the silence around here has been due to the arrival of Kafka back on New York City shores. it’s been so nice having this city return to a familiar state for me, that i haven’t been wanting to do much else besides hold his hand and go to watch movies late at night after long dinners at our favourite NYC haunts. but he leaves in 12 hours, and i’m finally returning to the real world. the real world isn’t such a bad place to be, i suppose, but i’m going to miss him terribly.

he’s currently helping me assemble a bookcase that we bought together from IKEA, haha. these self-assembly things are tricky bastards; i never quite know how to feel when my furniture is standing upright and complete, but i still have a whole bunch of extra parts in my hand. so thank goodness for boyfriends then :)

some IKEA kiddery:

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i would have taken more pictures but these days i keep forgetting i can do things like that. also i keep forgetting i have a blog.

and, the final product!! :

campus was looking gorgeous today. we’re on the brink of fall, but there’s still enough sun on most days to make this city glint. life is good as a third year student — people aren’t quite so socially insecure anymore as juniors, and are actually becoming more chill as they segue into the comfortable court of upperclassmendom. of course, things haven’t exactly been drama-free, but i guess it’s not really college if there isn’t some high school element every now and then. none that i’m involved in, thankfully — think i had enough of that last year — but sometimes it’s quite interesting to sit back and watch, and wonder what these people will be like 10 years from now.

all photos taken with my iphone! dare i say that i think the photo quality might be better than some point and shoot digital cameras i’ve owned!

i was feeling a little nostalgic today, so i started rummaging through some of my photos from travels past. then i realized that i’d actually marked some photos to blog about, but had eventually just forgotten about them altogether. so here are the last of some istanbul pictures. at some point, if my memory still serves me, hopefully i’ll get around to putting up photos from paris a year ago, and barcelona from two years back, along with some small stories found in those beautiful cities.

it’s funny but i haven’t been as shutter-happy as i once was, which explains the dearth of photos in this space over the past year or so. i’m not sure why that is. these days i’m content just drinking things in with the eyes, and don’t feel that same need to tell or show anyone what i saw. actually, these days i’m content not talking to anyone at all. which was why it was nice to sit down and stare into space with J the other day, as the chatter of uproarious brickfields moved thickly around us like curls of incense smoke. these are the best relationships — the ones with obligations that don’t feel like obligations, where so much is instinctively understood that not much needs to be said. at some point we asked each other if it was okay to just be quiet and be far away into our own thoughts. yeah it’s okay. the next time i toss a coin into a fountain, or make a wish on birthday candles, i will wish that everyone on earth gets to keep one such friendship with them, on them, always.

photos from istanbul:

(i wrote the above about two weeks ago, but got interrupted while i was resizing photos. in the time between then and now, timtam, who was with me in istanbul, uploaded his own photos to facebook. with his marvelous camera and exquisite eye for a good picture, i really no longer have to share mine, because his photos just outshine any and all that i have. so i’m going to put his up instead :) with his permission of course.

…. BUT!!! not without claiming some credit for most of the shots, cos timtam IS SUCH A PHOTO MOMENT STEALER >:( basically i’ll stop to take a photo of something or someone, and timtam will come up behind me to do the same… except he emerges with the distinctly better photo. life is unfair. everyone, buy an analog camera.)

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#8 – my favourite shot

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#11 – my second favourite shot

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timtam, i support any endeavour of yours to start your own online photo gallery. can’t wait for island creamery bonding time in a week!

don’t you think, life has a funny way of assaulting you over and over again with a recurrent theme, or pattern, or any thing – as if afraid you’re just not getting it? i’m getting it, okay, i really am. these things all hover over me like some dark shroud, how could i not? they manifest themselves in books, photos, behind posters, and even in back-up vocals when i’m not really listening to the song. but i’ve been having these out-of-body experiences lately. it’s like a bad dream where i keep watching myself intrude this holy space and dirty it with my feet, and i can’t say anything or stop myself, because it’s too late. i’m a frequent hearer of the overbearing phrase, there’s nothing you can do about it, but i always disbelieve it, because i i think it is always possible to do something about anything. if you look hard enough, there will most definitely be a sliver of a space for you to edge your fingers through, or breathe into. creativity and relentless amounts of determination is the answer. but because i’m so lazy i often think it’s not worth the work. if it’s meant to be, it will be easy. but then, i’m a frequent hearer of the overbearing phrase, there’s nothing you can do about it, and i always disbelieve it…

anyway i just realized i’m turning 22 this year. how very old! i’m inclined to believe that my life before i turned 19 was an illusion, and that the beautiful world i lived in with all those kind and loving people so long ago is merely some fluttering veil cut out from the fabric of my imagination. because lately it seems that everyone is breaking away from the system that i (once) understood. so either the world is going renegade, or i misunderstood everything for 19 years. either way, i’m horribly left behind, and i must catch up. so i’ll take the red pill for now.

more photos from Istanbul follow!:

#1 tourists at the Topkapi Palace

#2 haha i love this photo! timtam looks like he belongs in a cologne ad

#3 that must be one emotional audio guide

#4 adorable, camera-friendly children!

#5 awww they all loved timtam!

#6 obligatory tunnel shot

#7 obligatory tunnel shot II

#8 conned a group of ladies into taking a picture with me! i was, by the way, dressed so uncharacteristically ‘decent’ because timtam (practically) forced me to, for fear that we wouldn’t be allowed into the palace grounds -_- (like i couldn’t enter the sistine chapel in Rome because i was wearing a short summer dress……………. )

#9 <3

#10 americano

#11 cemetery in sultanahmet, that housed a little tea garden in its shadows!

#12 one of many fresh orange juice vendors on the streets of istanbul. they don’t make a lot of money at all

#13 after getting his permission to take a photo, i waited so long for the flag to unfurl so that i could get my shot. but it never did :( hence this is the photo that never was.

#14 lamp shop! where we did The Forbidden according to SATC2 – followed the salesman into a hidden room in the back, where he showed us… more lamps. but he was the ONLY vendor in all of istanbul to correctly guess that we were Malaysian on first attempt! we were getting so annoyed at being called singaporean -_-

#15 on the periphery of the Grand Bazaar

#16 genie lamps at the Grand Bazaar

#17 istanbul is littered with wash basins like this one. at first i thought it was for pre-prayer ritual (actually, it just may be), but i think turks just really like their washing. they’re so clean with everything!

#18 tamtimtamtimtimtam

#19 a funny sight- watermelon vendor that plopped his stand right in the middle of a street that cars frequently went through. so each time a car came by, he’d have to pick up his stand, move aside, and then return to his spot after the car had driven by. ???? but that watermelon looks so good…

#20 a little dustbin vendor

#21 HAHAHA this is the most poser photo ever!!!!!! hat + tshirt combo, check. posing for photo while exhaling smoke, check. reading book on existentialism, check check check! but i still <3 u timtam!

#22 blue mosque at sunset

#23 overfriendly ice cream vendor!

#24 fat cat

finally!- an afternoon caught by its coattails. am currently at my regular starbucks outlet on campus, where many a study evening has been whiled away not-studying. it feels a little strange to be in new york while it’s all hot and the streets are paved with girls in long legs holding together short summer dresses. sherbert carts have sprung up like daisies overnight, and suddenly, out of nowhere, on the corner of 110th and Broadway, there’s a frail old man playing buttery tunes on a saxophone. it’s my first summer here, and it feels much like a different life.

sophomore year has come and gone, taking with it half of my college career. this year has been very long, and in some segments has been as annoying as a bad itch crawling in a corner of your skin that you can’t seem to locate. i’ve engaged so much in this span of time, and have also been moved around unwittingly (like an indignant chess piece) – but one thing remains a constant: that i am still falling into blessings. sometimes when it becomes overwhelming, i try to guess when it is that my luck will run out, but i find that for the most part i am holding my breath for nothing. surely someone as indolent and unintelligent as i am doesn’t deserve all of this? yet at the same time i’m glad that the school year is leaving. i’m a bit of a packrat, but even i can’t bear the taint from what seemed like a dirty kitchen sink that would never wash itself or go away.

summer classes have been quite fun so far, albeit tedious and entailing very many 8am alarm rings. actually, waking up at 8am is easy peas compared to the string of all-nighters that are/were native to regular school semesters– but there’s just something very inhumane and nature-inconsistent about waking up this early in the summer, this time for nautical skirts and frolicking with books in parks! and so it’s always that much harder to get up. though i swear on my Hedonist Association membership that much debauchery has been going downnnn to make up for my ante meridiem discipline. what debauchery? tales soon!

i was in Istanbul last week for a five-day flee before summer classes started. oh Istanbul: an ethereal city with higgledy-piggledy homes, destroyed so often throughout history but rebuilt and restored with such love, where people are shy and generous with their smiles, where coffee is thick and musky, and the sounds of solat punctuate the skies five times a day just like at home. i was reunited once again with my favourite judgmental friend, Timtam – but we timed our visit to coincide with Mesut’s return to Istanbul. Mesut is my other favourite judgmental friend, a fellow sophomore here at Columbia. we were doing so many of the same things and taking so many of the same classes in freshman year that we felt perhaps we should try to be friends. here, i was going to insert a funny joke about him, but i couldnt bring myself to, because he’s left me to study abroad in Paris for a year, and i miss him muchly already :( so i’ll just put up some pictures from Istanbul:

#1 tourist Timtam striking a pose for an audience of Istanbul cotton candy clouds

#2 conned a group of very excitable kids on a daytrip into taking a picture with me. with the Asian Emblem no less :D

#3 gorgeous view of the Marmara sea from a terrace at the Topkapi Palace, framed by an earnest tourist

#4 whaddup

#5 yummy turkish coffee- folds soooo nicely on the tongue. and effectively rousing, too

#6 a shelf of curios at the Grand Bazaar

#7 copper coffee serving pots

#8 this vendor said he’d give me a free shisha pipe if i went out for a drink with him, haha. i politely declined (upon timtam’s angry furtive glares), and then he offered a discount if i were to take a photo with him. why not! (sorry timtam)

#9 but i ended up not buying a pipe from him :P bought it from another store instead, for the irresistible price of $25! the unfortunate twist is that we smoked so much shisha during our 5 days in Istanbul that i now have a very strong aversion to it…

#10 windy day out in town. this is one of the many streetside ice cream vendors, and me, trying to keep my sticky ice cream upright in the wind

#11 fanning stairs of apartments near Ankara Road, against dusty white air!

#12 a comedian of a sweets vendor at the Spice Market! quite the camwhore too- we took many funny photos with him

#13 steps of a building that looked like a mosque, but surely it was a marketplace in masquerade because there was a man selling alcohol on its foyer…

#14 cerulean eyes of the man running some famous sweet shop timtam ducked into for a box of turkish delight

#15 at the Eminonu ferry docks, where we boarded a ferry that chugged us along the Bosphorus!

#16 onboard the ferry, sipping tea and feeling excited. portrait artfully composed by Timtam

#17 timtam and mesut

#18 us three. gorgeous day out for us and seagulls! portrait artfully composed by me

#19 mesoot gool, kaninabeh?

#20 whispering couple on the ferry! and our empty glasses of turkish apple tea, which is delicious – like apple juice with a round, thick, heavy finish

#21 flags on women on Istiklal Street. not sure who the dude is. Ataturk maybe? it was a public holiday that day, which explained all the flags around the city, much to Mesut’s displeasure

#22 birdhouse