Posts filed under 'Martianisms'
at the foot of the Flatiron building - a famed and historical structure in Fifth Avenue NYC - at a little past midnight yesterday, shortly after i attempted to put up a good struggle but lost:
Martian: sigh. look at it, baby. isn’t it wonderful?
Me: um why is it so special.. it’s just a triangular building..
Martian: *goes off into a spiel about the building’s history* blablabla considered one of the first skyscrapers ever in the world blablablabla insert something about the wind blablabla
Me: it’s only cool cos it has M.A.C on the ground floor. HEY i wonder if makeup here is cheaper!!!
Martian: ….
little things like the above conversation always snake their way into my days to remind me of just how different Martian and i are, and also to make me smile. to most people, this little snippet of lovers’ dialogue must mean nothing, but it’s precious to me. i really like how Martian and i share things and do things together, even though we dont necessarily enjoy it. this Flatiron building for instance - Martian has been insisting for the past week that he absolutely must show me this building, otherwise he can’t sleep. i still dont know why he likes it so much; apparently it was an architectural wonder back in its day, but i played along anyway because he was just so excited about it. in the same way, he probably doesnt understand why i like musicals so much and why i cried buckets while watching The Little Mermaid on Broadway earlier tonight, yet still brings me to these shows and sits through them even though he hates them.
nevertheless, here’s the Flatiron. it’s actually triangular but you cant really tell from this picture:
anyway i also want to say that Martian and i have moved up one significant rung on the metaphorical relationship ladder! this happened a few weeks ago, and i apologize for keeping so quiet about this, but i just wanted to figure out the best way to break the news to everyone, especially my parents. and after a lot of thought, i have realized that there is no better way to do this than to just be frank. after all, the whole point is that this means Martian and i are closer than ever, and that is a good thing.
so… what’s happened is that… Martian now unabashedly wipes his boogers on me.
i’m not farking joking. he used to be so shy about it, but now when he doesnt have any tissue after picking his nose, he’ll just, like, wipe it on me. and then he laughs. he doesnt even care if i’m wearing a new top. is this supposed to be cute? is this supposed to be endearing? is this what happens after two people see each other for too long? i will never know the answer. so i just wipe my boogers back on him.
a couple of photos from last weekend, when my aunt took me to visit UPenn:
1. this is the Broken Button at Penn. Yau tells me that people apparently have sex underneath it… o__O
2. i tried to climb up onto that platform to take a photo with the statue of Benjamin Franklin, but it was quite high up so it was a bit difficult. while i was trying to climb up, campus security drove over in a little cart and started honking at me -_- then they started following me around -_- what is this!!! i wasnt damaging property or anything…
3. sigh so i had to content myself with a boring picture of sitting on the lap of another Ben Franklin statue.. which i’m sure EVERYBODY has done before… -_- *grumpy
4. you know you are Malaysian when you are very amused by things like this and MUST take a photo with it. happy merdeka everyone!!
5. and lastly, spotted at the Philadelphia Museum of Art - a funny rendition of The Scream by a 15-year-old girl called Danielle.
September 3rd, 2008
i keep clicking around as if there’s going to be an answer for me somewhere on the internet. like maybe wikipedia can help me solve this problem, or maybe an email will appear, heartfelt and detailed, giving me a better understanding of this whole situation. i really wish i was there, in person and in flesh, so that i could do something helpful with my hands and my hugs instead of being a phone call and some hazy synapses away. i always choose all the wrong times to leave.
i saw this old photo of you that alex put on facebook. i have so much love for you that it spills over. i could love the you in that old photo from 5 years back as much as i love you now, and i would still have plenty of love left over. when i said that i need someone to draw strength from, i only had you in mind. you inspire me daily with how brave you are. when we’re together, it feels like everything in the world is in their rightful place and all is calm. when we’re holding each other, everything feels just. right. i cant wait to see you and make everything good again.
July 27th, 2008
Martian and i aren’t always happy. we both have our own fears and insecurities about our relationship, our direction, ourselves and each other. sometimes these fears and insecurities happen simultaneously, and we fight. there are the fights, and then there are the REALLY BIG fights that involve crying, screaming, swearing, hurtful statements and walking out. then there are the break-ups, the exchange of cruel words and spitefully hissing what we hate so much about each other. by no means are we the perfect couple. there are days when i cant help but think that we are just so wrong for each other.
yet at the end of the day, after each fight be it big or small, we fall back into each other’s arms, spilling over with murmurs of i’m-sorry’s, frantic kisses, hungry grasps and all the love that we have for each other. we ache to make it up to the other person, to hopefully erase from their memory all the mean and callous words said in the heat of anger, to win our place back in the other person’s heart again. in these moments, as we kiss and make up, i’m always thinking.. how could i have screamed at someone like him? how could i have gotten angry? how can i not realize what a good, amazing, perfect thing i have in my boyfriend? to squander our precious time away by fighting… what could i have possibly been thinking?
i’ve always believed that love, essentially, is loving the other person more than you love yourself; putting their happiness before your own. it is measured by how much you are willing to sacrifice for the other. it is big things like trying your very best to become a kinder, more patient, more thoughtful person so that you can make her happy, and it is small things like missing your favorite tv show just so you can pick him up from football practice. so when i read this line in an Oscar Wilde book one day - ‘to love is to surpass oneself’, i felt like i had found a precious gem of universal truth.
i want a lot of things. i am a lot of things. but i give up, and change, all of these because i love Martian.
two years ago, we sat at Martian’s dining table at his apartment, weeding through Antoine de Saint Exupery’s ‘The Little Prince’ to exhume two metaphors from each of the 27 chapters for my college assignment. that’s a grand total of 54 metaphors, and we were pulling an all-nighter trying to get the assignment done before morning. i later found out that Adrian had given me the wrong information, and it was really only just two metaphors for the FIRST TWO chapters.
when i found out about the misinformation, i scolded Adrian for causing me to waste my time like that. but i never got around to thanking him and giving him a big hug for inadvertently giving me one of the best things that’s ever happened to me.
that night, on the 4th of July 2006, while taking a break from Antoine de Saint Exupery’s The Little Prince, Martian held me, closed his eyes and told me that he loved me. that night, i told him that i love him too. and that is how we started.
happy anniversary baby. i love you so much. i’m so sorry i bluffed you about coming out to get a glass of water but i really ended up blogging and chatting on MSN, and now you’ve fallen asleep :\
July 4th, 2008
it’s been long day after long day; the big Columbia clock keeps ticking over my head. i am drowning in to-do lists. my inner child wants to just sleep, but i cant because i am constantly kept awake by the atrocities that happen in our daily lives and the world. why are people hypocritical? why are there political assassinations? why do people fight? why do people get sick? why are principles being discarded? why does spite exist? why are people so concerned with looks and money? why is our air getting hazier? why do the evil and the scheming triumph? does sincerity exist anymore?
my head is swirling with iron deficiency. i havent been eating much lately, either. tomorrow i will be back in the arms of my Martian, and he will make sure i am eating well, but tomorrow feels so far away. i worry the world will implode before then, collapsing into itself from the wretched burden of itself, which means that i will never have my tomorrow. tomorrow, America’s skies will be littered with fireworks; tomorrow, mine will be littered with uncertainties and love. two years ago, i felt this way too. i was bound by the paralysis of caring too much. i was frantic and frightened. i am still.
did you know that it’s already july… doesn’t time fly. i wish time would freeze and i could enjoy chicken wings and la-la at jalan alor forever. have bubbly in bangsar every afternoon until i become one big gas bubble. i also wish i didn’t get hurt so easily. it’s becoming so hard to love people when they all seem so caustic and uncaring.
there was a time where i used to come home from school, eat apples and play Roller Coaster Tycoon. it was a time of fish porridge and pure bliss.
i am tired. i dont feel well.
i have a sudden urge to go swimming.
i have a question. it’s a simple one. what is love?
July 3rd, 2008
i asked to try a flavor and he gave it to me. then i asked for another. and another. rum & raisin, walnut butterscotch, rocky road on little plastic spoons. then finally, i lingered on chocolate ecstasy, and stopped there. double scoop in a waffle cone with chopped almonds, please. a quick exchange and then there is bliss in my hand. i dont hesitate. what is it about ice cream? the creamy texture? the cold sweetness? the surprise ingredients? that sticky first bite?
i have a million ice cream moments; they dot my life like stars. there was the time i went on a dessert fast and azlan bribed me out of it with ice cream. the day i turned 18 with a candle in a cup of ice cream at the stroke of midnight. and i will always remember how good it feels to lean on the wire fences near the school field with my friends, chattering away in kidspeak, while trying to make our lime and vanilla popsicles from the ice cream man last longer. remember this post long ago about a person who fed me ice cream so perfectly? did you know that it was about Martian? that post was written on his birthday. we had been together only and exactly 2 weeks when i wrote it.
sometimes when Martian and i fight, and i descend into one of my epic sulks, he tries to bribe his way back into my good graces with ice cream. it’s terrible how this tactic always works. TERRIBLE. the man can do no wrong as long as he puts his arm around my shoulders and says, ‘come baby, don’t sulk. i take you for ice cream ok? a nice double scoop cone of Chocolate Ecstasy and Cookies n Cream, ok?’ sigh. sometimes it’s not just about the ice cream; it’s about how he knows exactly what i like, and how he puts these things in my hands to make me smile again. but er, a lot of the time it’s also about the ice cream.
i came home tonight agitated - door slammin’, fight pickin’, blood boilin’. all i wanted to do was forget the reason why i was angry because it is about something that i have spent way too much time being angry about, and it is also something that i cannot change. feeling helpless, i could do nothing but sit on the couch and quietly partake in the pint of ice cream Martian bought for me when we had that big fight at Gardens the other day. chocolate fudge brownie :) a whole pint and 90 minutes of mindless chick flick (Bring It On 4!) later, i felt infinitely better. i felt refreshed, satiated, kinder. the secret, i have realized, lies in simple pleasures. like ice cream and lunchtime naps. who cares about anything else when you have in your hands what makes you happy?
and so tonight i am happy. happier. contented. because of life, ice cream and simple pleasures.
i stocked up! NZN has this 30% discount on all take-away pints on the 30th of each month, and that makes me very very very happy indeedy. simple pleasures, remember? discounts are one of them :) and now that fuel prices have gone up again in Malaysia, it looks like i will be embracing a long future of hermitage and never again using any expensive fuel to go anywhere - all that i need is in my freezer, here in my home. and now that electricity tariffs are rising too, i guess i will just have to eat my ice cream in the dark.
June 5th, 2008
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