Lost and Found

i just got home from a nice night out with two former colleagues at everyone’s favourite blog advertising network, and last night i had dinner with kim and gareth where kim cooked up a delicious storm of roast chicken, layered potatoes and meringue cookies. it’s always nice to reconnect with the blogosphere even if in this rather remote and infrequent manner, because i miss so many people in there and it reminds me to be thankful of all the big and small treasures blogging has given me. it has made me many good friends, given me several precious best friends and most definitely thrown in my face many lessons that would have taken me years to learn otherwise. for these things and more, i will always be grateful for being bored one night and starting that little personal space on geocities.com 10 years ago.

so … i’m a year away from graduating and leaving the big apple. three years ago i quite disliked new york city; i found it abrasive and individualistic, and ironically in such a place it was hard to be ‘myself’. but i am beginning to love the city, for its boundless opportunities and its grace in allowing a tired and grey you to be a brightly shining phoenix — constantly in a state of flux, rebirth and renewal of the self — and for these reasons it’s been great to pursue an education there. for better or for worse, that part of me that searches for a chemical reaction on first contact has disappeared. i’m in the younger stages of realizing that the “i just know” sentiment doesn’t apply to everything, including cities, and that one has to be open to the element of surprise and yet know that the reason you love that city is because some things in it don’t change, and will remain a comfort to your changing, growing self. like how the entrances to central park are always just there even though i can never remember which streets they are on. or how the layout of manhattan is pretty straightforward, but once you get deep downtown, even a good sense of direction isn’t going to be of much help in finding one’s way (if one is searching for something in particular).

i think i mentioned somewhere in some recent post that i’ve lost a lot lately. like with most kinds of loss, i’ve been trying hard to repress a lot of the memories, and with time i begin to succeed until someday i realize that it’s been a full ten hours since i last thought about my loss. and then a full twelve hours. then a full waking day. and at some point, you look upon some thing and a distant memory flutters in a cobwebbed corner of your mind. i was looking at some pictures the other day and a whole host of these distant memories fluttered like an army of sparrows. ah, perhaps i should stop taking pictures of things i am bound to lose :) but what kind of life would that be.

and so, for my own archiving, here are some fragments of things i once cherished:


I used to enjoy melbourne but the more i stay here, the more i feel that it’s too much of a suburb for my liking. I prefer the city anytime!


I found myself in NYC even though every time I’ve been there I end up leaving hurt and in tears. Have an awesome summer :)

You are back up! :) All cities are like that I suppose – just with different intensity. I don’t think I’ll be able to cope with NYC. The fleet of yellow taxis just scare the crap out of me. I remember coming out of Penn Station after a 22 hours Amtrak ride – I stood a full 2-3 minutes upon exiting that place just trying to absorb the shock of activity. HAHA! That’s why I’m much more penchant for cities like Boston and Chicago. They have their angst as well, but their soft demeanor makes up for everything. Then again, don’t hold me to this. I might have to eat them. My life at this point has already been a comedy of contradictions and contrarian prophecies.

Enjoy yourself in HK. :)

i have missed your pictures :) reminds me of those distant posts of yours that once breathed a colorful life into your world of words. i hope you’ve found them too– those old posts and those pensive writings.



pinkpau where is your hong kong guide? =( i neeeeeeed it =( =(

Agreed. Which was why Chicago was my first choice instead of NY but heck, I’m loving it so far. Have a great summer in Malaysia. We have to meet up when you get back here :)

What have you lost, Su Ann? A prized possession, a lover, or an ideal? We are such careless things. We loses so much of what we treasure on the way to life that I’m surprised we haven’t yet evolved some form of laser-guided amnesia we can call on at will to help us deal with our losses – but I guess we’d never learn then, wouldn’t we?

I don’t know how you do it, but everytime I read your post, you inspire me to write – anything at all. Love your flashback on your time in NYC. All the best now!


I’m loving NYC! I’m sure in due time (or uh, two weeks ago) I might resent it but I just had one of those perfect NY evenings. I want to hug Broadway to sleep <3

your pictures are always so pretty!!!!


why disillusioned?

yeah, those are really nice pictures =)

it was a whole month before I involuntarily remembered what I’d been trying to forget. One whole month of not remembering! It made me so happy.


michelle, melbourne, a suburb?!

hii, nyc is a forgiving place. sometimes it allows you to be completely anonymous and that can be a great feeling. hope it’s starting to treat you better!

jian wei, i still have yet to visit chicago…! or michigan for that matter :) maybe i’ll come visit you soon

jun, i miss those too! they feel like a lifetime ago to me

eyeris, you la, go so far away! i’ll be back in august :)

ee xuan, oh no has that gone missing? i’m sorry, i don’t have a copy of it anymore :( or of any of my posts pre 2008

cheryl, argh! yes we have to!!!

k0k, i’ve lost a few things recently. yeah i know, we don’t learn unless these things happen, but i’m pretty sure i’ve learned similar lessons through less painful ways

lily, glad to be of help :)

xiao, give nyc a kiss for me!

adelyn, haha thank u!

nicole, time does heal. trite but true!

HAHA! Let me know when you are coming! You must visit U of M before you leave. Really! It’s a principle of mine at least to visit the schools in which I have applied, got accepted but did not attend. :D Me boleh host lu. And me can take you around Chicago! :)


i miss nyc lsa :( funnily enough it also took me a long time to love it but now i can’t stop loving the crazy city that it is. the strange hobos on the streets with their life stories, the poor hunched old man who can’t play the violin but tries so hard to for money, the frantic pace, the beautiful summer days… i miss it all so much.

tears for fears

dear su ann, i dont know what you are like in real life and im sure youve heard this ten thousand times before, but i dont think it wld be too many a time to remind you that your writing is always absolutely beautiful, i relate to almost all your posts and they always describe accurately to the dot the feelings and thoughts ive had that i could never pen it into words. i hope you always continue writing because then at least you know, in the midst of everything else that seem to be turning out wrong lately, you are doing something right and inspiring for many others out there. good luck


tq for being quaintly.net

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