Still Alive!

hi all!

just wanted to quickly write and say that i’m still here and planning to suture back to completeness quite soon. i’ve had some help extended to me in recollecting my blog archives and putting them back up here (thank goodness!) so at some point soon i’m going to be piecing that together.

it’s funny. i’ve been blogging for close to 10 years now, but when i woke up to that email from my host telling me “it’s all gone” i didn’t feel too much remorse. i got many emails and messages over the next few weeks expressing condolences and well wishes, all of which i appreciated very much, but strangely felt very disconnected from. it felt like i was watching a movie — i can somehow relate to the character, but i know i am not that person. and enveloping it all is a cucumber cool indifference.

i think i’ve undergone vast changes since coming to college, both superficially and also at my core. it’s hard to explain and probably sounds trivial to everyone else but i guess it’s sufficient to say that in my mind i still think i am the old me, but the new me does everything completely differently. it sounds silly to me even as i write this, like an existential crisis that a 16 year old in high school would complain about. but that’s just really how i feel. words can’t quite describe how distraught it makes me feel that i’ve basically shifted so far away from the person i thought i was, which is the person i’ve always wanted to be.

oh well. this isn’t a pity fest so i’d like to move on. some updates on my life: yes, i’m still in college, and will be graduating next year. i returned from Kenya in January (which i think was almost the last thing i blogged about), and spent spring break in Mexico. Kafka is currently in New York with me as we both take a month-long break from transatlantic communication. i’m happy to have him here — this unforgiving city seems a lot more bearable when he is here to share his love for it with me. and it’s always nice when we can take care of each other in person :) school is still giving me a lot of anxiety as always — classes aren’t getting any easier and leading student organizations also isn’t getting any less dramatic. yet i’m enjoying everything. i’m doing what i like and someday it’s going to lead me to what i love. also i’m going to be in HK over the summer for an internship. so… hit me up, hong kongers!

march is drawing to a close as i write this, and it makes me sad. i like march. there are many things i associate with march that i like, and they span the marches of many, many years, making for a vast montage of likable things. the last few days have been a flavorful blast from the past, with a handful of march people reappearing in my life again, causing all this friction that awake some kind of wonder in me.

i’m actually really quite young. why am i making all these adult person decisions?

talk soon!

(btw, keep this font size or return it to its former microscopic quality?)

(p/s, if you are a subscriber of my RSS feeds, please update your subscription to continue receiving updates!)



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