelligent. we screened 15Malaysia here on campus last week, and while it was possible to watch Chocolate without skipping a heartbeat, it wasn’t as easy actually seeing her on the screen, in her utterly disarming makcik-with-an-edge manner, in the short titled House. thank you, Linus Chung, for that last and unexpected goodbye that you allowed us here at this university to have with Kak Yasmin.
now that i’ve realized how awfully true it is that she is gone, i don’t quite know what to do. it’s like anything to do with ‘harapan’ seems so fakely forceful and hard-edged now, and i need to watch the latest Yasmin Ahmad film to be grounded once again in the softness of the things that matter. all these crazy politics, crazier politicians, injustice, corruption, awkwardly latent racism, social stigma — they all make sense and they all become malleable only if you watch them in a Yasmin Ahmad movie, lovingly and fastidiously set in perspective for us by a talent whose art can never be replaced.
The making of Chocolate– a small insight into her very frustrating genius
Hokkien Aunties– an absolute work of art
Reunion Dinner– utterly arresting
Dinosaru. this came from the Tan Hong Ming series of ads, with Tan Hong Ming of course being the most wildly popular ad, but this one was actually by far my most favourite ad in the series.
Tan Hong Ming
do you know how unfair it is that Yasmin Ahmad died? what, really, do we do now?
Entry Filed under: People
50 Comments Add your own
1. Lisa Cheah | February 23rd, 2010 at 2:22 am
Aww :(
That was very well written piece Su Ann.
I didn’t know who Yasmin Ahmad was till after her passing. Only to know, just like you those Petronas Ads were made my a woman with such a positive outlook on life.
And wow, Has it already been a year since her passing?
2. abi | February 23rd, 2010 at 2:23 am
nice one :) Yasmin is what 1malaysia means to me. I had the opportunity to get to know her and work with her and she was super humble for what she had achieved in her tenure with us here.
I think we were blessed to have her during our time and hopefully there are more “yasmin’s” around who will mushroom to help save our distorted Malaysia
3. zheng | February 23rd, 2010 at 2:27 am
“Ah, do not mourn,” he said,
“That we are tired, for other loves await us;
Hate on and love through unrepining hours.
Before us lies eternity; our souls
Are love, and a continual farewell.”
– Ephemera, William Butler Yeats
Just like a mayfly :/
4. ShaolinTiger | February 23rd, 2010 at 2:32 am
Yasmin was one of the greatest Malaysian talents and she is sorely missed..
I really hope some new talent can rise up and make some great movies.
5. KY | February 23rd, 2010 at 2:36 am
a nice piece, su ann, the country really need another Yasmin Ahmad
6. Lisa Cheah | February 23rd, 2010 at 2:38 am
Oh goodness, just spent the good part of the last hour re watching all those ads.
They are so insanely mind-numbingly touching.
7. Tim | February 23rd, 2010 at 2:41 am
Did you see this year’s CNY ad? It’s quite moving too, you can feel Yasmin’s spirit in it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ujVSCexaNH4
8. lynn | February 23rd, 2010 at 3:01 am
thanks for writing this piece on yasmin; though i only knew her by her works as well she occupies a special bit in my heart.
i found a few pictures of her at my internship company event last year and was allowed to send them, along with an overdue award to her husband. i guess in some ways that was my closure. :)
lynnsfavouriteads.tumblr.com
9. Michelle Chin | February 23rd, 2010 at 3:32 am
I like her ads. They make me cry and it’s so short. :(
10. Patricia | February 23rd, 2010 at 4:19 am
<333 /sigh
11. kreazi | February 23rd, 2010 at 5:40 am
Yasmin Ahmad was a gem. A true, rare gem to Malaysia. I watched Sepet as soon as it was screened and fell in love with it, and then couldnt wait to watch Gubra and Mukhsin. Her passing brought tears to my eyes and I began searching for all her Petronas ads in youtube!
12. ZeekNotGeek | February 23rd, 2010 at 6:40 am
Satu artikel yang mindblowing Su-Ann. Yasmin Ahmad memang seorang insan yang gifted dalam dunia perfileman Malaysia. She will be deeply missed and her works remained in our hearts.
have you read the tribute book by Amir Muhammad bertajuk Yasmin Ahmad’s Films??
13. Hafiy | February 23rd, 2010 at 8:58 am
I’ve never met her and I wish I did. But, I miss her so. :(
14. aimee | February 23rd, 2010 at 9:14 am
i KNEW something was amiss this CNY.
:(
15. cibol | February 23rd, 2010 at 9:17 am
I heard yasmin is a guy..is this true?
16. ashley | February 23rd, 2010 at 9:37 am
like always, very well written, su ann.
And one fact about Yasmin Ahmad’s movies is that i never get bored of watching them over and over again.
I miss you dear Yasmin Ahmad. Please come backkk :’(
17. mae | February 23rd, 2010 at 9:42 am
it’s amazing how hard society works to sweep the underlying matter of our actions under the rug and how much they glorify the things that don’t matter.
i understand the frustration you feel with yasmin ahmad being taken away from us. because she confronted so many things our compatriots are afraid to admit. and with her front lining the battle, we always felt safe standing behind her. espc when we are talking about her work, because it expressed all the words we never had the courage to say.
18. nyrac | February 23rd, 2010 at 9:54 am
this year’s petronas ad was directed by kak min’s husband. i miss her sorely too. it’s like i lost someone i wished i could never know enough of. i’ll tag you in a few posts on facebook eh, very well written posts about kak min too…
and oh, i love the picture of kak min riding the bicycle :) my favourite part of mukhsin, though, has to be the part when the end credits roll, and yasmin and her parents were at the piano, singing, and everyone was having a ball. i put on the dvd and play that part when i miss her.
19. J | February 23rd, 2010 at 9:56 am
Thanks very much for writing about Yasmin. I never really bothered watching local films, because i was ‘too busy’ with work and work and “surely local’s tv aren’t up to standards”. I didn’t catch Yasmin’s films. :( After reading your review and reading HER blog, I really felt like I missed out a lot on an amazingly colourful person.
While it is sad to lose such a unique person, who is so capable of contributing so much, please don’t call this unfair. All of us die one day. Some of us die really young, some at middle age, some at old age. Surely some people seem more alive than others, but everyone’s life is equal after all.
20. kamal | February 23rd, 2010 at 10:45 am
Thank you for this touching piece.
I am one of the privileged people who had a chance to know Kak Min personally. I’m glad that you met her. She was one of the greatest person I’ve ever meet in my life. She’s warm, kooky, funny, insanely thoughtful and intelligent, and yes, forgiving. Her love was pure and lavish.
To quote Adibah Noor, Yasmin Ahmad is a gift from God. Her job here is done, and now it’s our turn to spread the message.
21. Justin | February 23rd, 2010 at 10:56 am
Thanks Su Ann. =) Yasmin will be missed.
22. WP | February 23rd, 2010 at 1:12 pm
I just discovered the 2nd and 3rd videos, thanks.
23. Hao Zhi | February 23rd, 2010 at 1:15 pm
I feel so lucky that I come across this post after such a long time not visiting your blog. Thank you for sharing this great piece, it touched my heart deep inside and reminds me of my own identity.
24. sheon | February 23rd, 2010 at 2:38 pm
yasmin. a true gem in our troubled times. i watched sepet, and for once i really enjoyed a buatan malaysia movie. i even looked forward to watching her petronas commercial everytime a festivity approaches….
i figured she learned about love via a difficult path too. and that gave her a bigger heart with a lot more love to share.
25. Christina | February 23rd, 2010 at 8:28 pm
Hokkien aunts made me cry. Being overseas studying during CNY reminds you how much family means, despite all the goals and ambitions to “get the big jobs, make the big money”. Family is something that can never be replaced.
RIP Yasmin. We <3 you.
26. annspam | February 23rd, 2010 at 8:31 pm
im su ann, you also can be a storyteller and start telling stories okay!
but yeah yasmin was great indeed…
thanks for yr comments btw, i have creative writing tmrw!
27. ronin | February 23rd, 2010 at 11:40 pm
You wrote so beautifully, I’m sure Yasmin would be proud to read what you wrote.
Yasmin was a beautiful person inside and she translated that so well in her work. Perhaps you can be the next Yasmin. God knows Malaysia needs more of such people who are compassionate and who teach us to love instead of to hate each other.
28. xiao | February 24th, 2010 at 4:40 am
warm flutters!
29. carol | February 24th, 2010 at 5:19 am
limsuann you made me cry!!! or rather, reunion dinner made me cry, especially since i haven’t been at one with my family for three years already T______T
30. carol | February 24th, 2010 at 5:20 am
also, god, some people just have no finesse. refer to #15.
31. kitmey | February 24th, 2010 at 9:53 am
the reunion dinner ad is so heartwrenching i just teared ;( especially when your recent reunion dinner was missing someone.. sigh.
also, i used to study in this school that was used for the ad, which sadly is going to be demolished soon.. sold for rm140mil to magna prime. double sigh.. ;(
32. quaintly | February 24th, 2010 at 9:54 am
kitmey please tell me which school that is!!
33. kitmey | February 24th, 2010 at 10:11 am
sjk(c) lai meng, opposite zouk kl… every scene in the school is shot there except the bus stop.. =)
34. Voon | February 24th, 2010 at 11:26 am
meh pinkpau can post more video links please. i miss home. very badly T_T
35. dannyboy | February 24th, 2010 at 2:19 pm
tis a beautiful post…
Yasmin will continue to live on in our hearts:)
36. bowb | February 24th, 2010 at 7:14 pm
thanks do much for sharing this. i left malaysia when i was six (thirty two years ago!), and i had been unaware of yasmin ahmad, but it is clear she had a great purpose. and now i can’t stop watching the grannies ad. ;)
37. Kaori | February 24th, 2010 at 9:29 pm
Thank you so much for writing this beautiful post.
Before today, i had no idea who Yasmin Ahmad was,
but now i need to go find out!
38. teowedwin | February 25th, 2010 at 12:09 am
I never liked Reunion dinner ! Its hot ,noisy , children running around , baby crying , adults gambling n arguing !
But whenever i watched a Yasmin cny commercial ! I am so glad I have a place to come home for a reunion dinner !!
That s how powerful a good commercial will be under a genius Director like Yasmin Ahmad .
39. gloria | February 25th, 2010 at 2:10 am
wow… thanks for sharing those… really very touching, even my husband, (who often loves at me when I cry watching movies) was touched… what a loss!
40. Adrian C | February 25th, 2010 at 9:57 pm
Yasmin Ahmad was a renegade film maker who earned the tag ‘pencemar budaya’. As a fellow Malaysian, I share your love for her movies and shall miss them deeply. There will NEVER be another Yasmin Ahmad as she is irreplaceable. A great, great loss to the nation and esp to the next generation of Malaysians.
41. Wibi | February 26th, 2010 at 9:49 am
When she passed away, I was just as lost, maybe I still am. She left a void in my heart that I’m afraid will never recover. Although I’m quite sure that as long as her movies are kept alive, people will continue to be inspired…
42. clem | February 26th, 2010 at 1:45 pm
i miss her still, up till today, as much as a person who has yet to meet her in person could miss.
as thought-provoking and poignant her works have alway sbeen, here’s a piece of poem by her, which deals the subject of death (source: http://yasminthestoryteller.blogspot.com/2005/07/like-clockwork-yasmin-ahmad.html):
“Like clockwork it happens,
tick by tock by quick tick by hurried tock,
but quietly,
its decibel perceptible
only to the cat and the dog.
The watch on the wrist tries to warn us,
tapping its tiny untiring beat
against the hesitant pulse of our blood;
the clock on the wall tocks on,
in defiance to the time-honoured tradition of
silence in the school hall.
We were not listening.
The body was doomed to stop
even before it started.
Death has a life of its own.
Time marches doggedly
to the cliff of its own end.
We were not listening;
deaf to the decay of the planets and the suns.
Stars were exploding and dying in the night.
We were making love;
making life.
We saw it happen in the garden;
to the trees and the pets,
and still we watched our own dying
with blinkered optimism
- “Today is the first day of the rest of your life” -
oh yes, and by the way,
also one day closer to the end of it.
And curiously, when it happens,
everyone is surprised.
Everyone is visibly moved.
Eyebrows are raised, eyes are lowered,
mouths open like unsuspecting clams,
tongues click.
Surprised, as if we had no knowledge of it,
as if it were a newcomer,
as if it were a sniper.
And when it’s over, everyone walks away,
lamenting the weather and the price of fish.
The grave is forgotten
sooner than it was remembered.
What wisdom descends when I pause to listen to death?
Nothing really.
Except, my beloved’s eyes dance
when he tells me about his day,
and I must remember to kiss them
before they finally close.”
43. NZ | February 27th, 2010 at 4:45 am
Thank you, Su Ann, for taking the time and trouble to share all these wonderful YouTube videos with us. I just had to comment because I know where ‘Reunion Dinner’ was filmed: SRJK (C) Lai Meng, on Jalan Ampang, across the road from Zouk :-)
44. jasmine | February 27th, 2010 at 5:58 am
I loved how the careless thought of Yasmin Ahmad just burst forth in your wondering just when you thought ‘nothing fresh’ could be added to the Allah issue. How beautifully linked. <3
45. ashley | February 27th, 2010 at 7:41 am
agrees with jasmine and tq clem for the poem linked.
46. fern | March 1st, 2010 at 12:27 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v66VMFBPq8E – this one is my all time favourite! I can rewatch it over and over again and still feel moved each time (:
My friend told me she went for a talk by Yasmin Ahmad. During the Q&A, someone asked her playfully “How do we get a brain like yours”
She replied “it’s not my brain that you want. It’s my heart”
47. linus chung | March 1st, 2010 at 12:33 pm
Thank you for the tribute…lets all remember the love she seek so much to propagate among Malaysians.
I just had a long talk about Allah with a whole bunch of muslims in kelantan yesterday. They didn’t kill me.It was all smiles and mutual understanding and a discussion to find God.After all the kitab injil or the bible is one of the four pillars of Islam.
Let us propegate love and reconciliation in her name where idiots only wants to bring hate.
Linus
48. MEEM | March 2nd, 2010 at 8:04 am
You’re an amazing writer, Su Ann, I wouldn’t normally read a text pnly blogpost that long. I guess I was drawn in and really touched.. :)
P.S. Love how you skip the CAPS on the first letters of a sentence, makes it so personal in contrast to the flawless English.
49. ruby | March 2nd, 2010 at 11:09 am
:’( just coudn’t describe what my feeling is. i want so hard to work with her. now, i just don’t who can do things like she does. i cried so hard when i had my space, i was in a tv shoot when i got the tragic news. she is the inspiration, she is one hell of a woman who can do it ‘terang-terang’ w/o anyone stopping her. now, i am meeting people who had actually work with her, the dop, the cameraman, the crews, i am jealous of them.. devastated. she was talking about the film censorship issue when she was admitted to the hospital.
i was there at the very same hospital where my mother had to take a medical report as an insurance manager. a crowd of media was sitting at first floor. we took the lift down to G floor. with my heart pounding fast, i told my mom :
“Ma, i’m just going up to check if its her.”
She knew exactly what i meant.
So she said “ok. i’ll be waiting here”
Yes, the astro awani reporter: “Yes. memang dia dalam wad tu. dah tak kritikal, tapi masih dalam ICU.” Me: “condition dia?” Reporter: “Condition dia dah stabil sekarang”
I left with a sigh. But still with worry.
Two days later i found out she passed away.
Putting hopes, but not not leaving too much hope. Ada ’someone macam dia tak in the future?’
Kak Yasmin kitaorang..
:(
50. amir muhammad | March 2nd, 2010 at 12:53 pm
So nice!
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