Sunset during Seminar

as i was sitting in seminar the other day, the sun was setting and slicing through the blinds, throwing onto the ground right at my feet a slender blade of golden evening sunlight. it was a simple and small sight that took my breath away, and it is such moments that hold before me, in a quick flash, all the things i enjoy doing and all the things i want to be. i was reminded then of how long it has been since i have written anything, let alone anything that i was proud of. but these days i feel no urge to write. moments like the one in class do sometimes tug at me, and then i feel a spark deep inside me to plunge once again into my quiet writing space, but this flicker quickly dissipates. i remember how i used to think that worlds besides our own were best looked at through the lens of prose and the written word… but it has been the longest time since i have made that argument to any willing listener.

why, then? it’s a little bit like the case of Sumire from Haruki Murakami’s book Sputnik Sweetheart, and how she felt that she couldn’t write anymore after she had met Miu, the subject of her love and affections. since meeting Miu and spending time with her, it was as if Sumire had stopped thinking and started living, expanding the boundaries of her world no longer through writing and reading but simply by sharing experiences with Miu. that is how i feel now. i feel as if i have found the one best friend whom i have been searching for for so long, and now that i have him i don’t need to put anything down in writing in order to understand it better. all i have to do is talk to him. when something excites me he is the first and many times the only person i want to tell. when i am scared or anxious he takes it all away just with one phone call. it sounds silly and dangerous but so often i feel that my deepest and truest self feeds on existing in the same world as his.

ah. dont i sound like a silly 14 year old girl :) when i was 14 i was rather emotionally vulnerable. by the time i had met kafka i was a wreck – an angry wreck who couldn’t trust perfectly anymore and had little faith in things and people. but then i met him, and could not believe how lucky i had gotten. i think i am slowly but surely getting the hang of this trusting and loving thing… i feel better and stronger. i am still vulnerable but i know that i am in good hands.

p/s okay okay.. very cheesy, i know :) but i’m not usually like this…



35 Comments

Amanda NYC

Nevertheless, you write the most beautiful things that neve fail to take my breath away. C:

f

man you guys are so cute

bs

awwwwwww~!

cheesy? you’ve never watched melodramatic korean dramas for a very long time babe….

This is just beautiful.

Emily

you are always so lucky. first martian, now kafka. :)

Artificially Timtam

can you like get married already and give me ang pow?

Hey! Ini gambar tangkap mana punya ah? :)

valerie

ohmygod. i dont know you but im so happy for you.

E

agree w valerie ^
- i don’t know you but i’m happy for you :D

Jo

just fyi, you’ve always been in my ‘learn to write as well as he/she does!’ list :)

kafka sounds like a wonderful person. i’m truly happy for you <3

congratulations on finding your other half (: you guys are too sweet!! :D :D i hope you revel in this happiness for manymany days, months and years to come.

jojo

pls dont stop writting.. :(

quaintly

amanda, aww thank u :))

f, ^_^

bs, hehe hello! nice to still see you here :p

michelle, actually, funny you should say that.. i just wrote a short paper on golden age korean melodrama! luckily the film i watched wasn’t as cheesy as me hehe

emily, yes, quite blessed. :) something i have to remind myself to remind myself!

timtam, YOU get married first lah. not so verbose anymore are you :p

jian wei, ini gambar ditangkap dalam tren ke sorrento di itali !

valerie and e, thank you nonetheless :D

jo, wow that’s a lot to live up to.. O_O; but thank you :)

m, aww thank you! i hope so too.

jojo, how then? should i break up with kafka wtf jkjk

kafka

awww glad i’m not the only cheesy one :)

and just so your dear readers don’t start burning voodoo dolls of me, i also love your writing. the things that you choose to talk about, be they big or small, happy or emo, shimmer and shine like simple truths that continue to colour my world to this day

quaintly

er wow that was really cheesy…

kyings

I’m happy for you su ann :) you look gorgeous in the picture and please don’t stop writing !

kafka

hahaha what to do, i’m competitive like that. i didn’t even have to try :p

Jr

Miss your writing! but glad to see that you’re happy :))

Nope, I know exactly how you feel. *hugs*

jojo

LOL..dont break up with kafka, both of you look so lovely and compatible. erm, just blog once in a while..hahaha.. or may be you can write and publish a novel, i will definitely buy it!! :)

omg awwwwwww!!!!!!!! *melts into a puddle*

such a sweet post!

CL

I’m happy for the both of you. May you both always be this cheesy ;)

such a nice, sweet and simple post! :)

Angeline

I’m in Prague now. Is this where you got his name Kafka?
Oh please do tell the story that came with the name :)

bs

hey i never left! :)

high heels

oh my god you guys are so bloody cute! in a way your writing strikes a chord within me. when you are living your life, there is less and less need to write in order to life. i’d never thought of it that way until i read this :)

abc

im kinda in a similar situation as urs now.. and i’ve never felt this happy before as well and i agree with your last sentence very much.. :)

You both look so sweet together. How do you guys manage, with the amount of time you spend far apart?

And, I love your writing.

anon-girl

you are so pwetty :)

lovely!

You look so fresh and gorgeous! And Kafka looks great with you too. Happy for you and try to come back here often, okay, we’re still reading! :)

starmist

so. terribly. lovely. :)

Marry Kafka, stop working and start writing a novel :P Perfect resolution for everyone aint it? happy for me :)

joyce

like like like like!!! :)

sen

here’s a happy reader…

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