Posts filed under 'Rants'
today started off a little angry for me. then sad. then angry again. now, i am feeling a little bit sorry – in the guilty sense of the word. yet, there’s this throbbing kernel of blissful contentment somewhere in the pits of my stomach. ever jumped into something big and risky, expecting the worse, but then at the end of it all discovered that there was no need to be afraid or pessimistic in the first place? because everything turned out perfect and more beautiful than you could ever hope for? that’s what i’m going through right now. it’s a good feeling, even if preceded by a little bit of remorse at the recklessness of aforementioned pessimism.
i really wish i could say why i was angry this morning. at least it would get my message across to the relevant people involved. but i think the more i dwell upon them, the angrier i get, and the fact is dwelling on such things doesn’t really improve the situation any. well okay i want to talk briefly about just one thing, because that is the one i am thinking about most. i understand why sometimes it is important to remain neutral, but i cannot help but feel a sense of disappointment, and sometimes disrespect, for people who are privy to both sides of a story but still are unable or refuse to form an opinion. there’s always the same old “aiyah sensitive issue lah i dowan to say anything”, which to me sounds so cowardly and unintelligent. just because things are ’sensitive’, you don’t even want to THINK about the problem at hand? when all the bare facts are laid before you on the table, you can’t even bring yourself to recognize what is right and what is wrong?
i hope no one misinterprets or jumps to conclusions about what i’m saying, because i’m aware that what i said can apply to many situations, but i’m referring to some very specific events. haih. i’m just so sick of people who can’t seem to employ just a little bit of judgment and integrity when it comes to situations that require them to, because as a result of that, nothing is ever done about the injustices that are allowed to fester. and when talk comes to do, they all step back and let the more outspoken ones take the heat. and when the battle is won, they all come out to celebrate together-gether. it’s damn unfair. no this is not about elections. this is something personal. it’s about friends, it’s about right and wrong, it’s about a certain person with no principles whom i believe i’m never speaking to again.
haih.
on another note, i finally sent in my acceptance notification to the one college of my choice. so this fall, i will be attending Columbia University :) and i also already sent out the decline forms for all my other schools. it was so hard putting the check mark next to ‘No, I Will Not Be Attending…’ in those forms, particularly the ones for Penn and Chicago. when i think about all the effort and determination and prayers and hope i put into my applications for these schools only a few months ago, i can’t help but feel so extremely ungrateful for declining all their offers. yes i know it’s very silly to feel like this because i’m SUPPOSED to choose only one school and decline the rest, but hey. i dont know lah. remember how i wasnt even expecting to gain entrance into any of my schools. and now here i am just signing the decline cards as if they dont mean anything to me. i felt a little bit nauseous as i was signing the Penn card. during application season, Penn was the first application that i worked on because it was the school i wanted to get into most – and i slogged through it like a dog because i really needed it to be perfect. i remember exactly how i felt when i was writing my Why Penn essay. and now.. i’m not even going there. it feels strange.
i want to say thank you to everybody who helped me get this far. first of all, thank you to all of you who voted in my poll and left me comments on my Columbia / Penn decision :) and thank you to everyone who sent me long emails about their opinions. thank you Yau, i’m so glad you took that first step all those months back; i couldn’t have done it without you. thank you Matteus, Andrew, Chen Chow for all your ever-encouraging comments and opinions. thank you Lotus for constantly giving me that swift kick in the butt to get me going – you are the reason why i’m even attending an Ivy League institution in 4 months’ time. thank you Christine for that great interview; it must have been why i was accepted into Penn in the first place. thank you Nick and Amanda for all the insight into Columbia. thank you Emily, Timtam, Booha, Eeyang and Dad for being there during the last few minutes of my decision-making. lastly, thank you to all my friends and relatives who cared enough to share their thoughts with me about both colleges and for hounding me ever so often about my decision :) you have all been very kind to me.
i really regret that i cannot attend Penn. but the more i think about it, the more i feel i made the right choice when i sent in my Columbia confirmation. so here’s to plunging into New York City headfirst and not looking back!
oh and i went to watch Iron Man today :) i wasnt expecting it, but it was OMG SO GOOD. exciting, engaging and jaw-droppingly awesome from start till end. deep sigh! when i grow up i want to be like Iron Man!! *___* either that or marry someone like him!!
okay i have nothing else to say, and i really should be going back to bed. obviously my newly-recalibrated body clock is now cacat again. and for the people who are only here for the pictures, and i know there’s some of you out there!!!, i leave you now with one picture from Bangkok :
me trying to decide which shirt is more ME!, at Khao San Road – my 2nd favourite place in Bangkok after Chatuchak :)
May 2nd, 2008
i am currently back at Martian’s apartment, where there are simply not enough snacks or tissue paper. sometimes i don’t know how he exists in such impoverished conditions. i got so fidgety that i couldn’t stand it and went to the supermarket this afternoon to buy some Hello Panda biscuits and tissue boxes back -____- oh and i also found PODS!!! did you guys know that Singapore now has PODS!!! i am munchin’ away with much joy.
i’m eating and sleeping properly again, as i always do when i am back in the care of Martian, and it feels good. the other day i woke up feeling faint and i only realized a while later that it was because that i hadn’t eaten for 2 whole days. i was so busy and stressed out with the pajama party and the public speaking competition (more on this soon) that i simply forgot to eat. incredulous. i think i need to take better care of myself :\
there are so many things i wanna blog about, i don’t know where to start.
okay first topic: advertorials! i saw Michbaby’s post about people who complain about advertorials, and she really hit the nail on the head when she said it is irrelevant whether or not a blogger is being paid to write a post. i cant agree more, and really and do not see why there are people who insist it is only ‘right’ that bloggers write ‘THIS IS AN ADVERTORIAL’ at the top of each sponsored post.
alrighty, i can’t speak for other bloggers, but i will only write about products that i actually use and like, or if i think this is a product that i want to tell people about. every word that i write in my advertorials is purely the truth of what i think of the product; clients CANNOT tell us to write good things about the product if we don’t actually like it in the first place. take my LipIce post for instance – i mentioned that i love the product and i have been using it since i was young, which is the truth. does putting that stupid ‘THIS IS AN ADVERTORIAL’ sentence at the top of the post change anything or lend some kind of validity to my opinion of the product?
some girl mentioned somewhere that i should ‘give room for readers to make judgment based on the fact that part of the reason i am writing about this is that i am being paid for it’. aiyah what is this overreaction lah. yes, we write about certain things cos the brands pay us for the post, but seriously, what is the relevance here if the sole purpose of following a blog is to read the blogger’s opinion? so you’re getting the opinion wat! -___- and you are being exposed to a good product that the blogger genuinely likes and wants to write about, why are you complaining!
look back on all my food posts and restaurant reviews- would it have mattered whether or not i was paid for it, if at the end of the day people who read the post got to know about this certain restaurant and its services, and became more aware about KL’s food scene? same thing, yes? just like i choose to blog only about restaurants i LIKE, i also choose to blog only about products i LIKE.
and it’s not like the brands give us a whole press release that we merely copy and paste onto our blog. we actually take the effort to explore and write about the products creatively and truthfully, as per our own opinion. so i dont see why there should be a credibility issue.
at the end of the day right… this issue of ‘THIS IS AN ADVERTORIAL’ is such a small and itty-bitty thing that i don’t understand why people wanna throw a big fuss here and there. i think there are bigger things to worry about in our world, rather than ‘why is this blogger getting paid for a post but then no disclaimer!!!11′. sigh damn petty lah.
second topic: Malaysian Dreamgirl! i’ve been following all the 4 episodes, and here are my favourites so far:
this is Fiqa, a Malay-mixed-Chinese girl with really stunning features and a quiet confidence. i was very impressed by how articulate she was in her audition, and i really like her type of look – intense, cool, with a little bit of androgyny thrown in. i warmed up to her even more when i saw in Episode 4 how she told her aunt not to let her mother watch an upcoming episode where she would be dressed in really tight shorts. so sweet :)
Valerie, who came onto the show with this really big frizzy ‘fro and with all this PERSONALITY :) from the episodes i’ve watched, she’s very bubbly and likable, and very unique. definitely the kind of girl who’s special without even trying, and the sort whom everyone wants to get to know. for her makeover, she got her big hair cut off, and she’s got this sleek slightly-pixie cut now that really complements her eyes and facial features. it’s great!
Jean, my favourite from the very beginning. not only is she so cute, she’s also smart. she’s studying pharmacy in IMU, and from the way she talks, you can tell this girl has substance. i immediately sit up when the camera is on her and she’s giving her opinions, because i know it’s going to be a good answer – no waffling or ‘dont know lah..’ kinda answers, but strong and spot-on opinions, but never aggressive. i love how she can look both cute and hot – she looks so adorable in the sportswear shoot, and then how stunning is that B&W picture? so yes, you can imagine how disappointed i was when she announced that she pulled out of the show. yes, Jean pulled out. my favourite pulled out. i can’t believe this T____T it’s really a great loss to the show. you can read her note on her withdrawal here.
some other random commentary: i actually like the camerawork on the show! it’s pretty good, especially the editing. but there are some parts that gets draggy and a little bit filler-ish, like the part where the girls went to Bar Savanh and there was like a good 1 minute of them doing nothing but dancing. and the judges can be a little bit long-winded sometimes. also, where is Sazzy Falak!!
okay who’s everybody’s favourites!!! faster say!!
third topic: Martian and i are going somewhere cool (literally) today.. :) hehe. our plane leaves at 7 a.m, and i’m supposed to wake Martian up in about an hour. i’m very excited cos i haven’t been to this country in a very very long time, nor have i been to this part of it. actually i didn’t even know that part of the country existed until Martian booked the flights on a whim. ahhh i can’t wait!!!
eh actually i was given the task of researching the trip but i haven’t done it. shit shit shit see lah shouldn’t have spent so much time eating Pods today :\
March 19th, 2008
i’m sure many people are already in the know of the many shrewd ways our government cheats and cons their way to a victory, but i thought i’d compile a simple and hopefully educational list for the benefit of my peers and any readers who aren’t aware, and would like to know, of the foul play and deception that goes on during the elections.
so! how our elections are rigged to unfairly benefit the government:
1. GERRYMANDERING
in our last election in 2004, Barisan Nasional won only 60% of the total votes cast, but had a whopping 91% representation in Parliament. that’s 198 out of 219 Parliamentary seats, with only 21 seats going to the Opposition despite them having an extremely significant 40% of the popular vote. heck, that’s almost half of the total votes given to the Opposition, but somehow in some weird way that only garners 9% of the seats in parliament.
so how is this done? the Elections Commission (EC) manipulates the borders of each constituency. let me make this elementary – say you have Taman A that is traditionally a BN stronghold. Taman B next to it may potentially fall to the Opposition because during the last election, the victory margin was very very small. you’re scared of losing Taman B, so what do you do?
you take voters from Taman A, and tell them they are now part of Taman B and have to vote there now. basically you’re spreading your surplus over to your weak side. in the end? Barisan Nasional has strong wins for both Taman A and Taman B. sweet.
and of course, they lump all the strong Opposition constituencies together to make sure the Opposition has less seats. in the eyes of the government, 1 Lim Kit Siang in Parliament is better than 5; so if the EC can help it, and of course they can, they gerrymander opposition strongholds as well. ah. it used to be in the constitution that the total voters of each constituency cannot differ by more than 15%. well surprise surprise, this has since been abolished :) wonder why.
here’s an example of gerrymandering. in 2004 elections, the Jerai constituency in Kedah had 21,600 new voters shifted in from neighboring constituencies. the result? BN won by a 10,000 margin – a victory they would not have had without gerrymandering – and that racist, sexist Badruddin got to retain his Jerai seat in Parliament. btw this is the douchebag who single-handedly immortalized the statement, “this is a Malay country; if you don’t like it, get out!”.
2. BUYING OUT OPPONENTS
if you’ve been reading the newspapers during the week of nomination, you would have read all the happy stories of how Barisan Nasional has won several state and parliamentary seats ‘uncontested’. my brother went, ‘wahhh! Opposition scared to fight BN ah!’
at first i didn’t understand what that meant; why would the Opposition allow seats to go uncontested? just throw in somebody to make sure people like Azalina ‘i am watching you’ Othman don’t win their seats uncontested again, right!!!
but then i came across this story. what it reports is that two PKR candidates have come forward to say they have been propositioned with money to withdraw from the elections.
“”They have been chasing me since nomination day. At first, they went around my kampung seeking the would-be candidate, proposer and seconder. Now they go one step further – offering me RM300,000 cash to withdraw,” Idil said over breakfast near PKR headquarters in Matang, Kuching. … “I have been telling them RM300,000 is too little … not enough to go around, and jokingly said they should offer me RM3 million. They took it seriously and said they would discuss the matter with their superiors,” Idil quipped.
(Source: Malaysiakini.com)
yeah now you know what happens when Barisan Nasional wins seats ‘uncontested’. this is where all your hard-earned tax money goes to – buying out opponents so that a corrupt government can stay in power.
3. BRIBING VOTERS
so these people go around to poor rural villages, and give people money to ensure they vote for BN. i hear rumours like this all the time, but i’ve never actually heard of an actual case where someone reported this bribery. but the other day Kezanne just told me that her schoolmate’s family back in Perlis has been offered RM 1,000 to vote government. they are poor and RM 1,000 is a lot of money to them. Kezanne’s schoolmate is a JPA scholar; more reason to feel compelled to vote government.
4. PHANTOM VOTERS
this means unidentified voters contributing votes to the elections. a big accusation of phantom voting was when PKR stopped two buses of what were allegedly BN phantom voters in the recent Ijok by-election, which BN won.
there have been evidence of dead people (or really young children) registered on the electoral rolls for numerous elections and by-elections.
and there are people who find themselves miraculously registered at two different constituencies (there was a KL-based woman who reported this to Malaysiakini; i cant find the report now. anyone have the URL?).
and then there are voters registered to an address where they do not live. read this to see how Teratai state seat candidate Jenice Lee found 26 voters registered at her house. those people have never even lived there nor does she know who they are. the EC has dismissed her report as ‘a small matter’.
and then there are voters registered to abandoned sites. read this, a report of 500 voters registered to an abandoned army camp in Penang. ooooh Penang ;) looks like a certain coalition feels threatened!
5. CONTROLLING THE MEDIA
just about every newspaper, tv station and radio station you can think of is owned by the government and its comprising political parties. The Star, Sin Chew and China Press are owned by MCA. The New Straits Times, The Malay Mail, NTV7, 8TV, TV3, Hot FM, Fly FM and all other Media Prima subsidiaries are UMNO-owned. RTM 1 and RTM 2 are state-owned.
this means that everything you read in the newspapers and watch on TV is government propaganda. any voice of the opposition is totally blacked out. not only do they not give the opposition a voice, they also trump up all the Opposition’s flaws. simply because they can. simply because you and i and everyone else keep buying their papers and keep tuning into channels.
i have a friend who works with one of the Media Prima TV stations. so far they’ve been allowed to give the Opposition candidates a liiiiiittle bit of airtime every now and then… but yesterday a memo was released saying that no more coverage is to be given to the Opposition AT ALL. how nice eh :) like the indelible ink, this is another pushing of the panic button by BN.
when i was young (and always encouraged by my school and my government), i read the papers quite diligently. at the time, it was always beyond me how anyone would ever vote Opposition, when our Barisan Nasional was such a gleaming, glorious, corruption-free, caring alliance who sincerely wanted our country to prosper!!!!! Barisan Nasional had UMNO, MCA and MIC… that means they’re taking care of all the races!!! so why would ANYBODY vote DAP who only cares about the Chinese, or PAS, this kolot party who comes up with all sorts of archaic rules like boy-girl separation and condones such radical Islamization!!!
and if i had a huge problem i needed help with? i would go to Michael Chong of MCA right away, obviously. because he’s always helping people some way or other. rape cases, money woes, the handicapped, snatch theft… Michael Chong is always there to save the day. MCA truly cares. the newspapers never directly say it, but it’s all i ever freaking read about. the Opposition were mudslingers and liars in comparison.
but now that i’m older and i know more stuff and i have the internet at my fingertips… the one question i have is, how do these reporters sleep at night, knowing that they are contributing to this cruel and tyrannical blacking out of knowledge and information among Malaysians both young and old?
6. HOLDING PEOPLE AT RANSOM
when people like UMNO’s Azalina Othman tell bloggers that they are ‘being watched’, and people like MCA’s Chew Mei Fun tell people to vote for BN otherwise ‘May 13 will happen again’, and people like Hishamuddin wave the keris at non-Malays, how can you not feel like you are being threatened in a country that is supposed to be your own? (Mell, this is why i don’t agree with that BN ad on how people are allowed to be themselves here in Malaysia.)
i know many bloggers who refrain from putting the slightest iota of politics in their blogs because they’re afraid of being ISAed or Sedition Acted.
i know many people who vote government because they’re afraid the votes can somehow be traced back to their identities and this may compromise their businesses or their jobs or even their LIVES.
i know many JPA and BNM scholars who are practically muzzled when it comes to politics for fear of losing their scholarships.
i know many people who vote government because they’re afraid May 13 will happen again.
i’m very sad and angry that these things happen. we should NEVER EVER allow our government – an entity that is supposed to PROTECT us – to put us through this kind of fear.
7. HAVING THE ELECTIONS COMMISSION UNDER THEIR INFLUENCE
so the latest elections fracas is about the indelible ink that cost RM 2.4 million that will now no longer be used in the elections, because, oh!, the Elections Commission terdengar some desas-desus about how certain parties have evil plans to mark their opponents’ supporters’ fingers with ink even before they get to register.
Dear Elections Commission,
first of all, why dont you expose whatever evidence you have of these rumours, instead of keeping it to yourself, and allow the people of Malaysia to judge for themselves? we don’t even know if you’re making up these stories or if these featherweight stories warrant such a huge regression. don’t punish an entire nation for some silly rumours that you heard through the grapevine.
second of all, SHOW US all these jars of ink that you supposedly already imported from India for 2.4 million of OUR MONEY.
thirdly, if this rumoured evil plan of these certain parties can cause such a big reversal in decision, surely then there is a problem with your education of using indelible ink in the first place. you have not done your job of educating people well enough on the electoral process if they can be tricked into applying the ink before they even vote.
fourthly, instead of taking this totally moronic step of not using indelible ink when Bersih and other people who CARE have fought SO HARD to have this ink finally used in our elections, why don’t you go out there and teach people how to use indelible ink!!!! be pro-active and combat the problem, for goodness’ sake, instead of this knee-jerk reaction of removing the indelible ink altogether. if the rumour is true, surely the small number of unsuspectingly-painted people can be contained by the almighty EC, since you all have such a great track record of weeding out phantom voters by none other than the amazing Identity Card teamed with the equally amazing Electoral Roll -____-
i really didn’t think it was possible to think any lower of the EC, but whaddya know, we learn something new every day.
DAP’s Lim Guan Eng put it quite nicely; “The Election Commission is working hand in hand with the Barisan Nasional to cheat in the elections.”
this is a very interesting interview with the current EC chairman Abdul Rashid, conducted 4 years ago :) read read.
—————–
a good government thinks for its people, instead of stubbornly refusing to move from power. they think about what their people want and need, and concede, instead of doggedly taking measures to ensure that they will always remain in their corrupt rule, even though the people no longer want them.
so. yes. vote for change. you know how it goes :)
March 6th, 2008
you know what makes me angry?
i hate it when people do stupid, rude, spiteful things… and then when they get in trouble for it, turn around and say it was all a JOKE.
isnt that just the number one escape plan of the century? so just because you apparently saw it fit to create COMEDY in a situation that didn’t warrant it, you dont have to be held responsible for the damage you caused? because everything you did was just a JOKE, you dont have to own up to your immature and bad judgment of even making such a ridiculous joke in the first place?
and that’s even IF the ‘joke’ was really supposed to be a joke, instead of a damage control escape route for when you find yourself chin-deep in shit.
i have absolutely no respect for people who cant take responsibility for their own wrongdoings, but instead choose to shift blame or to make stupid excuses like, ‘i was only joking’ or ‘cant you recognize a joke when you see one?’. if you screw up, admit it and take it like a person with integrity. deal with the backlash appropriately and make amends – that’s only the right and responsible thing to do. how DARE you make yourself the martyr in this situation when you were the one who decided to take that offensive step, accusing other people of misunderstanding you or not having ‘a sense of humour’!
i’m ranting about this today because over the weekend, i watched a video of a conversation between two Malaysian Muslim bloggers, who in the video, said that non-Muslim Malaysians should tattoo ‘I Am A Kafir’ across their foreheads and chests so as to not be confused with Muslims.
CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT.
i am in SHOCK AND DISGUST. at the utter bigotry. audacity. and dirty mockery displayed by these two bloggers who claim to be righteous defenders of Islam. the 16-minute video starts by a claim that ‘Christians in Malaysia are getting out of hand’ and that ‘Muslims like them have to speak up on this and not keep their religion to themselves’. they later say that Christians constantly meddle with Muslim affairs and that Christians should not try to shove their religion down the throats of Muslims. and then they go on to say – in reference to the Gan Eng Gor case – that non-Muslims should tattoo ‘I Am A Kafir’ across their foreheads and chests so that they wont be mistaken as Muslims in event of their death.
isn’t the hypocrisy so glaring.
after a huge backlash from the online community, both these bloggers have come out to snidely say that they were ‘only joking’. in the words of one of them, ‘Learn to differentiate between a statement and a joke’. he even quoted Voltaire. LOL LOL LOL.
see this is what i never understand about religious fascists. i dont understand how people who claim to love God and aspire to be godlike, can go around pointing fingers in people’s faces, screaming “you’re going straight to hell! there are demons in you!”. i dont understand how people who are enlightened by spirituality can have so much anger and hate and intolerance towards those who do not share their beliefs. and i definitely do NOT understand how people who subscribe to a religion that teaches fairness, understanding and patience, can come out and say Nazi-like things like ‘non believers should tattoo themselves’. i dont understand how people who shove their religion down other people’s throats can be so thick-skinned to tell followers of other religions to not do the same to them. all not very godlike to me.
again in relation to the Gan case, the blogger later goes on to say how they don’t want non-Muslims in Muslim cemeteries anyway. how disgustingly intolerant does that sound to you? he talks as if non-Muslims are dirtier and of lower breed compared to Muslims.
the same guy also says, ‘Well, by now every Islamophobe in Malaysia must be losing sleep and getting very pissed off … There are others amongst the Non Muslims who just mind their own business and choose to live in peace amongst Malaysia’s multi-ethnic, multi-faithed population.’
dont you love how this guy first said that Muslims must speak up about how non-Muslims are ‘getting out of hand’, but when non-Muslims (or in his words, ISLAMOPHOBES wtf) speak up against Muslims getting out of hand, it’s not right? apparently when such hate-inciting and fascist videos are made about non-Muslims, we’re supposed to just suck it up and mind our own business and live in peace among Malaysia’s multi-ethnic and multi-faithed society. why? because we’re non-Muslims.
people like these two bloggers know that they can do all this shit and get away with it, because the country protects people like them. we have all these badan-badan and all these organisasi that are formed just for this purpose, and also to keep a close watch on the rest of us non-Muslims who so much as bring up any isu-isu sensitif about religion. one of these bloggers even wrote on his blog that the Islamic authorities should take action on their behalf. i am so LIVID. i am ANGRY that Namewee who made the Negarakuku video had to go through so much crap and contempt from our country’s administrators and even faced threats of exile, but these two bloggers who created a video that is so much more vulgar and repulsive, can get away smug and scot free. yes i am LIVID. i am SO ANGRY. how is this fair???
WHY IS MY COUNTRY LIKE THIS. WHY.
February 4th, 2008
today i’m choosing to blog about loyalty. i dont quite know what the point of this post will be or what i want to say, and i’ve still got a lot of conflicting ideas about the topic, but i believe my non-existent message will unravel itself as long as i continue typing.
i am aggressively loyal to the people i love and care most about, and this is a loyalty that transcends all logic and reason. my best friends could be the worst people on earth and i would still love them always. for instance, sieutheng can be very selfish sometimes but i dont care because she’s sieutheng and i love her. waimin tends to push us away when she’s in trouble, but i will still always be there for her because she is waimin. i’m very anti-fur, and even though tzeching is like ‘fuck all you fur activists la have you not felt how soft mink/fox/rabbit fur is!’ (quoted verbatim from her blog wtf!), i will still always love her because she is pang tze ching and we used to trade sweet valley books wtf.
sometimes i struggle with this kind of loyalty and i wonder if i’m making the right decisions. i dont know what exactly the struggle is but there just is a weird tension between my principles and my loyalty. like the fur thing for instance – i would immediately dislike any stranger who said anything remotely close to what tzeching said, but i would never harbour such thoughts against tze ching. when she says things like that, i just go haiyaaahhh why this tze ching so like that wan! and then i’ll continue chatting with her about our mutual love for grey’s anatomy and pretty handbags. and then there’s also the fact that i hate all my best friends’ evil ex-boyfriends simply because they broke my best friends’ hearts. that’s loyalty. but is it fair to these ex-boyfriends? granted they probably don’t really care, but it is an unfair judgment nevertheless because i don’t know their side of the story. but then again does such a judgment matter if it doesnt affect their lives in any way and is only brought up when a good ex-boyfriend-bashing sleepover session is in order? you see what i mean when i say there is a weird tension between my loyalty and what is right?
i guess what i’m trying to say is – i generally don’t like to judge people i’ve not encountered or who have never done anything wrong to me, BUT THEN this rule doesn’t apply anymore when it’s my best friends or family who have been wronged by other parties. and that even in situations where my friends and family are wrong and do things that are totally against my principles, i don’t fault or disrespect them. all that stuff just goes right over my head. it’s like a blind love thing.
some days i like this part of myself. some days i dont.
there is a second facet to this whole loyalty issue that i’d like to touch on. i have a story of me, my friend Aaron, a girl Belinda whom everyone hates, and a guy Chuck whom everyone hates. my friend Aaron hates Chuck, ok? and i really hate Belinda. conflict: my friend Aaron really likes Belinda for reasons unknown to the universe and all of its inhabitants and i swear this is not an exaggeration. a bit of background – Aaron has a lot of friends who are very loyal to him, and i am one of those friends. loyalty to Aaron is a default dislike / contempt / non-contact with Chuck; basically if you are friends with Chuck, you are not a friend of Aaron’s.
when i first met Aaron, i instantly took a liking to him. to me, he was one of those genuine guys whom i felt close to very quickly and could really click with. i’d met Chuck before and i didnt think much of him, but when Aaron told me all the stories there were to tell and i had digested all of them, my position on Chuck was now a total 100% dislike and i wouldn’t have touched him with a 6 foot pole. why? because i trust Aaron and i believe that everything he tells me is true. even though Chuck had never personally done anything wrong to me.
now we bring in Belinda, whom i absolutely loathe for many, many reasons. Aaron knows this, and he also knows that EVERYBODY (again, not an exaggeration) doesn’t like her and also hold the same contempt for her that i do. yet he dismisses all of our views, scolds some of us, and continues protecting Belinda and trying to placate her. he takes ’stuff’ from some of us to give to her, which makes us really angry and confused. at the same time he keeps announcing his complete neutrality in this Belinda vs The World issue, when it is very obvious to everybody that he is in fact biased in her favor. he cites that he does this because Belinda is loyal to him.
my question is, is it fair to dismiss everybody else’s loyalty for Belinda’s loyalty? the rest of us external observers know why she is ‘loyal’ and it is for completely materialistic and selfish reasons. Aaron of course refuses to see this. i cant speak for everyone else involved, but i know that my feelings have been extremely hurt. i showed him nothing but unwavering support in his crusade against Chuck, but when it comes to Belinda – my opinion doesnt matter, he doesn’t believe me, and he chooses her over me and the rest of us. it’s hurtful. it makes me wonder about loyalty. is there a loyalty that is more important than others? right now i fail to see what is so noble and great about this material-based loyalty that Belinda shows him, compared to the collective loyalty that the rest of us have given him.
the third facet of this loyalty issue – what happens when someone takes advantage of the loyalty his or her friends show? without going too much into detail because i am really just. so. tired, the story goes that there is this friend of ours whom we love very, very much. but lately he’s been taking advantage of his eternal get-out-of-jail-free card and taking certain liberties with us. we’ve told him that we don’t appreciate him using us like this, but it falls on deaf ears and he actually starts lying to us so that we don’t realize what he’s doing. and of course, we believe all his lies because he’s our friend.
some of us are extremely angry at him and want to cut him out of our circle. i’m a little bit angry too, but loyalty dictates that i stick to him no matter what, even though he has become this conniving little lying thing that i no longer recognize. i cant tell you what he does and what he lies about, and i understand that this lack of information is probably pretty crucial to any decision one would have to make.. but what would you do if you were me? he’s not changing his ways. so do i stay with him and give him space to be himself, at the risk of propagating his selfishness and ignorance… OR do i work with this boycott on him so that he eventually comes to his senses and learns that he cant get away with treating his friends like shit?
loyalty. such a multi-faceted thing. please do leave me any of your views and comments on this topic, i would very much appreciate it :)
EDIT: i’ve just heard that some silly person thinks she’s Belinda, and she went and lodged a little complaint to the person she thinks is Aaron. all i can say is, the world does not revolve around you, ok? you may for some obscure reason think that it does, but i can assure you that reality is far from your assumption. if you think you have lots of things in common with Belinda, then that is a very, very, very sad thing to realize about yourself, because Belinda is a horrible and rude person whom nobody likes.
do NOT try getting me in trouble with this person whom you think is Aaron. you are, as always, really pushing the limits of my patience. just try to be a nice person for once; it’s not very hard. as of now and in relation to the issues brought up in this post, my BEST FRIENDS are going through some problems, and i intend to be there to support them. clearly, you are not one of my best friends. so, do not hijack this and turn it into one of those chapters in the elaborate movie of your life. in a nutshell, please dont be so damn perasan.
January 20th, 2008
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