Posts filed under 'Martianisms'
i’ve been avoiding writing this post for a long time, mostly because i wanted to find all the right words to explain how i feel, but i’ve realized that the right words are never going to come, and i’ve put this off long enough. the short of it is that Martian and i have broken up. we broke up several months ago. we both knew it was coming because we were fighting so much all the time, and it became clearer and clearer with each forced reconciliation that what we had was becoming very unnatural. what happened? i guess i was weak. the distance and the growing antagonism had become so difficult and i couldn’t bear it. i was anxious, sensitive and emotionally spent, and while Martian did a remarkable job of dealing with me as i went through all these emotions while finding my footing in this new world of college away from home, i think i had become too much of a burden even for him. he still loved me so unconditionally, as he always has, but i was completely wrecked with guilt. i couldn’t deal with myself and him at the same time, and so this is what happened.
i think we were both stunned, as were my best friends when i told them only weeks later that we’d broken up. i only told my parents very recently, and even that was because my mom still kept referring to him as her son in law, and one day i just couldnt listen to her say that anymore. i think everyone expected us to get married. we were so in love. it was all very confusing for a while — the finality of it all, the course of events, the silence, the gaping hole — and to an extent, it’s still confusing to this day. i said once that i dont usually surprise myself, but in doing this, i definitely did. some days i dont recognize who i’ve become.
many people, mostly strangers, have emailed me over the course of the past several months, asking about Martian and me or just to tell me how much they admire our relationship. i gave gracious thanks but told them that Martian and i had already broken up. i’m sorry to all the people who come here to follow the lives of two people who are still holding on fast to love despite the tribulations of long distance, but are instead met with this ending. the truth is that long distance is not impossible; i’m just weak. i crave too much the ability to pick up the phone and say to my boyfriend, hey let’s go to Food Republic for dinner tonight. i cannot put into words how crushed i feel when i wake up in the mornings and murmur, baby hold me, only to be met with silence, nothingness and my own wide eyes. and during moments of fear and panic, there is no greater loneliness than the sound of a ringing dial tone that never ends. the worst parts are the fights and how the making up is spartan, drained and kissless. once upon a time, or in another place and epoch, Martian and i could have made it… but so much has changed, and we’ve both evolved at such different paces. i wish i could have been stronger for Martian all those months ago, but we have lost something. it’s become so hard to talk to each other without one of us getting angry over little matters, perhaps because we’re so expectant and so starved. is that it? did we starve each other out?
i met up with Martian briefly over coffee when i was back in KL over spring break. just briefly. despite many interruptions, it’s been such a long time since we could talk fluidly like that. he asked me what i would do if on my wedding day he burst into the church to stop the wedding. haha he’s still so cutely crazy. and i still have so much love for him, this Martian of mine with the permanent grimace and the stubble. at the end of it all i gave him a big hug and said sorry. for what, he asked. for everything, i suppose.
you know those paper flowers that we used to fold as kids? where the four petals are shaded in different colors and each petal has a different fate written underneath it, and we would open and close the flower with our fingers and chant to our friends, what color do you want? i feel like i’ve folded my life into such a flower. i feel like all those metaphors from Saint Exupery’s The Little Prince are all coming to life now and consuming me in a thorny garden of many faceless, mediocre roses. that Coffee Bean in Mont Kiara… is it even still there or is Somo going to eventually devour it? shavings of my heart are still in that carpet in Vantage Park, Hong Kong, where we used to sit and watch Little Britain and eat takeout dinners.
the swollen heat of the summer of 2006 is still on my cheeks. i remember walking in the streets of Central with Martian, too shy to hold hands, but tenderly loving him from afar. the new me could have learned a lot from the old me. but here we are, almost the summer of 2009; how fast time flies and tides ebb. we are both so much happier and so free. Martian, did we do the right thing? we must have. this is our happy. you’re doing everything that you’ve always wanted to do, and i’m growing up now and learning so much. i’m becoming the better, stronger woman that you’ve always wanted to see me become. and you will always be my baby.
想跟我吵架, 我没那麽无聊
不懂得道歉, 我没那麽聪明
好想要回到我们的原点
你又在哭泣, 我给不了安慰
我又在摇头, 有那麽点後悔
爱情的发展已难以回头却无法往前走
但身不由己出现在胸口, 两颗心能塞几个问号
爱让我们流多少眼泪.
你的眼神充满美丽带走我的心跳
你的温柔如此靠近带走我的心跳
逆转时光到一开始, 能不能给一秒
等着哪一天你也想起
那悬在记忆中的美好
March 29th, 2009
a long, long time ago, i told Martian that i wanted to write a bf/gf meme to put on my blog, and that if i ever did, he has to oblige and do his boyfriendly duty of layaning my creation. so after an eternity of the text file sitting in his inbox and a lot of pestering from me, he finally got around to doing the meme!
so HERE IT IS!
my answers first, and then his.
tell us about the first time you met and your first impression of him/her:
it was at the coffee bean in mont kiara. it’s the cutest story… he came up behind me and asked if he could buy me a drink. i whirled around and said very curtly, “no i can buy my own drinks, thank you”. i may or may not have thrown in a glare, hahaha. but the smile he gave me as he asked me that was the most heart-stopping thing i’d ever seen. he still has that smile :) we sat down to talk after that, and as far as first impressions go, i thought that this guy was just way too charming, quite dangerously so. smart, definitely.. kinda cool :) he let me look through his ipod and i remember feeling very surprised that we had such similar taste in music. he likes to think that i fell in love with him from that day, but actually HE is the one who still remembers exactly what i wore on that day.. right down to which bag i used. go on, ask him!
what’s a weird habit or quirk that s/he has?:
when he sneezes, he likes to make a kung-fu stance. it looks unbelievably ridiculous
what makes him/her happy?:
reminiscing and revisiting his childhood
what makes him/her sad?:
sunday nights
what makes him/her angry?:
barisan nasional. and other people’s incompetence
what excites him/her?
museums. the Singer and Flatiron buildings in NYC -_-
tell us something funny about him/her:
hahaha got a lot. okay he’s got this absolutely perfected method of getting people to give him what he wants, no matter how difficult these people are. i call it the Julian Method – it’s basically modeled after the Socratic Method where he asks the person question after question until they paint themselves into a corner of logical fallacy, and have no choice but to give him what he wants. it was absolutely hilarious to watch at first, but now i feel very sorry for the poor prats who get in his way.
what’s s/he like at home?:
bossy. VERY bossy.
what’s s/he like at work/school?:
at school, apparently he was the quiet, shy kid. my suspicion is that he was the Christian Fellowship kinda guy… gentle, soft-spoken, mature, plays the guitar… you know the type, haha. ah such a far cry from the Martian i know today. as for at work.. he’s the ‘cool, suave one’ according to his colleagues. ya it’s quite hard to keep a straight face when i hear stuff like that :P
describe his/her room:
minimalist. bed, floor, wardrobe, books, that’s it. but i try my best to litter it with girly things like polar bears and ducks…
what’s his/her best friend like?:
okay let’s see. he has two favorite people – one’s an architect who is the coolest person ever. very assertive and extremely smart. he recently went to sieutheng’s architectural school to give a crit session, and just about all the students fell in love with him. when i saw her for dinner the next day she kept talking about how cool this architect was and at first i didnt really make the connection, but then she said that he walked in looking like he’d just rolled out of bed, and it all kinda clicked into place, haha. Martian’s other best friend lives in Budapest, and she’s really warm and friendly. she’s a great singer and Martian’s really proud of her. he said that if we get married, she’s gonna be his best man!
do you know who s/he hates the most?: he doesnt like a lot of people, but he doesnt totally hate anyone.
have you met his/her exes?:
aiyaaaa he has so many exes how to meet them all. at one point early in our relationship we kept bumping into random ex-girlfriends of his. quite amusing, to say the least. all very nice. no psycho exes or anything
do his/her parents like you?:
ya cos i very pandai ambil hati <3 Martian's parents are extremely cute though. his mom always scolds Martian when he forces me to eat stuff - "AIYA dont force people la!!" - but then 5 minutes later she'll persuade me to eat the same thing. his dad is even cuter.. very blur and has all these totally adorable mannerisms especially when he tries to act smart. haha!
what’s the first thing s/he would do or say if s/he fell down and scraped their knee:
“AH, FUCK”
what would s/he do in an emergency situation with other people involved?:
take control and start bossing everyone around. “everybody, CALM DOWN. LISTEN TO ME.”
which shop would s/he spend the most time at in a shopping mall?:
bookstore
what would s/he have for a typical breakfast?:
muesli + soymilk.. protein shake.. carrot chips.. or something silly like that
where would s/he want to go for dinner?:
haih very easy. in KL – the organic restaurant in TTDI. in HK – Eat Right at mid levels. in Singapore – My Type at CBD. common thread: all health-food restaurants
what kind of movie would s/he choose at the cinema?:
the same ones i would
describe his/her taste in music: eclectic (i know he will use this word to describe mine too. bet how much!). favorites: radiohead, coldplay, beatles, 80’s stuff. lanatir if you are reading this i think you and Martian would get along so well when it comes to music!
if s/he wasnt going out with you, who would s/he be going out with?:
NO ONE ELSE *possessive
what item in his/her wardrobe would you like to burn:
so there were these checkered pants that he loved to wear for a while……
what is s/he good at?:
word challenge, text twist, risk, monopoly, scrabble, chess, checkers, poker, mahjong.. UGH. when we play any of these games, he NEVER lets me win.
what is s/he totally horrible at?:
drawing…… hahahahaha
what’s something about him/her that is annoying/infuriating?:
the way he likes to burst into song every now and then, but then criticizes musicals like shit because he says he cant stand the way they all have to say everything in song. WTF THE HYPOCRISY
what’s something that you two fundamentally disagree on?:
the blood type diet. but BREAKING NEWS ladies and gentlemen! as of this evening, i am pleased to report that my boyfriend has declared the end of his blood type diet phase. yes! score! now when i stay with him we dont have to eat at blood type food anymore.
what’s something that you two agree whole-heartedly on?:
politics. a fair bit of our religious/spiritual outlook. wong ah wah chicken wings and kam heong lala at jalan alor!
is s/he possessive?: in sneaky, covert ways
why would s/he succeed in life?: charm. intelligence. and the Julian Method.
what is the coolest gift that s/he has ever given you?: POOCH! i love pooch and am attached to him in ways i cannot explain. nah show you all a picture:
what is s/he obsessed with?: healthy stuff. massages. bloomberg (haha). his quest for eternal happiness.
what does s/he avoid at all costs?: musicals. omg do you know how hard i had to beg him to take me to Beauty and the Beast…
what does s/he spend the most money on?: blood type diet food plans… haiyo. and random splurgey things like couches and mattresses. he had three mattresses in his singapore apartment -_- oh actually wait i know the real answer! the real answer is rent.
describe his/her typical sunday: in singapore/hongkong – wake up at 10am for brunch, complain to me about not waking up earlier and have thus “wasted the whole morning”, gets dragged out by me for pancake brunches, then we hang out at cafes or bookstores or explore some yet unseen facet of the city, then we go home and do lazy lovely sunday things. if in KL, then the day is usually spent with his family.
why would s/he be dangerous?: very fierce when scolding people T____T if he scolds me i sure cry wan cos so scary.
tell us about a time s/he looked absolutely gorgeous:
every morning when he gets dressed for work. sometimes he catches me watching him, and he’ll turn around and smile. my heart flutters :)
what’s something about him/her that would surprise all of his/her friends?:
he cares a lot more than he lets on
what do you love most about him/her?: his strength, his kindness and his sincerity. and his smile. and the way he holds me. the way he gives in to me. the way he loves.
the biggest lesson you have learnt from loving your partner:
“to love is to surpass oneself.” :)
——————-
okay Martian’s answers! haha i had a lot of fun reading them and couldnt stop laughing at some. sigh <3
tell us about the first time you met and your first impression of him/her:
We had been chatting online for a while and we finally agreed to meet at the mont kiara coffee bean . I recognised her from her blog and approached her with an affected chat-up line “can I buy you a drink?”
to which she replied with a curt “no”. I thought she had beautiful,enquiring eyes.
tell us something funny about him/her:
when she’s at the buffet, she leaves a trail of evidence: cavity on the bread roll that looked like it was nibbled by a mouse, teaspoon in twice-sipped tea, half eaten cookies, a variety of nibbled cheeses, and once-bitten variety of chocolates neatly arranged on a small plate.
(pinkpau: okay seriously i dont know why he thinks this is so funny. each time we’re eating he will find some reason to laugh at the way i eat. WHY?!?!)
what’s a weird habit or quirk that s/he has?:
she thinks she’s various animals at various times, namely the cat and duck are the more frequent manifestations while the mouse and fish occasionally rear their heads (or lips)
what makes him/her happy?: Ice cream, cup cakes, diet coke, wifi and plug points.
what makes him/her sad?: Being away from friends, family and me. And the simultaneous absence of all of the stuff mentioned in the previous question. Oh and too much homework especially of the calculus kind.
what makes him/her angry?: Stupid politicians. And being nagged at and lorded over and/or the perception thereof.
what excites him/her?: A holiday to somewhere she’s never been.
what’s s/he like at home?: authoratative and caring at the same time.
what’s s/he like at work/school?: rebellious in high school. Stressed out now in college.
describe his/her room: its a small room. Her furniture takes a perspective pattern with bed on the right and desk, shelf with books on the left and a window adorned with a printed fabric at the end. Other stuff include an ambient standing lamp, a loud growling standing fan, a bulbless round yellow lamp shade hanging from the flourescent lamp, lots of shoes and clothes, shoes, a maroon duvet on maroon sheets, shoes and a maroon fabric container that houses the toiletries, an airbrush of new york and an atlas. Things mysteriously take a life of their own and move all over her room.
(pinkpau: at first i was so confused as to what random room he was describing cos this is not my room!! but then i realized he was talking about my dorm room here in college. haih…)
what’s his/her best friend like?: i’m not sure because she has many and some new ones. They are generally very cool and supportive of her.
do you know who s/he hates the most?: I kinda have a hunch.
have you met his/her exes?: yes
do his/her parents like you?: yes
(pinkpau: understatement of the century. seriously. my mom cant stop saying how she wants us to get married. and when Martian and i fight, she ALWAYS takes his side. damn unfair! ma, i am your firstborn!!!)
what’s the first thing s/he would do or say if s/he fell down and scraped their knee: a long owwwww, followed by a series of short ow ow ow ow ow and maybe most probably tears.
(pinkpau: HAHA this is accurate to the point of being hilarious)
what would s/he do in an emergency situation with other people involved?: call for help.
which shop would s/he spend the most time at in a shopping mall?: shoe shop
what would s/he have for a typical breakfast?: diet coke and cake
(pinkpau: actually true. sigh Martian knows me too well)
where would s/he want to go for dinner?: most probably an italian restaurant
what kind of movie would s/he choose at the cinema?: romantic comedies.
(pinkpau: wrong!!! baby!!!!!!)
describe his/her taste in music: eclectic rock and lately classical piano
if s/he wasnt going out with you, who would s/he be going out with?:
someone more patient and less mean than me.
what item in his/her wardrobe would you like to burn: the dress she bought from sri lanka for like $2.50
(pinkpau: hahaha eh that dress quite cute wat!)
what is s/he good at?: writing
what is s/he totally horrible at?: resisting refined carbs
what’s something about him/her that is annoying/infuriating?: ignoring me
what’s something that you two fundamentally disagree on?: the concept of living healthily
what’s something that you two agree whole-heartedly on?: that malaysian politics are stupid
is s/he possessive?: yes
why would s/he succeed in life?: she enchants people, is clever and passionate.
what is the coolest gift that s/he has ever given you?: a scrapbook of ourselves for valentine’s.
(pinkpau: ABSOLUTELY WRONG. it was for our first anniversary!!! *mopes)
what is s/he obsessed with?: the blogging world, books and pop culture.
why would s/he be dangerous?: because she can scheme your downfall if she wanted to.
(pinkpau: hahaha good grief. such unfounded claims)
what does s/he avoid at all costs?: i’m not sure. She”ll try doing something at least once.
what does s/he spend the most money on?: fashion items
describe his/her typical sunday: wake up, have dinner with friends, go online, go for supper.
tell us about a time s/he looked absolutely gorgeous: we were fighting once, she was wearing her reese’s t-shirt and had her hair tied up looking confused and deciding between continuing the fight or making peace.
what’s something about him/her that would surprise all of his/her friends?:
she can be and is getting more cost conscious
(pinkpau: lou dau, are you reading this!)
what do you love most about him/her?: her beauty, her innocence and her enthusiasm about life in general.
the biggest lesson you have learnt from loving your partner: there is no right and wrong – there’s just what’s important.
———–
okay goodnight people. i am going to sleep for about 4 hours now before waking up to study for my LAST exam!!! econ on wednesday and i am done with my first semester of college.
i spent a record 16 hours in the library from last night till this afternoon. i think i deserve 4 hours of sleep at the very least…. :)
P/S: feel free to use my meme, but please link back if you’re going to!
December 16th, 2008
i wish that i’d had the foresight to blow off my calculus midterm on my birthday. as i found out the moment i took the paper in my hands, i’d studied all week long for nothing, because i still couldnt answer more than half the paper. the day would have been spent a lot better out in Soho or Times Square, methinks, with Martian, who came to NY to surprise me for my birthday :)
so here’s the story! two days before my birthday, i got a really weird text from Martian saying, ‘don’t tell su ann i’m going. she doesnt know’. obviously it wasnt meant to be sent to me, but where was he going that he couldnt tell me about? so i texted him to ask what’s up, but i didnt get a reply. half an hour later, i texted again to ask if he was keeping anything from me. still no reply. then i called him, but he didnt answer. by an hour later, i was getting really angry (and paranoid), so i called him again. TO FIND THAT HIS PHONE WAS OFF.
and thus ensued something like four hours of me trying to call him, but to no avail. my thoughts were really all over the place at this point – i was trying to pin down where he was going, if he was going to meet someone (like some other girl grrrrrr), or if he was going to do something that i wouldnt want him doing. sieutheng kept trying to console me by saying he was probably coming to NY to surprise me for my birthday, but i wasnt so sure, because he’d just left NY a month ago.
by the fifth hour of incommunicado, i was already contemplating calling his mother, but i decided to call one of his best friends first. so i called tattiong (aka justin but tattiong is a lot nicer to say), all panicky and worried, and asked him if he knew where Martian was. he said no, but they were supposed to meet for dinner that night, so if i didnt get to talk to Martian by then, tattiong would make him call me. so since they had dinner plans, i was ruling out the possibility of a surprise visit, which made me even more worried. but actually tattiong is just a very good liar because i found out later that he knew Martian was coming -_- wtf…
dissatisfied, i called Martian’s mother. and omg she just kept changing the subject. i asked her if she knew where Martian was and she kept asking me things like how was i doing, if i was coping well with school, if it was cold, if i was eating properly etc etc etc. when i couldnt stand it anymore and insisted that she tell me where he was, you know what she told me?
‘he’s actually in the hospital for surgery.’
?!?!?!
and i was like FOR WHAT!!! but she wouldnt tell me! she just went on changing the subject and saying that the surgery wasnt serious, that i shouldnt worry, that this was no big deal… which was really strange because she’s like this really kind and concerned mom who would take it quite seriously if Martian was in the hospital for surgery. then i asked her why didnt Martian tell me that he was going for surgery, and she goes “oh.. sorry, i didnt know that you two weren’t speaking!” haih everyone’s a good liar these days. then she told me she would put Martian on the phone when she goes to visit him at the hospital.
haih. okay lor. so clearly i wasnt going to get any information out of her. we hung up, and i called tattiong again to tell him about the hospital news. again, he was sooooo indifferent about the hospital thing, and said that Martian probably didnt tell me about it because he didnt want me to worry, which is so not a real-life situation because Martian and i just dont have that kind of relationship. we would probably ham up a papercut just to get more attention from the other.
an hour later, i finally got my answers. i received something like 10 texts from Martian in one go explaining what was going on. he actually sent all of the texts before he boarded the plane, but as fate would have it (and of course it always does), the texts didnt get to me until 6 hours later. in the first few texts, he went with the appendicitis story, saying that he was going in for surgery now, didnt want me to worry, and that he would call me 12 hours later hahahha what is this?! think i stupid ah! appendicitis surgery doesnt take 12 hours! then somewhere in the middle, presumably because i wasnt replying him, he asked, ‘baby arent you worried about me?’ hahahahaha see, see what did i say. then in the later texts, he explained that he was actually coming to see me, and that he would be stopping over in London, but that he would be here in New York in 24 hours :))
:))
:)))))))))
so this is him napping in my room after he arrived, using Ham as a neck rest:
oh wait cerita belum habis. Martian apparently had this grand plan that he wanted to put in action, which was to get one of my friends to meet up with me, and instead of that friend turning up, he would show up with flowers instead and surprise me. so guess who he contacted to be his partner-in-crime?
LIEW SUET LI.
hahahahaha aiyooooo let me tell you why she is the worst partner in crime, EVER. to cut short a really long pinging and ponging back and forth between me and suet, she basically told me that she wanted to meet up with me (she’s studying in Massachusetts) cos she would be in New York over the weekend. BUT, she’s actually already coming here next week, so i asked her why would she make double trips? she then said that she wanted to spend time with me for my birthday hahahahahaha which is like ludicrous because it is SO TOTALLY NOT something she would do. so i didnt believe her. and then she started changing her story, saying that she had to come to NY to meet someone, and that i couldnt tell Barry (her boyfriend) or anyone else about it, and that she really needed me to be there for her before she met this person. so i started getting worried. i’m like who’s this person you have to meet? what’s going on? what are you doing?? are you cheating on barry????
and she tells me:
she’s coming to NY to get an abortion.
an ABORTION.
“it’s barry’s baby! i cant tell barry because he will freak out!”
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA WTFFFFF WHAT KIND OF STORY IS THIS
you know what’s even funnier?
i actually believed it.
and agonized over it for a couple of days, wondering like crazy if i should convince her to keep the baby. sigh.
——————-
there, that is the story of the failed Martian surprise. in the end he just came straight to my college after checking into the hotel. then on my birthday, he took me out for dinner at Serafina. he’s also spending a couple more days here before he leaves :) sigh. im just really, really glad he’s here. i’ve been missing him so much. it really was the coolest ’surprise’ ever; i really dont mind that it didnt work out the way it was planned, as long as Martian is here. a big thank you to you, liewsuetli, for being part of the plan and for not actually getting yourself knocked up :P
pictures of some birthday presents!:
these flowers were delivered to my dorm together with a box of chocolates and a big happy yellow helium balloon! :D they were from my lovely aunt, whom you can see leaving comments on my blog every now and then.
Martian got me a gorgeous pair of shoes from Shoes Shoes Shoes! i think it was last Christmas that he was going to get me something gadgety like an MP3 player or a mobile phone, and then his friend who owns Shoes Shoes Shoes scolded him and said that every girl should get girly gifts like shoes. haha. i think he took the advice to heart :P i love the shoes! i always think it’s so cool when a guy knows what kind of shoes or clothes to get his girlfriend :)
and this is the card Martian mailed to me. he’s damn funny wan la, he actually couriered this card to me even though he was coming here. waste money on postage only… but nvm lah the card so cute! when i saw the piggy i was like WTF… what is he trying to say! then when i opened it, the first sentence was “i know what you’re thinking.. it’s not like that”. haha :P
OMG these are from Carol! cupcakes from Magnolia!!! earlier this year when i told the people from Bisou that i was possibly going to New York to study, they insisted that i check out this cupcake place in NY called Magnolia. apparently the cupcakes there are reallyyyyy good, and it’s the store that was featured in Sex and the City? and Carol got some for me <3 omg <3 i nearly fainted from ecstasy when i ate them. it's super sweet, yes, but SO DELICIOUS. these cupcakes redefine sinful. carol, even Martian says they're good. and you know how Mr Carrot Chip hates sinful desserts...
a beanie from Chew Fui! i didnt think of buying hats for the winter, so i’m really going to need this when it gets colder here. the beanie came along with a super cute card that had a masterpiece drawn by Chew Fui’s daughter, Mei. it’s so cool! check out the envelope behind the card :D
and this huge box came for me in the mail last week :) i knew immediately that it was from my family. i opened it to find:
hahaha! i think my family thinks i’m still a kid. and they thought right! the wrinkly bulldog is from my dad and the red elephant is from my mom. the elephant’s name is Dumbo, which is actually what my parents have been calling me since i was a baby. until now. ya. my parents call me Dumbo :\ they duped the 4-year-old me into thinking it was a cute name.. but now that i am 20 and more discerning, i know better :\
the cow is from Tall Brother and he actually referred to it as a ‘pig’ in the card. hello?? it is a cow, not a pig! but haih then again he also thought Pooch (who is a dog) was a sheep. and the long sausage pig is from Short Brother. his name is Ham! the pig, not my brother. Martian thinks Ham is a very good neck rest.
and this is the card that came with the box. sigh. when i opened the card and read it, it really hit me that this was my first birthday away from my home. i guess i hadnt really thought about it until that point in time. i miss my family! :( and it’s my Short Brother’s birthday today. happy birthday Short Brother!!!
i also got a bunch of American snacks from my floormates, but i forgot to take pictures of the snacks! now they’re all in my tummy. i’m having a lot of fun exploring this whole new world of American snacks. pretzels, salted popcorn, pop tarts, reese’s pieces… yumm :)
all in all, i had a wonderful birthday :) if you guys left me comments or facebook mssgs but didnt see the thank you video i left in the comments section of the post below, then let me say thank you again! i know i should be growing out of this phase where i’m really excited to have birthday cards and birthday presents and i’m always looking forward to birthday cake and all the phone calls at midnight… but i cant help myself :))) i just love birthdays. i wonder if i’ll still love them as much when i hit the big 3-0 ten years from now.
October 8th, 2008
Martian just left New York to go home. he got on the plane 50 minutes ago. how do i put my feelings into words? i cant breathe. i’m really scared. i’m really, really scared. he’s no longer just a 5 hour bus ride away. what do i do when i cant sleep? what do i do when i need him to hold my hand? how do i find my way around the NYC subway without him? who do i look for when i need to cry? have i been wrong to have lived the past 2 years so quickly and so ungratefully? am i being coherent? i cant think straight. i was okay at first but then i found a goodbye card he secretly left for me inside my NYC guidebook. and now i am a wreck. i am a broken, sad, teary, angry, regretful, frightened wreck. i feel so lost. i feel exactly how i felt two weeks ago when we argued at Times Square and i stormed off and got lost on the subway. but two weeks ago, he was still in the same city and i could run into his arms and say i was sorry. it was so easy and so convenient and so lucky of me. i’ve never been a long distance person. i’ve never been good at it. how do i do this?
September 8th, 2008
at the foot of the Flatiron building – a famed and historical structure in Fifth Avenue NYC – at a little past midnight yesterday, shortly after i attempted to put up a good struggle but lost:
Martian: sigh. look at it, baby. isn’t it wonderful?
Me: um why is it so special.. it’s just a triangular building..
Martian: *goes off into a spiel about the building’s history* blablabla considered one of the first skyscrapers ever in the world blablablabla insert something about the wind blablabla
Me: it’s only cool cos it has M.A.C on the ground floor. HEY i wonder if makeup here is cheaper!!!
Martian: ….
little things like the above conversation always snake their way into my days to remind me of just how different Martian and i are, and also to make me smile. to most people, this little snippet of lovers’ dialogue must mean nothing, but it’s precious to me. i really like how Martian and i share things and do things together, even though we dont necessarily enjoy it. this Flatiron building for instance – Martian has been insisting for the past week that he absolutely must show me this building, otherwise he can’t sleep. i still dont know why he likes it so much; apparently it was an architectural wonder back in its day, but i played along anyway because he was just so excited about it. in the same way, he probably doesnt understand why i like musicals so much and why i cried buckets while watching The Little Mermaid on Broadway earlier tonight, yet still brings me to these shows and sits through them even though he hates them.
nevertheless, here’s the Flatiron. it’s actually triangular but you cant really tell from this picture:
anyway i also want to say that Martian and i have moved up one significant rung on the metaphorical relationship ladder! this happened a few weeks ago, and i apologize for keeping so quiet about this, but i just wanted to figure out the best way to break the news to everyone, especially my parents. and after a lot of thought, i have realized that there is no better way to do this than to just be frank. after all, the whole point is that this means Martian and i are closer than ever, and that is a good thing.
so… what’s happened is that… Martian now unabashedly wipes his boogers on me.
i’m not farking joking. he used to be so shy about it, but now when he doesnt have any tissue after picking his nose, he’ll just, like, wipe it on me. and then he laughs. he doesnt even care if i’m wearing a new top. is this supposed to be cute? is this supposed to be endearing? is this what happens after two people see each other for too long? i will never know the answer. so i just wipe my boogers back on him.
a couple of photos from last weekend, when my aunt took me to visit UPenn:
1. this is the Broken Button at Penn. Yau tells me that people apparently have sex underneath it… o__O
2. i tried to climb up onto that platform to take a photo with the statue of Benjamin Franklin, but it was quite high up so it was a bit difficult. while i was trying to climb up, campus security drove over in a little cart and started honking at me -_- then they started following me around -_- what is this!!! i wasnt damaging property or anything…
3. sigh so i had to content myself with a boring picture of sitting on the lap of another Ben Franklin statue.. which i’m sure EVERYBODY has done before… -_- *grumpy
4. you know you are Malaysian when you are very amused by things like this and MUST take a photo with it. happy merdeka everyone!!
5. and lastly, spotted at the Philadelphia Museum of Art – a funny rendition of The Scream by a 15-year-old girl called Danielle.
September 3rd, 2008
Previous Posts
