Kafka

new york: i once heard in a song that these streets will make you feel brand new. i often stumble onto the cobblestone looking for nothing in particular (many times bleary with sleep or indifference) – but sometimes, just sometimes, i emerge holding something rare. as always, i was late that afternoon. i think i made up a silly excuse about a problem set i had yet to finish, when i’d actually finished it the night before. see, there are times when you know that you’re about to encounter something curiously interesting- and i had a feeling this was going to be one of those times, so i really needed the extra time to look extra cute. i ended up being an hour late. granted, it made for a rather lousy first impression, but he was already taboo guy and i was already bee gees girl from that one time so long ago. though i must say those accolades from our past lives didn’t make an immediate difference– because i didn’t remember his name then and he didn’t think twice about me. he was just the guy who played taboo with style, and i was just some girl who liked the bee gees. brunch afternoon feels like just yesterday. games night, on the other hand, feels like a lifetime ago. i keep telling him now how awful he is for being 1.5 years late. at least i was only an hour late for brunch. well, i’m not sure what exactly he’s late for, but it seems to me that he was late for everything.

i also heard that in the streets of new york, there is a space in between indignation and anticipation, where one can be doomed to wait in the name of fate. that’s where i’m trapped right now, as he sleeps in the next room, completely drained from a long night out with friends and too many bottles of sake. i wish he would wake up because i miss him. but he’s reached some kind of oblivious world and i have a sinking feeling i’m not going to be able to talk to him until the afternoon.

so, while he sleeps, and i have this rare pocket of time to myself, i’d like to introduce you to Kafka. he’s tall, lean, deliberate, intelligent, tender, kind, and eternally conscious. occasionally judgmental but in an affable way. he loves music, movies, inappropriate jokes that no one else gets, narrow alleys, plaid shirts and bright colours. when he smiles, mischief springs into his eyes, and his lips will dart into that lopsided smile– and i can’t help but wonder if i’ve ever met anyone this irresistible. whenever i forget my keys and he comes to the door to get me, with open arms, those eyes and that smile, i realize with something like a painful slice how nearly we almost missed each other. and how fragile everything i hold in my hands is. one insensitive utterance, one day too late, one email not sent out, one train not taken, and i’d be somewhere else. on that brunch afternoon, we chanced upon a den of lamps, and the manager amicably suggested to Kafka that he buy a lamp for his ‘girlfriend’, i.e. me. we played along with the stranger but Kafka would later ask for my thoughts on what had happened- what do you think it is about us that made him think we were a couple? i think i said, aiyah i dont think it was anything, probably accompanied with an eye roll – but it was quite actually everything. 1.5 years late, but still, everything.

this introduction is unraveling itself quite differently from how i’ve been envisioning it, but for once i’d like to just do away with the veils and nebulous ideas – and simply tell everyone that i’m in love.

78 comments June 6th, 2010